Note: Essentially, I've created a masterpiece! This time I'll get a 100 for sure!


5 Minutes Before the Presentation

Super Director Kinuhata nervously paced back and forth behind the curtain. With bags under her eyes and slightly frazzled hair, she gave off a chaotic type of image.

"Nerve wracking! Nerve wracking! Super nerve wracking! I wanna throw up! My brain trembles! I feel like I'm gonna die! If a setback happened now, I don't think my heart can super take it!"

Hamazura Shiage approached the girl.

"I got a call. It's about our main lead."

"Is it good news or bad news? Please tell me it's super good news."

Hamazura Shiage looked to the side for a moment.

"It's bad news."

"DAMN IT."

"He just got hit by a truck and is currently recovering in the hospital. Estelle is looking after him now."

"WHAT'S UP WITH THESE JAPANESE TRUCKS RUNNING OVER EVERY GOD DAMNED THING?-! ARE WE IN THAT ONE CRAPPY STEVEN K*NG MOVIE?-! MAXIMUM OVERDR*VE?-!"

Shows That Go On

Kinuhata Saiai collapsed.

"It's hopeless… It's super hopeless… I'm sorry Fremea-chan, but I did everything I could…"

Darkness started to hover over the Super Director's head, however…

"Tell him he has 15 minutes."

"…?"

Both Kinuhata Saiai and Hamazura Shiage turned to the owner of the third voice. Mugino Shizuri had spoken calmly with her arms crossed.

"What?"

"Until he arrives, the rest of us will buy him time."

Kinuhata Saiai slowly got off her knees.

"What are you talking about? He's in the hospital! There's no way that-!"

The Number 4 hushed her with a gesture.

"Don't fret. If that guy really is a 'Hero', then arriving late is only normal. So until that time comes, the rest of us will improvise something."

Walking past her, Mugino Shizuri showed off her dependable side. She added one more remark.

"Of course, if at any point that boy thinks that getting run over by a truck earns him a break, I will find him and I will kill him. Or, at the very least, I'll rip off his fingers and use them as chopsticks."

"She's serious. You need to super call him back."

Hamazura Shiage went to work in warning the boy of the life-or-death scenario.

Blasé Angel

The crowd outside lowered their voices as a small girl walked on stage. Fremea Seivelun took the podium and silenced the remaining chattering.

"Essentially… I have no idea what's going on. Nothing's been properly explained to me, and I've got this nagging feeling that everything will go horribly wrong. But well… I guess that's life for ya'. The title of this presentation is: It's Hamazura's Fault Please Don't Hate Mugino."

The small girl paused briefly and shrugged.

"At this point, I don't even care anymore."

She walked off stage.

Afterwards, the curtains rose.

Opening Act

The Number 7 aggressively strutted to an open mic.

"Hey, hey, hey! Looky here! It's everyone's favorite Sogiita Gunha!"

"…"

The audience stared blankly.

"Okay. So… there's been a hiccup backstage. It's not bad… but we just need a bit more time to prepare. In the meantime, I've got this killer joke. It's pretty good, so prepare yourselves. Alright?"

"…"

The audience continued to stare blankly.

"Yeah, so… I knew this med student once. Like, he was gonna be a surgeon. A smart guy. A really smart guy. So smart that he pretty much blew through all his schooling and almost instantly got his license.

"Must be nice to be that smart, right?-! Totally irritating!"

As before, the audience stared blankly.

"But well… you see, towards the end of his term, he had to, uh, do a transplant… to really prove to the medical community that he was a super skilled surgeon.

"Exciting stuff! Right?-!"

Holding out for a response, the audience… stared blankly.

"So, uh… When the time comes for him to do this… He's at the operating table… And he's about to do this stomach transplant on this old guy.

"He picks up his knife to do the incision… and opens up the guy's abdomen.

"And… Suddenly… He freezes.

"For some reason, he starts sweating.

"Then… All of a sudden... He runs out of the room, abandoning everyone else there! Like, what?-!

"I know what you're all thinking. Just what happened back there?"

Sogiita Gunha answered his own question with a very punch-a-ble expression.

"Apparently, he didn't have the GUTS to do the operation."

"…"

The audience stared blankly.

Exit Stage Left/Enter Stage Right

"Tough crowd… It's a pretty good joke if you think about it. Give it some time to digest."

Sogiita Gunha noticed something from the side.

"Huh? Get off stage? But I've only told one joke…"

A hook appeared and started to drag the boy off.

( Gunha: Hey! Ow, ow, ow! Stop! Let me walk normally, damn it! )

From the right side, Mugino Shizuri paced quickly while pulling a reluctant Shokuhou Misaki. The Number 4 wore gentlemen's clothes and a top hat while the Number 5 was dressed as a bunny girl.

( Misaki: W-What's going on?-! What happened to the script?-! Isn't this supposed to be a play?-! Why are we doing comedy bits all of a sudden?-! )

( Shizuri: Shut up. Stop being annoying. )

Mugino Shizuri made an introduction.

"Good afternoon everyone. I am Magical Girl Mugino and this is my assistant Trixie."

"Oi."

Extra Magic Hour

The Number 4 quickly muttered to the Number 5.

( Shizuri: Just stand there and look pretty. It's no use complaining at this point. )

( Misaki: Eugh… fine. But I'm definitely gonna remember this… )

Mugino Shizuri extended both her hands to the audience.

"For my first trick, I will… MAKE MY THUMB DISAPPEAR!"

( Misaki: I feel the boys in the audience leering… It's gross… )

Putting her hands together…

"My thumb…"

The girl then made a sweeping motion.

"It came off."

Afterwards, she lurched forward and started hacking up blood.

( Misaki: E-Ehh?-! What the hell?-! )

Extra Magic Hour II

Mugino Shizuri wiped the blood from her mouth with the back of her hand.

"Okay… Now… For my next trick…"

The Number 4 pulled a pencil from her front pocket.

"As you can all see, this is an ordinary #2 pencil. However…"

Holding it in a specific way, the utensil began wobbling.

"From wood… I SHALL TURN IT INTO RUBBER!"

She started spewing out blood again.

[ SFX: *HACK* *COUGH* *HACK* *HACK*]

"Umm, are you okay?"

"Perfectly... fine..."

Extra Magic Hour III

Shokuhou Misaki was becoming concerned.

"Are you sure you're fine? It doesn't seem like it."

"I said I'm fine. Don't make me repeat myself."

Mugino Shizuri used this opportunity to transition to her next trick. She reached her hand near the side of the Number 5's head.

"But I guess it's hard to hear… WHEN YOU HAVE A 100 YEN PIECE STUCK IN YOUR E- *SPLURT*"

Spraying more blood, Magical Girl Mugino abruptly dropped to the floor.

"…"

The blonde bunny girl was confused. She turned her head toward the audience and back to the magical girl.

"H-Hey."

Leaning over, she lightly shook the Number 4.

"…"

Shokuhou Misaki started to sweat.

Looking slightly panic-stricken, Shokuhou Misaki once again turned to the crowd.

"A-And for our last trick! I'll need a volunteer from the audience!"

She nervously proclaimed.

"In a few moments, we'll be making this body disappear!"

Extra Magic Hour IV

"Umm…! Show of hands? Please?-!"

"…"

The Number 5 gazed across a muted audience. For obvious reasons, the kids were quite scared.

"E-Ehhh…! Umm…!"

"U-Umm…!"

A feeling close to stage-fright started to overwhelm. The blonde bunny girl had no idea how to entertain the group of kids in front of her. And upon a closer look, some were already on the verge of tears.

"A-Ahhh…! Just kidding! We're not making a body disappear!"

Shokuhou Misaki's star-laden eyes turned into spirals.

Propping Mugino Shizuri to a sitting position, the Number 5 puppet-ed her head with a free hand.

"Magical Girl Mugino-san is just fine! Isn't that right, Mugino-san?-! ( Yeah! I'm alright kids!) See! She's absolutely fine!"

"…"

"What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"Shut up!"

Panda-monium

"…? Huh?"

Shokuhou Misaki realized that the condescending voice hadn't come from onstage or from the audience… but from above!

"What the-!"

The girl looked up. And everyone from the crowd followed her gaze, revealing…

( Last Order: I-It's the Panda Villain! Exclaims Misaka as Misaka wonders if anyone is going to get this very specific reference that only works if you've read the author's previous work, specifically the third chapter of Super Endymion SS! )

( Imouto: W-What? The Panda Villain?-! Says Misaka astonished at the fact that something so obscure is being brought back rather than the Bench Sisters Gag! )

As the audience started speaking amongst themselves at the sudden development, the boy in the panda costume jumped down from the top of the stage in an almost super-human feat.

"THAT'S RIGHT! IT'S ME! THE PANDA VILLAIN! AND I'VE COME TO END THIS SHIT SHOW! Pa pa pa~!"

"Really!"

The Panda glanced at the Number 5.

( Accelerator: Don't look happy. You're not supposed to look happy. )

( Misaki: Oh, I guess that's right… )

Morally Ambiguous Panda

At the arrival of a villain, the crowd began to stir with excitement.

( "The Panda Villain? He's from the first season, right?" )

( "You idiot! Panda Villain's a recurring character! And he's a hero!" )

( "No. Panda Villain is definitely a villain." )

( "Panda Villain is only evil because humans have been meddling with his species' territory! I'd say humans are the real villains!" )

The moral quandaries of having an endangered animal as a series' antagonist began to surface in the conversation.

The blonde bunny girl whispered to the boy in costume.

( Misaki: Hey. Mugino-san passed out and- )

( Accelerator: Got it covered. )

The Panda posed bizarrely.

"TODAY MUST BE YOUR LUCKY DAY! Pa pa pa~ FOR ALL OF YOU WILL HAVE THE HONOR OF BECOMING BRAINWASHED SOLDIERS FOR THE DEMON KING! Pa la la la~"

After several more exaggerated gestures, he commanded.

"NOW GO FORTH, MY BEETLE ARMY! BRING ME AS MANY SUITABLE VESSALS AS YOU CAN!"

( Teitoku Beetles: Roger that! )

About a dozen rejected K*men Rider-esque henchmen descended onto the crowd.

( "Kyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa~!" )

And within the chaos, Mugino Shizuri was carried backstage.

Hero Show

The Beetle Army had gathered a sizable amount of children onstage. Suprisingly, they seemed quite eager to be there.

( Accelerator: This should be enough. )

The Panda glanced at the blonde bunny girl.

( Accelerator: Now… if you would… )

( Misaki: If I would… what? )

Shokuhou Misaki wasn't entirely sure what the boy wanted. The Panda grumbled a vague direction.

( Accelerator: Heroes only show to those who want help, right? )

"…"

The girl realized the role he wanted her to play. The corner of her mouth raised slightly as she emitted a soft laugh. Perhaps she was starting to have fun.

The blonde bunny girl shouted.

"You're terrible Panda Villain! Kidnapping children and brainwashing them into following the Demon King, that's utterly despicable! Don't think you can get away with this!"

The Panda Villain answered with a shrug.

"Oh? I can't get away with this? Pa pa pa~ And who's going to stop me? Pa la la la la~"

The blonde bunny girl turned to the rest of the crowd.

"The only people who can help in this situation is…! Everyone! Hurry and call them!"

"Ready! Set! And…!"

"GEKOTA RANGERS!"

"Say it louder now!"

( Audience: GEKOTA RANGEEEEEERS! )

"One last tiiiime!"

( Audience: GEKOTAAAAAAA RANGEEEEEEERS!)

With everyone's feelings at maximum, the time finally came. For the arrival of the heroes.

"THE GEKOTA RANGERS. ARE. HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE!"

"W-WHAT?"

The Panda Villain exclaimed in surprise. For behind the crowd was…

"Gekota Ranger Red… Ready for action!"

"G-Gekota Ranger Yellow… I-It's showtime!"

"And Gekota Ranger Pink… S'alright? Ne! Ne!"

The cheering increased tenfold at their appearance.

Even as the Pink and Yellow Ranger were helping the Red Ranger walk for some reason, everyone was too excited to question the peculiarity.

( Accelerator: Right on time. Just like real heroes, huh? )

As the two waited for the Rangers to wade through the elated audience, the bunny girl looked like she wanted to say something to the Panda. But the right words never came. Instead... she echoed his sentiment.

( Misaki: Yeah. Just like real heroes. )

The Swift Defeat of the Panda Villain

The Panda Villain made another adventurous pose.

"So you finally revealed yourselves, Gekota Rangers! But you've come too late! For my Beetle Army has-"

"Been defeated."

"WHAAAAT?"

The villain looked to the side to see all his henchmen lying in a pile. And clapping his hands was another mysterious hero of justice.

"Yo. Gekota Ranger Green. On duty."

"…"

( Accelerator: Was there a Green? )

( Gunha: Uhhh… Maybe? )

"Whatever! Red! Me and you have a score to settle!"

The Panda Villain leapt out towards the Red Ranger in a desperate attack. And… despite being recently run over by a truck… the Red Ranger stood on his own.

"Panda Villain. You just never learn, do you…"

Pulling back his fist.

"CLENCH YOUR TEETH, PANDA. MY GEKOTA PUNCH… JUST MIGHT SHAKE YOU UP A BIT."

And so…

The echoing cheers of victory announced the end of Fremea Seivelun's video project/comic standup/magic show/hero show.

Wow, what a mess.

All's Well That Ends Well

After the presentation, Mugino Shizuri and Fremea Seivelun held an intimate conversation.

"It wasn't easy. But everything somehow worked out."

"Essentially, tell me what happened to my video project."

"At several points, giving up would have been the easier option, but hard work and persistence payed off in the end."

"I promise I won't be angry."

"I don't even remember how the whole thing ended. But what matters is that it got the ending it deserved."

"Okay. Essentially, I'm a little angry."

"Remember Kill Bear? Kill bear is cute. Even better than Gekota."

"You're a very strange person."

"Well then, it's about time for me to head off."

Putting on a cowboy hat, Mugino Shizuri jumped onto a horse and kicked her spurs.

"Hee-yah! Hee-yah!"

The Level 5 rode off into the sunset, leaving the little girl dumbfounded. As this happens…


[ BGM:House of the Rising Sun by The Animals ]


[ Black screens with white text fade in. ]

Hamazura Shiage salvaged what he could with his broken camera equipment. Despite a huge debt owed to a certain rental company, he decided to take time off from work to pursue an idea. He wanted to complete a short story he had in the back of his mind. He finally came up with a title: Zero Hunt.

[ There is- a house- in New Orleans
They call- the Ri-sing Sun
And it's been- the ruin- of many- a poor boy
And God- I know- I'm one ]

Seeing what the 12-year-old girl was capable of, an unnamed producer offered Kinuhata Saiai a contract to direct a big picture superhero movie. She declined, content with being a member of the audience rather than a showrunner. Afterwards, she forced Hamazura Shiage to watch the Endymion movie with her. They didn't last 3 chapters.

[ My mo-ther was- a tailor
She sewed- my new- bluejeans
My fa-ther was- a gam-blin' man
Down- in New- Orleans ]

Takitsubo Rikou was found asleep in the rafters. How she got there? No one knows. According to her, the last thing she remembered was seeing several portals in the sky.

[ Now the on-ly thing- a gam-bler needs
Is a suit-case and- trunk
And the on-ly time- he's satisfied
Is when- he's on a drunk ]

After the presentation, Fremea Seivelun was lectured and punished for not actually submitting any of her own work. She was also lectured for subjecting her other classmates to the horrific and somewhat traumatizing magic show that took place before the play. She would write a 300-word essay on why what she did was wrong.

[ Oh mother- tell your children
Not to do- what I- have done
Spend- your lives- in sin- and misery
In the House- of the Ri-sing Sun ]

She would later use that essay as a basis for a movie.

[ Well, I got- one foot- on the platform
The o-ther foot on- the train
I'm goin' back- to New- Orleans
To wear- that ball- and chain ]

As for Mugino Shizuri

[ Well, there is- a house- in New Orleans
They call- the Ri-sing Sun
And it's been- the ruin- of many- a poor boy
And God- I know- I'm one ]

Well, that's a story for another time.


[ Credits. ]

Accelerator as… Himself

Kakine Teitoku as… Teitoku Kakine

Misaka Mikoto as… Mikoto Misaka

Mugino Shizuri as… Shizuri Mugino

Shokuhou Misaki as… Misaki Shokuhou

Aihana Etsu as… the Number 6

Sogiita Gunha as… Gunha Sogiita

Hamazura Shiage as… Camerman Hamazura

Kinuhata Saia as… Super Director Kinuhata

Takitsubo Rikou as… Rikou Takitsubo/The Killer

Seivelun Fremea as… Herself

Saten Ruiko as… the Sound Director

Tsukuyomi Komoe as… the Truck Driver

Aogami Pierce as… the Arcade Attendant

Last Order as… Batty/Herself

Bench Sister #2 as… Leon/Herself

Estelle Rosenthal as… Herself/The Heroine

Etzali as… Kamijou Touma/The Hero

[ THE END. ]


Timeline (condensed): 10, 1, 2, 4, 8, 9, 19-25, x, 3, x, 12-17, x, 5-7, x, 11

Next Chapter: An epilogue to a story told off-screen.