DISCLOSURE STATEMENT: This author has no financial or non-financial relation nor do they possess any right to "Inuyasha: A Feudal Fairy Tale" franchise. Full ownership of all characters is the sole intellectual property of Rumiko Takahashi.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: A slightly happier chapter amidst all the sadness.

Wherever You Will Go


Letting out a long sigh, Inuyasha closed his eyes and tried to ignore the sweltering heat. Beads of sweat trickled down his forehead and his already heavy mane was weighed down with moisture. His top had been the first to go followed by every layer beneath his hakama in a desperate attempt to cool off but even that wasn't working.

"Inuyasha?" Miroku's voice suddenly filtered into his flushed ears, "I've just received word of an attack on a neighboring village. We're needed urgently."

Crinkling his nose and groaning, Inuyasha didn't even bother moving. Miroku knew what day it was and if there had been a messenger - which there hadn't been - he would've heard this himself.

"You're full of shit," Inuyasha breathed as he settled into an even lazier position on his favorite branch of the Sacred Tree, "Besides you know I don't do exorcisms on..."

"Lies are unbecoming on me," Miroku chuckled awkwardly as he scratched the neck of his neck, "I had hoped to discuss what needed to be said in private and away from the village. I apologize for attempting to deceive you."

Exhaling slowly, Inuyasha opened his eyes and lolled his head towards the monk.

"The fifth autumn is approaching," Miroku began hesitantly and Inuyasha tensed when he realized where this was going, "Kagome has not returned."

"That don't..."

"It does," Miroku interrupted quietly, "Kagome will not be returning Inuyasha. It is time you accept this and move on."

Blood running cold, Inuyasha opened his mouth to argue but Miroku barreled ahead.

"You are so loyal my friend," The monk continued, "Often to your detriment. When you love you are endlessly devoted and that is admirable. And yet..."

Miroku swallowed thickly and cleared his throat.

"And yet fate has not been kind," he added in a somewhat wavering tone, "Kikyo was taken from you. Kagome had been taken from you. It is not fair but what is done is done."

Inuyasha felt his stomach churn sickeningly but for the life of him, he couldn't seem to speak.

"We are concerned," Miroku continued slowly, "This past year especially you have changed. You refuse to accompany me on exorcisms regardless of day. You speak only when spoken to. You..."

The monk let out a shuddering breath.

"You are not yourself," Miroku murmured barely above a whisper, "I beg you to understand that you are not alone. There are many here with you now that love and care for you. Kagome-Sama is not here but you cannot expect her to wait for you forever. She is gone Inuyasha. We have all mourned her loss. Do not make us mourn you as well."

Inuyasha felt numb as the monk continued. Miroku's words sounding a hundred miles away while static clouded his mind.

"...move on," Miroku concluded and Inuyasha bit his lip for a moment before rolling off his branch and gracefully landing on the ground.

"Okay," he replied - his tone completely lacking emotion, "Okay then."

Miroku's eyes widened in horror and a myriad of emotions flashed across his face.

"I...I could be mistaken however," the monk amended desperately, "There is still hope. I should not..."

"No," Inuyasha sighed shakily, "No you're right. There's no point in trying the well anymore."

"That's not..." Miroku began thickly before he visibly wilted and looked hopelessly lost. Obviously deeply regretting saying anything at all.

"There is nothing wrong with trying the well," Miroku tried with a very forced smile that looked more like a cringe.

"What's the point? You're right," Inuyasha hummed as he glanced over at the location at issue, "Sango's calling you."

Miroku looked like he wanted to die on the spot as he realized that this was Inuyasha's way of trying to be alone. Given the doll like look in his eyes, however, leaving him alone was the last thing Miroku was going to do.

"She can wait," Miroku replied with what he hoped was a reassuring smile. Inuyasha shrugged and merely continued staring forlornly at the well. A long tense silence passed so thick it could be cut with a knife.

"Go home monk," Inuyasha finally demanded softly and Miroku shook his head.

"I said go home," the hanyou ordered a little more firmly and Miroku knew if he didn't comply he'd be deposited there shortly. Still...

"Will you accompany me?" he asked hoarsely but Inuyasha didn't reply. Clearing his throat, he tried something that often worked and which was also true, "The twins have made a gift for you. They're very excited about it and it was meant to be..."

"Just go," Inuyasha sighed as he cast the monk a side eyed glance, "I'll come by later alright?"

"You'll come by for dinner?" Miroku asked weakly as he continued to search his friends face.

"If you leave," Inuyasha ordered again and this time the monk held firm.

"No. I will not leave," Miroku replied defiantly as he squared his shoulders and reached into his robes. If he had to seal him to prevent his friend from doing himself harm, he would do it without question. Inuyasha glanced at the monk and sighed. This was just his fear talking. They were just afraid...

It was understandable why the monk had come. Why he'd said what he said. It was true. He'd been sulking and more clingy recently but...but he hadn't been that bad, right? Besides he wasn't as bad as Kohaku had been. In many ways, it would've been kinder just to let him die. He'd seemed normal at first. Established himself as a demon slayer but then last winter...

"I'm not going to off myself Miroku. I'm not going anywhere," Inuyasha promised quietly, "I just need a moment, okay?"

"And you'll come for dinner," Miroku countered rather than asked. Inuyasha nodded but the monk didn't seem to believe him and Inuyasha merely continued staring at the well.

"I didn't intend to cause you pain. We are merely concerned especially after..." Miroku trailed off miserably before adding in a broken whisper, "If we had..."

Gasping loudly, Inuyasha sat bolt upright and held a hand over his heart. His mind drowning in the memory while the loud ringing in his ear drowned out the world around him. It was becoming hard to breathe as his vision blurred and his head spun and he clawed at his neck to try to force the next breath of air to escape and...

Something was tugging at his hand and it hurt. Why did it hurt? Short panicked gasps began escaping him as he instinctively flinched away from the pain but it followed him.

"Shhhhhhh," Kagome's voice filtered down into his jumbled mind, "Shhhhhhhhh."

All of this would never have happened if she hadn't dropped into his life. He'd still be dead to the world pinned onto that tree where he couldn't feel or think or hurt or...

His breathing became more sporadic and harsh as his back hit the smooth, cold wall and his knees curled under him.

"It's okay," Kagome's voice murmured affectionately, "Just focus on me, okay?"

Why was she tugging on him? Why...why did that memory affect him so much? It wasn't even...it hadn't been...

Inhaling deeply, unfocused amber eyes managed to open and find her face. She looked so worried. So concerned. Afraid. She was afraid of him. His heart began skipping beats as his vision blurred.

"Breathe Inuyasha," Kagome demanded gently as she tried to guide him to lay down and stiffly he did. One hand began stroking his face while the other fondled his ear, "Just breathe. Shhhhhhh."

The world faded to black.

It was some time later that he came to again. Her hands still stroking his face and messaging his ears. The high pitched ring was still there as was the searing pain on his neck. Lifting a trembling hand to feel the sore area, the hand on his face moved to intercept his path. Gently though. So gently.

"I'll clean it in a minute. I didn't want to wake you up," she murmured affectionately, "I don't think they're deep. Just stay calm. Just breathe. It'll be okay."

Shame filled his gut as he realized he must have lost his mind there for a minute. Again. And yet, despite the fact that...he'd pretty much implied he didn't love her anymore, she...Which wasn't true. That wasn't true at all. He loved her. God he loved her. More than anything. But he...

Tears began gathering in his eyes as he looked up at her face. Her eyes were so soft. Worried but adoring. She still loved him. After all this time. After all he'd done was complain. A choked dry sob escaped him as self-loathing overloaded his system.

Fuck.

"I'm sorry," he managed hoarsely and Kagome shook her head. A sad smile. Those eyes still looking at him with such love he wished his heart would just stop beating.

"I forgive you. It's okay," she crooned as the back of her hand began stroking his cheek again, "Do you...do you want to talk about it?"

He shook his head but rolled onto his side. Burying his face into her stomach. How could she bear to even lookat him? How could anyone look at such a broken mess? What was happening to him? How had he gotten this way? Where was the man who could stare down the toughest of demons and not bat an eye? Where the hellwas he?

"Do you want me to get the first aid kit?" she asked them and he shook his head again. He just wanted to lay here. Where he felt safe and sheltered. He didn't deserve her or her love. Not after what he'd said. But fuck it, he needed this right now like he needed air.

"Okay," She replied as she scratched the base of one ear lightly, "Just let me know if you do, okay?"

With what took actual effort, he managed to move one arm and wrap it around her waist. For a moment, they were quiet and the lingering tension in his muscles slowly melted away. He had some idea why that memory had bothered him so much. Not just because it was that conversation that seemed to send him on this path.

"I miss them," he sighed after a moment as he nuzzled her stomach, "All the time."

Of course he did. He'd been with them for six long years during which time they had grown closer. They had been a family while she was away. That was probably why he reacted like he did. He dreamt of them and woke up here. In a world he hated without any support system other than her. And he wasn't even...he didn't even...

He regretted being with her. He didn't want to be with her. He probably wanted to go home. His real home but it was possible he could never go home and in many ways he was trapped. This world had no place for him except with her. Kagome's throat felt tight as she continued to massage his ear. He was trapped. Maybe...maybe that was the reason he was like this.

Sighing shakily, she asked "Do you want to talk about them?"

He shook his head and inhaled deeply. It was so much easier not to talk about things if he was being honest. Talking only ever seemed to lead to pain anymore. And communicating so much had been his brilliant idea. Maybe he should just try shutting the hell up and see how that worked out for him. Maybe all of this would get easier. Having friends had made him soft. Made him weak. Life was so much simpler when he didn't talk to anyone and was on his own. It was familiar. He knew what he was doing. Lonely sure but easier.

Still...he also loved just being with her. He just wished it was in a world he understood. Realization hit him hard and he inhaled sharply making her tense. This waswhere he wanted to be. As much as he missed his friends, he didn't want to be there. He wanted to be here. Even when he was losing his mind, which had been gone a long time if he was being honest, when he was with her...

There were these moments. Moments when he actually felt...

Okay. Letting out a long exhale, he snuggled into her and hummed. He felt like himself for once, as much as he was able, just laying here with her. At least here there would be moments everything felt okay. No outside world to worry about. No barrage of strange things and misunderstandings. Just her. Just calm. Safety. Security. Just love. He exhaled again and a ghost of a smile played on his lips. God how he missed this feeling.

Sighing contentedly, he squeezed Kagome's middle and rubbed his cheek against her thigh. This was easy. Just being here with her. Back before their separation, he enjoyed their moments of companionable silence. Just holding her against him in the branches of a random tree on a quiet clear summer night. Those were the moments he missed the most. Just doing...nothing. Maybe...maybe doing nothing was okay. Being with her was enough if it meant there would be moments like this. The rest of it didn't really matter.

Humming, a soft smile grew on his lips as sat up to look at her. The smile she gave him in return seemed pained like her heart was breaking. It reminded him of how she looked when he went to see Kikyo. When she believed he didn't love her. But he had. He loved her almost from the very beginning. It had felt wrong. Especially because it had been his fault that Kikyo had been brought back. Torn because he still loved the woman Kikyo had been. He wanted to save her from herself. From that life. But he couldn't. He knew that he couldn't but he never stopped trying. By doing so he had done himself and Kagome especially a disservice. And now...he never wanted her to feel like that again. He didn't want Kagome to doubt how much he loved her.

Gently reach up and brushing the loose hairs away from her face, he leaned in and kissed her.

"I love you," he murmured against her lips and he heard her relieved sigh in response before she pressed her lips against his once more.

"I'm sorry for...I didn't mean it. Not really. I mean, I did mean we needed to know more about each other but the leaving part I...it was..." he panted before she cut him off with another searing kiss and he whimpered. Any tension left melting away as he cupped her face and gently laid her down.

"I should talk less," he chuckled softly and Kagome looked slightly concerned before he added playfully, "Ya know, words were never my thing. I'm a man of action."

"I've always wanted to know more about your life," Kagome admitted with a soft sigh before cooing when he kissed her temple, "You don't need to apologize for saying how you feel Inuyasha. I understand. I do."

"You don't," he corrected warmly before laughing softly and rolling his hips against her, "But I don't really understand either. I think..."

He paused and averted his gaze when the scent of her worry and anxiety hit his nose. Whatever he was planning on trying to initiate was foiled.

"I think it'll get better," he continued barely above a whisper, "It has to, right? What did you say? This is just...this is just culture shock. I'll get used to things eventually and I won't..."

Swallowing thickly, Kagome tried to think of how to phrase what needed to be said.

"It might be more than that," she began nervously and his gaze whipped back to hers in mild horror. Taking a deep breath, she continued as she reached up to cup his cheek and her heart broke when he looked absolutely crushed, "But what I think is happening happens to a lot of people. It's not just you. You're not broken Inuyasha. You're just going through some things right now and that's very normal."

"What is it?" he asked thickly as he tried to ignore the growing feeling of panic.

"Anxiety. Depression," Kagome answered with a reassuring smile, "You remember how Sango was in the beginning?"

He nodded.

"You remember how she acted around Kohaku? How she did things she normally wouldn't do?"

He nodded again. Slightly slower.

"But day by day she improved, right? It just took some time."

Swallowing thickly, he remembered something he hadn't shared with Kagome. Yet. Sango had been the one to find Kohaku and for months, she would wake up screaming. Months. They'd never said but he could smell her tears at random times during the day. But she did get better. It took time but she did. Exhaling slowly, that memory morbidly brought him some comfort. It gave him hope that maybe...

Maybe one day he'd be himself again. After all, if Sango could recover from finding her brother hanging from a tree surely he could recover from this too. Their separation was not nearly as bad as that.

"No matter what happens I love you," Kagome finished as she searched his face, "I'll always love you."

Worry and heartbreak wormed into her scent. The same scent that radiated off her whenever Kikyo was involved. Maybe the first step should be making sure she knew that...that despite how he was and what he might be for some time, he loved her too. Closing his eyes, he tried to ignore the...the anxiety coursing through his veins at her admission that what was happening to him wasn't simple.

"Do you know..." he began softly and Kagome's heart began beating faster, "That during our time together...I..."

He cleared his throat and blushed.

"Sometimes I'd sit by you when you slept," he admitted shakily, "There were times when I felt like...like this. Not as bad but it was there. During those times, being near you made me feel better. I'd stoke your leg and touch your hair."

He swallowed thickly.

"You made me happy," he continued, "I'd forgotten what that felt like."

He cringed as that didn't come out like he wanted. He wanted to convey how he'd always loved her but instead he only put pressure on her to carry the weight that was crushing him.

"What I mean is that...that I loved you back then," he tried, "I wasn't in love with Kikyo. I was in love with you. I'm still in love with you. That will never change."

That...that didn't exactly make sense but again, he meant what he said. He really wasn't good with words.

"What I want," he continued desperately as she looked slightly crestfallen, "Is for you to just be yourself. Don't feel like you need to change for me. To have to be someone else because you're afraid you'll set me off. It'll happen no matter what you do. That's not your fault. Miroku..."

He sighed heavily.

"Miroku did what you're doing," he continued softly, "Especially after Kohaku did what he did. He tried to fix me. To make it better. Walked on eggshells all the time and tried to carry this for me. But this wasn't his burden to bear and it's not yours either. I need to figure this out on my own."

Groaning softly, Kagome wanted to argue but didn't. Inuyasha hummed as though he understood what she was thinking.

"Just be you," he murmured affectionately before leaning down and kissing her temple, "You taught me that you shouldn't change who you are. Especially not for someone else. Be yourself Ka-go-me...and I'll try to be me."

Well he kinda sounded like himself again. Kinda. If you count the few times he'd actually admitted things to her. This wasn't the revelation he needed to have though. He didn't need to try to fix this on his own. That was a terrible idea. Wait...what was that about...

"Kohaku," Kagome whispered as she let out a shuddering breath and Inuyasha sighed sadly.

"I think...I think he felt like I do," Inuyasha began slowly, "Whatever this is. Things he'd tried to ignore coming out all at once. A few winters ago he...he had seemed okay. Was spending a lot of time with Sango. Then he went missing. And Sango found his body a few days later."

Kagome gasped and tears welled in her eyes.

"Mother did that too," he admitted softly as his eyes suddenly looked distant, "Had me run an errand and...well..."

He stopped suddenly and clammed up. It was obvious he didn't want to go into detail.

"Come here," Kagome whispered thickly and he could smell her tears but complied. Resting his cheek above her heart. Her fingernails scratched the back of his head as she held him to her. For the longest time, he had told himself that it didn't bother him. Told himself that everyone dies eventually so it wasn't that big a deal. But it was. He loved her and she left him. She didn't care. She didn't love him. That was part of why Sesshomaru's trick was particularly cruel. The apology for leaving him behind so young and expressing her love a salve on a wound that had never healed...

He sighed shakily and snuggled deeper into Kagome's embrace. Moving so he lay flush against her. One leg between her legs while the other draped across her thigh.

"I love you," he breathed as a smile played on his lips when she replied in kind. Yes this was where he wanted to be. For the first time in a long time he felt content and the feeling was almost foreign. It would be okay. This life would be okay. Different, sure, but life happens when you make other plans. Everything was worth it for moments like this.

Kagome continued fondling his scalp as her other hand ran passively up and down his back. For the longest time, he lay against her and let her soothe his bruised heart until her ministrations slowly put him to sleep.

The last thought in his mind was how much he loved her. How he never wanted to leave her side. This was where he belonged. Right here in her arms. She would never betray him like so many had done. Never.

He melted into her as his consciousness ebbed.

"Love you 'Gome. Love...you..."

Kagome sighed as she felt his weight sag against her. Life had been so cruel to him. Almost everyone had been so cruel to him. Even his mother who was the one person who should have loved him unconditionally. Who should have been there for him and shown him that he was perfect as he was. Still, this moment of peace had followed a moment of misery. Again, the emotional whiplash had her head spinning and left her heart broken. Even though she had seen him smile and love radiated off of him in waves, this was temporary. Tomorrow he could wake up and be right back in that depressive state he couldn't break. The smallest thing setting him off. He wanted her to be herself. To accept the implied fact that he would have more outbursts and that she was just supposed to be okay with that. But she wasn't okay with that. It scared her. Traumatized her. The claw marks on his neck still healing and blood caked over the wound. Waking up to that had been terrifying. And then all of a sudden he was being affectionate and loving and...

Biting back tears, Kagome trailed her fingers up and down his back. This wasn't what she had dreamed of her life being these past six years.
This was a nightmare.