It broke him to see Ally like that. His Ally Cat, whimpering and sobbing on the Summers matriarch's shoulder, surrounded by them, offering her warmth and comfort. She was already one of them, and he could see her drifting farther away from him. She hadn't visited him in a few days already and that voice kept repeating it was because she had other friends now, human friends.
And ever since her visit on Christmas, that brushing of her lips against his skin, he had been assaulted by dreams. Dreams where he held her, loved her, where she was his. Dreams that couldn't come true. He was a vampire, he was the same thing that killed her parents. Heck, he could be the one another girl just like her had lost her family to. He was. He was quite sure. And he had loved it back then, enjoyed every second of the kill, the tortures.
How could he ever ask for her love? How could he ever tell her what he felt now that he knew what he did? The girl might be able to be his friend, to welcome him in her life as one more, but she wouldn't be able to love him. She would never feel for him like he felt for her.
When had he been turned into this? When had he become a sodding lovesick idiot? He was a killer, it was in his nature, his very essence. He was meant to kill, to torture, to feast on families, turn homes into bloody wreckages. He had been doing it for so long, then the bloody chip came, making him turn into his own species, befriend humans, fall in love with them.
Why? Why couldn't he just take the chip out, go back to what he was, back to his true self?
Because it was not his true self anymore, was it? Would he be the murderer he was, given the chance?
So he turned to Harmony. After all, she only wanted his body. She didn't care if he killed humans or vampires, as long as he let her have fun with him.
That is, until Drusilla turned up in his crypt. Her and her words, her hypnotic ways had him remembering his old days, his lust for blood. That was him. The chip was the only think holding him back.
"All in your head. I can see it. Little bit of ... plastic, spiderwebbing out nasty blue shocks." The ebony haired vampire moved her fingers across his head imitating a spider, caressing his bleached curls. "And every one is a lie. Electricity lies, Spike. It tells you you're not a bad dog, but you are." And he believed every single word of it, why would he not? He gazed into her eyes, a deep growl coming from his throat.
Then a squeaky voice interrupted them. "What the heck is this?"
"Oh, bloody hell." He turned to see Harmony coming into the crypt, approaching them.
"Who is - oh, wait. I get it. Our little sex game was just the beginning. Now you've gone and picked up some cheap queen of the damned to dress up like your precious Drood-zilla." She started ranting, her voice drilling his head.
"Harm." He tried to cut her, but it was useless with the dammed blonde parrot.
"You'd better not be thinking what I think you're thinking. 'Cause my answer is the same as always. No threesomes unless it's boy, boy, girl. Or Charlize Theron." She explained as if speaking to a kid. Well, it was actually the way she always spoke, as her mind hadn't developed much more than an eight-year-old's.
"Harm, you moron, this is Drusilla."
"Oh. Well," She scoffed, placing her hands on her hips and walking towards the dark-haired beauty. "you've got some nerve showing up here like this. After all this time. After breaking my sweet boo-boo's heart." Dru looked over at Spike, standing behind the blonde girl, and mouthed 'boo-boo', making him shake his head. "Do you have any idea how hard it's been to break down the walls he put up after you left? I mean, serious trust issues."
Her voice broke a bit, but Spike ignored her passionate tirade. "Harm..."
"So it's no use you crawling back to him, 'cause Spikey don't play that game any more, Morticia." Harmony finished and Dru lifter a hand, not even looking at the young vamp.
Spike, tired of hearing her talk and use such ridiculous nicknames on him, made her turn by pulling her shoulder, only to grab her by the throat and squeeze, making sure to inflict some pain, as she really didn't need to breath. He looked over at his first love even as he spoke to the blonde. "It's been fun while it lasted, Harm, but I think it'd be best now if you hit the road." He threw her across the room and against a wall, where she slid down to a sitting position.
"Why?" She demanded to know, panting and holding the wall next to her. "Because she is back?"
"No." He stepped closer to Drusilla, a satisfied expression on his face. "Because I am." He put an arm around her waist and pulled her close to him, like back in the old days.
"And there you are, my darling, deadly boy." She purred before he wrapped a hand in the back of her neck and she kissed him. Just like they did before.
After Buffy had come back from searching the train with the others, Ally was invited to their place, no one wanting to leave her alone in her fragile state of mind. She readily accepted, knowing that she was more likely to not push herself too hard when she was in the company of the girls. Her family.
They stayed up until late at night, the Potential sandwiched between the two Summers sister in the couch. Dawn was sent to bed a bit earlier, leaving both slayers alone.
"It was not your fault, you know." Buffy took the brunette's hand, squeezing lightly. "The first thing a Slayer needs to learn is that not all deaths are preventable. Death is part of life. We have to do the best we can, but no one can ask us for more, not even ourselves. Doesn't mean it won't hurt, doesn't mean we won't try to change it. It means we can't let it rule our lives. We're not good in a weak state of mind."
Ally's eyes glistened, but she was soothed by the sound of the blonde's voice, comforted by her words. Buffy had seen death, had suffered it, she knew that. And that was why her words meant so much. Only one other person could comfort her like that, make her feel safe, and she had been avoiding him because she didn't want to face his feelings. What kind of friend was she? She had been selfish, afraid of their relationship changing. Didn't she know that staying away from him would do exactly that?
"Thank you, Buff." She squeezed the blonde's hand back and straightened in her seat. "I needed to hear that. I know I can't live in the past. I need to embrace the present, the people I care about now. My friends." Her voiced trembled, making the Slayer throw her arms around her, holding her tight. "You're my family now. You, Dawnie, Joyce, the Gang... and Spike. I haven't seen him in a few days for completely stupid reasons. I know you won't like it, but I have to go see him now." She leaned back, looking into the blonde's face. It was firm, but not angry or disapproving. "And don't worry, I'm taking my magic wand with me." She smiled, taking her stake out of her boot.
Buffy sighed and her voice took a joking air. "I really hope that's for Captain Peroxide."
Ally chuckled and punched her lightly in the arm before standing from the couch and heading out.
"Be careful." She heard before she closed the door behind her.
She knocked, but no one answered. Would he be out, doing... whatever he did at night? Well, she could wait inside until he came back, that way she wouldn't have to face any vampires lurking around the graveyard.
She opened the door only to find him inside, standing near one of the tombs, the room barely lit by a couple torches. "Hey. I thought you weren't here. I knocked." She slowly approached him, who watched every single one of her steps with mixed feelings, silent. "Are you alright? Uh... I know I haven't been here in a few days, I just being stupid, I'm sorry... I..." She didn't get to finish the sentence. The last thing she saw before being shaken but an electric current travelling trough her system was his frightened face.
And then black.
