DISCLOSURE STATEMENT: This author has no financial or non-financial relation nor do they possess any right to "Inuyasha: A Feudal Fairy Tale" franchise. Full ownership of all characters is the sole intellectual property of Rumiko Takahashi.

Wherever You Will Go


InuYasha tried to control his breathing as he stood in the warm water cascading over his body. She looked so disappointed in him. So annoyed. Exasperated even. He was trying to be honest with her. He honestly didn't understand. He wasn't pretending to be stupid to annoy her. He just wasstupid.

His breath began coming out in short panicked gasps as he firmly planted one hand against the smooth tile to steady himself. It had started off innocently enough. Teaching him about money in this era before they went shopping for food. Easy enough, right? Fun she called it. Until he kept confusing the coins and bills and it took him seemingly forever to be able to figure out what each one meant. And then she tried to explain the stupid cards and that just confused him even more. It wasn't like he'd ever seen her use this type of currency before and even if he had it had been in passing. He didn't understand how currency could be exchanged instantly like that. He didn't understand this modern technology everyone in this time just magically took for granted. He barely understood how to use the microwave and turn on the shower. Thank god he knew how to turn on the shower. He was barely keeping it together right now and if she'd...if she'd seen...

Then, oh and then, she'd tried to explain phones to him. He had the audacity to ask how they worked and tried to put it in terms he could wrap his mind around. Why the hell did he try to compare it to a messenger delivering a letter?! They weren't even remotely the same but the words had flown out of his mouth before he could stop them. Then she'd tried to explain phone numbers and all the keys and...and he snapped at her. He hadn't meant to snap. It was just...his mind felt like it was melting and he was overwhelmed and frustrated and...and...

It was becoming increasingly hard to breathe as water cascaded over his face. Not all of it fresh. Salt water was mercifully being swept away as quickly as his eyes produced it. He hadn't even been here a week and she was already tired of him. She was beginning to see how much of a burden he truly was.

Kagome would leave him. There was no doubt in his mind.

A shuddering breath escaped him as he slowly sank to his knees and submitted fully to the panic coursing through his veins. Maybe if he did, even just for a few minutes, he could get himself under control and hide how he was feeling. He couldn't let her know how far he had fallen. How broken he truly was. This type of thing had only been happening the past few months. Not that he'd let anyone in the village know. He hadn't even let his friends know. No one knew of this shame. That he couldn't even keep it together after the littlest inconvience anymore. Kagome would hate him. Probably already hated him because he didn't understand this world or how it worked. She had though it would be simple to teach it and it should've been except it wasn't and now she knew...

She knew...

His heart hammered inside his chest like it belonged to a rabbit running for its skin. Everything felt like it was spinning out from under him as a million ugly thoughts bounced around in his skull. Arguing against the negative thoughts, like Kagome had suggested, was only making it worse until the bad thoughts got so fast and so disturbing that his brain shut down and his body felt numb. The water ricocheting off his body and the tile sounded a million miles away. Everything beyond that sounded like a high pitch ring.

He didn't belong here. She was already tired of him. Tired to explaining everything even though she had seemed so sure it would be okay. All the preparation she'd done hadn't prepared her for how stupid he honestly was. How ignorant he was. How useless he was.

Pressing his forehead against the smooth tiled wall, he had to plant both hands firmly into the ground to kept himself from collapsing onto his side. He should never gone through the well. She would have been so much happier without him here. It hadn't even been a week. Hell, it hadn't even been a few days.

He vaguely registered the sound of the door sliding open and he wished his heart would stop beating.

"Go away," he ordered hoarsely as she turned off the water and knelt down beside him.

"No," Kagome murmured affectionately as she reached for a towel and gently laid it across his back. Why wouldn't she just leave him already? He knew she wanted to live a life where she wasn't having to constantly babysit him. He swallowed thickly as he tried to force his mind and body to behave using sheer will. To stop those tears still cascading down his cheeks which he prayed she'd mistake for ordinary water. He didn't want to give her another excuse to abandon him.

"I shouldn't've tried to force you to learn so much in one day. That's my fault," Kagome cooed as she began to dry him off, "I know it must be pretty overwhelming. I'm sorry."

"Why are you fucking sorry?" he bit back as he tried to shrug her off, "Don't apologize for shit that's not your fault."

"InuYasha I don't expect you to know everything," she tried to comfort him and he involuntarily curled in on himself - hating his treacherous body the instant It happened.

"I don't know anything," he managed to breathe as the panic clouded his mind, "I've fucking ruined your life."

"It's been two days. You're getting worked up over nothing," Kagome laughed softly before cringing when that seemed to make him worse. With a soft sigh, she continued drying him off before gently coaxing him out of the shower and gently leading him to the bed.

"I'm not mad at you," she tried gently as she gently placed him on the bed and began gently wringing out his hair into the towel, "I was frustrated with myself. I knew better than to introduce all that at once and I saw how upset it was making you."

"I...I shouldn't've..." he mumbled as exhaustion began slowly replacing the overwhelming panic, "I should've been able to understand quicker than..."

"Shhhhh," she quieted him before gently guiding him to lay down, "It's okay. Everything is okay."

He desperately wanted to believe her but his own self-loathing won the day. Curling into the pillow, he couldn't even bring himself to look at her. How could someone so utterly broken look upon a perfect being such as her? He had stared down Naraku. Survived countless decades by himself. Only to get taken down by his own mind. This wasn't him but he felt like a stranger in his own body. Something else, something evil had control.

"Why don't you take a nap, hm?" Kagome offered tentatively, "We can go to the store later. I probably need to work on lesson plans anyway. I've been putting them off all break."

InuYasha felt even more miserable that he couldn't even understand that. He didn't understand anything. She was going to leave him. She was going to leave him. She was going to leave...

"If you want, maybe you could help me organize my papers," she continued with a hint of hope but obviously choosing her words carefully. Because she had finally realized how fucking stupid he was.

"Just go," he ordered despondently as he burrowed under the blankets and tried to become one with the mattress, "Just...just go."

He heard Kagome sigh and he pulled the blanket up a little higher before furrowing his brow in confusion when he heard her begin pilfering through her drawer. Heard her shimmy out of her clothes before clearly putting on something else. His confusion deepened when he felt her crawl into bed next to him and felt her body tightly spoon him. It made no sense. None whatsoever.

"I'm not going to leave you," Kagome breathed against his shoulder blade, "Not now. Not ever. Would you have left me because I didn't understand how to harvest rice? Because I can't produce a barrier or recognize all the different medicinal herbs? Because I'd have a hard time adjusting to a life without shampoo or conditioner? Without actual soap? Or if I got depressed because I'd never see my family again? No. You wouldn't because you'd know it would take some time to adjust. That there would be things I would need to learn. It is perfectly fine to not know things. It's okay to be weak sometimes. I'm not going to leave you. I'm not going to judge you. I love you and one day this will all just be a memory. Probably not the best memory but it will be in the past. You might even laugh about it."

"I just..."

"It might..." Kagome began hesitantly as she nuzzled the bare skin on his back, "I might try to see whether we can find someone to talk to though. They have some you don't even have to meet in person. You wouldn't have to go to anyone directly. Or maybe I could find someone who can give you some, uh, herbs to help with this. To make you feel better."

The fact that she was censoring herself had him reading between the lines.

"You want to drug me," InuYasha replied numbly as he rubbed his cheek miserably against his pillow. He got the gist of what that meant. Seen how woman and men of ill repute and unseemingly professions used to numb themselves. She wanted to do that to him because she thought he was broken. Useless. She wanted him to...he didn't even know.

"I want to help you," she breathed as she propped herself up and gave him a worried smile, "We don't need to try drugs if you don't want to do that. I'm not going to force you to do anything you're uncomfortable with."

He rolled onto his back and stared up at her with doll like eyes. Kagome's heart sank but she kept the smile on her face - even though it was slightly forced. She never meant...she just thought he'd want to learn but given what he'd confessed to her earlier that morning that had been a stupid idea.

"I'm okay," he lied softly as he gave her a tired, obviously fake half-grin, "Just tired, okay? I...I didn't sleep much last night."

"Okay," she mumbled as she slowly maneuvered to lay out beside him and rested her cheek over his bare chest, "Why don't we take a nap? I'm a little tired myself."

She couldn't stop the worry working into her heart anymore than he could stop how he buried his nose atop her head. She could feel his breath fluttering against her hair and felt his tense muscles relax under her skin.

"Does my scent help?" she asked after a long tense moment and he nodded.

"It always did."

That didn't sit exactly right with her. How long, exactly, had he been feeling like this? Sure, it was probably worse now than it had been. Either that or he'd been excellent at hiding it.

In the beginning, and even throughout the quest, there had been moments she suspected. Moments when she could see the haunted look in his expressive amber eyes. At the time, she assumed it was because of the struggles they'd been having with Naraku. That the misery she could sometimes see on his face could be attributed to pining for Kikyo but now she wasn't sure. He had been so hellbent on becoming a full demon. Was it because he wanted power or really more that he wanted a place to belong? She had long suspected it was the latter. Hell, she'd been depressed too if she had to live more than a hundred years on her own being called names. To be honest, he'd never really talked about his past all that much. Their discussions had focused on his mother and then Kikyo but nothing in between. Maybe...

Maybe it would be good for him to talk to someone about those times. Even if the person he talked to wasn't her.

Still...

"Has this ever happened before?" she asked quietly before screaming internally when he immediately tensed, "Feeling sad I mean."

He didn't answer with anything more than a long sigh.