DISCLOSURE STATEMENT: This author has no financial or non-financial relation nor do they possess any right to "Inuyasha: A Feudal Fairy Tale" franchise. Full ownership of all characters is the sole intellectual property of Rumiko Takahashi.
Wherever You Will Go
The first full day passed filled with general laziness and contentment. Just them reconnecting in every possible way. She whispered she loved him and he said the same. It was wonderful and calming and he finally, finally felt like himself for the first time in what seemed like forever.
And then night came.
Inuyasha lolled his head towards the ceiling as he rolled onto his back and groaned softly. It had to be past midnight. Had to be. But apparently his brain decided this would be the perfect time to give him a run down of literally everything he'd ever done wrong where Kagome was concerned. Because, ya know, nothing solves insomnia like a nice warm glass of regret, depression and self-loathing. Why wasn't this going away? He was here, wasn't he? He shouldn't feel like this anymore but that thought only made him feel even more miserable. Carefully, he finally sat up and sat on the edge of the bed. Rubbing his hand a few times over his face, he huffed once in frustration before standing up and moving to the kitchen. Maybe if he just drank something he'd feel better. Tea or something. She'd shown him how to use the stove after all. Because, ya know, he didn't know how to do literally anything here. Even if her family took pity on him and offered him work that was a short term solution at best. If thry ever moved, he would have no way to provide for her. He wouldn't even know where to start. Kagome would probably spend the next several years explaining everything he should already know. Ultimately, he'd be a burden to her. He already was a burden on her. She had built her life around him and what she thought he would want and that wasn't how it should be. He was useless. Worthless. This entire relationship was doomed to fail and he'd be alone again. He'd be...
"Inuyasha? You okay?" he heard Kagome mumble tiredly and he flinched. Dammit. He really didn't mean to wake her up. He thought he'd been quiet. Sighing heavily he glanced over his shoulder and gave her a very forced looking grin, "Yeah. Just couldn't sleep. Was gunna make some tea or...or something."
"I think I'll have some too," she replied and he swore silently as worry laced her scent. She knew something was wrong with him. And of course she was probably going to think he was regretting being here or get her feelings hurt or something. But it wasn't about her. It had never been her that was the problem. It was him. It had always been him.
"Go back to bed," he ordered gently as he continued heading towards the small kitchen, "I didn't mean to wake you up."
"Oh I'm not mad or anything," Kagome yawned before rubbing sleepily at her eyes, "Just want to spend time with you. Besides I have a few more days before I have to go back to work. If I need to, I can just take a nap later."
Nodding in understanding, he gently opened the cupboard where he could smell the nearest tea before frowning at the small box where the scent was coming from, "What's this?"
"Tea bags," Kagome replied with a small laugh as she moved and took it from him, "We don't use fresh tea leaves in this time. They're dried out and then put in satchels."
Inuyasha wrinkled his nose as she opened the small tin and held it out for his inspection. A few tentative sniffs killed whatever desire he might have had. It smelled like a grasshopper's anus now that it was open like that. At least with the lid closed it still smelled like tea. That was some deceptive advertising if you asked him.
"So how do you use those things?" he finally asked as he glanced up at her and she laughed, "Same way. Just boil water and then you put one in the cup."
"We need to get fresh tea," he opined firmly as he took the box from her and put the lid back on, "No way I'm drinking that. Smells rotten."
He cringed inwardly as soon as the demand left his mouth. He was in no position to make any demands from her.
"That's fair," Kagome admitted with a sheepish shrug before nodding towards the balcony, "I prefer the fresh stuff too. Got spoiled in the feudal era. I've been trying to grow my own herbs and stuff but its not going well. I don't think they get enough sunlight."
For a moment, Inuyasha stood there sniffing subtly for a suitable alternative before he finally shook his head and made himself a glass of water. Even the water here was disgusting and tasted like chemicals but it was better than drinking something that smelled like decay.
"Do you want to watch something on TV?" Kagome asked as she stretched her arms above her head and yawned once more. Lowering her arms, she scratched lazily at her chest and hummed, "Or I could make breakfast. Are you hungry?"
Honestly, he didn't know what he wanted to do. He didn't really feel like doing anything but still somehow felt restless. Leaning against the counter's edge, he tried to fight the urge to bounce his leg or fidget or even just run. Run far, far away and never come back so he could hide how much deadweight he truly was.
"Hey. Come sit with me," Kagome murmured affectionately as she sat down on the small plain couch. The only piece of truly modern furniture she owned aside from the bed itself. It still held elements of the only time period he'd ever known but its construction and style would never be something he'd find at home. Cringing slightly as that thought crossed his mind, he stubbornly told himself this was his home now. It belonged here along with everything else. Himself included. Easier said than believed.
Setting down his glass, he slowly made his way to sit beside her. No matter how he tried to smile and act like everything was fine he could feel his ears giving him away and stubbornly refusing to play along.
"You're unhappy," Kagome stated simply without any accusation or anger. Not even disappointment. Amber eyes reflected the confusion and fear he felt upon hearing her proclamation.
"It's not you," he blurted out desperately as he grabbed her hand and held it firmly against his chest, "It's not that...that I regret finding you again. I don't. And...and I do love you. I do. I just...I'm working on..."
Kagome held up her free hand to silence his rambling and his stomach plummeted.
"I do love you," he breathed hoarsely as cold resignation began sweeping through his heart. Of course he messed it up already. Of course he did. He destroyed everything he touched.
"I love you too," Kagome hummed a little sadly, "But..."
Inuyasha's heart stopped and he forgot how to breathe.
"But I think this past year was harder on you than you've been telling me," Kagome continued as she gave him a reassuring smile, "And I want you to know that if you are still having a hard time, if you're having trouble recovering, I'm here for you. I will not leave you. I will always love you. No matter what."
InuYasha let out the breath he was holding as he blinked at her.
"Now I want you to be honest," she continued as she gently pried her hand off his chest and moved it to his cheek, "Tell me about this past year."
His face crumpled as he turned it away.
"Is it that obvious?" Inuyasha asked softly as he cast her a weary glance. Kagome smiled sadly and nodded. A long tense silence followed as the normally closed off hanyou fought against his very nature to open up.
"I had been trying every three days like I said," he began with a despondent sigh, "And then one day Miroku sat me...okay he more ambushed me and said it was time to move on. I won't say it was his fault I stopped. It was more of an excuse. It...it was getting too hard."
He glanced at her nervously before plowing forward.
"I cried a lot at first," he continued thickly, "And then one day I stopped. I couldn't cry anymore. I couldn't do much of anything. It was like I was numb."
He heard Kagome let out a shaky sigh before gathering him to her. He cringed as the maneuver only made him that much more miserable. Still, what he said the first day was true. He wanted to talk things through. Mistakes had been made and many of them could be blamed on a lack of communication. He might be damned for it but...
"I..I still don't feel like myself," he admitted quietly as he leaned into her embrace and buried his nose into her neck, "And I don't...I don't feel like I deserve any of this. That I don't deserve you."
"InuYasha, you've suffered more than any one man should in your life. Of course you deserve this. You deserve to be happy," Kagome chided gently as she ran her fingers through his hair, "And to be honest, I could say the same thing after all the times I slammed you into the ground. I'm shocked you don't hold that against me."
"Wasn't that bad," he argued weakly as his lips twitched upwards. She couldn't be sure if he was talking about his life or all the sittings she gave him.
"Yeah okay," Kagome teased lightly as she decided to assume the latter before kissing his temple lightly. InuYasha swallowed thickly as he tried to force himself to believe her but came just short.
"I was worse," he mumbled so quietly she almost missed it. But she didn't.
"No," Kagome laughed once despite herself, "How can you even say that?"
"You know exactly how I can say that," he muttered miserably as he wrapped one arm around her waist and squeezed, "Lies are unbecoming on you."
Kagome sighed heavily and rested her cheek atop his head. Trailing her fingers lazily through his hair, she chewed the inside of her cheek as she tried to think of what else to say.
"Let's assume what you said is true," Kagome began cautiously and he tensed, "That you don't deserve any of it. That you are this terrible person. What then?"
"What do you mean?" he asked softly.
"I mean what am I supposed to do?" Kagome asked with a simple shrug, "Do you want me to punish you somehow? Kick you out? Gasp in realization and leave you?"
His ears lay flat against his head and he inhaled deeply as he tried to find some semblance of calm.
"I don't want to do that," Kagome continued as she gently reached up and messaged an ear until it peeled up, "It would hurt me to do that. I love you. I'm right here with you. Being by your side is the only place I want to be for the rest of my life. Are you telling me that I don't deserve that?"
InuYasha sighed heavily and the ear struggled to lay down again. She wouldn't let it.
"Why?" he finally asked in a small voice, "Why me?"
"Because being in your arms was the safest and happiest I've ever felt," Kagome hummed as she gently messaged the stubborn ear, "Because I watched as you risked your life for me over and over. Because you're stubborn and loyal and you speak your mind. Because your eyes and ears express every emotion you feel even when your mouth says otherwise. Because no matter how badly you get hurt..."
She paused and pressed her lips firmly against his forehead.
"You always manage to get back up again," she finished quietly, "I could list a million more reasons if you want. Give you the entire break down of moments that made me fall in love with you. But I will not punish you. I will not leave you. And I will always love you. No matter what."
InuYasha pulled back. His eyes swimming with some unreadable emotion before he looked down at his hands.
"I...I don't understand how your world works," InuYasha admitted quietly, "I don't..."
He sighed.
"There's so much I don't know. So many complications," he continued wearily - trying very hard to phrase his concerns correctly, "How are we supposed to get married here? Can we get married here? Even in my time you have to register with the headman. I don't exist here. Im assuming by...by what we've done already that you know that it isn't possible. Otherwise you would have...we would have gotten...well, the truth probably is that we can never get married. And what about children? What if they're like me? Will that prevent you from getting care from a healer? Will they be classified as bastards? What will that mean for them in this time? What will it mean for you? And yeah, I can work at your family's shrine but you were saying you want to move. What would I do there? How can I provide for you? I just..."
"Oh InuYasha," Kagome cooed sadly as she reached one hand to cup his cheek, "Listen to me very carefully."
Amber eyes whirling with resignation met sapphire filled with determination.
" Yes, there will be complications but we will figure it out together," she reassured him firmly, "Because all that matters is that we are together. If you want, we can get married at the shrine and log it in their books. Hell if you want it to be 'official' we'll get some black market documents. I honestly don't care. For kids, people give birth at home all the time. We can do research to make sure we're safe about it. All that matters to me is that you are here and we are together. That's it."
"You'd break the laws of this time?" InuYasha smirked as he gave her a once over, "What happened to my innocent little miko?"
"Okay I mean if we can stay within the parameters of the law I'd prefer that," Kagome admitted with a blush before huffing, "But there technically are no laws governing time travelers so would it be breaking the law to find a way to get you documents? Technically no."
"Technically yes," InuYasha countered as he struggled to keep a straight face, "I know what a black market is. We have those in my time too."
"Okay I'm trying to be comforting," Kagome groaned as he buried her face in her hands and InuYasha laughed before pulling her into a tight embrace.
"Consider me comforted," he teased before he buried his nose into her hair, "I can't say..."
He inhaled deeply and let her scent soothe the lingering aches.
"I can't say I'm okay yet," he admitted as he tightened his hold, "But you're right. All that matters is that we're together."
"Exactly," Kagome hummed before rolling her eyes, "But you just love pushing my buttons don't you?"
"Always. One of the perks of loving someone like me. You get to be endlessly annoyed forever."
Kagome snorted.
