A/N: Warning for anxiety and panic attack. See end notes for details
ooooooo
Bokuto was pouting.
Akaashi was ignoring him.
One of these tasks was working better than the other.
I'm the future Queen, Akaashi reminded himself, I'm supposed to handle every situation with poise and dignity.
Bokuto let out a pitiful whine.
Every. Situation.
Bokuto sniffed slightly, turning big, sad eyes up at Akaashi.
Oh for the sake of the Fates...
Akaashi sighed in resignation. "It's really not that big of a deal!"
"It was your birthday, Akaashi," Bokuto said, pout somehow intensifying ten fold. "I can't believe I missed your birthday!"
"I don't even care about my birthday."
"It's the most important day of the year," Bokuto continued. "There should probably be like a party or, hey, a parade-"
"Please, no."
"Something just really spectacular, you know! So that no can forget it ever!" Bokuto all but collapsed against the grass. "And I missed it!"
"Technically, I don't think you can miss something if you weren't told about it," Akaashi said, trying his hardest to keep his tone nice and polite to fight off the dryness that was just begging to come out.
"Details," Bokuto dismissed before he suddenly brightened. "I know!"
Akaashi sincerely doubt he did.
"We should have a make up birthday party! A second birthday!"
Poise lost it's doomed battle so Akaashi could roll his eyes.
"Absolutely not!"
"It's perfect!" Bokuto beamed. "Who doesn't want a second birthday?!"
"Me!"
Bokuto tsked. "Only because you haven't seen the awesome party I'm going to throw you!"
Akaashi actually gave into a groan, shutting his eyes to massage his temples
"Honestly, Bokuto, if it matters so much to you, just throw me one next year!"
Bokuto stopped.
Akaashi cautiously opened his eyes.
Bokuto was watching him with a warm sort of smile, the one that caught in the gold of his irises in a way that Akaashi was still trying to figure out.
"Okay," Bokuto agreed softly. "Next year, then. Next year, I'm throwing you the best party ever. Just wait."
Akaashi breathed out. "Next year."
Of course, next year, Akaashi would be back in the capital and two months into the insanity of running a kingdom, but...well, he supposed he may be able to take a small break. Not for just a party, but to check in with one of the University branches. For Clubs, obviously ...Just for a day or so.
ooooo
A package dropped in Akaashi's lap, enclosed in cuts of parchment more akin to a logic puzzle than wrapping.
Konoha grinned. "I've been practicing my origami skills!"
"Aratani made a mistake leaving you unattended."
Konoha let out a bark of laughter. "All this sass and to your future Jack. For shame, Akaashi!" He paused, looking at Akaashi expectantly. "Well, aren't you going to open it?"
Akaashi tired and failed to find where the wrapping even began.
Konoha snickered, finally giving in and passing him a knife.
"What is it," Akaashi asked, slipping the knife carefully along the edges to try not to undo the careful folding work.
"A birthday present. A bit late, sure; but, that's what you get when you've been stuck to Satoshi pretty much twenty-four hours solid."
"I'm not always with Satoshi."
Konoha dismissed it. "Fine or hidden away in one of your little study corners."
Akaashi shook his head, not even bothering to argue. "What is it with obsessing over my birthday this year?"
"Oh?"
Akaashi paused in his cutting to find Konoha regarding him with a curious look.
He blushed. "It's nothing. Just a University student I've talked with before that wanted to throw me a party. I said 'no'."
Konoha hummed, hopping up on Akaashi's desk and if anything looking even more interested. "Ooooh, a University student intriguing enough to warrant multiple conversations with our reserved future Queen."
"I haven't been talking to him that much." Akaashi rolled his eyes.
"Him," Konoha repeated, tapping on his chin. "Enough for him to ask about your birthday."
Akaashi resolutely decided to stay completely silent and not give Konoha any more to tease him about.
Konoha huffed out a laugh as he pushed Akaashi's present towards him. "Fine, fine, I'm done for now! Go on and open your present before I get caught here."
Akaashi moved onto sliding through the last bits of paper before finally looking down at…
He held up the book. "A geological glossary?"
Mining was Club's main business. Akaashi felt like he'd learned enough about rocks in the fifteen or so years since he started his studies. In fact, he was positively sure of it.
Yet, Konoha's gifts always tended to be more complex than Akaashi's first thoughts.
The man in question gave his famous barely there sort of smirk. "I think you'll find it more interesting than you think, Keiji."
ooooo
Akaashi did not know enough about rocks.
In fact, Akaashi knew nowhere close as much about rocks as he once believed back in his young, naive days of roughly a week ago.
On a related note, Konoha's secret agenda behind Akaashi's new gift might just be to drive Akaashi absolutely insane.
Akaashi glared back at the book in his hands before staring back at the rock. He refrained from muttering under his breath because, Fates, if he was to be driven insane by rocks than at least the last thing to go would be his dignity.
"Akaashi?"
Akaashi nearly jumped, twisting around to find Bokuto.
"What are you doing down here," Akaashi blurted out before blushing.
Bokuto laughed, gesturing between his climbing rope and the cave. "Um, I kinda think that's supposed to be my question."
Akaashi blinked, still trying to formulate a response.
"I heard you talking to yourself," Bokuto continued cheerfully.
Fates, Akaashi swore mentally.
Bokuto smiled. "So, what are you doing here?"
"A-a friend of mine gave me this book for my birthday," Akaashi admitted, holding open the book. "I thought I'd come here to see what I could figure out; but, I'm...well, it's harder than I expected it to be."
"What are you working on?"
Akaashi sighed, giving in to pointing at the rock cluster in front of him. "Is that garnet or ruby?"
Bokuto cocked his head, looking down at the deep red stones. "Um, neither actually. Probably spinel."
"What."
"Sorry." Bokuto shot him a grin, digging out a small cut of glass and a mirror. He held them up until the sun outside was angled to shine through the rocks and nodded. "Yep, spinel. Easy mistake to make, though. Forgers are trying to sell it off as ruby all the time down closer to the markets."
Akaashi groaned, burying his face in the book and, for once, not even caring if it was undignified. "I hate this book."
Bokuto laughed again. "Hey, no, don't worry about it. I've been picking these out for like forever and I still couldn't tell without the light." He hummed. "Actually, I gave Mom a spinel necklace like five years ago for her birthday because I thought it was sapphire."
Akaashi cautiously looked up.
Bokuto beamed. "She said it gave it more character."
Akaashi managed a smile, shaking his head at the way it made Bokuto's grin even more ridiculous.
"Want to know a trick, though," Bokuto continued, slipping down to pick a clump off the ground, "the best things to find are the ones where you get your hands dirty."
He tossed the clump over to Akaashi, who held it up skeptically. "Isn't this just a rock?"
Bokuto shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe. Here. Check and see."
He handed over a small chisel, gesturing for Akaashi to hit it.
Akaashi took it, setting down the book and focusing on the rock, ignoring the way it rubbed dirt on his palm.
"You need a bit of force," Bokuto instructed.
Akaashi concentrated, pushing the tiniest bit of his magic behind it to start a crack before hitting it.
The rock cracked open into two halves, dark red stones glinting out of it.
Bokuto winked, holding up the glass to see how the light shone through it. "And that's ruby."
"How'd you know it was inside," Akaashi asked, still looking at the dark stone in his hand like it would melt back into the bland grey stone outside.
"I didn't," Bokuto said, dropping down to sit on the ground. "No one does. That's why you've gotta check."
Akaashi hummed, drawing his finger along the tiny formations inside the rock to feel their points.
"Wait," Bokuto frowned. "How did you get down here anyway without climbing rope?"
Akaashi waved a hand, not bothering to look up as the very rocks of the cave shifted around him until they formed something like a staircase leading outside.
"Oh. Right." Bokuto grinned sheepishly. "I always forget about the magic. I'm terrible at it."
"And I'm apparently terrible at identifying ruby from spinel," Akaashi said, finally pocketing the stone to join Bokuto. He tried not to think too much of the kind of spells he'd need to get the dirt out of his clothes. "You were right earlier. You are good at this."
Bokuto blushed a dark red up to his ears. "Well, um, the mining, ah….heh, I guess I had to be good at something, right? To make up for the University."
"You underestimate yourself," Akaashi remarked absently. "One afternoon and you've already taught me more than I managed with my book all week."
Bokuto smiled, a tiny, pathetic looking thing when compared with his usual grin. "Yeah, maybe…"
An uncomfortable silence fell in the space between them-the first that Akaashi had ever found when talking to Bokuto and it….Akaashi didn't particularly like the way it itched as his skin like too tight clothes and cold damp rain.
He breathed in, trying to think of a way to break it before Bokuto spoke again.
"Hey, Akaashi," Bokuto asked, eyes drawn to the floor of the cave. "You know about magic, right? So, that means you know more about the complicated stuff like the Fates and destiny, yeah?"
Akaashi hesitated. "Satoshi...Queen Satoshi always tells me to listen to the magic."
Akaashi had always found it particularly confusing to try to listen to something that was simply a part of him. Instead, he had always preferred magic as a complex operation, an elegant system of weighing the situation and adjusting the parts to find the perfect Order that pushed ideas into reality. It required consideration, yes; but, it was smoother that way. Like the solid ground beneath his feet.
He didn't have to listen to the magic; he just had to know it-purely, in a way constructed from careful observation.
But still Bokuto nodded, looking abruptly relieved, so Akaashi didn't mention the distinction.
"Right, so how do the Fates know...," Bokuto took a deep breath and Akaashi could see the movement slowly move through his lungs until he squared his shoulders. "How do the Fates know they didn't make a mistake?"
Akaashi's brows knitted together.
"I mean," Bokuto continued, the words coming faster now as if in a rush to get out, "it's right there when we're born, right? Destiny for...for everyone I guess. Every single person alive has this great predisposed plan that they're supposed to be living up to. But, how do the Fates really know? I mean…," his head twisted to Akaashi, eyes locking with his like a fire to the earth. "It's like the rock! You don't know-you can't know until you crack it open and see what's inside! What if….what if people are like that?! What if the Fates...what if they made a mistake? What if they screwed up and gave a destiny to the wrong person or what if," Bokuto's eyes dropped, "what if they were expecting there to be a gem inside; but, really….it's just a rock?"
Akaashi watched as Bokuto's shoulders hunched.
"You know, Akaashi," Bokuto said, very, very quietly, "sometimes rocks are just going to be rocks. It doesn't matter how much time they spend trying to be something different."
Akaashi moved in the silence that followed, leaning down to sit right across from Bokuto in a way that he hopes will make the other man look back up. To grin and laugh like he did so often. That was what Akaashi would like to see.
In the end, Akaashi wasn't sure which of them ends up more surprised when Akaashi's hand lands on Bokuto's cheeking, rubbing a line right below his eye.
It worked, though, that's all Akaashi could really think when Bokuto blinked up at him, startled into meeting Akaashi's eyes.
Akaashi gave a soft smile. "Do you know what Clubs' castle is made from?"
Bokuto frowned, confusion flashing through the gold. "Akaashi?"
"No?" Akaashi hummed. "Well, luckily for both of us, that's actually one of the few geological tidbits I remember from the book." He didn't look away from Bokuto's eyes. "It's limestone, did you know? One of the most common types of rock there is. Isn't that interesting?"
"Akaas-"
"So," he continued. "I suppose if you're asking what kind of destiny the Fates could have in store for a simple, common rock, I'd tell you it looks like they need it to build a castle."
He paused, making sure Bokuto was watching as he pulled out the stone from earlier. "But, you know what else I find fascinating? That when I was handed this rock someone smart told me there was no way to know what's inside. For anyone. So, it could've been a stone. Just some simple limestone I could use to build my own castle." He winked. "A vacation home, I guess. Or I could have cracked it open and found a ruby. But until then…,"
He breathed out, handing one half of the stone over to Bokuto.
"Quit assuming you know what's in the rock," Akaashi finished.
Bokuto coughed, the later half beginning to sound like a laugh as he finally-finally-smiled back.
"Thanks, Akaashi."
ooooo
"Concentrate, Akaashi," Satoshi advised. "Don't just focus on the larger form, work it into the very details."
Akaashi pursed his lips and the clay and rubble shifted, the form melting apart and reforming until it formed something even closer to Satoshi's likeness.
"Excellent," Satoshi said, leaning in closer to examine the finer details of the statue's embroidered sleeves as the statue shifted similarly, mirroring the Queen's exact pose.
"We'll work more on your range for next lesson." Satoshi tapped his chin. "Who knows? I might contact Nekomata and see if the old man will let you practice targeting it all the way over to Diamond's court."
Akaashi nodded, sipping idly at his tea.
As he waited while Satoshi tested the model's response rate in mirroring motions, Akaashi found himself watching the statue, too. His magic had pulled at the chamber's walls, pulling in details from the closest available source. But, if Akaashi focused closer, he could see the mixture of larger pieces mixed in among the smaller rubble. Larger pebbles and a few shells and maybe...well, maybe a touch extra of limestone.
"Akaashi?"
Akaashi turned up immediately, a slight smile playing across his face that he quickly schooled back to a more studious expression.
Satoshi frowned, hand going to Akaashi's own and lifting it up to examine closer.
His teacher hummed in confusion. "That's strange. Now what could you have been working with to get so much dirt under your nails, Akaashi?"
Akaashi jerked, looking down at his free hand and surprised to see that Satoshi was right. The edges of his nail beds were a darker brown, stained with the looser muds that lined some of the cave walls.
"Visiting the gardens," Satoshi asked curiously.
"No, I-," Akaashi shook himself out of it. "No, I got a book. From...from the library. A geological glossary. I-I thought it would be helpful to examine the caves, to learn more about Clubs' mining practices."
"Ah." Satoshi's confusion cleared, looking approving. "A reasoned course of action for a future Queen, Akaashi. Though, of course, I'm sure if you wanted to know more about Clubs' exports, Master Kazane would be happy to assist you."
"I'll speak with him soon, then." Akaashi looked down at his fingers, curling them in and out to see the way the dirt stood out against his perfectly while shirt. "If you'll excuse me momentarily."
Satoshi nodded in assent. "There's a basin on the next floor."
"I'm sorry for interrupting the lesson."
"Honestly, Akaashi, it's nothing to apologize for." Satoshi's lips quirked up in a small smile. "Though, normally, the saying goes we get our hands dirty after politics rather than before, yes?"
Akaashi smiled back, recognizing one of his teacher's rather rare attempts at a joke.
"Go on and get yourself cleaned up," Satoshi gestured to the door. "There's a few more techniques I want to review before we break for dinner."
Akaashi nodded, turning out of the door and heading off to one of the servants' stations where a basin of water sat, freshly filled and waiting for the day's later chores.
He dipped his water into the bowl, concentrating on the water until it swirled deeply into the crevices of his nails, pulling the stains away as if they were never there in the first place.
Never should have been there, Akaashi thought, internally annoyed at himself for getting so careless in his appearance. At least shouldn't have been there from the moment Akaashi stepped out of the caves and fixed the rest of his clothes. He'd forgotten how the dirt could rub into not just his clothes, but his skin.
Foolish, really.
A beginner's mistake that Akaashi couldn't remember making since he was six and restless, running between the trees of the garden before Satoshi called him in for lessons, waving his hand and clearing the dirt from Akaashi's cheeks with and fond yet exasperated expression. You can't be greeting dignitaries with a dirty face, Akaashi.
Akaashi smiled softly, letting the memory fade away as he shook out his hands over the bowl.
"Hekima!"
Akaashi jumped, hands knocking into the basin as he did and upholding the entire bowl right on his white, pressed shirt.
"Osamu," greeted the higher voice Akaashi recognized as Master Hekima followed by the distinctive creak of Master Osamu's knees.
Akaashi tensed, shifting the shadows on instinct as he tried to wipe the water off his front.
"Excellent, I was hoping to run into you," Osamu said, sounding relieved as his voice echoed softly down the next hall where Akaashi hid. "I wanted to speak to you about your teaching...well, I suppose the best word would be approach when it comes to our next King."
"Oh," said Hekima and there was a distinctive note there, a wariness that Akaashi couldn't quite pick out.
Osamu hummed in agreement. "It's an interesting dilemma, isn't it?"
A pause.
"I try to avoid thinking of dilemmas without solutions," she replied carefully.
"Ah, always the pragmatist, Hekima. And that's why you're strategy while I prefer to deal in history." Osamu sighed. "It would help if our new King wasn't so-"
"Hush," Hekima ordered quickly. "You heard what Satoshi did to Isamo."
"Different," he finished. "I was going to say different." Another pause. "And Isamo was always a pretentious one, wasn't he? If it wasn't this, I'm sure his mouth would have gotten him eventually."
Hekima declined to comment. "I tend to have a few of my apprentices to help me with the King's lessons. I've always found strategy to be best taught as part of a larger conversation and, well, I hoped having a few closer to his age would help ease him into it."
Osamu laughed dryly. "Yes, but he isn't a typical University student, now is he?"
"He is...rather odd. Even despite the obvious," Hekima said, lowering her voice enough that even Akaashi barely ten steps away had trouble hearing. "Not at all what I expected. I can hardly ever get him to talk in the lessons and then when he does, it's…."
"Like he's suddenly forgotten everything you've been teaching for the past three months," Osamu finished and Hekima sighed.
"It would help if the boy wasn't so tense all the time," Hekima added, sounding exhausted.
"Yes, but then he'd be relaxed and who knows what kind of nonsense he'd say then," Osamu joked and Hekima chuckled lightly, the sound of footsteps starting back down the hall. "Come on, we can go back to my office and work on our next lesson plans together. A strategy, you know? Strength in numbers and all that."
Hekima hummed and Akaashi could hear the smile in her voice. "Why, my dear friend, you know I can never resist when you resort to talking strategy at me."
The footsteps faded away and Akaashi finally stepped back out of the shadows, the front of his shirt still soaked to the bone and his mind faintly buzzing with the masters' conversation.
He looked down, blinking suddenly before almost rolling his eyes.
He snapped, the water pulling away and flowing back into the basin, leaving his shirt as dry as it started.
Honestly, with how absentminded he was today, he'd be lucky to get through even the simpler of Satoshi's reviews.
ooooo
"Wait; but, if magic just works like this, then how are you so good with earth?"
Akaashi felt oddly warm as he leaned over Bokuto's shoulder to look at the diagram.
"Well, I wouldn't say just like this," he explained, fingers brushing lightly against the page. "But, yes, at its most basic level all magic comes down to three parts. Feeling what's already there. Thinking of the elements you want to change. And pushing it into existence."
Bokuto titled his head. "But, if it's all the same thing, why do Clubs' Queens always work with earth while Diamonds works with water?"
Akaashi smiled. "That gets a bit more complicated. If you'd like I can bring you some of the more advanced journals on magical theory?"
"Thanks, Akaashi!" Bokuto beamed.
"The short answer is that there shouldn't be specialties," Akaashi continued. "At least not from a theoretical sense. Especially not specialties that don't change from generation to generation, not even when you account for the kingdoms' different environments adapting mages. And really, for a large part, the distinctions don't matter." He twisted his hand and fire swirled briefly along his palm. "That's why I can still use fire magic even though Queen Kyotani of Hearts is still the technical Mage of Fire. Plus, of course, there's all the spells that combine multiple elements."
Bokuto frowned. "So, what, the Mage of Earth title stuff is just tradition?"
"And that's where it gets more complicated," Akaashi said, smile widening. "There shouldn't be specialties. Not logically, not if magic all functions similarly. And yet, there are specialties." He shook his head, looking up at the sky and the way the trees of the garden twisted around them to provide shade. "Year after year, generation and generation, even with completely different types of people, Clubs' Queens always have a special affinity for earth magic while Hearts does for fire, Spades for air, and Diamonds for water. It shouldn't be possible and yet…"
"Then, why," Bokuto asked, leaning forward on his hands to watch Akaashi talk.
"No one knows. Not for sure, at least." Akaashi laughed ruefully. "Some blame it on self-fulfilling prophecy while others account it to the Fates. A few even say it's just familiarity with specific environments." He ducked his head slightly. "Personally, I have my own theory."
Bokuto smiled. "Yeah?"
"I think it's about what the kingdoms need." He breathed in the scent of the garden, the first flowers of spring finally peaking in among the perennials. "Clubs is obvious. Between the mines and the cliffs, of course, we'd need control over earth more. Same for Spades' fields, controlling the wind means circumventing the more extreme weather conditions. But, then, you have Hearts and Diamonds…"
He flipped through Bokuto's book, turning until he found the map of the Card Kingdom. "For a kingdom so reliant on their ports, you'd expect the Hearts' element to be water and yet, it's fire the exact opposite."
"Huh," Bokuto said, tracing along the eastern coasts of the map.
"That's why I don't buy into the familiarity theories." He smiled. "If mages learned magic simply by what they're close to, there's no chance that Hearts would be fire while the drier mountains of Diamonds gets water."
"But, based on need," Akaashi continued. "A focus on fire magic would be terrible for Diamonds, too many thick forests; yet, water? It's perfect, it helps their smaller villages too far from the rivers. While for Hearts, control over fire helps them keep their goods dry, keeps the fires going even when everything around is damp from the ocean." His hand unconsciously went to the Mark under his shirt. "I don't think it's the environment adapting the mage, necessarily. I think it's Queens are chosen based on the needs of the environment. After all, if the Fates know our destinies well enough to Mark us on birth, why wouldn't they choose someone with more of an affinity to a specific element."
Bokuto grinned. "So, it's destiny again?"
"Maybe." Akaashi swallowed down a sudden shyness. "I'm not sure, of course. It's just my theory. No one but the Fates can know for certain."
"I like it," Bokuto declared, his shoulder snug against Akaashi. "It's a good theory."
"Well," Akaashi was not going to blush, "then, I'm happy to help. Why the sudden interest in magic?"
"I thought it was obvious!" Bokuto laughed.
Akaashi waited for the answer.
"Because you love it, Akaashi!"
ooooo
"The Hearts Civil War," Satoshi began, voice deep and grave as it always was when he talked about this particular topic. "Today, we'll be reviewing what led to it."
Akaashi bit down on a wince, straightening slightly in his seat.
There was always….well, an extra gravity, an uncertainty even, in discussing the war that had barely ended five years ago, who's Suit still hadn't recovered to this very day.
"It began officially with the Dawn of Broken Promise-February 12th, 737," Akaashi recited. "Though, of course, some trace it back to December 29th the year before when the King and Jack of Hearts were killed, or even back further-"
"Not about dates, Akaashi," Satoshi cut through. "About causes. What led to the war happening in the first place?"
Akaashi frowned. "The Queen and Ace of Hearts hid that they were declared unworthy."
"Yes," Satoshi agreed. "One of the few times the Fates have recalled a Mark in all of Cards' history. The only time it hasn't immediately become common knowledge. Why, we're still not completely sure when it happened in the first place though, as you're aware, it's been generally suspected they were able to hide it for years before the war even began."
Akaashi nodded, not quite knowing what else to say.
He remembered the war. Not being in a battle, of course, but listening from the slow whispers that eventually made it out of Hearts' closed borders and into the ears of the rest of the Suits. He remembered waiting outside of meetings, of the tense way King Susumu would hold himself, locked tightly in deep conversation with the rest of his Suit. He remembered the relief at the word the war had finally ended and a new Ace of Hearts had taken his place on the throne.
He was not sure why Satoshi was reminding him of this now.
"The lesson, Akaashi, is this." Satoshi met his eyes, weight pulling down on every line of his face, making him look every possible second of his ninety-five years. "And it's the most important lesson I've ever had to teach. The kingdom must come first. In front of everything. There can be nothing more important. No single desire that comes above serving Clubs. And, when the time comes-when it's no longer your duty to lead anymore," Satoshi's mouth turned up in a wistful smile. "You have to let it go. And be honored by all the time the Fates have given you. Do you understand, Akaashi?"
Akaashi swallowed, his throat feeling abruptly dry as he looked at the soon to be former Queen.
"Thank you, my Queen," he said simply.
His mentor smiled down at him, patting shoulder just once.
"I could not find a single person better, Keiji."
ooooo
Akaashi watched idly as Bokuto tossed rocks off the cliff.
There was a certain elegance in it, a twist of his wrist that made the stone spin lightly out of his gloved hand and spiral quickly through the air.
"Akaashi?"
"Hmm," he answered, watching as a particularly pebble hung lightly in the air before arching down.
"What do you know about the Hearts Civil War?"
Akaashi looked back to Bokuto, remembering suddenly that he had his own lessons with Satoshi.
Though, he couldn't imagine why the Queen would possibly decide the Hearts Civil War was an appropriate topic for a beginning University student. Even one being trained for advanced studies.
"A bit," he finally answered. "Did you cover it with Queen Satoshi?"
Bokuto coughed. "Ha, yeah. I'm telling you, Akaashi, he's terrifying!"
"He's not," Akaashi said with a grin. "He's really, really not. He's just...well, strict. And definitely one for tradition. He tends to only puts his time into things he truly thinks are worthy. Clubs and his Suit at the top of the list. He cares, though. About all of Clubs' people, even new University students."
"Yeah," Bokuto asked, sounding entirely unconvinced.
"Trust me," Akaashi reassured. "He raised me since I was five. I know how to read him."
Bokuto flopped down next to him. "He raised you?"
Akaashi nodded. "My parents brought me to the palace young. Right after my magic started to get a little more than they could handle."
"Do you miss them?"
"Not really," he admitted, contemplating the question for just a second. "I hardly know them. They live in one of the northern cities; Satoshi always makes sure we visit whenever we're in the area; but...well, the Clubs Suit has always been more my family. Satoshi especially."
"What was the former King like," Bokuto asked curiously.
"King Susumu?" Akaashi hummed. "Kind. A bit like some of the older masters, I suppose. Not the stern ones; but, the ones that are more like grandparents." He smiled. "He always kept candy in his pockets, you know? He'd give it out whenever he went out into the city. Right until the time he got sick." He paused before continuing. "He was Satoshi's best friend-less strict, though, by far. He'd always let away with far more than Satoshi and Aratani, the Jack."
Bokuto smiled. "What about the Ace?"
"Fumiko?" Akaashi laughed. "She's worse than her husband was. King Susumu would let me get away with anything; his wife would encourage it."
"He sounds like good King."
"He was," Akaashi agreed. "They all are. A good Suit."
Bokuto looked down, weighing a rock in his right hand as if deciding whether or not to throw it. "So, about the Hearts Civil War, what do you think...what do you think a King has to do to be declared unworthy?"
Akaashi tensed, fighting down the instinctive shiver he was sure all Suit members felt at the very notion of losing the letter inside their Mark.
"Well," Akaashi began, tone purposefully easy to try to lighten the mood, "remember it wasn't Hearts' King that was declared unworthy, it was their Queen and Ace."
Bokuto shrugged. "Yeah, I guess. But, it can't be that much different, right?"
Bokuto glanced over at the tense way Akaashi was holding his mouth and winced. "Sorry, we don't have to talk about it. It's just been bothering me. Satoshi kept talking about how terrible it was that they hid that they were declared unworthy and how selfish it was to put their own wants above the country; but….I just kept thinking….how did it go?"
He looked back at the stone in his hand. "I mean what if they didn't even know whatever they doing was wrong? What if they thought everything was going great and then, bam, they looked down and their Mark was gone."
Akaashi hesitated. "I don't think...I don't think the Fates declare Suits unworthy based on one mistake."
"Why?"
"Because if they did they wouldn't chose people as infallible as humans to lead," he answered.
Bokuto gave him a small smile. "Okay, but that's just one mistake. What if it's more than that. What if it's a wrong plan, one for the entire kingdom that a King doesn't even know is wrong. Can't know it's wrong because...because we're just human, yeah?" He sighed. "I guess...I guess I just keep thinking even if a King is trying their best, there's still no real way to know if that's right for the kingdom. No way to know if they're soon to be unworthy."
Akaashi….Akaashi didn't particularly like this discussion.
"I suppose we trust the Fates chose well," he said.
Bokuto tilted his head. "They don't, though. Not always. If they did, Hearts wouldn't have had a Civil War."
"Yes, but, that rare," Akaashi argued. "Exceedingly rare. Being declared unworthy has only happened seven times in Cards entire history."
"Yeah, it's rare but-," Bokuto cut himself off, closing his eyes.
He shook his head, shoulders untensing and when he looked back at Akaashi, Bokuto was smiling again a bit ruefully.
"Sorry, we don't have to talk about this. Sorry for bringing it up." He shrugged, the last of the weight being slung off his shoulders. "I guess my point is destiny isn't as clear cut as the stories make it sound."
Akaashi smiled back, not sure how to feel about the odd shadows still hanging in the gold of Bokuto's eyes.
"No, I guess it's not," Akaashi agreed.
Bokuto nodded.
"But, then, I don't think you really have to worry about losing a Mark," Akaashi joked, trying to see Bokuto smile again.
Losing Marks should be the constant warning to the Suits; never the fear of those they lead.
Bokuto shot him a smile smile, still not chasing away the last shadows. "Thanks, Akaashi!"
"Of course," Akaashi answered, watching as Bokuto stood up to stretch.
Bokuto looked down at his hand, finally tossing away the stone and Akaashi watched as it glided easily through the air.
Bokuto turned to grin at him. "I guess the real question is this: When do you think Hearts is going to get around to finding their missing King?"
Akaashi laughed. "Maybe not in our lifetimes."
ooooo
Akaashi was trying very hard not to form an impression of the future King.
It would help greatly if people weren't so determined to speak about him.
"Kazane!" Below the balcony, Master Katsumi bent down, clearly out of breath. "Have you...seen...the King?"
"He ditched you, didn't he," said Master Kazane, not sounding at all surprised.
Katsumi nodded, looking chagrin. "He told me he was going to the bathroom twenty minutes ago."
"He's probably off to the town by now." Kazane huffed. "Or to the taverns, for all I know. Fates if I've ever been able to find him when our dear King decides to run off."
"And I thought he was doing so well today," Katsumi said, looking half a second away from pulling out her hair. "He didn't interrupt once this time! Quiet all morning."
Kazane shrugged. "There's the trick, then. Just when you think you've got him…"
"He'll never be ready for the festival in time," Katsumi lamented. "Not if he keeps missing lessons. Fates help us all, we're only seven months away."
"That's not our worry, Katsumi," Kazane said, not unkindly. "We can only do what we can. The rest is up to our King."
Katsumi sighed, shoulders finally slumping as Kazane guided her out of the hall.
"I just don't understand how he doesn't seem to care," Katsumi murmured, last words barely reaching Akaashi's ears. "Doesn't he realize how important this is?"
They continued down the hall and Akaashi shut his book, the pages coming back together with a decided thunk!
Akaashi was trying very hard not to form an impression of the future King.
Satoshi was right. It didn't do to form impressions of people before you met them, especially ones you'd be running a country with.
Akaashi found himself annoyed anyway.
He didn't know his King, he reminded himself. But, still, he wasn't sure he approved of him.
Not when he thought of King Susumu with his kind smiles and mints hidden in his pockets. Not when he thought of Ace Fumiko with her sharp swords and sharper eyes or Jack Aratani with her careful tone and considered advice. Definitely not when he thought of Satoshi and all the years he'd put into his kingdom without complaint. Not even when he thought of Konoha, not yet a Jack and still with an eager mind and a thousand facts at the tip of his tongue.
Yet, most of all….
Akaashi didn't know if he could approve of a King who shirked responsibility when he had citizens like Bokuto to protect. Bokuto, who worked so hard even on new tasks he'd never had the chance to learn. Bokuto, who considered destiny with such gravity that even Akaashi, who studied magic and the Fates for his entire life, found his viewpoint changing.
Akaashi could never approve of a King who didn't respect people like Bokuto.
He stood up, not even sure where exactly he was heading-maybe to find Bokuto, that was an option-he just knew he didn't want to stay still.
The problem with finding Bokuto was that, usually, it ended the other way around. The man himself was always exceptionally good at hiding himself away, especially for someone as bright and loud as Bokuto often was.
In the end, it was probably by the Fates' guidance alone that Akaashi happened to be walking down a particular corridor and slow enough that he heard the sound of breathing.
He paused, looking at the door to the tiny room, the type used more for storage than anything else.
He heard the sound of breathing again, heavy and labored as if someone was injured.
Akaashi pushed open the door without thinking.
He found Bokuto.
Akaashi froze, stomach dropping.
Bokuto was curled in the corner, his eyes shut tight and his arms wrapped around his legs as he took deep heaving breaths echoing against the walls with the sound of short gasps.
"Bokuto," Akaashi called, hesitant.
Bokuto eyes flew open, wide and scared as they landed on Akaashi.
Akaashi stopped hesitating, falling to the floor next to Bokuto and reaching for his shoulder.
Bokuto flinched-away from Akaashi and Akaashi felt his heart stop.
"What's wrong," he asked quickly, scanning what he could for injuries. "Are you hurt? What happened? How can I help?"
"Not…," Bokuto wheezed out, pausing to take deep gasps of air. "Not….not hurt…"
Akaashi stopped. "What?"
"Not hurt," he repeated. He pulled his knees closer as if the words caused him pain and, judging by the faint tremors running down his body, Akaashi thought they might. "I'm….not hurt….I'm….I'm…."
"Bokuto, what's wrong," Akaashi pressed.
"I'm….I'm…..scared!" Bokuto grimaced as he choked out the last word as if it wasn't quite what he wanted to say.
Oh, Akaashi realized faintly.
It was a panic attack. Bokuto was having a panic attack.
"I understand," Akaashi said softly.
"I'm sorry….I'm sorry," Bokuto's eyes screwed shut again, sweat rolling down the side of his face as he tried and failed to catch his breath. "I'm really….really….sorry, Akaashi."
"Shh," Akaashi whispered, trying to make his voice as low and gentle as he could. "There's nothing to be sorry for. Nothing at all. I understand."
Bokuto didn't say anything, just continued to take those long wheezing gasps and Akaashi felt like his heart was breaking, sitting on a cold stone floor and watching Bokuto try to breathe.
He lifted his hand on impulse, hesitating right before it could make contact. "Can I touch you?"
Bokuto shook his head, messy hair sticking against his face. "Not...not yet."
Akaashi let his hand drop, resisting every impulse he had to try to scoot closer and find what was wrong to make it better until Bokuto could smile at him again.
Instead, he asked, "What can I do to help?"
"Just wait….it's….almost over," Bokuto's eyes squinted open, finding Akaashi. "And...And stay?...Please?"
Akaashi offered him a small smile."Of course."
So, Akaashi waited, watching closely through the minutes as Bokuto's breaths slowly became longer, until the grip on his knees started to relax.
And...
Akaashi should be good with words. He's tried, he's had enough practice. He's soothed children before, he's comforted widows, assuaged the kingdom's bankers. He knows how to keep a calm face and say just the right thing.
For Fates' sake, he's a Mage.
There's not a spell that can stop a panic attack.
No perfect words.
Yet, if there were, for the span of the next five minutes, Akaashi is absolutely sure that if there were a spell, if there were some perfect words, he would give anything to know them. To say just one sentence and end anything that could be hurting Bokuto. So Bokuto could be smiling again and grinning and laughing like the warm sun after a dark night and a blue sky after the storm.
But, instead, the storm has to come first and finally, finally, Bokuto's breath comes out even and he slumps against Akaashi like it's the only thing keeping him up.
"Sorry," he mumbled into Akaashi's shirt. "Could feel it coming, couldn't find a better place in time. You weren't supposed to see that, no one is."
Akaashi lifted his hand, hesitating again before Bokuto shifted, moving his head up to meet Akaashi's hand.
"You don't have to apologize," Akaashi said, threading his fingers through Bokuto's hair. "There's nothing you've done that needs apologizing for."
Bokuto swallowed and Akaashi felt it where he was pressed against his shoulder.
"I get nervous," Bokuto admitted. "And...scared. More than I should."
Akaashi really hoped he couldn't hear the way Akaashi's heart had gone to his throat. "Do you have these often?"
"Not really," Bokuto said and Akaashi breathed. "Most of the times I can stop 'em when I feel them coming. Climbing helps."
Akaashi's eyes drew down to Bokuto's gloves and, for the first time, he thought of them as more than just an odd quirk and a reminder of Bokuto's home.
A safety mechanism, a protection. Something to keep Bokuto safe.
He smiled down at the gloves before looking back at Bokuto. "You know I don't think there's really an upper limit on how scared someone should be."
Bokuto rolled his eyes. "You're too nice to me."
"And that's definitely untrue."
"I just…," he shifted again and Akaashi pretended he didn't mourn the loss of touching him, "I get too caught up in my head sometimes. Thinking about what I should be doing. And what people want me to do and what they expect out of me and how much I can fail them and then…," he gestured to the room. "Sometimes, I think I'm too different for all of this stuff."
"You're wonderful," Akaashi blurted out, loud enough that Bokuto jerked to him in surprise.
"I mean…," Akaashi blushed under Bokuto's stare, "I like that you're different. I think...I think it makes it more special. You more special, that is. And I…," he was fairly sure the red was spreading to his ears, "and I really like talking to you so…."
Bokuto continued to stare at him, just long enough for Akaashi to believe that he'd never become Queen because here he was soon to die from spontaneous combustion, before finally Bokuto grinned again.
That wonderful, special, different grin that Akaashi had been waiting to see.
Bokuto grinned and his next words were deep and low, echoing in Akaashi's ears.
"Thanks, Keiji."
Akaashi felt his heart stutter and he came to a monumental realization.
ooooo
Akaashi liked him.
He really liked him. Liked him in the way that had him lying awake that night and staring hard at his ceiling as he remembered the exact cadence of Bokuto's voice calling him "Keiji".
Akaashi Keiji had a massive, heart-stopping, irrecoverable crush on Bokuto Kotaro.
Akaashi had never had a crush before. Nothing more than passing attraction, at least. He had absolutely no clue how to handle said situation.
….Fates.
ooooooo
A/N: I absolutely refuse to write Akaashi as anything except the kind of character who pines so hard he secretly doodles hearts around Bokuto's name and no else believes it. Thanks for reading! Up next, more pining! Chapter features a panic attack with Bokuto. If you want to skip it, stop at "Akaashi pushed open the door without thinking." and start back at "'Sorry,' he mumbled into Akaashi's shirt."
