DISCLOSURE STATEMENT: This author has no financial or non-financial relation nor do they possess any right to "Inuyasha: A Feudal Fairy Tale" franchise. Full ownership of all characters is the sole intellectual property of Rumiko Takahashi.
Wherever You Will Go
Inuyasha lay quietly, keeping his eyes closed and matching his breaths with the incessant beeping of machines that surrounded his bed. The only indication of his heartbeat. Of his existence. The hospital room was as cold as dead skin; the hallway reeking of illness. It had only been a week but every second here felt like a nightmare his nightmares were having while they slept.
Every time he opened his eyes the world looked like a time lapse photo – the remnants of where people had once been lingering long after they left the room in blurred lines. His mind jumping from one topic to the next topic without warning. Sometimes he cried and wasn't sure why he was crying – made worse by the fact the presence of certain people who weren't worth naming. And then other times still, he felt like he couldn't breathe in a way that had nothing to do with his illness and his heart wanted to beat out of his chest.
He just couldn't win, could he? If it wasn't one thing, it was another. There had been so many times he wished he wouldn't wake up in the morning. Sleep was the only escape he had anymore. Life itself had become a reverse nightmare except when you wake up from a nightmare there's this sense of relief. Instead, he was waking up from a brief reprieve into a nightmare.
Shippo had died from whatever this latest bullshit was along with a dozen or so other allies they'd had.
Kagome had quit her job to stay with him full time and she was in the process of moving out of her apartment and back to the shrine – officially demonstrating how fully he'd fucked up her life. Oh, and he'd managed to take a good chunk of her arm when he woke up in sheer panic because he was in an unfamiliar place, with unfamiliar people with tubes and needles and shit stuck to him for no known reason and he hurt and…and…
Kagome did what she always did and tried to calm him down. Before he could get control of himself, he'd managed to slash her arm. It was a miracle he didn't break it or tear the damn thing off.
Oh, and after the Kagome incident, he was now tied down. Very, very securely. And he'd refused to see her since then.
It was miserable.
It was hell.
And all he wanted to do was go home.
But where was home now?
"Inuyasha," came the most irritating voice in the world as he heard the large crocodile sit down on one of the visitor's chairs, "I understand you've been having difficulty focusing these past few days. And you've been refusing to see your wife."
"Go fuck yourself," Inuyasha spat venomously. It had been a stupid thing to say he wanted to speak with a counselor. He had put in an effort at first. Really he'd tried as much as he was able but then the guy kept pushing him to share more and he just didn't have answers to his questions and it just made him feel so much worse. How could he possibly trust him with things he couldn't even tell Kagome? For all Inuyasha knew, this guy was having him tell him things to use against him later. Or worse, going around telling every other demon still living these things. At least with a human therapist, there was no chance that person would know someone he had to deal with. He was now stuck in a world filled with the same thousand or so people he'd have to deal with for the rest of his life.
"There is no shame in admitting weakness," the crocodile sighed as he ignored the insult, "Or admitting that there is something wrong."
"I'd be fine if someone would just let me out of this hellhole," Inuyasha huffed before swallowing thickly and trying to calm himself down. It was clear the only reason they still had him here was because they all thought he was batshit crazy. Which was fair. A bitter pill to swallow but fair. That and he was fairly sure they were keeping him in here until he let Kagome in here but why would he let Kagome in here? He was batshit crazy and because of that he had hurt her – badly. Literally the littlest thing could set him off and he was completely out of control in a world he didn't understand and which sure as hell didn't understand him.
Besides, there was something wrong with this new society youkai had created here. He was sure of it. How did one little illness suddenly make everyone hold hands and get along? How many battles had he fought against ancestors of these fuckers? How many had he killed? And to top it all off, there were priests and priestesses in the mix too. Like those bastards hadn't made it their life mission to eradicate youkai for centuries. This illness was probably created by them and when it failed to kill everyone, they just gave up. If you can't kill them, join them.
"I'll speak with the administration about removing the restraints and going home," the crocodile promised in that same half-hiss, half-bored tone of his before he changed the subject, "I know you're apprehensive about sharing with me but as I've told you before, there are laws in place that prevent me from sharing anything from these sessions. I would never share anything without your permission."
"Forgive me if I'm skeptical," Inuyasha snorted, "What do you want me to say? I had a shit childhood. I had a shit life and everything only seems to get shittier? What could you possibly say to change things that can't be changed?"
"My purpose here is not to change the past. It is to understand the issues at hand and assist you in finding a way to cope with these issues. To help you achieve the life you want to achieve," the crocodile sighed in a wheezy way that had Inuyasha cringing, "My purpose is also to explore all options. I've mentioned before that medication…"
"I don't want to be drugged," the half-demon cut him off angrily and he heard his heart rate increase on the machine. Taking a deep breath, he wanted until it returned to its usual rhythm before continuing, "I've seen what drugs do to people. They zone out and lose track of themselves. I don't want that."
"And that's understandable. Medication is a last resort for our kind in any case but it can help lessen what you're going through,"the doctor soothed and Inuyasha wrinkled his nose.
"I'm sure it would," he snorted softly, "I'm sure it really helps you check out."
Kagome had said that she'd been warned people don't typically like this guy and if Inuyasha was a betting man, he'd put his money on the voice as the number one reason. Well maybe number two. Kagome had also said this guy was the top of his field but when you're the only one in your field, that didn't say much. This Youkai was pretty much the most useless person he'd ever met.
"You said you've seen people on drugs before. Where did you see these people?" the doctor asked curiously and Inuyasha shrugged.
Yeah, this asshole was going to keep coming over and over and over again until he said something to make him happy. Fuck it. Maybe giving this bastard some admissions would make him go away and get him out of here that much sooner.
"When I was younger I hung around brothels a lot," Inuyasha admitted begrudgingly then, "Whores don't give a shit what you are."
"So, you spent much of your time with…"
"I hung around for a place to sleep," Inuyasha interrupted defensively as he opened his eyes to glare angrily at the man, "One of them felt sorry for me because I was a childand let me stay with her brats. I didn't go around…"
"My apologies. I should not have presumed," the old withered reptilian soothed and Inuyasha set his jaw before letting his head fall back once more, "So the women in the brothels were the ones you saw taking drugs."
"Yeah," Inuyasha mumbled miserably. He hated these stupid talks but if he didn't give the man what he wanted, they'd never let him out of here. But maybe that was a good thing. He was dangerous. Wild. In a world where being dangerous and wild was bad. Not that it was ever good but...
"How long did you stay there?"
"Eight winters. Maybe less," Inuyasha sighed, "Until the girls that I played with were forced into the business. I got upset and did some shit and they kicked me out."
"What did you do that got you kicked out?"
"Killed a couple clients," Inuyasha admitted emotionlessly, "And the brothel mother."
"The woman who…"
"No, the woman in charge of the damn thing. Who let…who let shit happen that shouldn't," Inuyasha hissed defensively, "Who do you take me for?"
"Had you killed any humans before that?"
Inuyasha scowled and nodded.
"So, you were no stranger to killing men," the scaly man concluded, "Would it make you feel any better if I said back in my youth I killed hundreds of humans?"
Inuyasha furrowed his brow and cracked one eye open to look at the strange doctor.
"Inuyasha, we're youkai," the doctor continued reassuringly, "For centuries, our kind has killed humans. Much of the time without provocation. Now when youkilled these men, was it for a reason?"
"Not really."
"From what you're describing it sounds like you killed those men to protect others," the doctor pointed out, "You were just saying you killed those men and the brothel mother because they hurt your friends."
"That's only okay when they ask you to protect them. They didn't ask," Inuyasha argued weakly.
"No, I imagine they didn't," the crocodile sighed sympathetically, "Do you believe that someone has to askto be protected in order to be protected?
Inuyasha opened his mouth and closed it several times before giving up entirely.
"I don't understand the question."
"If you saw a burning building with a little girl inside and that little girl did not ask you for help, would you rush into the burning building to get her?"
"I mean yeah," Inuyasha replied in a very confused tone, "The buildings on fire."
"If you saw a child in the street, would you give him some food if he didn't ask for it?"
"I'm not sure. Does the kid look hungry or…" the very confused half-demon tried.
"Let me rephrase. You know the child is hungry but he is not asking for food. Would you feed him?"
"I don't know," Inuyasha replied truthfully, "It would depend on if I had food."
"You have food to give in this scenario."
"Then yeah?"
"If you saw someone being murdered, would you stop it?"
"I'd try? Why are you asking me this? I don't…"
"Who kicked you out of the brothel?"
"Some of the clients ran me out," Inuyasha huffed, "I tried to take the girl they…they were hurting with me and she refused. Said she was scared."
"So, she was afraid of you after you defended her?"
Inuyasha snorted and shrugged, "Ain't that the story of my life."
"Was she afraid of you before that?"
"Why would she be?" Inuyasha groaned in frustration, "I never did anything before that."
Freezing, that statement struck him as odd but he dismissed it. He really was losing his mind here. Why had he said that? Everyone had always been afraid of him. Always.
"Did you ever see her again?"
Except Kagome. She had never been afraid of him until recently and even then that was more about the fact that he was slowly descending into madness for no god damn reason. Because the littlest inconvenience made him nearly piss his pants and cry like the little bitch he was. And yet she stayed. Even now when he was pushing her away to save her. She still stayed.
Why the fuck couldn't they talk about that? But noooo, therapy was about your inner thoughts not someone else's.
Bullshit is what it was.
"When she was old, yeah, I saw her again," Inuyasha muttered distractedly as he continued fixating inwardly, "When I was…when I was with Kikyo. My old girlfriend. We went to that town for some type of exorcism and she was there. Still whoring it up."
"Did you speak with her?"
"She knew who I was."
"That doesn't answer my question. You spoke with her then?"
"No but Kikyo did for a little bit. Apparently she was now a brothel mother. Old bat said she knew me as a child and wanted to know how I was doing."
"It sounds like she cared about you. Perhaps she felt bad about how you parted ways."
"Maybe," Inuyasha huffed, "Or maybe she was senile. Satomi was ancient by then. Pushing at least a hundred."
"Hm," the crocodile replied in that nails on a chalkboard voice, "I have a task for you. If you're up to it."
Of course he did the scaly bastard.
"I want you to let Kagome come visit you," the crocodile hummed and with a scowl, Inuyasha cracked one eye open, "Talk to her. I know she's very worried."
"I told you why I haven't seen her," Inuyasha groaned heavily before pulling up on the restraints and giving the elderly reptile a sour glare, "Its for the same reason they got these on me. I'm dangerous. Might accidentally kill her without meaning to."
"I know. I know. Just consider it. The girl is stronger than she looks," the crocodile wheezed in a bemused fashion and the half-demon winced at the sound.
"I also want you to write down things you feel Kagome would reject you over and write down how you would respond if she was the one telling you these things" the doctor added quietly and Inuyasha snorted.
"What about I'm literally tied up here do you not understand?" he chuckled darkly, "Go fuck yourself you gross, slimy…"
"And what you would tell her if she was in your shoes," the doctor cut him off as the old croc got up and patted his patient's leg, "I'm going to speak with the administrator. Maybe our next appointment can be at your new home."
"Wait, new home? Where the fuck is…"
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
"And all I have to do is fix it up?" Kagome asked in a tired voice as she gave the small water sprite realtor a weary smile, "Is there a time frame or…"
The small woman reminded Kagome very strongly of the Rainbow Fish children's story book. A splattering of scales covered most of her body including some of her face – most were of the regular variety but every so often there was a bright sparkling one. The coloring of these scales too matched quite nicely with the children's book rendition. Dark blues and pinks with light orange lips. Black eyes. Her ears fin like and her fingers webbed. Maybe the author was really a youkai and the world just didn't know it.
The Rainbow Fish sold real estate. As if the world couldn't get more strange.
"Just by the new year," the woman chirped – her voice sounding like bubbling stream which made it irritatingly hard to understand, "I know that it might be difficult when you're undergoing training but I'm sure there are many contractors here that would be willing to help move things along. I'll e-mail you a few names and numbers if you need them."
"Sounds great," Kagome sighed as her fingers gently fingered her new set of keys, "So...where do I sign?"
"Well, technically, I can't let you sign anything official until your marriage gets approved," the sprite chuckled nervously, "You know…youkai law? Can't let just anyone buy a house in here."
"His registration was approved yesterday. We were waiting until it's finalized," Kagome replied evasively, "But I can start moving in, right?"
"On a week-to-week lease, yes," the sprite sighed as she awkwardly rubbed her arm, "But the marriage needs to be officiated by the sixth week or else we'll have to evict you."
"If it happens, it happens," Kagome sighed as she glanced around the very antiquated house. She had specifically picked this one due to its traditional style. It reminded her strongly of the types of inns they'd stayed in during the quest. Well, the more run down ones anyway. Tatami mat flooring, sliding doors, multiple wooden panels that could be used to separate rooms and wooden engawa verandas. Most of the appliances would need to be replaced or installed. The bathroom definitely needed to be completely redone and the flooring replaced. But structurally it was actually okay. They assured her that it was termite free and there was supposed to be a warranty in place when they did buy it.
If they bought it…
Kagome sighed heavily as she began walking around the large empty space covered in a thick layer of dust. Did youkai even have maids or was she supposed to clean it up? They'd probably think less of her than they already did. Even after so many years, inherit demonic distrust of mikos was still very strong. Apparently, the marriage requirement was only for human-demon relations. And she had to jump through all sorts of hoops to even get into the hospital and get Koga and Jineji and a handful of others that knew her way back when to vouch for her. Everything here had been a constant battle including seeing Inuyasha who, for whatever reason, refused to see her.
It hadn't even been that bad a cut. Really it hadn't but he acted like he almost took her arm off. Had to straight up be sedated because he couldn't calm down. Supposedly, they'd had to restrain him too after that but what did she know? He could have been released and be god knows where doing god knows what. He'd made it very clear she wasn't to know anything. Wasn't allowed to come see him.
It was like he hated her.
Maybe he did.
"Okie dokie, so when Mr. Akatsuki comes back from his trip, give me a call," the sprite hummed happily as she began walking towards the door, "It was lovely to meet you Ms. Higuarashi."
"Nice to meet you too," Kagome chuckled awkwardly as she continued standing numbly in the rather large living room, "I'll let you know when he gets back."
Kagome swallowed thickly as she heard the door slam behind her and she dropped her purse onto the ground - the dust billowing around it as it made contact. It only made sense that she'd move out here. To a place where Inuyasha could be around other Youkai. Use his power. The local police chief was especially interested when he heard the last surviving son of the InuNoTaisho was moving in. As was literally everyone that had anything to do with the diamond trade or finances. If the latter had their way, Inuyasha would spend every minute of every day doing adamant barrage until the youkai society lived like kings. A one man bank with endless earning power. Or the world's only one man swat team. Either way he had a job so that was good.
As long as he was happy. With or without her.
Closing her eyes, Kagome allowed herself exactly one tear. For so many years, she'd prepared for him. Lived for him. Only to have him be miserable being with her. It was hard not to be bitter about the whole thing. And she didn't want to believe the psychiatrist when he said Inuyasha had a definite diagnosis of PTSD and a tentative manic depressive diagnosis. One of those was bad enough. Both was terrifying. When had this happened? Why had this happened? He'd never been overly emotional. Not really. Quick to anger yes but he never acted like anything bothered him before. He never acted like he was acting now.
Was this really the jewel's last act of vengeance? Had it known separating them would drive him crazy? Or was it an accident? Inuyasha's mental state just a ticking time bomb waiting to explode and the jewel just the catalyst.
One thing was certain though. She'd adapt. She'd be there. She'd learn what to do and how to...This was just...this was just...
Letting out a shaky sigh, Kagome nearly jumped out of her skin when her phone rang. Kneeling down she fumbled with her purse for a moment before answering.
"...give me the fucking phone. I can do it god dammit. I'm not a...thank you jackass. Was that so hard? Hey, Kagome. Wait, shit. Hello, are you there? How does this fucking thing..."
Kagome let out a watery laugh as she stood up
"Hey," she breathed and she heard a slight huff of frustration, "Inuyasha?"
"Hey. Hey. So, um, they said they're letting me go home," he informed her sounding infinitely relieved before he suddenly jumped in with vomit like fashion, "I...I'm sorry I didn't let you see me. I was worried I'd hurt you again. I should've explained but..."
"I'm okay. My love isn't fragile," Kagome reassured him and she heard him sigh.
"I know," he mumbled miserably, "I know it's not. I...I just wanted to say I'm sorry. Will you...just next time you're nearby would you come get me? If...if you want."
"I'm actually just a ten minute walk away," Kagome offered hesistantly, "I found a house for...for us."
There was a pause.
"Here?"
"Yeah," Kagome continued shakily, "I just thought...and we can go back if you want but..."
"No, no thats...that's fine," he replied a little too calmly, "We can talk more once you get here. Or later."
"Okay, I'll...I'll see you soon."
"I love you Kagome," he muttered softly, tentatively, with full resignation like he expected her to be upset with him if he said it or tell him it was over. She heard him take and let out a few deep breaths as he waited for her to answer.
"Love you too."
