Effie is still groggy from the pills but she's awake now. She changed to her pyjama and wrapped herself with the blanket. The events that happened few hours ago are still a blur to her. She's been trying her best to remember. When Haymitch left her at the penthouse, she felt so ashamed. She's been feeling that since she found out the secret part of her duties. Of course, she compartmentalized everything and carried on often burying her head with work so she wouldn't have the time and energy to absorb that strangers used her body for their own pleasures.

She did well for months during the break but when Haymitch discovered it, everything collapsed on her. It shouldn't have that degree of effect on her since he's not her friend. He treated her poorly and made insulting her his hobby but his opinion somehow matters to her. The overwhelming shame hit her hard and she thought about drinking more vodka at the bar cart but she already felt like she's going to be sick so she retreated to her bedroom and tried to sleep it off. Unfortunately, sleep wouldn't come. Effie opened her drawer and popped one pill. Then, it became two, three, four…for that split second, the idea of swallowing everything in that bottle seemed like the best idea she ever had all her life. She poured all the pills on her palm and swallowed them all.

Her goal was just to sleep. She just wanted to be numb of everything. She's so tired of feeling the guilt, the remorse, the sadness, the pain, the shame every single day. She cannot go to sleep without a pill because each time she closes her eyes, she can see the children's faces. Alcohol and cigarette are not helping that much anymore and her sleeping pills and Xanax are the only things getting her through the day. Sleeping forever seems a good idea for her.

"Drink", Haymitch's voice snapped her out of her thoughts.

Her eyes fell on the cup of black coffee in front of her. She always drinks black coffee. She never told him that though and yet he knows. She picked up the cup and took a sip.

"Haymitch, I want…" she started but he cut her off.

"What the fuck were you thinking?" he snapped and she almost flinched. "I never took you to be that dumb. Explain why you tried to kill yourself because I don't get it", he ordered.

She bowed her head. That wave of shame hitting her again. She wanted to run and hide away from him so he would stop with the questions. She wants him to drop the subject and go back to how things were.

"It was an accident", she mumbled.

He scoffed.

"Accident my ass…I've seen you work for three years now, princess. You don't do something like that by accident so quit lying to my face and tell me", he snapped.

She's a perfectionist and very good with math. The entire content of the bottle is for sure not the right amount of dosage.

"I don't know. I cannot sleep without it and I wanted to sleep for a while. I didn't know when you're coming back and it's late and I just want to rest so I took one and it's not working so I popped another until I couldn't stop and I just…I took everything because I want everything to go away", she admitted with her head down.

She cannot bear to look him the eye with what she's done. It's embarrassing, not to mention the fact that she failed at it too.

"Princess…" he muttered running his hands through his messy hair.

She is trembling right before his eyes and he is burning with rage, not towards her, towards the Capitol. He knew from the start that the games will destroy her and it did. He is now fully convinced that Snow purposely allowed Effie to be placed in Twelve so he can watch her get destroyed before his eyes and that there's nothing he can do to stop it. The deaths have been enough to wear her down but forcing her to allow strangers to put their hands on her body and do things she doesn't want to? It's enough to drive someone into swallowing a whole bottle of pills.

"I took care of it. No one is going to enlist your services again", he muttered with a low growl.

She finally met his eyes and he can see the tears she's holding back.

"What did you do?" she asked.

"Don't worry. No one is going to jail", he answered.

It's her fear. It's always been her fear, for him to get arrested and executed.

"Why? You don't have to do anything", she asked again.

He frowned at first and then shrugged.

"Well, you didn't have to help me before yet you did. It's only fair. You're my escort and I got your back", he answered.

She was able to read between the lines.

"Thank you", she said.

"Don't ever do that again. Do you understand?" he resumed with the lecture. "You got a problem, you tell me. If there are people bothering you, you tell me. Even if I am over at Twelve, you got phone? Use it and call me. You don't ever do that ever. There have been enough deaths around us and you got no right to cross that line", he added.

"I'm sorry", she whispered.

He found her shaking hands and held it tight.

"Stay alive, princess. Smoke if you have to. It will kill you someday but at least you'll get years to annoy people around you. Is that the only thing you're taking?" he asked.

She wanted to lie. The urge to lie is strong but when she looked into his eyes, she couldn't bring herself to do so.

"No", she answered.

"What is it?" he asked again.

"Xanax…for the nerves. I didn't get it illegally. I got prescription", she answered.

He sighed and then squeezed her hands.

"You're quitting those. It will be tough but after it's done, things will go back to the way they were. No more pills. Promise me", he insisted and she couldn't resist.

"I promise", she agreed.


last one for the day...I just have to get this one out of my system.