DISCLOSURE STATEMENT: This author has no financial or non-financial relation nor do they possess any right to "Inuyasha: A Feudal Fairy Tale" franchise. Full ownership of all characters is the sole intellectual property of Rumiko Takahashi.

Wherever You Will Go


Panting heavily, Inuyasha hummed as he rolled off Kagome and flopped bonelessly onto his side. It had to have been two months, probably longer, since he'd even been interested in doing this and for the life of him, he couldn't figure out why he'd been avoiding it. True, the greater part of the last year had been utter shit and his mental well-being hadn't been all that well for the better part of the decade but that didn't mean...

Sighing heavily as the little dark cloud started hanging out waiting for its opportunity to make a fresh appearance, Inuyasha lazily blinked at Kagome with a tired smile playing on his lips.

"Love you," he murmured affectionately before he propped himself up on one elbow and dipped down to give her a quick kiss which she happily returned. For a moment, all was peaceful before insecurity and anxiety began swirling in his gut. There were other considerations too. Things he needed to ask. To say but couldn't find the words. Surely, if his nose was right, Kagome would've noticed or said something by now.

Unless it wasn't his. Which was possible. It had been a while. Not that he'd blame her if…if she found someone better but…

No that was a stupid thought. When exactly would Kagome have had an affair? Every hour of every day was spent taking care of his pathetic ass. Fuck he hoped his nose was wrong. How was he supposed to handle this? What was he supposed to say? Shouldn't he say something now? This seemed like a semi-appropriate time.

"I..." he began hesitantly as he thought about voicing his concerns before chickening out and blushing lightly, "Sorry it's been a while."

"Inuyasha it's fine," Kagome laughed good-naturedly as she scratched the base of one ear, "A lot has been going on."

Nodding, Inuyasha settled back down and lightly drug the tips of his claws across her stomach.

"So...so it's okay?" he pressed even as he tried to steer the conversation towards a possible outlet, "That we haven't done that in a while I mean. Wouldn't want a kid, right?"

"More than okay. Besides I can't get pregnant anyway remember?" the former miko laughed before cringing slightly at the expression on his face. The insecurity was normal anymore but not the shame or guilt. What on...

Ah hell. Of course he took that the wrong way. What was she supposed to say now? 'I enjoy having sex with you. That's not what I meant.' While Inuyasha had been doing light years better these past few months, there were still says where he did nothing except sleep all day. Where he'd start crying at the drop of a hat. Stare at nothing for hours on end or worse have a panic attack for no reason and start apologizing for dropping into her life. And then, of course, that poor excuse of a doctor who triggered him had been snooping around for some unfathomable reason. Started calling Inuyasha incessantly to the point where Kagome flat out cancelled his phone service much to the half-demon's utter relief. Now she was getting the threatening messages. Nothing too serious. More accusations of abuse and being overall the worst mate in history. Calling the local police force to do 'well checks' until Koga put a stop to that.

Surprisingly, Koga had been their greatest ally in the fight against that asshat poking his large scaly nose where it didn't belong. Inuyasha clearly suspected something was bothering her but had internalized her upset as her being mad at him instead of asking about it. And the few times she'd tried to explain he'd ended up getting shaky and going for a 'run.' Thank god for Mei - the only person who was actually helping. Although, the last two sessions, she'd talked to her about medication but would never say what caused the sudden push. Inuyasha was doing better. Not great but not terrible. He seemed happier. More stable. What was the problem?

Little did Kagome know there was a big problem. Intrusive thoughts slowly becoming more prominent and troubling. Inuyasha has confessed his tick. Seeking advice on how to stop the voice in the back of his mind.

'Kill yourself. Kill yourself. Kill yourself.'

Honestly, it was getting harder to bear. Nearly every waking moment that command bounced around in his head. It was easy to ignore for the most part but some days...

Some days he fantasized about the relief a rope around his neck would bring.

Letting out a shaky sigh, Inuyasha gently drug his fingertips across Kagome's stomach as he tried to stop the anxiety gnawing at his gut which was so hard to ignore. Not that he'd ever been successful in ignoring it altogether. It seemed like a giant weight had permanently settled against his sternum, making his blood run cold and his heart-beat in his ears. The prayer that sleep would offer some reprieve going unanswered and every morning waking up to nausea. Humming as Kagome gently pressed her lips against his and moaning when her hand began fondling him, Inuyasha tried to comfort himself with the knowledge that at least he was wanted. That he was loved but no matter how thoroughly he believed that, the knowledge didn't fill the hollow feeling in his stomach.

"Like that," Inuyasha breathed as his eyes fluttered closed, "I...I..."

Kagome gripped him firmly and he whimpered in pleasure. At least after an orgasm he felt some relief - the surge of endorphins granting him a few moments of happiness. Well, not happiness per se. More of a feeling like a normal human being. It was the strangest thing. To not feel like...

"I love you," Kagome cooed as she gave that piece of his anatomy a loving stroke. Inuyasha smiled faintly before his jaw dropped and an appreciative moan passed his lips. Why hadn't he wanted to do this again? If anything could fix whatever was broken inside of him, it was probably this. Arousal was a god send. A good emotion. A predictable emotion. Pleasure stopped his tick- his body and mind distracted if only for a moment. This...this...

"Faster," Inuyasha pleaded before gasping when she squeezed. A few moments later he was on top of her. Maybe this was the answer. All he had to do was do her all the time and his mind would get with the program. This constant feeling of…well next to nothing was getting old.

That and all things considered, he couldn't risk going back into the darkness.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Smacking his lips, the crocodile scowled as he waited for the latest doctor to finish reviewing the half-demon's profile. All he needed was one more doctor to affix his name to the order and he'd be able to wrench that poor pitiful man away from his abuser. That miko was trouble with a capital T. Canceling Inuyasha's ability to communicate with the outside world. Once the girl was out of the picture, that boy would finally begin the path of healing. That human would finally get what she deserved.

The kasha demon set his jaw as he lowered the last page of the chart and accompanying memorandum.

"I'm sorry but I see nothing in here that warrants an involuntary hospitalization," the man replied with no lack of exasperation, "What I do see, however, is that you harbor a general disdain for humans and are letting your prejudices bias what should be a…"

"The chart speaks for itself! It..."

"His last physical notated a flat affect, yes," the other doctor interrupted, "And it was self-reported that he'd been struggling with..."

"Suicidal thoughts," the crocodile hissed, "Which was reported per the law. And these thoughts have been ongoing. Its not…"

"Again, having fleeting suicidal ideation does not warrant involuntary hospitalization nor would I characterize this boy's intrusive thoughts as an immediate risk. What you're proposing is a drastic measure," the kasha interrupted with a long sigh as he lifted a few sheets of paper and glanced over it, "Even his therapist wrote that she didn't deem him a risk to himself or others at this time. As for your suggestion, I see no indication that the wife has been anything other than supportive. Inuyasha's primary trigger is actually the idea of separation from her. You knew this and yet suggested the onething that set him off. Now you're saying that somehow the one at fault for his outburst was this..."

The doctor glanced down at his hastily written notes.

"This Kameko..."

"Kagome," the crocodile corrected and the other doctor pursed his lips, "My objections about the girl aside I am concerned for Inuyasha's well-being. Yes, his last outburst was almost a year ago but the suicidal ideations are relatively new. We need to take action and quickly. By all accounts…"

"I need to meet with them both before I sign anything," the kasha replied firmly, "And all I might do is write a script for medication. Hospitalization may very well make him worse not better."

"You're making a mistake," the crocodile huffed, "And when that boy loses his damn mind, which I have no doubt he will sooner rather than later, I hope you'll be able to sleep at night knowing it could've been prevented."

"I'll take that into consideration," the kasha snorted softly as he began collecting the paperwork and handed it back, "You need to let this go. I don't know how you got your hands on these records but Koga and Jineji know what they're doing."

"I don't like the insinuation that I stole these records or something," the crocodile wheezed defensively, "And in any case Koga and Jineji are infectious disease specialists. They don't know a damn thing about mental illness which is why I'm still his treating physician in that arena until the boy gets another."

"I would argue forcibly removing you from his home constitutes a dismissal," the kasha replied calmly as he raised a single brow, "Wouldn't you agree?"

Shifting slightly in his chair, the crocodile narrowed his yellow eyes as he tried to plan his next move.

"I just need one more doctor to sign off," the crocodile hissed as he snatched the file back, "Just one. At least meetwith the boy before writing him off."

"I'm not writing Inuyasha off. Just you," the kasha replied dourly as he nodded towards the door, "As you're leaving, let my next appointment in would you?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"….don't tell her," Inuyasha had pleaded softly as he'd glanced at the bedroom door, "She'll think it's her fault and it's not. It…it just…and I'm not going to do anything. I'm not. It just pops up and…you know I've been arguing with the thoughts like you said but…but it doesn't seem to be making a difference and I know Kagome should know but it'd scare her and…and I just can't lose her right now. I don't want her to worry more than she already is…"

The air around him seemed to be growing impossibly thin as his skin grew clammy and his heart began racing painfully.

"Inuyasha breathe," Mei ordered gently – both perturbed by this latest admission and also honored that he was finally comfortable sharing with her, "If you don't want me to tell her, I won't, okay?"

It had been an uphill battle but more and more he had been opening up to her. It seemed like he'd finally realized actually talking out his problems was helpful. At first, it had been short answers. Yes. No. A forced sounding admission here or there. Now he was confusing in her. Looking for answers as to why the world suddenly seemed to spin out from under him. Confiding in his therapist things he didn't feel comfortable sharing with his wife quite yet. They were working on that. Mei hoped by the new year he'd be ready to take that step.

The half-demon nodded as he averted his eyes and played with his hands.

"I just…I hate being this way," he continued hesitantly, "I used to…I used to be this fearsome warrior and now…now I'm this."

"You're still a fearsome warrior," Mei laughed softly, "That hasn't changed. You're just going through some things right now. Happens to the best of us."

"Sometimes I wish it had changed. Not…not that I'd want to be weak or anything, it's just that I don't have…what did Kagome call it…shit…," Inuyasha suddenly mumbled as a sad smile played on his lips, "She was doing some job application…experience. My experience isn't useful in this era. And I can't really do anything else. I applied for…applied for one with the militia here but…but they said I wasn't a good candidate due to this."

He gestured vaguely at his head and sighed.

"Which is fair I guess," he continued with a roll of the eyes, "I mean, can't just start bawling like a little bitch in the middle of a battle. I get it."

Mei let out a sympathetic hum .

"The militia doesn't really do much to be honest but I'll ask around and see whether I know anyone hiring if you're really interested. There are some security positions and things of that nature. Maybe you could even be a personal trainer," Mei suggested and Inuyasha looked up at her with slightly hopeful eyes, "You could also help with archives given where you're from although that's more of a stationary position. I know you don't like being idle. Or, you know, you could be a stay at home father. There's no shame in that."

Inuyasha sighed heavily and glanced towards the bedroom door.

"You can smell it too, huh?" Inuyasha mumbled wearily, "I've been hoping it was just in my head. She's supposed to be on some medication to prevent it. Maybe…maybe its just…I'm not going to say anything until she does. Maybe she doesn't want it."

Mei's eyes softened and pity laced her features for a moment before she masked the expression.

"Well the birth control they give humans isn't exactly made with demons in mind you know. It's entirely possible that the medication wasn't up to the task. But what makes you say she wouldn't want a baby? Has she said that?" she asked softly and Inuyasha turned his attention back to the little outrageously pink therapist.

"Not any baby. My baby," Inuyasha sighed heavily, "And besides, it's too early to tell."

"You're avoiding my question. Has Kagome said she doesn't want a baby?," Mei pointed out knowingly and Inuyasha chuckled darkly.

"I'm not gunna answer that."

"Then I won't push the subject but I do think you should talk with her," Mei suggested kindly, "I can bring a test with me next week and we can practice what to say, hm?"

"What do you mean test?"

Bouncing his knee anxiously Inuyasha set his jaw and ran the memory over in his mind as Kagome threw up in the bathroom yet again. She supposedly had a doctor's appointment tomorrow which was not going to end well. She'd probably be upset with him once she found out and regret her life decisions more than she already did. And it did not help things that Mei cancelled her session this week. The clumsy flamingo was supposed to come yesterday but apparently her brat got sick and no one was available to watch the little one. Such was the life of a working mother he supposed. Inuyasha remembered all too well how Sango got stuck with that job. One time both twins got sick at the same time and Miroku had stayed behind to help out. Being a parent meant even when you're unwell you had a job to do and your health no longer mattered. That thought had knots growing in his stomach. What if he didn't have the energy to move? To eat? To even breathe? How was he supposed to care for an infant in that state?

Inuyasha sighed as his knee bounced even faster and he folded his arms tightly across his chest. And Kagome was already worn down with taking care of him. Grey hairs had started popping out and she looked permanently exhausted anymore. Like him coming back was draining the life right out of her. This was bad. All of it was bad and a baby was only going to make this living hell that much worse. He could've ignored his nose but he knew from Sango's experience that the incessant barfing was a very good and disgusting sign of pregnancy. As was the need to sleep more often and the eating. And the way Kagome was declaring everything smelled bad. What the hell was a cigarette anyway and why did that coffee stuff she used to love smell like them? Or the apple juice that she'd sworn smelled like sake? Or how she turned green at the eggs he made – which he'd been proud of by the way since he'd finally been motivated to do something other than mope all day and which she'd steadfastly refused to eat. And the tears….

The tears were the worst.

The toilet flushed in the bathroom and he heard Kagome trying to catch her breath as she washed her face. When the door opened, when he met her eyes, he knew she had finally figured it out.

"How long have you known?" Kagome asked hoarsely and Inuyasha cringed slightly.

"A month or so," he replied barely above a whisper before averting his eyes so he wouldn't see the anger he knew was oncoming, "But I wasn't sure. I…I didn't know if…if I was imagining it or something."

"I'm on birth control though," Kagome sighed miserably, "How…"

"Mei said something about…"

"You told Mei?!" Kagome hissed, "You told her before you told me? Are you serious?!"

Neither Inuyasha's flinch nor the way he went pale went unnoticed and the former miko did her best to rein in her upset.

"I just…" Inuyasha mumbled miserably as he fought the urge to cry like the little bitch he was, "I just wasn't sure. I…I don't know how the medicine worked and she's a girl. I thought maybe she'd know how it happened. I mean I know how babies are made obviously but...but the medication thing I don't understand."

Nodding in understanding, Kagome chewed the inside of her cheek as she tried to stay calm. He'd meant what he'd said about sharing with her though she could tell he was editing himself a lot. Still, progress was progress. In all honesty, Kagome was glad he was trying. At first she hadn't been but looking back, she could tell he'd been in a bad place. She couldn't even begin to imagine what he was going through. Now she wouldn't lie and say it didn't hurt that he trusted Mei and even Mama more than her. Okay Kagome knew it wasn't about trust. More Inuyasha was motivated by the fear of losing her which wasn't new. Their relationship had always been that way. Kagome could only hope one day he'd feel secure enough to tell her all the things.

Although it was a comfort that Mei knew and had some answers that the miko plain didn't know. A new baby on the way would explain why Mei had suddenly been throwing the idea of medication out there. Suggest something to make him more stable so it would be one less thing to worry about. If it worked that is.

"Did she have any answers?" the miko asked with a shadow of anger and Inuyasha swallowed thickly.

"Human birth control pills weren't designed with demons in mind," the half-demon parroted lamely as he kept his gaze on the ground, "Or something like that."

The tick in his mind was growing louder with each passing second as he waited for the proverbial axe to fall on his neck. Kagome was going to leave him for sure and he wouldn't blame her at all. Who would want to have a child with someone who couldn't function?

"Well…" Kagome began as she crossed the room and sat down next to him, "Life happens when you make other plans I guess."

"Other plans?" Inuyasha asked in a hollow tone as he glanced at her out of the corner of his eyes. So she was planning on leaving him after all and now she was trapped.

"I understand if you want to..."

"I mean, we weren't planning on having a baby for a few years," Kagome interrupted as she reached up and gently tweaked one ear, "But everything happens for a reason even if it's a stupid one."

"Maybe," Inuyasha sighed as he leaned into her touch, "I was thinking..."

He cleared his throat and tried to ignore the ice suddenly flowing through his veins. What he was about to suggest was the last thing in the world he wanted but…but desperate times called for desperate measures.

"I was thinking of asking for drugs," Inuyasha continued barely louder than a whisper, "You know to…to try to control this…" He paused to gesture at his head, "I'll do whatever I need to do ya know. To protect you. Protect the baby. Even if it means trying that."

"Only if you want to," Kagome sighed as she turned to press a quick kiss against his cheek, "You know I won't make you do anything you don't want, right?"

Inuyasha let out a shaky sigh and nodded.

"How far along do you think I am?" Kagome asked curiously after a long moment of companionable silence, "I wouldn't have even known if I hadn't started vomiting this week."

"The way everything smelled weird wasn't enough of a hint?" Inuyasha teased weakly and Kagome shrugged.

"Just thought the stuff might've gone bad," she laughed before furrowing her brow, "I guess I need to find a doctor, huh?"

"For the baby?"

"Yeah," Kagome hummed before cringing slightly and glancing at the slightly hopeful looking half-demon.

"We might need to move back to town," she opined hesitantly, "Just in case something happens. Its just…there's no hospitals here and…"

"I just said whatever I need to do, didn't I?" Inuyasha cut her off in a very forced tone, "I mean hell in like a few months we can move back to your moms once I get that shot thing. We can do whatever you think is best."

"Well I've been meaning to talk to you about that anyway," Kagome sighed heavily before cringing and blurting out when he looked sick, "About buying our own house. Out here."

"Out here?" Inuyasha repeated as he tried to force his body and mind to relax. Glancing out the window, he smiled faintly at the idea but quickly dismissed it no matter how badly he wanted that type of life. Yes, it was green and open here. Yes, he'd been doing lightyears better in this environment that felt more like home than any other place they'd lived but…but this wouldn't do for raising a child. In this era, children went to school. There weren't any schools here. No stores for quick access to things a child would need. Hell, their electricity went out whenever a storm came through. Having a child complicated things. Whatever he needed, whatever he wanted, no longer mattered.

"We need to live in town," Inuyasha sighed heavily as he gave his wife a very forced smile, "Be closer to things the brat might need."

"Okay yeah but…"

"I'm fine," Inuyasha reassured her and he hoped she bought the shit he was selling, "Really. I'll do whatever I need to do to protect you both."

Kagome tried to keep her expression neutral, positive even, but something about how he'd said that twice now had alarm bells ringing faintly in the distance. She'd need to keep track of when he said that kinda thing. Nine months in and she'd managed to read what he was saying like something straight out of a playbook. 'Tired' usually meant depressed or overwhelmed. 'I could eat' usually meant he wasn't hungry at all but realized it wasn't normal to not want to eat. 'Not hungry' meant he was too far gone to care what was normal and what wasn't. 'I'm fine' always meant the opposite. 'Need to run' usually meant he was anxious or had a plethora of irregular energy to burn. His body language and tone told her the rest. That and the time he ordered a crate of ramen without telling her. It made Kagome both proud and horrified that Inuyasha had figured out how to use the internet to buy unnecessary things. Ramen. Shirts that said funny things. Random pieces of jewelry he thought she'd like. A reusable sandwich bag for sandwiches he didn't even eat. Most of the things he ordered he didn't even remember ordering and thankfully none had been expensive. Impulse purchases they might be but thankfully he hadn't bought anything that broke the bank.

Random buying of things and mood swings aside, most of the last few months Inuyasha was his usual cocky self. Well more or less anyway. Times he didn't seem as heavy and genuinely smiled. Even tried to pick a playful fight with her. Mei's influence had done wonders for him. His crying spells had become less frequent and most of the time, he had enough wits about him to explain that he didn't know why he was crying. Mei has given Kagome some tips on how to handle those and by and large, Kagome was now capable of helping Inuyasha through the worst of it. The exercises Mei had given him seemed to genuinely lessen his anxiety. Sure, there were some days he was angry as hell for no reason but he never took it out on her per se. More the poor forest around them suffered a few brutal casualties. As had his poor hands which almost constantly bore gouge marks from where his claws dug in. That...that concerned her. Even when he acted 'normal' the injuries were there and they were always fresh. Maybe he just wanted her to wrap them. The desire for nostalgia mandating that bad habit.

In any case, 'whatever I need to do' was new and seemed to be a thinly veiled declaration of some kind. 'Protect' to someone who thought of themselves as a burden may have many meanings and most of them bad. There was no telling anymore but Inuyasha had never been afraid to die for the cause so to speak. Maybe that was the real reason Mei was floating medication out there.

"Just be yourself," Kagome replied then as she gave his hand a gentle squeeze, "It'll be okay. If we can stare down Naraku, we can stare down a baby, right?"

Inuyasha gave her a slightly adoring smirk as he nodded before pulling her into a tight embrace.

"I'm going to do whatever it takes to protect you, okay?" Inuyasha swore quietly as he pressed his lips against her hair, "Whatever it takes."

Kagome was glad he couldn't see her worried cringe.

"It'll be okay," Kagome promised before adding with a dejected sigh as she returned his embrace, "Just stay with me and that'll be enough."