Author: ZombieJazz
Fandom: SVU
Disclaimer: I don't own them. Law&Order: Special Victims Unit and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. The character of Jack, Benji and Emmy have been created and developed for the sake of this AU series.
Summary: A series of stand-alone, non-chronological ONE-SHOTS set in Hello Goodbye, Welcome Home, Facing Forward, Best Laid Plans, A Step At A Time, The Night Before AU. Olivia Benson navigates the job, parenthood and marriage while trying to find the difficult work-life-family balance that comes with being a cop.
PLEASE NOTE: These chapters are stand-alone SCENES or one-shots. This is not a chronological story and there is no purposeful continuity. It is just a collection of moments. Some will reflect random ideas or potentially fun, humorous, heavy scenes to write with these characters. Others will expand on a scene from an episode (past or present) or recast the way a scene went while imaging it in this AU. Others will take a kernel from an episode and use it as inspiration for how these characters might've interacted with it going forward. Wherever possible, a year, season number or episode name will be provided to give some context of the general timeframe of the scene — to provide some guidance on where the characters are at mentally/emotionally and the ages of the children.
"They're OK," Olivia felt vibrate into the hair on the side of her head so much more than she even really heard it. But she allowed herself to smile a bit at that. At the warmth of Brian in her space and the way his fingers had weaved with hers as they stood in the slow moving ticket line at the Basketball Hall of Fame. Her playing sentry as their kids roamed around the already numerous displays in the lobby and Brian as examined the different ticket and price options up on the billboard.
It was more affectionate than they often let themselves be … in public. In some ways it was more affectionate than they let themselves even be in their daily, private home-life too. Because they were in work-mode or parenting-mode or that awkward transition period of one to the other that on a lot of the cases her and Brian worked – the time between the bullpen and their living room wasn't usually enough to entirely switch from cop to Mommy and Daddy. Let alone turn into the friend, partner and spouse they'd committed to be to one another … until death do them part. Apparently. And that was often still a choice – a mental reminder – she had to give to herself every day. Marriage was a choice. Being with him was a choice. Being a wife was a choice. And it required work – and some days, she knew they were both lax about putting in the work it needed.
But then there were moments like this where Olivia knew opening themselves up to those bits of affection was something she needed to work on. Still. Letting herself accept that affection. Allowing Brian the opportunity to be that kind of friend and partner and husband to her. To encourage it – and not shutdown or push it away. Because when she did let him in – let him try to show her in the ways he knew how and the ways he was comfortable with – how much he loved her, adored her … was attracted to her mentally, emotionally and physically … it felt nice.
It felt nice – and right – in ways that she probably had spent most of her life not knowing they existed or that they could feel quite that way. And that she sometimes still struggled with feeling worthy of being treated that way, being allowed to experience those sensations and not view them as objectifying her or weakening her in the face of an Old Boys' Club. And other times it still surprised her that it was Brian Cassidy who managed to do those things for her. But as awkward as Brian could be. As short tempered and stubborn. For all his little quirks and bigger attitudes and opinions that drove her crazy and frustrated her so much – he had just as many, if not a few more that smoothed it all out and reaffirmed why he'd come to occupy the 'best friend' role in her life and how after she'd accepted that just how easily 'lover' and 'partner' slipped into the equation. Eventually wearing her down enough to earn the title of 'husband'.
So that morning, Olivia just hummed some acknowledgement. All of it was nice – when she let herself enjoy it. A family. A husband. Kids. A son and daughter. Two little people so different and individual. Not theirs genetically but so them – or at least the children they needed and deserved – in so many ways. Expected and entirely unexpected.
And there were just ways they were good at it. When they allowed themselves to settle into being a couple. And maybe these few days away from the city were just as much about a change of scenery for them – to allow themselves the space to be a couple, just as much as it was to take some purposeful and dedicated family-time without their phones always buzzing.
There were other moments where it still surprised her that her and Brian found things to talk about. That didn't revolve around work or the kids. That they could find the common ground that made them a good fit outside of that. And it didn't need to be big things.
It could be Brian already having the SUV packed by the time she got home – and jammed with kids' magic carpets and hockey skates and scooters along with their overnight bags because he didn't know what they'd want to do. Him offering to drive to get them through the increased city traffic as they neared the end of the work day on a Friday, and Valentine's Day and a long weekend for some and the start of winter break for a lot of others. Or the way he casually found her hand after the kids were plugged into their devices and oblivious. It was how he'd acted like he didn't spend any time looking into what there was to see and do in Springfield and its surroundings but then before they'd even checked into the hotel had guided them to restaurant that was in an old fire hall and was serving a family menu for Valentine's Day that they could all enjoy. It was the way he'd played with the kids in the pool and sports deck that was far beyond what her expectations of the hotel had been. And then how he'd sat on the deck in loungers chatting with her and at her while they just watched their kids play and explore. It was the way he kept looking at her while the kids were sprawled out on the couch in their suite watching the latest Spiderman movie. And how he'd thought of toting along the white noise machine they'd invested in for the kids room in an effort to start getting them to sleep through the night or at least not end up in their bed as much. It was the wordless acknowledgement of just how eager they'd both been for the kids to fall asleep and just how happy they were to have gotten a one-bedroom suite. And how apparently they both were more willing to drop some walls and make some exceptions to their usually boundaries and barriers when it came to hotel sex. Which they also were apparently really good at.
And maybe that too was why his warmth in her space still felt so nice. His hand in hers. Him treating her to a Valentine's Day without ever actually saying that was what he was going.
Or maybe it was just more reassurance their family worked. And some days – weeks, weekends – Olivia still needed reassurance of that. Because it sure felt like so much work to get it to work. And then … other days … that day … it didn't. And you needed days and moments just like that. And she was learning to recognize, seize them and enjoy them more.
To take it all in.
Emmy could be so … weird about sports. At least team sports. They weren't her in so many ways. But she was such a Daddy's Girl she was oozing with nearly as much enthusiasm about this Saturday morning activity as her dad and big brother. Or maybe it was that she was an explorer at heart.
Either way, she'd been making it her mission to move from each etched footprint of each star basketball player encircling the lobby. She measured her tiny feet against each and every one – seemingly taking in the name and team and jersey number and shoe size before she trotted to the next and did the same. Standing and staring down at her feet against those monstrous shoeprints like she was collecting important data of some kind. Sports trivia night …?
Benji on the other hand had been drawn to the cabinets displaying jerseys and basketballs and pendants. He'd been standing and just staring near slack-jawed. There wasn't a lot to read yet but Olivia could tell – he was going to be wanting to take it all in. He was going to need help reading some of the panels and displays. That Brian's estimation of how long they'd be at the Hall of Fame was likely way off.
"We're going to need more than two hours," she murmured.
He only made a little sound and shrugged a bit against her. "Not like we've got anything else planned," he said.
She hummed a bit. They did and they didn't. But they weren't on a schedule. That was the whole point. And after seeing what the pool area at their hotel was like she was pretty sure that the kids might just opt to spend the afternoon splashing around in there. And Olivia thought she was likely OK with that too.
Her phone vibrated a bit in her back pocket. Olivia groaned and released his hand to retrieve it. But his hand moved along with hers, slipping into the pocket of her jeans and resting there and she stared at her phone. She saw Brian give it a glance but his eyes drift back to do his own monitoring of the kids.
"Tutuola bitching about how many DVs got passed-off on SVU last night?" he muttered against her head again.
Olivia made a noise but then flashed the phone is way again. "It's Jack," she said. "He sent a couple more pictures from last night."
"He realize we hardly know how this band is?" Brian mumbled.
Olivia allowed him a smile at that. But flipped to the next photo and flashed it at him again. It was Jack and Renee – a selfie with the presumably the band on-stage and the both of them looking very happy, very excited and very much in love.
Brian gave it another glance. "Yea, yea, Jackie Boy. We know you were making a big play to get laid. Don't need to send us the pre-emptive evidence."
Olivia gave him a light tap in the chest for that one. He had a point. But didn't need to vocalize it quite that way. She rubbed at her elbow. "The two of them actually feeling secure enough to go to a concert – in a stadium venue – is probably the bigger deal here. It doesn't feel like that long ago that I wouldn't have expected either of them to be able to handle that."
Brian made a sound of acknowledgement. "They end up crashing at the house last night?"
She nodded and started keying something quickly back to Jack.
"Hope you're telling them to wash the sheets and stash the trash before they take off," he said.
She made another listening noise. "They're going to Jackson Heights to look at this building," she said and handed him the phone.
Brian scrolled a bit but then shrugged. "Looks nice on the website …"
She made another noise and took the phone back from him.
"At least it's not Poughkeepsie …" he offered.
She rolled her eyes at that. Jack and Renee had gone up there the previous weekend and he had been sending her listings of four bedroom houses that were cheaper than the studio he was in right now. But she also didn't think he needed a four-bedroom house. That was ridiculous. Some of the one and two bedroom condos they did look at, though, nearly had as much square-footage as the home her and Brian were currently tackling a mortgage on. It placed some things in jarring perspective. For both her and for Jack and Renee, she thought. Moving up there would be a change of lifestyle – but it didn't seem like they were necessarily opposed to that. Though, maybe they were if this weekend they were actually putting time into looking at what was available in Queens. Their rent money would go farther there than in Manhattan too.
"But why Jackson Heights?" she muttered. Brian shrugged. She gave him a look. "That's all you've got?"
"I thought we were staying out of this," he looked at her.
She sighed – more at her phone and Jack than him. But it was Brian who gave a bit more anyway.
"I think he'd be smarter looking in Flushing too if they're staying in the city. Look for something near Astoria maybe. But their life …"
"It feels like they're moving a little fast," Olivia muttered.
"Their life, babe," he said again. But then he called out, "Big Man …"
Olivia looked up from her phone to see where Brian was looking. Benji had wandered over to the wide-open doors leading into a large gym. But there was an adult man standing next to him and pointing off at something inside. Her son's body language was uncomfortable, and he almost seemed relieved at his dad's call and gesture for him to come over.
"It's an employee," Olivia said as she watched Benji make his way across the lobby. He was favoring his one leg just slightly that morning. But he had been a lot that winter.
"He doesn't need to be getting into the space of kids like that," Brian said.
Olivia found his hand again and gave it a squeeze for that comment – working to calm and stabilize him.
Benji got over to them and gazed at them. Any apprehension that might've been there while the stranger was talking to them had faded.
"You need a ticket to go into the gym," Benji informed them as he got there. "It's got all kinds of drills set up and they have shoot out contests."
Brian just made a sound of acknowledgement. "You don't need to be talking to adults you don't know," he said.
Benji gave him a look. "He talked to me. He said I wasn't allowed to go in without a ticket. But I was only looking."
Brian made another sound at that.
"Are we gettin' tickets for the gym too?" Benji asked.
It got another sound out of Brian who shifted that time back to staring at the pricing board.
"We're still deciding which tickets we're going to get," Olivia provided.
Benji sighed a bit and looked at the last family in front of them as they waited. "Last year on Winter Break Dad took me to the museum in Chicago and I thought of my tornado project idea. You think I'll think of another science fair experiment here?"
Olivia gave him a smile. "Maybe," she allowed. "But it's not a science museum, Benj."
"But maybe they have sports science stuff," Benji said. "And some sports stuff is kinda physics stuff. Just like my weather experiment."
She smiled and gently tapped the back of his head. "Go get your sister," she said. "It's almost our turn."
"It is your turn," Benji said and pointed at Brian. Olivia glanced and then shooed him away and went up to the counter too.
"Badge?" he put to her. She raised her eyebrow but he pointed up at a screen that was rotating through. "Freebie." He already had his out on the counter. "We're both cops," he told the clerk like that was going to make a difference to museum policy.
"I need to see her badge too," the kid at the counter mumbled.
Olivia dug through her purse – which had reached the point of being so oversized she pretty much felt like she was carrying a diaper bag with her again. Two kids, one with medication, and winter accessories seemed to necessitate that. But it was also likely going to soon necessitate a massage for her shoulder and likely a chiropractor for her neck. But she found it and put it on the counter. The kid barely looked at it.
"OK," the teen mumbled some more. "So you're both free. Is anyone else going in?"
"Two kids," Brian said.
"Anyone under three?" the teen sighed out at him.
"Eleven, six," he said.
"OK," the kid clicked around on their screen. "They get reduced rate since you're First Responder tickets. So they're ten bucks each. So twenty."
"Yea, wait," Brian said and pointed back at the gym. "That included?"
"Yeah …" the kid said without even looking.
"OK, then what's this NBA Experience thing?" he pointed up to the ticketing screen.
That got another epic sigh out of the kid but she pulled a laminated piece of paper and put it up on the counter – pointing at nothing in particular on it.
"It's our newest exhibit," she mumbled even more. "It's thirteen interactive experiences to test your basketball skills and abilities. It's a timed ticket."
Brian gave Olivia a look. She could tell he was interested. It was written all over him.
"Will our six-year-old be able to handle it?" Olivia asked.
The teen shrugged. "Yeah, sure." That wasn't entirely helpful.
"How much is it?" Brian asked pointing up to the board again. "That the combo price?"
"No," the kid said. "Thirty-four dollars is the price."
Brian looked at her. "You know that's more than the museum ticket."
Another shrug. "Yeah." And she stared at them. "Lots of people just come and do that now. It's new. It's basically just opened."
"There a Service Discount for it too?" Brian asked.
"No," the kid said and stressed more rudely. "It's new."
Brian just shook his head. "OK, yea, no—"
Olivia pressed in a bit, though, retrieving her wallet again. "I've got it," she said.
Brian looked at her. "Liv, c'mon, that's ridiculous."
She shrugged. "It's not that different from the pricing at home for speciality exhibits or add-on activities." He sighed at her but she tilted her head at him. "You want to do it. Benji will enjoy it. Consider it part of your Valentine's Day gift."
"Fake holiday," he said.
"Well, this isn't a fake family vacation," she said and looked at the kid who seemed suitably annoyed with them. "What timeslots are available?"
The kid glanced at the computer and clicked a bit. "Honestly, should likely basically go up now while like no one is here yet."
Olivia nodded some recognition. "OK. The first available timeslot."
"Fifteen minutes?" the kid looked at her and she nodded again. "So four tickets for that?"
"I can just take Ben," Brian said.
Olivia gave him a look. "You scared I'm going to beat you in a shoot-out Cassidy?"
AUTHOR NOTE
This chapter was supposed to be fun to write. It wasn't. And it wasn't working.
Not sure any of my other ideas will write better or work or be fun either. So maybe this will just be a slush pit of crap that gets written and posted just because time got spent writing it.
The fun factor is definitely diminishing quickly. So disappearing act will likely occur again for several weeks or months soon.
