Lily patrolled the corridors lost in thought. The last two weeks had shaken the foundations of her knowledge of James Potter. He was a completely different person at home, someone she could grow to like and be friends with. It was this knowledge of him that floored her. She liked his company; she liked his antics and his ability to cheer people up. She liked his devotion to his family and his friends, the way he stood by them through it all. He opened his doors for Sirius without even thinking twice about it. He wouldn't be so bad now, would he?
"Are you nuts, Prongs?" A muffled voice floated over to her, startled she looked at the compartment from where the voice came. The blinds to this compartment were drawn. Lily was tempted to walk into the compartment and confront Prongs for not writing to her all summer, but she was afraid of finding his identity. She didn't know if she wanted to know who Prongs really was, but she still edged towards the compartment door.
"Keep your voice down, Padfoot." Another muffled voice added sharply.
"Sorry. But you have to agree, Wormtail; Prongs has lost it."
"I have lost nothing. I shouldn't have done in the first place. It was wrong of me to manipulate her; I am not going to let mum pay for my mistakes. I will tell Lily about everything."
Lily's ears perked up but her heart hammered inside her chest. Was Prongs planning on revealing himself to her?
"If you tell her everything, you would be exposing us too?"
"Wormtail!" Someone inside the compartment snapped, "Do you really think Lily would tell on us? Don't you know her?"
Someone mumbled something, Lily inched closer. "That's not what this is about. Prongs here is in love with Lily, aren't you? This isn't just about fancying her. You are actually in love with her."
There was a long pause, Lily gripped the frame of the door. "Your point being?"
"You won't be able to that. She would hate you once she finds out. Whatever hoo-hah philosophy you have imbibed about symbolic sacrifices, you won't be able to live with her hate, not when you know that you could be something more."
"Why do you have to make it difficult for me? I am not doing this for anyone else. By manipulating her like this, I am taking away her choice to fall for who I am. I don't want her to choose Prongs just because he and I are the same person. I want her to choose me."
"I am confused."
Someone laughed a bark like laughter, "Of course you are Wormtail! This boy doesn't make sense on his best days."
Lily was so engrossed in listening to the conversation that she didn't pay attention to the boy standing behind her till he tapped her shoulder. She shrieked before turning to face him.
"Remus!" She exclaimed, in a high pitch voice. "You scared me."
"My apologies." Remus said sincerely, "But what are you doing here? We got over our patrol schedule ten minutes ago."
"I was-" Lily was cut off from her explanation when the door behind her was thrown open and Sirius stepped out.
"Remus! Just the man I wanted to see. You need to get in there and talk to James, he has gone goofy again."
Lily's eyes widened, Sirius was a marauder which meant that Prongs was in there too, but which one of them was Prongs?
Lily looked at Remus again, who had a neutral expression in his face but he had communicated something to Sirius because Sirius wore the same expressionless mask. Sirius stepped aside to let Remus pass before giving her a long look. Lily blushed under his scrutiny.
"I will see you around." She muttered quickly before turning to walk away.
"Not so fast, Evans." Sirius said quietly, catching hold of Lily's arm. He dragged her along to the next compartment and scared out the inhabitants by giving them a dark look before stepping back to let Lily in.
"Okay, silencio." He said pointing his wand at the door, "How much of it did you hear?"
Lily gave him a disapproving look, "You know we are not allowed to do magic!"
Sirius waved his hand, as if to dismiss her argument, "Have I ever cared about rules? Anyway, don't divert. How much did you hear?"
Lily folded her arms across her chest, "Enough."
"So, the cat is out of the bag." Sirius said with a careless shrug, "Now, I know you don't support this but can you please not tell anyone about us?"
"Why would I do that?"
"We would like to come out of the closet with a bang. Also, because McGonagall would hand us detention for the entire year."
"Okay." Lily shrugged.
"Great! I knew I liked you for a reason." Sirius said with a wide grin.
"Not so fast, Sirius." Lily said sharply, "I don't know who Prongs is."
"Really, you can't put two and two together. You are supposed to be smart. Didn't you get straight O's in OWLs?"
Lily fell back on her seat as if electrocuted. "Him?" She asked flabbergasted.
Sirius said nothing. He gave her a look and left the compartment. Lily's head was reeling.
"Lily?" Potter's voice asked apprehensively as he stepped into the compartment.
"You." She gasped, he said nothing, just stared at her bracing himself. She stood up unsteadily on her feet and fell into his arms hitting his chest. "YOU!" she screeched.
"You knew. All those letters I wrote to you, you knew about everything." She cried tears falling down her eyes. "You knew about how strongly I felt for Severus. You knew how special he was to me and you still attacked him! Why? I trusted you. I trusted your judgment and advice. I- I- I didn't even think that Prongs- that you- Lies. You lied to me. Everything was a lie."
James held her by her arms and forced her to look at him, "None of it was a lie. I didn't lie to you about my feelings. I didn't lie to you about anything other than the fact that I was Prongs."
Lily freed herself from his grip. "How do I know you didn't lie to me all the time? You are just the same. You knew everything about me. You knew everyone that mattered to me. You promised you cared about me but you didn't. You never did." Lily said backing away from him.
James took a step forward, "You know that is not true, Lily. I have only always cared about you. Please calm down and think about it. I did not betray you. I never meant for you to find out like this. I never wanted to hurt you. Please. You have to believe-" SMACK
Lily withdrew her hand and covered her mouth in shock. No matter how much she hated someone, she would never raise her hand against them. James looked at her, hurt and heartbreak evident in his eyes.
"Lily." He said softly, taking a step towards her.
"Stay away from me Potter. You have done enough." Lily said thickly before running away from him.
James sat in the centre of the Quidditch pitch, with the rain beating down his back. All through the feast he had tried to catch Lily's eye. He had tried to tell her that he was sorry but she had studiously ignored him. He might as well give credit to fate, he had wanted her to know because he felt he deserved some punishment for lying to a loved one and fate handed him his wish on a silver platter.
"You planning to drown yourself here?" Sirius asked, squatting down next to him.
"What are the three of you doing down here, after lights out?" James asked.
"You didn't return to the compartment on the train." Remus said, squatting down in front of him, "You were so silent throughout the feast and then you disappeared. We were worried."
"You shouldn't be. I just came out for a fly, to clear my head."
"In this weather?" Peter asked, sitting down on James' other side.
"So, James what's new apart from the fact that Lily has gone back to hating your guts?" Sirius asked.
"Way to be subtle Padfoot." Remus said, punching his shoulder. "But honestly, James what did you expect?"
"That she would think it through calmly." James said dejectedly.
"That she will by morning." Peter said, "But you both have such huge egos, I don't know when she will keep her pride aside and apologize."
"What if I go ahead and apologize tomorrow?"
"You should actually." Remus said, "But if she doesn't forgive you right away, leave her alone."
"Yeah." Sirius said nodding, "There are other fish in the sea. I think now would the right time for you to move on from her."
"You really think I want to move on from her?" James asked incredulously.
"James," Remus said with a sigh, "It would do you good to look at other girls. If she doesn't want to be with you, we can't force her to."
"I know that." James countered, "But I can't look at anyone else either. Its either Lily or no one for me."
"Ah! My love struck Romeo." Sirius said clasping a hand on his chest. "Cheer up. She will come around eventually."
"You think so?" James asked his eyes hopeful.
"If you are meant to be, you will find your way back to each other." Remus said sincerely.
"Moony!" Sirius exclaimed, "I didn't know you were such a hopeless romantic yourself. You sly dog!"
"Come on James. Let's get out of here. Its freezing out here and pneumonia won't bring Lily to you." Peter said, his teeth chattering.
James half smiled at his friends, "For good measure." Remus added, "I will let all of you share my bar of Honeyduke's best chocolate. I think we deserve it with our respective setbacks this summer."
"Yeah?" Peter asked, "What was your great set back this summer?"
"I got straight O's in all my OWLs apart from History of Magic." Remus said with a deadpan expression, "I didn't expect that."
The other three Marauders howled with laughter, "Bet McGonagall had a mini heart attack when she saw my result." Sirius said gleefully.
James groaned, "Oh! Don't remind me, the prat scored straight Os in everything including History of Magic. Mum went mental."
"Speak for yourself." Sirius said shoving James, "You scored just as much. Aunt Dorie went crazy, she wanted to throw a party for all of us."
"Well, she can throw a party after I make it to the Auror department." James said quietly.
"Yeah. Hey, have we decided what subjects we want to take for the next two years?" Sirius asked.
"Since when have you started worrying about picking subjects carefully?" Remus asked amused.
"I don't really but this Voldemort character is spooking me. I think I would apply for the Auror academy too."
"You need to be incredibly brave and smart to become an Auror." Peter yapped happily, "I think I will take up care of magical creatures, I want to really get into the department of Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. Maybe there I would be able to contribute positively to the werewolf situation."
The other three marauders turned to stare at Peter. Peter faltered, "Did I say something wrong?" He asked self consciously.
"That was really thoughtful of you Peter." Remus said, pulling Peter in a hug. "Thank you."
Sirius whistled, "Way to go Wormtail." He said ruffling the shorter boy's hair.
"Yeah!" James agreed.
"So, boys." Sirius said as he started to jog, "The one to reach last, gets the smallest portion of the chocolate bar."
"Oh no you don't" James and Remus shouted, chasing after Sirius, Peter ran after them.
Lily stood by the window in her dormitory and watched the four boys run. She ran down the stairs to the common room with the box containing Prongs' letters in her hands. She was already seated on one of the armchairs, as the four breathless boys clambered in, laughing madly. They stopped short at the sight of her.
"Potter." Lily said simply.
"Li-Evans." Potter replied.
"Err… We are just going to go." Remus said awkwardly, pushing Sirius and Peter to the dorm.
("But I wanna watch!" Sirius whined. "Does this mean he gets the smallest bit?" Peter asked. Remus smacked them both upside on their heads before ushering them to their dormitories."
"Err… Sorry about that." James said scuffing the carpet nervously.
"It's okay. I just wanted to give you these." She said handing him the box. "It contains all the letters you ever sent me. I don't want the letter I wrote to you in return, you could whatever you want with them."
"Evans! Please. You don't have to do this. I am sorry. I never meant for you to get hurt." James pleaded with her.
"But I did get hurt. Didn't I?" Lily said softly turning to leave.
James stepped in her way. "Don't do this, please. Listen to your heart, Lily. You know my feelings for you are not lies. You know I would do anything for you."
"Then do this for me. Leave me alone." Lily snapped.
James stepped back and she ran up the stairs without looking back.
"Evans." James called, she turned.
"Will you ever forgive me?"
"I don't know." She said watching his shoulders droop before running up the stairs to her bed.
James threw the box of letters across the room as he fell to his knees; it cracked against the wall, its contents spilling everywhere.
Sirius silently mended the box and returned its contents to it, as Remus went ahead and picked up their broken friend to usher him to their dormitory.
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The fishes
