DISCLOSURE STATEMENT: This author has no financial or non-financial relation nor do they possess any right to "Inuyasha: A Feudal Fairy Tale" franchise. Full ownership of all characters is the sole intellectual property of Rumiko Takahashi.

Wherever You Will Go

Sighing heavily, Inuyasha crouched down on the edge of the rooftop overlooking Kagome's old school. It seemed like a lifetime ago. Back in a time when he was confident and sure of himself. When he hated the world - himself included - for being born the way he had been. A time fraught with the danger, constant battles and almost certain death. A simpler time. Filled with the familiar.

It wasn't...

It wasn't that he wanted to go back to a time before the jewel was destroyed and Naraku was defeated. He was glad the bastard was dead and the damn thing was gone. What he missed was who he had been during those times. A smug asshole who didn't let anyone look down on him. In so many ways he was grieving. Mourning the loss of all that hard-earned respect and strength that had gotten him this far. To be completely honest, he missed a time when he could look at his reflection and not see a stranger looking back.

It would've been the same if he'd turned human for Kikyo. Back then he didn't know - how could he? - how miserable he'd be. For all intents and purposes, in this time, he was living an ordinary human life. There were no more battles. No more enemies. Just the mundane day to day tasks that millions were doing everyday. There was nothing special about him anymore.

That was what he missed the most. An echo of that feeling of invincibility washing over him in waves. A fragment against ruins.

A treacherous part of him hoped Kagome changed her mind about getting married. About staying together. Would let him go back to the only world he knew. He wasn't happy here. Wasn't himself here. But to be honest, he hadn't felt like himself in quite some time. The only thing that had changed was the location.

The question, then, became if he wasn't happy being with her, here in this strange land, then what the hell was he still doing here? There was quite literally no place for him in this world except a false one Kagome had tried to carve out of stone. At least at home he existed. Not that it was a good existence but it was an existence that existed. That was something.

Here he was nothing.

Running his claws across his scalp, he sighed heavily and stared down at the large school building. What happened to him? He used to be so confident. In retrospect, however, it was obvious he was a complete idiot. A moron. A joke. Handled everything wrong. Like that festival thing she'd been a part of. Sure there had been demons but that didn't mean he could just go galavanting about with his sword in broad daylight and blowing the roof off buildings. In front of hundreds of people. He cringed at the memories that followed. Of him sniffing floors and being blissfully unaware he was ignorant. Like thinking cars were demons and growling at them. Or leaping from the tops of buildings onto the ground. Attacking playthings. Which he knew what balls were dammit! Why had he done that?! Grabbed it like an idiot, popped it and stomped on it like that actually made sense. What was he? Five?!

Sighing heavily, he folded his arms across his chest and shook his head. It was a miracle Kagome loved him after all of that. Or maybe she thought it was funny he didn't understand. Maybe she liked that he was an idiot. That would explain a lot actually. She thought he was a moron. Not an animal of low intelligence per se but definitely not smart. Given her stubbornness and take charge atttitude, maybe she wanted a man she could control.

And here came a dog with a collar.

Shuddering slightly, he rolled his eyes and scowled. That wasn't a fair thing to think. Kagome didn't want to control him. She'd spent all her time making it clear she loved him for who he was. Bad attitude and jackassery included. Above all things, Kagome was understanding.

Damn his mind. It was causing such problems.

Sighing again, he watched a few straggling teenagers walk down below chittering about various things. A boy one was seeing and a new shop that was having a sale. The latter made no sense to him. Wasn't that the point of a store? To sell things? What was so interesting about something they did by definition?

Inuyasha cricked his neck and huffed once. There was probably something different about whatever they were talking about and he just didn't understand. What else was new?

But back to the issue at hand.

As much as he loved Kagome, a piece of him knew that any union they entered into was doomed to fail. Why would someone want to be with someone whose two halves equaled nothing? A nothing that somehow managed to shatter into a thousand shards?

Clawed fingers reached down to pluck a loose piece of cement and mindlessly tossed it into the distance. Another piece of him wanted to stay here forever because being by Kagome's side was the only place he truly ever felt he belonged. But that place was temporary. She was still human. She would still die longbefore he even reached middle age. And there was just nothing he could do about it. No matter what he did, it only delayed the inevitable. Stay here and watch the love of his life slowly die before his eyes or return home and watch all his friends die slowly before his eyes. End result? Everyone's dead and he's alone.

For the first time in his life, he wished his mother had done as so many had said. He wished that she would've just drowned him at birth so he wouldn't be sitting here now feeling like he felt.

Glaring at the distant sunset, he tried to weigh his options. One, he stay here with Kagome who would struggle with his brokenness her whole life or, at the very least, until she got fed up with him. There would be moments here and there that would make that life worthwhile. He would be loved both emotionally and physically. At least for a time.

The other option was to go through the well and fall back into his old life. There he'd be amongst friends. Friends who'd be disappointed in him and likely feel negatively towards Kagome for things that were not her fault. Somehow blaming her for his return when it was his choice. Or they'd blame him and their friendship would be forever broken.

The third option was the most unlikely. Long, long ago when mother first died Myouga had been muttering about how it was impossible for his mother to have died from something as trivial as illness. That she and his father had been connected in some way that should have prevented such a thing. But it didn't matter what they did or didn't do. Mother died anyway.

Still, that meant it was theoretically possible to tie Kagome in such a way that she'd live as long as him. How he hadn't the faintest clue. Maybe he just needed to look into things. Kagome's world had the answers for nearly every question. Could it be possible it was written somewhere? With his luck it wouldn't be. Demons didn't exist here. No one believed in them. Why would that type of knowledge be kept for beings who were only in storybooks?

Inuyasha sighed heavily as he reached down and grabbed another chuck of cement. Fingering it in his palm, he set his jaw and closed his eyes. To be honest, he didn't want to marry Kagome right now but he also didn't want to leave her either. Where that left their relationship he wasn't sure. Especially because it was his bright idea to get married as soon as possible.

The more he thought about it, he didn't actually know her all that well and she didn't know him either. Their relationship based on their adventures during the quest. Her father wasn't around and he'd never even asked her about it. He'd never asked her anything...

And he'd never answered the questions she had asked him.

Chucking the piece of rubble as far as he could flick, he let his hand drop onto his knee and sighed. Maybe he was thinking too hard. Making things too complicated. Assuming the worst. It was entirely possible that there was a way to never be alone again. That had always been part of the reason he kept pushing her away. Towards the end, or really around the middle, when he had gone to Kikyo's side it had been for the sole purpose of hurting Kagome. To make her stop loving him. Yeah he knew. How he knew he couldn't say but he knew for a long time. Just like he knew he loved her too. At the time it had been a problem. An unnecessary complication. He'd always known she'd be ripped out of his life one way or another.

And he'd been right. If only being right made it less painful.

Whatever he needed to do he'd need to do it soon. What he wanted to do was crawl into bed and sleep forever so he didn't have to think anymore. What he probably should do is make an effort to get to know the woman he was supposed to be marrying instead of hiding on top of buildings and crying like a little bitch all the time.

But he was never good with words. It took him a while to come up with exactly what he wanted to say and because of that, when he was put on the spot, a bunch of horse shit usually came out.

Staring despondently down at the school courtyard, he saw a young boy plop down on a swing and pull out a small book. Everyone in this damn era seemed to...

He blinked a few times and furrowed his brow.

What if he wrote out what he wanted to say? Put his life onto parchment so it would be exactly what he was thinking. Well mostly anyway. He was rusty but his mother had spent countless hours forcing him to learn to read and write.

Inuyasha swallowed thickly.

Maybe by doing that the answer to all of this might be a little clearer. A small detail he'd all but forgotten magically appearing. Even if he didn't see it, Kagome might. And maybe she'd be able to understand exactly what was wrong with him and then she'd find the answer to that too.

A ghost of a smile played on his lips as he watched the small boy begin to lazily swing.

That was it.

This was the way.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Letting out a shuddering sigh, Kagome clicked yet another link and began to read. Thank god for the internet. If it existed, there was a page dedicated to it. And porn of it too. After all, wasn't that the 34th rule of the internet?

Kagome chuckled morbidly at the random thought and continued to read a less than helpful page about handling a loved one with depression. The vague advice damn near useless and endlessly frustrating.

Let them know it's a medical condition and not a personal flaw. Tell them you're concerned and want to help. Make sure they're eating. All well intentioned advice but vague enough to cause problems. She wanted examples. She wanted to know exactly what to say.

The advice for PTSD was even more useless.

Do something 'normal' with your partner. Well when 'normal' consisted of fighting demons that didn't exist anymore with a mythical sword and some arrows that was a little difficult.

Give them time to express themselves. Don't pressure them. Allow them to be upset. Don't dismiss their experience. Which was all fine and dandy except when the person was forcing themselves to talk to you and then talking to you only made them more upset.

And a part of her was worried that saying anything to him would send him spiraling. Being with him these psst few days felt like walking on thin ice that was cracking beneath her feet. A single misstep would plunge her into dangerous water.

Sighing, she went back to the google search results and clicked on another link before jumping when she heard the door open and closing the browser.

"Sorry for taking so long," came Inuyasha's tired sounding voice quickly followed by the man himself. Walking over to her, he kissed her cheek before crouching down in front of her and looking deadly serious.

"I don't want to get married today," he informed her bluntly and Kagome's heart skipped a beat while the color drained from her face.

"O-okay?"

"When I marry you I want you to know exactly who you're marrying," he elaborated as amber eyes searched her face, "And I want to make sure this isn't a mistake. That this won't be something either of us regret."

Kagome's heart broke and she managed to nod faintly with a bizarre broken smile on her face. Inuyasha looked somewhat lost and miserable as he took in her expression but continued.

"I do love you. If that's what you're worried about," he muttered awkwardly, "But I know you know I'm fucked up right now. And if I stay, I want to make sure that..."

"If you stay," Kagome breathed as her bizarre strangled smile faltered. Inuyasha sighed heavily and averted his gaze.

"I know I don't belong here. And I think you know that too."

"So..."

"And you don't know me. Not really. And I don't know you. We...dammit...we love each other because of...because of the quest and what we did but there is so much we don't know," he groaned as he tried to choose his words carefully, "And before we get married I think we both need to know each other better is all."

"Okay."

Her voice sounded so hoarse. He noticed this as well.

"There'll be some things about me you won't like," he warned, "I did a lot of shit before we met."

Kagome tried to look reassuring and he shook his head.

"Don't look like that," he demanded softly as he closed his eyes in pain, "I'm not leaving you...right now."

The way he hesitated had her heart plummeting into her stomach.

"I just think we need more time," he sighed as he scratched the back of his neck, "And you got a right to know about my life before you make a decision."

"I..."

Kagome had absolutely no idea what to say. It was blatantly obvious he intended to leave eventually which was the last thing she wanted. Even though she'd stupidly suggested it. Whatever he was planning would be unpleasant and that was the point. He wanted to push her away. He wanted to leave.

And she couldn't even confront him about it.

"I think it's a good idea to tell each other about our lives," she managed and Inuyasha nodded once.

"I want to write it down," he told her, "You...you might have to help me. Just because I can write doesn't mean it'll be good."

"Sure," the former miko replied in a small voice as she had to struggle against herself so she didn't start begging for him to change his mind and stay with her. He glanced at her and then gave her his full attention.

"I'm not doing this to push you away," he informed her after a long moment, "I...I want to make this work. I love you. That's...that's the only thing I'm sure of right now. I just...I just think this will help."

Kagome waited for him to continue as her stomach churned.

"There will be things that'll hurt you," he continued quietly as he inhaled deeply, "Things you have no power to change."

She chewed on her lip.

"But...but right now, all I want to do is go home," he hummed as he gave her a surprisingly warm look like he hadn't just ripped her heart out. Of course he wanted...

"Your bed is nice," he hummed again with a bit of flirtatiousness behind it as he got to his feet and held out his hand, "Even nicer when you're in it."

Oh this emotional whiplash was starting to weigh on her. What on earth was she supposed to do?