Alive

By: Aviantei

23 mph


Alexander may have worded his request casually, but the researchers are all agreeing in no time. You know, because he's Cunningham freaking Hume.

I'm not complaining, either. It's only because I know it's super dangerous to step outside of the safety zones in the hangar when you've got a mech coming in to dock, and even that knowledge is just barely holding me back. Trying to get the energy at least somewhat out of my system, I bounce on my heels from my position next to Jan.

"Excited much?" he asks, the chuckle obvious in his voice.

I nod, not stopping my bouncing in the slightest. "Did Alexander not tell you that I'm kind of a massive adrenaline junkie?"

"Oh, no, he definitely did. I just thought he was exaggerating. Now it's pretty obvious that he wasn't."

I flash him a grin as the heavy footsteps of the approaching test mech shake the ground, sending vibrations through my entire body. "If you think I'm unbearable now, just wait until I get out of the thing. You guys are gonna regret ever letting me into your simulator, let alone this."

Jan hums a bit, a faint smile curling at his lips. "I dunno. I think it's been pretty worth it so far."

Before I can answer, the mech finally halts and the cockpit pops open while the research team works on deploying the loading platform. Dew's head pops into my vision first, and he waves at us, a grin stretching over his face. Jan and I return the gesture as Alexander comes into view next. I can see them talking to each other, but it's a bit too quiet for me to hear over the research team setting things up and calling out instructions to each other.

"Ms. Tailor, can we have you head up please?"

I snap out of my stupor, and Jan smacks me on the back. "Have fun out there, Kirsten."

"I don't need you to tell me that!" I say, already jogging over the loading platform. Funny how the last time I was on one of these, Alexander was trying to get me out of his mech. I secure the latch, grip on the railing, and continue bouncing, as if that can somehow deplete my energy stores when I'm so keyed up. Before I know it, I'm level at the cockpit, and Dew deftly hops out of the cockpit with practiced ease and holds up a hand in a gesture of tag out.

I provide a high five and basically leap into the now empty seat to Alexander's right. "See?" Dew says. "I told you that she was gonna steal my spot."

"Don't worry, Dew. There isn't enough money or adrenaline in the world that could make me put up with Hamgra. You guys can keep him." I put a hand to my chest in a dramatic gesture, though there's not much I want to do more than grab onto the controls and get rolling. "Besides, I was pretty sure we're bros, and what sort of bro would I be if I stole your job from you?"

"You're right, you're a stellar bro." There's some shout from below, and while I don't hear it, I recognize what it's about once there's a mechanical whir and Dew starts to grow shorter—they're taking the loading platform back down. That means it's gonna be time to pilot.

Piloting a real fucking mech.

The styling of the copilot cockpit has roughly the same layout as the standard simulators, with only a few adjustments. To prevent issues in case something happened to one pilot, each seat has its own set of controls (theoretically allowing the remaining one to get to safety or still handle the mech or just plan out preventing overlap and hands bumping into each other). It's the right mix of familiarity from what I've learned and a whole new experience to increase the shivers running a multi-lap race up and down my spine.

Alexander gives me several moments to take my surroundings and freak out a little before he clears his throat. I tear my eyes from the console to look at him, and he nods to a switch in the middle. "Wanna do the honors?"

I hold still for one more blink and then I reach out and flick the switch.

The cockpit closes up, its lid nestling above us and turning the outside world into a sliver of light. First there's dark, then Alexander guides my hand down to the next control (why am I not surprised that he already memorized a new cockpit layout?), and then the blackness vanishes as the screens and cockpit lights come to life, a soft dark blue resting over everything as the outside video feeds come to life. I can see Alexander beside me, his normal semi-smug smile stretched out into a grin.

I adjust to reach for the main controls, not looking away. "What's that look for?"

"I've been looking forward to seeing your reaction to this," he says without a shred of hesitation. "I mean simulators are cool and all, but they're nothing on the real deal." There's a voice over the speakers giving the all clear to move from the hangar to the track, and Alexander forges on without warning. Lucky him I'm too exhilarated from the sensation of movement to argue. There's just enough motion that I can tell we're going, but we can barely feel the sensations of the mech's footsteps from inside the cockpit. I guess it would be an issue if you got rattled around too much in there when half of the point of the IGPX is that the robots don't just race, the beat the crap out of each other, too. "You've gotten pretty good at making adjustments to keep balance in line, Kirsten. Why don't you start with that, let me handle the rest, and we can build you up another day?"

"Okay." The word pops out of my mouth, beyond eager, and I turn to the outside camera feed, letting my practiced movements keep us steady. Sometimes I instinctively push the ignition, too, but Alexander is a still a goddamn pro and compensates in his controls so we don't have any toppling incidents. In a fraction of the time it would take us to walk on foot, we're at the starting line for the research team's track, and I think I must just burst from the excitement. I can't even make out the call over the intercom, someone saying we're clear for launch.

I don't have to, because Alexander grins, and I hardly have the time to put my eyes forward as we rocket away from the starting line.

It's basically the equivalent of going on a roller coaster with your eyes wide open, minus the rush of the wind pressing against you. The entire world on the monitor turns into aggressive blurs of color, just enough for me to make out where the track is. What little of the world I can make out further in the distance doesn't move nearly as fast, but I don't have the time to concentrate on that. The punch of initial acceleration was enough to push me against the back of the cockpit, but now I'm part of the inertia, though the adrenaline in my body and the cockpit's speedometer won't let me forget how fast we're rocketing through the world.

Two-hundred miles an hour.

Higher.

Faster—

"You're not doing half bad," Alexander says, and my practice must have done some good, because I manage to keep up my job of balance, even when I feel somewhat dazed from the rush. That means Alexander is handling the brunt of the work, but I'm still in the cockpit, still doing something. "We put you through the paces and you might be able to pull off something spectacular."

"Like I said before, I'll pass." How does he manage to sound so nonchalant while doing this? Even though I've done my share of extreme sports, doing this feels completely different, like it's gone a step beyond. "But I won't be opposed to being your training buddy if it gets me this. Good luck trying to get me out of this thing."

Alexander's laugh makes his grin all the more obvious, and I'm pretty sure our expressions are matching. "Well then, if you're gonna be my training buddy, you're gonna need to get used to as much as this is possible." I glance at him from the corner of my eye, just in time to see him push harder on the controls. "Hold on tight. Round two is where things get real!"

I see the starting line come back around, and then it's behind us in less time than it takes to blink.


My very first ride in a mech goes for three laps—the standard for a race, and Alexander basically has to wrangle the controls away from me before I let him stop the mech. We didn't mess with any of the combat stuff, but I don't care. Even just zipping along, with that much power under your hands, plus when you toggle into speed mode and everything goes faster—

"I think I'm in love with that mech," I say, half joking once my feet are back on the ground. I look back up at the machine fondly and place my tiny hand against its massive leg.

"Well, it was your first ride, so no wonder," Jan says, approaching with Dew at his side. Both of them have already changed back into their street clothes, a contrast to Alexander and I still standing around in our mech suits. "I still remember my first bot. Too bad she got all beat up. I still would use her if I could."

"Oh, yeah, I get that feeling. But you can't deny that the new ones are something else, too," Dew says, nodding along. Following Alexander's lead, I work on stretching out my shoulders. "How about we go grab something to eat together? To celebrate Kir's first ride and a day of hard work well done."

I'm still riding the adrenaline high, but I can faintly feel the twinge of hunger in my stomach. Yeah, probably wanna tend to that. I put on my most innocent-looking smile and cock my head. "Alexander's treat?"

"Is it just your goal to make me pay for everything? I know you have money." Jan and Dew start laughing, and Alexander looks up to the high ceiling of the hangar in defeat. "Fine, I'll cover you as a congratulations present. But Jan and Dew are on their own." That cuts off their laughter real quick, replaced with the sound of protests, and I'm pretty sure I hear the word "favoritism" mixed in there. Alexander ignores them with a practiced ease. "Come on, Kirsten, we should go get changed if we want to eat at a decent hour."

"Oh, yeah." The mech suit almost feels like part of my skin, and if it weren't for the fact that I'd attract way too much attention in public (plus that it'd be kind of gross), I'd never take the thing off, just for the reminder of what just happened. I give the guys a quick wave and start to head back towards the changing area. "You guys pick where we go. I don't care much." At this point, food is going to be food.

Plus, I have some other things to clear out of my mind.


Once I'm back into my street clothes, I have to admit it feels nice. The mech suits have all sorts of breathability in them, but I still worked up a sweat while riding, and it's nice to take a very short spray down of a shower and get back into ordinary mode. The research crew just told me to leave the mech suit behind, and they'd handle maintenance.

Now if only they could handle maintenance on my mind…

One of the reasons why I get sucked back into the gray so often is that adrenaline is its own type of drug—you reach out for it enough, and then it takes more to get high. That mech ride has blown anything else I've ever done out of the water, but it's not just that.

It's Alexander.

Alexander makes it so much easier to feel happy, to feel excited, to feel like the world is worth it. Alexander makes it so much easier to see color. I don't want to let that go. I never want to let that go. So wouldn't the easiest way to keep him around be…?

I bite my lip as I work on pulling my hair back into a ponytail. I have to stop myself, because I've done this sort of thing before: pursue something because it seemed like a good way to anchor someone to me. It's manipulative at worst. Alexander doesn't deserve that. If I try, would it just be to keep him around? Would it turn into the same kinds of mistakes as before?

No, realize as I make sure my wallet and such are secure in my pockets, for Alexander, it wouldn't just be to manipulate him. Oh, goodness, I'm stupid. What if I gotten myself into?

Well, I'm not one to back down from a challenge.

Mind made up, I clap my hands together, the sound echoing against the walls, and then I march out the door with a purpose. Alexander is leaning against the opposite wall, waiting, and he looks up when he notices me. "Hey, Jan and Dew went ahead to get our table, so—"

And before he can even finish that sentence my hands are on the wall around him, I'm stretched up on my toes to reach, and I push my lips into his.


[Author's Notes]

Me, the author who made the decision to make this a slow burn: "About fucking time."

Hope you're ready for next week 'cause we're finally fucking doing this. Please look forward to it!

-Avi

[10.07.2019]