Hope woke up from the best night's sleep she could remember having in over a decade, though her pillow was odd. Not that that was unusual, because she'd ended up having to sleep on strange surfaces before. But this one had a… heartbeat?

"You're awake," Ryan murmured.

"No. I'm still asleep."

"Hm, then you must talk in your sleep." He combed his fingers through her hair, the pleasant sensation making it so she never wanted to leave this spot.

"Do you have anything to do today?" Having his arms around her, it filled that empty place inside her that she never spoke about or usually allowed herself to think about it. Why did she want his touch so much, not just sexually, but simple caresses?

"No. Why?"

"Because this feels nice and I slept better than I have in years." Hope hooked her leg higher up his torso and pressed her forehead against his neck.

"Are you alright?" Ryan asked.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"You haven't made any cutting remarks meant to deflate my ego yet this morning."

"I'll think of something, eventually." Hope snorted once as a thought struck her. "I'm surprised that Klaus hasn't tried pounding the door down demanding to speak to me."

"Caroline promised to keep him away from you for as long as she can."

"Caroline might be as stubborn as he is, but not even she can hold him off forever. He's too prone to holding a grudge to not try sooner or later."

"You understand him very well," Ryan commented.

Instead of replying, Hope traced patterns on his chest with her nails and Ryan kissed the top of her head in response.

Someone knocked on the door and Hope reached over to grab a book of the nightstand. With a sharp flick of her wrist, she threw it at the door, hitting it with a satisfying thunk, and she was certain that it left a dent in the wood.

"Mikayla!" Alaric called. "We need to talk."

Hope climbed out of bed and grabbed Ryan's shirt off the floor.

Opening the door, Hope crossed her arms and faced Alaric, eyebrow raised.

Alaric looked from Hope to Ryan lying on the bed with his head resting on his arm.

"Well?" Hope asked.

"You, um, you snapped Klaus Mikaelson's neck last night."

"He got into my face." Hope shrugged.

"Over my daughter."

"She seemed pretty comfortable calling him 'dad' and talking to him about things she didn't seem to want to talk to you about. So maybe you should talk to your own child about whatever's bothering her before coming after me." Hope slammed the door in Alaric's face.

Alaric huffed, then stomped away, either to regroup or find his daughter, Hope wasn't sure, nor did she care. As long as he left her alone, what did it matter to her what he did with himself?

When she returned to the bed, Hope straddled Ryan's hips and he caught her wrists.

"You in nothing but my shirt is sexy as hell." He grinned up at her.

"You in my bed wearing nothing is sexier."

Ryan tugged on the magic binding bracelet and looked up at her, his brows furrowed.

"What?"

"Does it bother you, being cut off from part of yourself?"

"After being thrown into the pit, being cut off from my magic is a small price to pay for being semi-free. Yes, it's grating, but I'd rather have no magic, than to be back in the pit."

Ryan flipped Hope beneath him and carded his fingers into her hair, his dark eyes intense.

"Don't pity me. I survived. I'm a survivor, it's what I do." Hope traced his lower lip with her fingertip.

"A survivor, but at what cost?" Ryan ducked his head and sucked at her pulse.

Hope sighed and spread her legs for him as she tilted her head back. Taking her actions as an invitation, Ryan thrust into her, drawing a moan from her. Was there anything better than sex with Ryan? Nothing came to mind and she allowed herself to sink into the sensations he evoked in her.

He seemed to understand her body, drawing her closer to the surface than she'd ever been since she'd flipped the switch. Stroking her, caressing her, caring about her pleasure, it tempted her to flip the switch, but she couldn't bring herself to do it, to face the pain. Because to face the pain meant she'd lose the pleasure Ryan brought her.

As her orgasm washed over her, Hope dug her nails into his back, drawing him as close to her as she could. God, she wanted to have him envelop her, to fill that empty place inside her chest so completely that she never had to think about it again.

Later that afternoon found Hope sitting on the counter watching as Ryan mixed ingredients together for waffles. To his left, a tea kettle steamed away on the stove as it heated and two mugs were already sitting out.

"So, the emotionless vampire and the golum," a small, black haired teenager with olive skin entered the room.

"Penelope," Ryan said as he continued with his task.

"Don't you have something better to do?" Hope raised an eyebrow. "I'm sure you've got some homework or something that you're putting off to poke your nose where it's not wanted."

"Are you always this much of a bitch?"

"Not always."

"What changes?"

"I'm usually a mirror of whoever I'm speaking to."

"So you're calling me a bitch."

"Take it however you want." Hope shrugged.

Ryan poured the waffle batter into the iron and closed it, then lifted the strainer of strawberries from the sink and dumped them onto the counter beside the cutting board.

She snagged a strawberry from the cutting board and Ryan smacked her lightly as she popped the berry into her mouth. As she chewed on the fruit, a strangely soft smile played across his full lips and he turned his attention back to the chopping.

"Hmm, girl in a man's shirt and a pair of leggings, and the guy wearing nothing but a pair of pants, I wonder what happened last night."

"If you have to wonder, you've got no business knowing the truth."

"If you don't want to tell me, it looks like I'll just go find Landon and tell him that the girl he's crushing on is screwing his brother."

"I'm fucking his brother, not screwing. And he's a damn good lay."

"You know something, I think I might like you, eventually." With a toss of her hair, Penelope left the room.

"You really have no shame," Ryan remarked with a short laugh once they were alone again.

"Shame is related to feelings of inadequacy and I don't have feelings."

"Penelope is one of those girls who likes no one, unless they prove themselves, and I suppose you've proved yourself to her." Ryan dumped the chopped berries into a bowl.

"I'm not looking for validation of the queen bitches."

"And that's why she likes you. Because you don't kiss up to anyone."

The waffle iron beeped and Ryan pulled the waffle out, then poured more batter into the machine. Once the machine was started, he put the waffle under the warmer.

"I thought I smelled waffles," Kaleb said as he walked into the room.

"They're my waffles," Hope replied.

Ryan chuckled as he poured the hot water into the mugs, but he remained otherwise silent.

"Don't worry, I'm not interested in stealing your food."

"Good. I'd hate to have to bite you."

Kaleb side eyed her, then said, "So, I was looking for you earlier, but didn't want to intrude on your privacy by banging on your bedroom door, but I need to talk to you about something, if you don't mind."

"What did I do this time?" Hope rolled her eyes. While she could tolerate Kaleb and his offer to help her procure human blood if she wanted it, she wasn't interested in talking to him if he was going to scold her about something.

"So, you killed Landon last night."

"I did."

"Next time, could you try to avoid killing him near any books? I had to clean up the mess and that wasn't fun."

"I'll do my best to avoid him during school hours and to stay out of the library."

"I guess that's all I can ask for." Kaleb studied her for a long moment, then asked, "Is it better, not feeling anything?"

"You'll have to ask someone who's flipped the switch back on to get a full answer, but for me, it is."

Kaleb fell silent, his mouth pursed as he mulled over her words.

"Mikayla has trauma in her past that means her experience is different from yours, Kaleb. So keep that in mind."

"Sure thing, teach."

"Don't shut it off if you don't have to," Hope said, unsure of where the words were coming from—Maybe it was Ryan reaching beneath the switch when she didn't want him to or maybe it was just her being honest. Who knows?—"If I didn't feel like I had no choice, I don't think I would have done it, but it was the only way I could survive the transition."

"So flipping the switch really is about not feeling like you have another choice?"

"Some might say that being emotionless is a natural state, but they're wrong. We feel too much naturally, so a lot of the younger ones feel the need to hide from the avalanche of emotions and they flip everything off just to make it stop," Hope replied.

"I've read a lot of stuff about flipping the switch, but you're making it sound different than what a lot of the books say."

"I've met a few vampires who were several centuries old and they couldn't flip the switch. From what they've said, it seems like something only the young can completely do. And while the older ones can lose themselves to the vampire and to being self-serving, they still have emotions."

The timer beeped again and Ryan flipped the waffle onto the plate and then pulled the other waffle from under the warmer so he could doctor both of them up with the chopped up berries and some whipped cream.

"Okay, thanks for the insight." Kaleb patted the counter next to where Hope sat. "Just please, please please, try to kill Landon away from where things we don't want burned. I know you might not care about the damage, but I do."

"I'll try to keep it in mind," Hope promised.

Ryan handed her one of the waffles.

"Thank you," Hope said automatically.

"You're polite," Kaleb commented.

"Just because I flipped the switch doesn't mean I have a right to be rude, because being rude makes things more difficult."

Hope cut into the waffle and took a bite.

"Good?" Ryan asked as he cut into his own waffle.

"Very good," Hope mumbled around the mouthful of food. "You can cook for me any time you want to."

"Just say 'Please' and I'll think about it."

"You know you can get me to say that whenever you want to." Hope raised an eyebrow in Ryan's direction.

"Okay, I'm out. You kids have fun." Kaleb headed towards the door, leaving them alone.

"I knew I was forgetting something." Ryan reached into the cupboard over their heads and pulled out a small jar full of a dark brown substance.

"What is that?" Hope asked warily.

Instead of replying, Ryan cut off a small section of his waffle and spooned some of the sweet smelling substance onto it. Then, lifting the section up, he brought it to Hope's lips. Slowly, Hope opened her mouth and closed her lips around the waffle, keeping her eyes on Ryan's the whole time.

"It's cookie butter," Ryan said by way of explanation.

"That is good."

"I thought you might like it."

He dipped the spoon back into the jar and scooped out a dollop and scraped it off onto her waffle, then did the same for himself.

"How do you still have that if it's so good?"

"This cupboard," he placed the jar on the shelf, "is for the teachers only."

They continued eating the rest of their meal in companionable silence. Or at least, Hope decided this must be what companionable silence must be like, because he wasn't demanding that she speak and he wasn't filling the quiet with inane chatter. Like this, she almost wanted to come back, to feel, just so she could experience the moment fully. But she pushed back against it. Feeling meant accepting that the people she loved no longer loved her.