DISCLOSURE STATEMENT: This author has no financial or non-financial relation nor do they possess any right to "Inuyasha: A Feudal Fairy Tale" franchise. Full ownership of all characters is the sole intellectual property of Rumiko Takahashi.

Wherever You Will Go

Kagome felt a wave of relief when Inuyasha finished every last bite of his dinner and then got himself a second helping. The feeling of relief only grew after he actually said something somewhat snarky when gramps made a comment about his mixed heritage (which she could tell was in jest but which made her heart skip a beat nonetheless). After lunch, they cleaned up and the planning continued until Inuyasha abruptly stood, grabbed her hand and led her outside.

"You're really okay with becoming my wife?" he asked softly as he stopped in front of the well house. Karaoke nodded but subtly moved to stand between him and the door which she prayed he wouldn't notice. He did.

"I'm not leaving Kagome," he chuckled softly before adding somewhat nervously, "I just want to make sure you're...you're ready. I know that..."

He paused and swallowed a few times before continuing.

"I know I haven't been..." he tried, "I know I'm not the same. It's okay if you...if you don't want to marry me yet. If you want to wait. To be sure."

"I've been waiting six years," Kagome cooed reassuringly, "Nothing would make me happier."

Inuyasha breathed a sigh of relief and smiled before that half-grin faded and he began to fidget.

"I'm glad you said yes..." he admitted softly, "I wanted to get married sooner rather than later."

Kagome opened her mouth to reply but he cut her off.

"Have you noticed anything, uh, different since I came back?" he asked before amending, "With you."

The last word was emphasized in such a way that Kagome knew he expected her to react in some way and her lack of response seemed to bother him. He swallowed again and his nervous energy seemed to increase.

"I...it just didn't occur to me," he began slowly as though he wished she would just understand already, "It should have but it didn't. And I'm not...it's not that I'm against the idea but..."

He huffed exasperatedly when Kagome merely looked confused before finally coming out with it.

"Doesn't your bleeding time come around ten days after the full moon?" he finally groaned as his face flushed crimson. Kagome blinked a few times as it finally hit her what he was trying to ask.

"You knew my..." Kagome gasped in utter mortification and he gave her a patient look before he tapped his nose.

"I was aware of every change in your scent," he sighed with a roll of his eyes, "Still am. Which is why...your scent should have shifted but...but it hasn't..."

Kagome wanted to laugh in disbelief as what he was trying and failing to say finally hit her. She forced a smile on her face as her mind raced. Surely if he knew when her, oh god, when she had her monthly visit from Aunt Flo, he knew what it smelled like for someone to be pregnant. Surely he knew that scent since Sango, based on what he'd said, had birthed three children before he left. His conclusion was completely illogical. And unless he could tell he has knocked her up instantly he was wrong. So wrong. For more reasons than one.

Before responding, Kagome tried to see if she could understand this giant leap from his perspective. He relied heavily on scent. Had apparently tracked her cycle during the quest which while disturbing wasn't the worst thing ever. Weird but logical. Six years later he still remembered when her time of the month had been. Well more or less. Now the question became how much exactly did he know about how babies were made. She highly doubted he'd ever had the 'talk' although he knew enough to know sex led to baby. The details though...

She needed to not be condescending. She needed to be straightforward. It was too early to know and given what she knew but had unfortunately not shared it was highly unlikely a baby was on the way unless he had Olympic grade swimmers. A part of her had, on occasion, wondered if he was sterile as many hybrids often were but that was a convo for a different day.

"You think I might be pregnant," she surmised and he nodded curtly as a blush adorned his cheeks.

"I know," he continued thickly, "I know I'm fucked up right now but...but I will be here and I'll be better by the time..."

Inuyasha sighed heavily and scratched the back of his neck. Kagome was trying to figure out what exactly to say and how to break the news to him. News she should've shared but had, unfortunately, forgotten given...well everything.

"Your mom said there was some stuff I could try," he blurted out desperately when she remined silent. Of course she would be confident in his ability to be a father. Why would she think that? He was crying like a little bitch in the fucking shower over a phone a few days ago. He couldn't even handle a little criticism. Couldn't handle anything and he lacked control over himself. How would he handle a tiny being who couldn't control themselves either? No one would think he was capable. No one.

"Not that she knows..." he explained as his insecurity increased, "We were just talking and she...I don't think she knows. She just...it doesn't matter. The point is that I'm...well I'm just saying you don't need to worry about that...if you are, ya know, I'll do whatever I need to do to not be..."

He groaned and gently pressed his palm against her stomach with a sad, broken smile. Strangely enough he wanted this. Why the hell he wanted this he honestly couldn't say. It wasn't like he was in any position to want this. He didn't deserve this. And it was too early. He knew that but just in case, he wanted her to not think...

God, he was making a fool out of himself if her expression was any indication. In any case, if it did happen now or in the future, he needed her to understand. He wanted her to know he could get himself together. Or at least believe he could even if he didn't believe it himself.

In that moment, he hated himself more than he ever had before.

"I want to be myself before...and I'll be better. I will," he sighed as he retracted his hand and fidgeted, "And I want to get married before we know for sure...I just don't want it to be a bastard more than it already will be. I mean it wasn't like my parents union could be official but I wasn't a bastard. Not really because..."

Kagome gaped at him for a moment as the word vomit continued before she began laughing. Which distressed him.

"I can't get pregnant," she explained after a moment, "And I couldn't be yet anyway because it would take more than a few..."

Oh fuck. Why had she said that? Why the hell had she laughed?! That sounded like...

"You can't get pregnant," he repeated as his face fell before he swallowed thickly, shook his head and forced a smile on his face. A strained, painful looking smile.

Ah hell.

"Well that's okay," he tried even though he looked a hair away from cracking, "More than okay. Probably better anyway. I mean just look at me. Why would...why would we damn a child to this life, huh? To be like me. Not like I wanted..."

It was clear he was struggling to cope with this new information and was completely at a loss because the one sense he could always rely upon was failing him which made Kagome's heart ache. She never expected him to want a child in the first place. He never acted like that was something on his agenda.

More than anything she wanted him to be the Inuyasha she remembered. The Inuyasha who was smug and confident and always knew what to do. That was the man she wished she was marrying today. But it wasn't.

Fuck that well. Fuck the jewel. Fuck time travel. Fuck mental illness. Fuck it all. Just fuck it.

"No, no, I'm on birth control," the former miko explained desperately before continuing when he looked miserable and confused, "They have drugs in this time to prevent a woman from becoming pregnant until she wants a baby. I just...when you did come back or I got to you I wanted some time just us."

"So it's reversible," he asked softly for clarification. She nodded and he nearly wilted in relief.

"They put the, uh, drug in my arm," she explained, "It should last a few years. Two or three more. Then it wears off and I can get another or we could start trying."

More than anything Kagome wished things were different. She wished she'd never done this and just rolled the dice if only to avoid this exact moment in time. She wished the well had just worked and they'd be in his time. Maybe he would've...maybe he'd be fine that way.

But the truth was he'd still be struggling. Just in a different way. Why was life always so cruel to him? Why did the powers that be hate him so much? He didn't deserve it. He was a good man. Their separation was just the straw that broke the camel's back so it seemed. After years of being strong, their separation had broken him. It just wasn't fair.

"If I wasn't here," he tried after a moment, "Why did you need that?"

Kagome gave him a knowing look that she intended to mean that she didn't know when he was coming back and wanted to be prepared. Unfortunately, however, that was not how he took it.

"Oh," he breathed as his chest felt tight and he struggled with how to react. It wasn't like he wanted her to be lonely those six years. That he wanted her to be as sad and broken as he had been. It made sense that she wasn't because she had found company in this time. Something he couldn't force himself to find. Not that such a thing had ever even crossed his mind. But they were getting married. It shouldn't matter to him. In the end, he won and he was getting everything he ever wanted. Things he never knew he had the right to ask for and more besides. Things he truly didn't deserve. He should be licking her feet for waiting and staying by him after what he'd been reduced to. So why did it hurt?

Kagome for her part once again felt completely lost as she watched his eyes glaze over and a myriad of emotions flash across his face. The way he began to unconsciously curl into himself even as a painful, disturbing half-grin played on his lips. Obviously meant to be reassuring but instead looked half-crazed.

"I was waiting for you," she explained finally, "I didn't know when you would come back and I wanted to be prepared."

He sighed shakily - desperately wanting to believe her but doubt and mild despair flooded his mind blocking out reason. He couldn't control his reaction no matter how hard he struggled against it. It didn't make sense that she would do something like that so long after their initial separation unless there was some other reason.

"So you got this drug recently?" he asked in a strained voice as he searched her face.

"About three years ago," she admitted casually as she tried to guess what was on his mind, "It's not that I don't want a child. I just want to wait a bit."

That...wasn't the answer he was looking for nor was it the one he apparently wanted. He looked hurt of all things but was obviously trying to brush whatever it was that bothered him off. He lost that battle.

"But its been six years," he finally replied with a frustrated groan before giving her a suspicious look, "Why did you wait?"

"I don't know," Kagome replied uneasily as she tried to figure out why this timeline bothered him, "It just..."

If anything he looked angry and betrayed. Like he truly believed she was keeping something from him. That she wasn't being honest.

Finally a reaction she was familiar with. Kinda. The distrust wasn't familiar but the sudden tension in the air most certainly was. A fight was about to go down.

"What do you mean you don't know?! There had to be some reason you did it! I wasn't around so who the hell did you get it for?!" he exploded before his eyes went wide and he flinched like a dog about to be hit by a newspaper. Kagome for her part was more relieved that the secret to his strange behavior had been revealed and tried not to let that outburst offend her. Getting upset and denying it would only confirm his suspicions.

"Wait, shit I didn't...I didn't..." he mumbled miserably as he rubbed his hand angrily across his face, "I don't think you did anything dammit. I don't know why the fuck I said that. I don't..."

He went mostly silent as he tried to reign in the emotions coursing through his veins. The claws of one hand raled against his scalp as he struggled to regain the limited control he had over his mind.

Kagome watched as he huffed in frustration and fidgeted while waiting for the eruption of justified, offense driven rage he expected. In that moment, it clicked what her mother had said. Why it hadn't before she wasn't sure. Trauma, of whatsoever kind, doesn't disappear just because the events that caused it were over. The ramifications on the mind couldn't be turned off like a light switch. By ignoring it or trying to push him back into what she considered 'normal' she was doing more harm than good. By avoiding certain things or not taking the time to explain properly, she was making him feel more of an outsider. Things she just figured she'd address later, if at all, were biting her in the ass. Her actions, thus far, were doing nothing except making him feel like he needed to hide how much he was struggling and essentially backing him into a corner. Which made him lash out and subsequently panic for doing the very thing he had always done. Made him miserable and clearly afraid which he obviously couldn't handle. He didn't feel free to speak his mind or ask questions about things he had a right to know. No amount of trying to understand or trying to 'fix it' or defensive knee jerk reactions on her part would do any good. They'd just make whatever this was worse. She couldn't just slap a bandage on his wounded soul and call it a day, which is essentially what she had been trying to do thus far. He needed her to be the one in control, the one to stay calm because his whole world was spinning out from under him. She was the one who needed to be...

Better.

"Look at me," she murmured affectionately as she reached up and cupped his cheek. Self-conscious, fearful amber eyes met her sapphire and she gave him a reassuring smile as she continued, "You are my one and only. There never has been and never will be anyone else for me. I did this for us. You and me. I wanted to have time with you. Just you."

"So why didn't you tell me? I asked about...about kids," he replied miserably, "And I know...just fuck Kagome. I know I don't understand shit and I know I haven't been...well just shit, you could've said something."

Yeah she was fucking up royally here. She needed an expert. Someone to tell her what to do because clearly she was doing this wrong.

"I should have. I didn't think it was important to mention right away and that was wrong," Kagome agreed with a reassuring smile, "I'm sorry."

He seemed to relax slightly at the apology as he pulled her against him.

"You don't have to apologize," he sighed as he rested his chin atop her head, "I shouldn't have...we just gotta communicate better."

"I agree," she hummed as she squeezed him lightly and nuzzled his chest. For a moment, he just held her and breathed in her scent before he cleared his throat and asked the question he'd been wanting to know.

"Why aren't you like me?" he asked after a moment. The question sounding painful and small. There was the question she'd been dreading.

"Everyone is different," she replied after a moment as she squeezed him again and he sighed.

"You don't get it," he groaned as he pulled back and looked down at her with mournful golden eyes, "I..."

He sighed and chewed the inside of his cheek. Kagome waited patiently and focused on keeping her breathing and heart rate steady. Here he was trying so hard to be open with her. It wasn't that she didn't appreciate the effort...

She just didn't like the things he was sharing. Which felt wrong. Everything was going so wrong.

"I've always been strong," he finally continued - everything about his body language screaming discomfort, "I've never let fear or...anything bother me. It's like I can't...I can't...I don't know why this is different. I don't know why I'm like this. What makes you so different? Why didn't being separated bother you?"

He cringed at how that sounded but didn't elaborate or apologize for the question that had been gnawing away at his subconscious. His heart pounded as his eyes searched her face and prayed she'd have some type of wisdom he could employ. It truly wasn't an accusation nor did he harbor any bitterness about her resiliency. He just wanted to know. Whatever had happened, it was obvious to him that he'd done something wrong.

"It did bother me," Kagome began slowly as she tried to phrase her mental process in terms he would understand and also in a way that wouldn't set him off or make him feel worse. Which was something beyond her extremely limited experience in matters of the mind. Still, she owed it to him to at least try.

"I think what helped me," she continued just as slow, "Was that my life wasn't..."

She sighed as she tried to figure out how to explain.

"I had a lot of things to occupy my time," she tried, "I was in school. Then I got my job. I wasn't...I could focus on other things. Other challenges."

He looked slightly hurt and she groaned internally.

Here she went again doing and saying the exact wrong things. Maybe she needed to fish a little bit. He'd told her all about what happened to everyone else after she left but avoided dutifully any mention of what he'd been doing other than when it was intertwined with the others. He'd said he was sad. He'd explained that fairly well but also very vaguely. It wasn't hard to imagine how his life had been and if she was wrong, she hoped he'd correct her.

"See with you," she sighed as she pressed her cheek against his pounding heart, "You were constantly surrounded by reminders of our time together. You were trying the well every three days. You were surrounded by our friends, who had moved on with their lives while you were stuck in place. Everyone had a happy ending except for you. There was no escape and it's completely understandable why that wore you down. Why it made you sad."

Inuyasha seemed to consider this before he began glancing around at everything but her.

"Then why..." he sighed heavily, "Then why hasn't it gone away? I got what I wanted and it's not going away."

It was still shocking how open he was being with her. He had always been so emotionally blocked off before. Never letting anyone in. He was so different. Were these type of thoughts always bouncing around in his head? Or was it because he loved her and wanted to fix the mistakes of the past? If the latter, she had to be strong. She needed to let him tell her all the things.

It had always struck her as strange that he was so willing to become human for Kikyo. Willing to trade his power and identity to be with her. She'd rationalized it as wanting to have a place to belong. Which in part was obviously true. Had it been that he thought so little of himself? Or was it that he hoped by doing so the dark thoughts would go away? She had always known he was complicated but this...

This was something she never expected. Every moment felt like her heart was getting hit by a truck leaving her with whiplash of the worst kind. He had always seemed confident and comfortable in her time. But he wasn't trapped here. Those times had been visits. Temporary. Maybe that was the difference?

This is still Inuyasha, Kagome had to tell herself as her heart sank, He might be different but that's not his fault. He's lost and confused and hurting. After the life he has had to live, having something good happen only to have it violently taken away would make anyone crazy. Not that he's crazy...it's just...dammit...

Maybe the solution was simple. Maybe what was happening was something common. Would go away.

"There is a thing called culture shock," she finally opined, "It's very normal. A lot of people get it when they go to a new country or place they aren't used to. Where they don't understand how things work."

Hope lit in the depths of his eyes as he finally looked at her and waited for her to explain further. Screaming internally, Kagome realized she was probably making a mistake. This wasn't simple and she knew it. To be honest, something in her knew...

God she needed to figure out how to get him to a doctor. Soon. Very soon.

In the meantime, she might as well follow through with this train wreck of a probably wrong solution. He looked so hopeful. Like this was the answer he was looking for. She wouldn't break that spark for anything.

Which honestly was probably a mistake. Maybe she could consult someone?

"It takes time," Kagome swallowed thickly as she continued, "But eventually they learn. It just takes some getting used to."

He seemed to think about something very hard before his face relaxed and a soft smile graced his features. Kagome'd heart broke as she realized how badly she was failing him. After all the times he'd saved her life too. She couldn't even return the favor.

"Like how you were always bitching about sweating and soap and stuff," he hummed in understanding, "And always wanting to go home. Because my time was different. You got culture shock."

She wasn't going to correct him on that. What she hd been complaining about was not at all about culture shock. She rebounded from being an unwilling time traveler super quick and adjusted to her new life relatively easily. She just missed luxuries and didn't want to fail school.

Her entire being began to feel numb.

"Sorry," he laughed sheepishly as he gave her a guilty smile, "I shouldn't've been such a jerk about it then. Wish you would've said something. Might've laid off."

Because he's assuming that I felt like he does, Kagome cringed silently. It was all she could do not to cry out of frustration. No matter what she loved him so deeply. Nothing, nothing would stop that but that didn't make it hurt any less.

It made it hurt even more.

"Well I mean I did break the jewel," Kagome joked weakly, "I had to keep coming back no matter..."

"You didn't mean to break it," he interrupted quietly, "That wasn't your fault. Was more my fault than anything."

Oh god. What fresh hell was this?

"It wasn't your fault either," Kagome corrected and he pulled back with a soft sigh.

"If you don't want to get married today, just let me know, okay?" he repeated his first sentiment and Kagome blinked several times at the sudden change of subject. Back to a subject she thought they'd already covered. Why...

Her mind began racing as she tried to figure out a way to get him to a therapist. A shrink. Hell she'd even take Kaede popping up from the dead at this point because she always seemed to have answers to the hard questions. She seemed to know everything. How she knew so much for someone who seemingly never left the village always baffled her. A part of her suddenly mourned the realization that she'd never get to ask.

Miroku and Sango might be able to give her some insight. They probably knew him better than she did. They'd been with him during those six years while she...

But they were gone. Everything he knew was gone. All those people they loved had died centuries ago.

As if she needed another reason to be miserable right now.

"I'm not going to change my mind if that's what you're worried about," she laughed awkwardly as she tried to keep her tone endearing and affectionate, "I love you."

"Even though I've given you a thousand reasons not to," he sighed heavily as he took her hand in his and gently ran his thumb across her palm before dropping it and kissing her cheek, "I love you too. I'm going to go for a run, okay? I'll be back a little later."

Nodding slowly, Kagome watched numbly as he gave her a somewhat strained smile and he took off. In his modern garb that really probably wasn't suited for him. This life wasn't suited for him.

It was a short distance away that he managed to kick off his sneakers with a visible blush.

"Damn things," he muttered under his breath before he gave Kagome a guilty looking shrug and took off into the distance.

"Shit," Kagome breathed as she watched him gracefully scale the building across the street and dash across the rooftops towards their apartment. She didn't deserve him.

And for the first time, she hated the well. Truly and fully hated it.