Anna-Marie D'Ancanto (takes place after issue 34):
Some say that rules are either meant to be followed, bent, or broken. Rules bring discipline. They bring structure. They shape us into who we are as people. Growin' up, Ah never considered mahself a follower. Given Ah grew up not knowing mah mother, Ah never had a woman in mah life tellin' meh the proper etiquette of being a woman.
Growing up with that lacking of structure meant needin' to figure everythang out the hard way. Oftentimes, that never went over well with many.
Anna-Marie "Rogue" D'Ancanto could hardly help but feel cynical as she laid on her bed, staring up at the ceiling as a single tear made its journey down her face. It took her everything to not burst into a full fit of tears. Looking over at her alarm clock in her new room, she saw that it was nearly five in the morning.
Even though the voices had quieted significantly, the lingering scars were significantly still there deep within. Sleep wouldn't come even though she'd slept the whole plane ride.
A shudder ran down her spine. Somehow, she was still freezing cold even though she had been changed into clean, warm clothes, most likely thanks to that of Cecilia Reyes who had given her clothing out of Jean's room. Tightening the blankets around her body, she shut her eyes tightly, willing for some sleep to come to her mind.
Never knowin' mah biological mom meant Ah constantly went searching for approval in all the wrong places. Growing up, mah daddy made meh feel as though Ah would never amount to anythang at all. Every time he looked at meh, Ah can only assume he saw his late wife, and thought Ah would never compare to her. Now that Ah see it that way, Ah feel some sympathy. But the man made it clear he thought that Ah could never do anythang right. Everything Ah ever tried doing, he would shut down immediately. Every Father's Day gift Ah ever made him wasn't ever good enough. That lacking of self-worth and the way mah dad treated me amounted to meh doing whatever it took necessary to be a rule breaker.
In sixth grade, mah X-men codename of "Rogue" seemed to be a reflection of mah behavior growing up. In sixth grade, when Ah was twelve, it started with cuttin' class. Ah would skip English class with a group of classmates who would sneak marijuana on school grounds. We would sneak off behind the gymnasium and smoke pot until the next class of the day began. Lunch hours would consist of us sneaking our lunches to the football field, to eat underneath the bleachers and smoke.
This behavior became consistent. Of course, mah daddy did not take to that well at all. Every time Ah came home, he'd scold meh. But Ah would just respond with an eye-roll that on more than one occasion earned meh a slap in the face. Now that Ah look upon those moments in hindsight, Ah deserved that treatment given the amount of disrespect Ah displayed. Mah teachers put meh in detention on more than one occasion, but even then, Ah never responded to that discipline.
Though in the strangest way, Ah wish now that Ah did.
Anna-Marie just curled her body tighter. She could feel her body growing tenser as she tried willing for sleep to come. But it just wouldn't come. Pushing the blankets off her shivering body, she reached for a sweatshirt that was there in the room.
'One of Jean's,' she thought as she proceeded to head towards the kitchens for hopefully an early breakfast.
Mah disobedience carried to the rest of mah middle school years. It was a miracle that Ah even graduated middle school to begin with. But mah dad didn't show up to mah middle school graduation. More than anythang, it hurt. Not seein' him out there in the crowd left meh in disappointment. But then Ah remembered Ah was a complete disappointment to him. After the ceremony, mah friends and Ah ended up stealing a pick-up truck and we went joyriding around town, smoking marijuana.
Eventually, marijuana graduated to other addictive things. By the time Ah reached my high school years, Ah began partying, hard, where activities like vapin', drinkin', and vandalizing property became regular.
These parties were in the oddest way mah key to fighting back against every rule everyone had set out for meh. Mah best friend, Risty Wilde, was definitely the ring-leader of our little group. Parties would be thrown, and we'd spend our time at these parties heavily drinkin' and vapin'. Not that Ah mined it, though. The alcohol numbed mah mind and distracted meh from reality. The vape was an oddly satisfiyin' releease. It was quite the rush. Sneaking out and drinkin' away at these parties garnered meh popularity with the trouble-makers at school. It got to the point where Ah bleached mah bangs out of attempt at standing out from the crowd. Ah didn't wanna conform to anyone's rules and authority.
When mah daddy saw mah hair, of course, he flipped. Ah still remember how he yelled at meh for destroyin' mah hair. But the more he yelled; the less Ah cared. Ah could hardly bring mahself to care about any rules mapped out for meh. Mah high school counselor showed consistent frustration with meh.
"You have some much potential."
"You're throwin' your life away."
"Try harder."
"Make something of yourself."
The more they said those words, the less responsive Ah became to their words. Ah'll admit Ah mouthed off to those around meh. It was wavin' a huge middle finger solute at any person in authority over meh.
Spooning some Cocoa Puffs into her mouth, the chocolatey taste brought her a level of comfort that she hadn't felt in years. Closing her eyes, Anna-Marie took a deep breath as she ate. Looking down at her hands, which were now covered with gloves, she shuddered. Everything that had occurred was still so raw in her mind, she was afraid that she wouldn't be able to sleep through the night.
This carried over to mah sophomore year of high school, and then mah junior year. Mah rebellious ways garnered meh popularity, even with the football players and the cheerleaders. It surprised meh more than it should have. But then, Ah caught the attention of him.
Cody Robbins.
Dang, every time Ah close mah eyes, Ah still remember him. His sandy hair . . . his smile . . . his muscles; he was one of the hottest guys in mah high school. Never once, had Ah ever thought that he would take any interest with meh. Ah was a degenerate problem child and he was a star athlete and model student. Our grades were polar opposite. Ah was headed for failing high school, while he was headed for a football scholarship. We couldn't be more different. But Ah just thought he was so cute.
Little did Ah realize; Ah was a mutant with a deadly mutation. Mutation wasn't talked about in mah high school. Nobody discussed it. If it was discussed, it was mentioned as evil, deviant, and something to be shunned.
All it took was a beach party towards the beginning of the school year, alcohol, and a bunch of dancin', partyin' teenagers.
It was something that Ah never thought would happen.
Ah still remember the night so clearly. Risty and Ah were out on the beach, drinkin' bottles of Angry Orchard, cans of beer, and glasses of wine. We probably had too much to drink that night to begin with. However, Ah guess Ah was starin' off at Cody a little too long, because Risty was telling meh to just go and talk to the boy!
So, Ah did. Ah developed the freakin' balls to talk to him, after months of drooling over him in secret. Risty knew meh so well. She knew Ah was infatuated with him.
So, when Cody approached meh, asking meh to dance with him, Ah could hardly refuse him anythang at all. Ah was a naïve, sixteen-year-old last fall, about to turn seventeen. Ah didn't expect what had happened to happen next.
She shuddered as she remembered. It was the night that she seemingly lost everything. As she closed her eyes, the memory seemed to play out in Anna-Marie's mind like a movie that she wanted nothing more than to forget.
Cody grabbed meh by the arm, and he led meh into a dance to a song that Ah liked. Ah don't think Ah could ever listen to that song the same way ever again.
Mah feelings for Cody bubbled to the surface. So, Ah kissed him.
What had gone from an innocent, drunken kiss between meh and this boy that Ah liked turned to the worst moment for meh.
When mah lips touched his, Ah felt as though the air was sucking out of him. It was the strangest sensation that Ah'd ever felt in mah life. It was a surge of such power flowing through mah body. And when Ah opened mah eyes, Ah could see that Cody was choking. His skin was goin' white as a ghost and Ah could see bright blue veins on his face. That was when Ah broke the kiss, but the boy was lyin' there in the sand, with his eyes staring out at nothin'.
Ah thought Ah'd killed him.
All Ah remember was that everyone was screaming and staring at me, calling meh a "mutie". When one of Cody's friends went to touch meh, Ah felt Ah was absorbing his strength as well.
All Ah could do was scream, and run.
Ah ran until Ah couldn't run anymore, and Ah ended up sleeping on a bench outside a train station in Biloxi, covering mahself with newspaper.
Ah was nothing short of humiliated from that party. Ah knew that Ah couldn't go back home to mah dad, because Ah knew that he would just see meh as even more of a disappointment. Ah could take many things. Ah wouldn't be able to take mah father's disgust. As far as Ah know, he hasn't looked for meh. He doesn't have any room in his life for meh, and it's clear that I am not a priority to him.
Ah do not remember how long Ah laid there at the train station bench. All Ah remembered was feeling cold, when someone approached meh.
It was a tall, blonde woman, who was offering to take meh with her and offering to give meh a meal, at least.
It was Raven Darkholm.
Raven had been truly nice to meh. Ah could hardly refuse any kindness from her. So, Ah went with her, and Ah trusted her. From the moment Ah arrived at the Brotherhood house, Ah was surrounded with those like meh.
It was then that mah training began.
Though Raven's idea of acting like a mother to meh was training me in martial combat and street fighting. Within a month of living with her, she was teaching meh Muy Thai, boxing, and wrestling. Her physical training made meh stronger. But mah first mission as a member of the Brotherhood was partaking in stealing the memories of Warren's father
Ah once again had more memories filling mah mind. But Mystique was training meh to be mentally stronger to block out all the voices.
Ah hadn't thought that it would escalate beyond that.
When the members of the Brotherhood got arrested by Alpha Flight, Ah hadn't known that Mystique and Magneto were already hatching an escape plan for them. If Ah had known what that entailed, Ah would have backed away sooner rather than later.
The plan was simple. Mystique snuck her way into the truck that Carol "Ms. Marvel" Danvers was driving, disguised as Carol's closest friend. Then, once she revealed her true identity, Ah was to grab onto Carol and absorb her powers to weaken her.
But the longer Ah held on, Ah could sense that she was dying. Ah wanted nothing more than to let go of her. But Ah couldn't. Ah held on until the truck ended up crashing and breaking almost every bone in Carol's body. Even though Wanda had looked concerned, she was still so focused on the task at hand.
When we got back to the house, Ah locked mahself up in mah room for hours. Ah was floating above mah bed, and Ah had all these new powers that Ah wasn't familiar with. On top of that, the dams broke, and Ah heard the thoughts of every person that Ah ever physically touched. Ah couldn't think of anythang else to do, but run away from another place that Ah called home. Ah flew off to the woods of Bayville, tryin' to gather mah sanity. But Ah felt as though Ah had no sanity left.
Ah don't know how many hours Ah laid out there in the woods. But apparently, it had been long enough for Cyclops and Marvel Girl of the X-men to find meh.
It was about ten minutes of Scott and Jean talkin' meh down and managing to get meh to calm down that Ah managed to open up with them. When they told meh that they were going to take meh back to X-Corporation, Ah was both relieved but also scared. Ah do not know what mah fate is yet, because Tony Stark and his lawyer are apparently gonna try and work out an agreement to keep meh from getting arrested for mah crimes.
However, Ah'm more worried about needing to interact with Logan.
Ah know that what Ah did won't be forgiven easily. But Ah need to find some way to move on and past it all.
Ah just don't know how that is gonna be done, yet. But Ah do know now, Ah need to quit bein' a rebellious little shit. Ah've gotta stop killin' mahself with drinkin' and vapin', because it ain't doing meh much a service at all.
As she continued to sit there in the quiet of the kitchen in the early hours of the morning, she could hear that someone else was entering the kitchen. Turning her head, she saw Jean stumbling into the kitchen, blindly reaching for the coffee to start brewing. Jean's hair was unbrushed, and pulled in a messy ponytail. She was wearing a hooded sweatshirt and long pajama pants.
"How are you feeling?" Jean asked.
Anna-Marie sighed heavily. "Ah couldn't sleep since two am. Ah tried but Ah couldn't. Ah just – Ah still feel –"
"I know what you mean. I already brushed my teeth twice and I still feel disgusting," Jean said, trying to lighten the mood. Anna-Marie managed to crack a smile at Jean's sense of humor. "But in all seriousness, are you okay? That's all I want to know."
Anna-Marie sighed. "Ah don't know, Jean. Ah don't even know what mah fate is, yet. What Ah did cannot be forgiven. Ah don't expect Logan to."
"Tony will figure out a way to keep you from getting severe punishment. You are meriting of a break," Jean said.
"Ah'm not so sure of that, Red," Rogue whispered, shaking her head.
"Everyone deserves a shot at redemption," Jean assured her. "Besides, I'm making breakfast for Warren. You want to help? Just a warning; he's deciding to be super picky this morning. I think he's in a bad mood because he can't fly due to his injury."
Anna-Marie glanced at Jean. She could see the genuine desire of friendship in the girl's eyes as Jean grabbed eggs and pork sausage out of the fridge.
"Would he even wanna see meh given what Ah did to his father?" Anna-Marie asked.
"He forgives you. He knows you did it blindly, and he knows you did it because you were desperate to fit in. Trust me. He did a lot to try and conform with others," Jean assured the younger girl with a smile, wanting nothing more than to extend the olive branch first. "And oftentimes, it just led to stupid decisions."
"Okay, sugah," Anna-Marie said, rising from her seat.
Up next: Logan Howlett
