AN: All characters belong to Queen Rowling.
James watched the owl fly from the Owlery window. It wasn't morning yet, he sighed. They were holding a ball in his honour that evening and he wished Lily could be his date. He sighed again, after talking to Aunt Thea he had decided that he would not correspond with Lily again. It took him more than two days to hunt for an appropriate gift for her. It would be his last letter to her. He sighed again, before running to Sirius' room to wake him up it was Christmas after all.
James collapsed in his bed, not even changing out of his dress robes he stared at the ceiling. He had always wanted to attend the ball but it wasn't as glamorous as he had expected it to be. Sirius' dad, Orion Black had attended the ball but his wife had regretfully not been able to attend it as Sirius' younger brother was unwell. Sirius had said nothing, but the rejection had affected him. He had gulped down more firewhisky than he normally would have. Remus had taken care of Sirius and had given him a hangover potion to sober him up a little. Apart from his grandparents, James had never met his mother's family. Dorea Potter's brothers had broken all relations with her when James was a year old and Voldemort had started gaining power and Charlus had opposed his extremist ideas.
He was horrified to realize that Bellatrix and Narcissa Black were his cousins and were attending the ball. Bellatrix was attending the ball with her husband Rodolphus Lestrange and Narcissa with her fiancé Lucius Malfoy who was also a distant cousin of James. His uncles Cygnus and Orion looked cold but all of them kept their sharp words and rude behaviour in check because his grandmum Irma Black was breathing down their necks threateningly, while his grandfather Arcturus Black's face was a stoic mask though his eyes flashed dangerously. James hated the part where Sirius and he had to mingle with everyone for a while; the first hour of the ball was torturous, especially meeting Bellatrix who eyed them mockingly. They spent the rest of the evening with Frank, Percy, Alexandra (who had taken a portkey from Greece to attend the ball), Alice, Fabian, Gideon, Molly who was married to Arthur Weasley and was pregnant with his third child, Marlene, Dorcas Meadows, David and Amelia Bones, Remus and Peter.
Frankie and Percy tried to hide their glee by keeping their faces solemn to mark their sympathy as James and Sirius picked out partners for their first dance. Sirius quite obviously was dancing with Marlene while James had politely asked Amelia for the first dance; however he preferred to dance with his aunt Althea who was a bundle of energy and would laugh happily as he twirled her around. His mother and grandmother on the other hand smiled pleasantly at him, gliding gracefully to the dance floor. At the thought of his grandmother, he remembered what she had said when they were dancing, "Look around Jamie. This is your family. I know a war is brewing in the horizon, I know you like your parents would not bow down to the dark lord. I would expect nothing less from a Black and a Potter. I see the rest of my children and grandchildren, even Abraxas and his son bowing down in front of that half blood. I would know, I was in school with him. While he has the right ideas and while he might be the descendant of Slytherin himself, the children of noble families like ours, bow down to no one. Do not fight this war James. I have talked to your mother who seems intent on following her husband to the end, like a proper wife should but you must prevent them from fighting this war. I don't want to lose my precious daughter at the hands of my sons and grandchildren. Bellatrix would not think twice about family before killing your parents, or Sirius or you. I urge you to prevent that from happening."
The ball was a reminder of the war that had already started. Bellatrix had shown her dark mark to Sirius and him with great pride, urging them to join Voldemort, proceeding to threaten them with death if they refused. She told them that Avery, Mulciber, Snape even Regulus had already shown their interest in joining him. Sirius had stormed out of the ballroom at this, Remus had later found him in the music room, fingers bleeding as he continued playing the guitar. James sighed, he had just returned to his room after putting Sirius to bed. Now that he had met his other uncles and their families, James understood Sirius' anger and hatred for them.
TAP. TAP. TAP.
TAP. TAP. TAP.
James had barely dozed off when he was jerked awake by the tapping on his window. Looking at the clock on his mantelpiece, he snarled under his breath. It was hardly 5:00 in the morning and he had slept at 1:00, after putting Sirius to bed. He opened the window, grumbling as the owl flew in and dropped a letter on his bed before landing on his coffee table and hooting proudly. James stared at the bird, this was one of his mother's spare owls called Apollo and he had sent Apollo to Lily. He stared at the bird "You mean to say you have a letter for me from Lily?" he asked incredulously as Apollo hooted his response. James shut the window before crossing over to his bed and picking up the letter. A white Lily fell from the folds of the letter. James beamed as the owl hooted indignantly for being blatantly ignored. "Sorry Apollo, wait here I will get you some owl treat and water, but you deserve a bloody royal perch and rat cakes for what you did."
After feeding the bird, James eagerly opened the letter.
Dear Prongs,
Merry Christmas! I absolutely love your gift, its precious; thank you. I am sorry I didn't think of getting you something but I will surely get you something with my next letter. You were right; your excuses were pretty lame. While Marlene doesn't trust you at all, I can't help but trust you. I would like to know you more but I don't want to know who you are. Not just yet. You were right when you said all of us have our secrets and in your last letter you laid your heart bare in front of me, I guess it's only fair that I let you in too.
My sister calls me a freak, has more often than not told me that I don't belong to civil society; she hates me just because I exist. It hurts, she is my sister, and we used to be best friends when we were young. But then I received a Hogwarts letter and she didn't and now she hates me for being who I am. My parents are supportive, but they don't really know what to say to me anymore. I don't belong in their world nor do I belong in this world, if we go by what Voldemort says.
I don't know, sometimes I feel so frustrated. It's like my feet are stuck in two different boats pulling me in different directions. There is no balance. I am an outsider at Hogwarts, a muggleborn who knew nothing about magic till her Hogwarts letter arrived and now I am an outsider in my own home because I return twice or thrice a year but I don't belong to the world that my family is used to. You worry about losing your friends to the war; I fear I won't last the war. If Voldemort and his minions don't kill me, my sister would send me to an early grave. I don't even know why I am writing to you about this. But her rejection hurts and it feels good to just let myself go and tell a stranger about the pain. I can't talk to Severus about it because he would hex Petunia for sure. Last summer he nearly risked expulsion because he wanted to curse Petunia so bad for pushing me down the stairs and breaking my ankle and arm.
Though, his mother took us to St. Mungos and I was fixed in a heartbeat, he was still mad enough to want to hex her grievously. My parents were amazed at how quickly broken bones can mend with the help of magic, Petunia just sneered and told me that she wished I was suffering in pain as nothing would make her happier. I don't know why she is so mean to me. I have done nothing to hurt her; I can't help being who I am. Is it a crime? Is it my fault that due to some freak natural selection process I got magic in me while she didn't? Sometimes I wish I was normal but whenever I say this out loud Alice, or Marlene, or Mary ask me what normal really is.
I don't know; I don't bloody know what normal is but when Petunia treats me like I am lesser than the dirt on her shoe; it hurts. Now she has that whale of a boyfriend, Vermin (Vernon) who is worse than her. My parents told him I go to a school for artistically gifted children in Scotland. And he treats me like a hippy. He thinks I have slower brain function because he talks to me like he is talking to a ten year old. And I know she would marry that loser. What is wrong with my sister? She wants to marry him because everyone in his family is normal. Is that even a legitimate criterion? Anyway, I must get going. Severus would be here any minute.
Thank you so much for listening (reading; whatever!)
Merry Christmas once again.
Lily
P.S.- Are you a Hufflepuff? No wait, don't answer that, I know you are a Hufflepuff.
P.P.S- Remember that fountain in the courtyard of the castle? The one with mermaid's trident, there's a lose brick three rows down from the top and diagonal to the brick with the founder's initials. I will leave my letters to you there; if you want you can leave your letters there too. Let's say we will give each other a week to answer a letter and then go collect it from there? I assure you that I won't trick you into revealing your identity. I have chosen to trust you without knowing your identity, will you trust me enough?
James whooped loudly before running into the next room which belonged to Sirius. "PADFOOT! Wake up!" he yelled as he barged into the room. Sirius sat bolt upright before staring at the yellow wall in front of him groggily. James jumped on his bed. "PADDY! She replied. Lily wrote back! She wants to know me, she wants to talk to me. Look! Look!" He said shoving the letter under Sirius' nose, grinning from ear to ear. Sirius stared at James curiously before flopping back on his bed muttering, "Go to hell, Prongs. I was having a good dream. Now go away, I will read the letter when there is light outside this window."
"But Sirius! She wrote back! Merlin's pants! She wrote back" James said dreamily before settling in Sirius' bed to read the letter again. Sirius yawned, "Yes, Yes. She wrote back, she is just dying to pull you in a broom closet and shag you sen- ow!" Sirius complained as James kicked his shin.
"Stop being an arse, Paddy. Now get up and read the letter and then we can go down to wake Moony up. I wish Wormy was here too." Sirius groaned and looked pleadingly at James who shoved the letter in front of Sirius' eyes. "Bloody hell! You owe me a bloody flying motorbike for waking me up at this ungodly hour." Sirius snarled under his breath before snatching the letter from James and reading through it. Frowning slightly as he returned the letter back to James. "Prongs have you read the letter properly?"
"Yeah!" James replied happily
"Did you pay attention to what she has written or were you floating away with happiness?"
"Err…"
"Before you wake Remus, read the letter and pay attention."
James read the letter again, his frown deepening with every line.
"Bloody Hell!" he swore as he finished the letter
"Exactly. I don't think Moony should read the letter. I shouldn't have read it either. Merlin! I won't be able to look at Evans the same way again."
"No wonder she never talks about home. Her sister is evil. And I thought only we got dealt a cruel hand with Bellatrix for a cousin."
Sirius snorted, "You haven't met my mother yet. Bellatrix takes after her."
"What the Hell is wrong with the universe?"
Sirius laughed humourlessly. "She is good at hiding it though."
"Who?"
"Eva- Lily. She is good at hiding the pain of her sister's rejection. I mean her sister broke her arm and ankle last year and she still cares for her sister. This is insane! You should stop caring about someone who clearly doesn't care about you."
"I don't know Pads. Have you stopped caring about your parents?"
"My father was never mean to me. But we have always had a formal relationship, I don't even know if he cares about us and my mother- she stopped caring about me since I was 7. I am losing whatever I feel for her, now that I have aunt Dorie."
"And Regulus?"
"He was not that bad when we were children. Even after we started Hogwarts we were fine, but then he just stopped talking to me the summer after his first year. Apparently, my mother, Bellatrix and Narcissa had told him that I was going to follow Andromeda's footsteps and end up dead at the hands of the Death Eaters and he shouldn't associate with me. Now the fool wants to join Voldemort." Sirius shook his head before sliding down.
"Hey James?"
"Yeah?"
"Do you think he would do it? Join Voldemort I mean. He has to be stupid to do so."
"I don't know Pads. If Bellatrix threatened him the way she threatened us coupled with your mother's orders, he might just fold under pressure."
"But he is not a cruel, cold blooded murderer! Doesn't he know what joining him means?"
"He is only 14, Pads. I bet he thinks the Death Eaters are sort of a club, you can put your name in and get the mark but you can also lay back and act as a neutral member. I don't think he understands what joining Voldemort really means. He might just do it because that is what people from good pureblood families do."
"Should I talk to him about it?"
"Maybe you should give it a try, at least let him know what it really means. I am glad that mum and dad tell us everything. But just listening to their stories about finding dead bodies; gives me nightmares, I don't know how I will handle looking into the empty eyes of a tortured body."
Sirius nodded "I will talk to him at Hogwarts then. He has to realize that the war is no child's play, he would have to kill or get killed and that joining Voldemort means slavery for your entire life. If he joins them we would be on opposing sides, I don't want to attack my baby brother, I have always protected him. When we were young, I would take credit for his pranks so that mother punishes me. How will I curse him in a battle?" Sirius covered his face as James slid down next to Sirius laying a hand on his arm.
"Hey, he hasn't joined Voldemort yet. Maybe he won't ever. Maybe he doesn't plan to. Maybe he said he is interested in joining him to get rid of bitchatrix." Sirius snorted and James grinned. "You know, maybe he would see clearly once you talk to him and if worse comes to worst, we will make sure that you don't have to raise your wand against him. Okay?"
"But what if he dies, James?" He asked, his face a tortured mask "What if he is murdered by that lunatic himself? What if he joins them and realizes he made a mistake and wants out? The only way out is death."
"If he joins them to regret it, he can come to us. We will protect him. The order has a lot of safe houses and the Manor is safer than Hogwarts. The blood wards are strong and the only people allowed into the Manor are the people the Lord of the Manor allows. Voldemort and his minions will never be able to attack this place because no one knows where the Manor is or how to enter it. Unless one of us decides to be a traitor and lead Voldemort here with him or her, this place is untouchable."
"But the Blacks have already entered the premises, Bellatrix, Lucius, Narcissa, father, Uncle Cygnus- all of them were here tonight. Not to mention, you have Black blood in you. They can easily bypass the blood wards."
James laughed, "No, they can't. I asked dad once after I heard him talk about how the Death Eaters were breaking into people's homes to kill them. He told me the blood wards at the Potter Manor only recognize the blood of a Potter as valid, so it has to be Percy, Frank or me; legally just Percy and me. The people who attend the ball are sent invites which act as Portkeys, bringing them here and transferring them back and then the invites burn themselves. The people welcome to the Manor at all times, have to think of the Manor and they appear in front of the Gates. They can enter only when Lord Potter welcomes them in, there are very few people who are allowed directly to the Manor, but that is through floo and the floo is directly connected to Gringotts, Longbottom Heights, Hogwarts and the Ministry. Remus, Peter and You are always welcome to the Manor, the gates would open automatically for one of you and are some of the few people who could bring Voldemort in with him through side along apparition, since the wards won't stop you from bringing someone in at times of need. I don't believe that one of you would bring Voldemort here."
"Wow! Your folks were really paranoid about safety. I thought father was bad."
James laughed, "Well, the wards were placed during the time when witches and wizards were being hunted and burnt on stakes. A lot of witches and wizards saved themselves by giving up the whereabouts of other wizarding families. There is a reason why all pureblood families live in secret locations and trust no one with their whereabouts. Black Manor has similar wards."
Sirius shrugged, "I wouldn't know. Grandfather and Grandmother live there. We used to visit the Manor for the spring ball and the occasional dinner but we never talked to each other. I think grandfather only communicates with his looks."
James shrugged. "I don't know. He tried talking to me. They had come here to visit mum, when she had returned from a mission all battered and bruised. I was five and I was crying because mum won't wake up. Grandfather looked disgusted with me; he would have done something nasty, had granddad not stepped in and asked one of the elves to get me some ice cream to comfort me. After that day, no matter when we met, grandfather would try to be nicer to me. Mum says he was just trying to prove to himself that he was a better grandparent than my granddad."
Sirius snorted, "Sounds like him. According to him the Blacks are better than everyone at everything."
James laughed, "Granddad was beyond awesome. I know you have met his portrait. But when he was alive, he was something else. He egged us on to prank our parents. He said a Potter must get in trouble every once in a while. It's good for our reputation. Mum, Aunt Thea and Aunt Augusta would go mental, trying to discipline us. Then the three of them threatened to prank him for a month straight, so, he stopped egging us on publicly."
Sirius grinned, "You have a crazy family; do you know that? I love them. I wish we really were family."
James grinned, "We are related by blood. Had we not been related by blood, you would still have been family. Mum always says love is thicker than blood. You will always be my brother."
Sirius nodded, the conversation giving way to silence as both boys were lost in their musings.
"Hey Pads?"
"Hmmmm?"
"Do you think it is too early to wake Perce, Frankie and Moony with cold water and then maybe rush down for some breakfast and start opening the presents we received last night?"
Sirius looked at his watch, it was a little after 6. "Well Prongsie, a Marauder is never too early, nor too late in pranking someone." James grinned, his eyes mirroring Sirius' mischievous expression before the two boys jumped out of bed and raced down the corridor to Percy's room.
