Lily fell on the carpet in Professor McGonagall's office, she was just not used to flooing as a form of travelling yet.

"Evans?" James Potter asked, extending his hand to help her up. "Are you alright?"

Lily nodded, avoiding his eye; she took his hand and muttered her thanks.

"Lily!" Sirius said hugging her in greeting. "It's good to see you back. How are you?"

"I am fine." Lily said distractedly, moving over to hug Remus and Peter. "How are all of you? And what are you doing in McGonagall's office?"

"Oh that! No biggie, we were late for Minnie's class last week. We are here for our detention, just waiting for her to make an appearance." Sirius said lightly.

"Remus was late for class too?" Lily asked surprised.

Potter snorted, "Its because of him that we were late. He could never be on time for anything."

He looked at Lily, who looked away hurriedly, blushing slightly. Lily had been dreading being face to face with James Potter since the funeral. She vividly remembered waking up in his arms the night after she got the news of her parents' demise. She remembered feeling safe, peaceful even, in his arms listening to the rhythmic beating of his heart. She knew he remembered the same morning when they had woken up in each other's arms; they never had the opportunity to talk to each other about that morning. Lily didn't know what it meant for her relationship with James. She wasn't even sure if she wanted to be around him but she also missed the feeling she had, when she had woken up in his arms. An awkward silence fell on the group, Lily kept avoiding James' eye while the others kept exchanging looks, not really knowing what to say to each other.

"Ah! Miss Evans, you are here!" Professor McGonagall exclaimed making everyone jump. "How are you? I trust the funeral was concluded without a hitch?"

"Yes Ma'am. Everything went well." Lily replied.

"Please feel free to come to me if you need help with anything. You may go now."

Lily nodded and without a second glance to the boys she left the room.

"Lily! You are back!" Alice cried jumping up to give her hug as soon as Lily entered her dormitory.

Marlene and Mary rushed to Lily at Alice's exclamation and soon Lily was being crushed her friends.

"Oh! How are you?" Marlene asked pulling Lily to her bed.

"I am fine. Everything is alright. How are all of you?"

"Oh! We are fine." Mary said lightly, "But how are you holding up, Lily? We are sorry we couldn't make it to the funeral, if all of us had gone missing they would have become suspicious."

"I understand, and thank you for your letters. They helped, a lot."

"How is Petunia? I hope she didn't blame you for this." Alice said anxiously.

"No, she didn't blame me for anything. In fact, we reconciled. I hope this reconciliation continues."

"That's a relief." Marlene said.

"Did you see Snape this week?" Mary asked.

Lily looked up, shocked that his visit had already reached Hogwarts' gossip circle.

"How-how did you know that I met him yesterday?" She stammered.

"You don't know?" Mary asked confused, "His father died in the attack too."

Lily sat there, taking in the news, feeling horrified. Severus had lost his father too; she hadn't even asked him anything about it. But he had the dark mark tattoo, why did they not spare his father? Maybe he had got the tattoo before and now he regretted it, maybe he had come to her to ask for her help.

"Oh my God!" She whispered, covering her face in horror. "He came over yesterday to talk to me. I kicked him out. He had the dark mark tattoo like some stupid Voldemort fanatic and instead of listening to what he had to say I kicked him out. What if he had come over to tell me he regretted supporting the man that killed his father? I am a horrible person!"

"Lily" Marlene said gently, "You didn't know. It's not your fault."

"But I was supposed to be his friend! I should have given him a chance to explain himself."

"Lily, you were hurting. You lost your parents to the man responsible for that mark, obviously you would have no patience for anyone who believes in his cause. Its natural." Alice said.

"Yes but- I am going to go talk to him." Lily said jumping to her feet. Before anyone could stop her, she was out of the door.

"Do you think he regrets supporting Voldemort?" Marlene asked doubtfully.

"I don't know, the death eaters did kill his father. Maybe he does." Mary replied with a shrug.


Severus Snape was making his way to the library; his housemates were irritating him with their looks and fake concern for his well- being. When he felt like he would explode if another person came forward to offer their condolences; he gathered his things and left for the library.

"Severus!"

Severus was just about ready to scream at this new person when he realized that the voice belonged to Lily. He turned to face her, apprehension and hope battling through his veins.

"Lily." He said evenly.

"Why didn't you tell me?" She asked softly, laying a warm hand on his arm.

"What didn't I tell you?"

"About your father. Why didn't you tell me that they killed your father too?" Lily asked.

"I don't want to talk about it." Severus said, suddenly irritated, he didn't want Lily to feel sorry for him.

"Oh Sev!" Lily said pulling him in a hug, "Are you alright?"

"I am fine." Severus said shortly.

"Do you want to go to our fountain? Or for a walk?"

"Only if we don't talk about my father."

Lily nodded, "I understand, I don't want to talk about my parents either, it just makes it worse."

"May I see it?" Lily asked, after they had spent a better part of twenty minutes in silence, as they sat near the fountain.

Severus silently rolled up his left sleeve. Lily was about to touch the mark when Severus snatched his hand back.

"Don't touch it." He said quietly.

Lily nodded, "Do you regret getting it?"

"I don't know." He replied honestly.

"How will you get rid of this tattoo?"

"Get rid of it?"

"Yes. I mean it must be painful to look at the symbol everyday and know that the brand ambassador of this symbol is responsible for the death of your father along with so many other innocent people."

"My father was not innocent." Severus replied with gritted teeth.

"He did not deserve this fate either." Lily replied softly, holding Severus' hand.

"He deserved everything he got." Severus said angrily.

"You don't mean that." She said shaking her head.

"I mean exactly that, he deserved every bit of it. Filthy muggles like him deserve it."

"That is not true, Severus. No one deserves such a fate. My parents didn't deserve being murdered, I didn't deserve losing them." Lily said, her voice cracking.

Severus put his arm around Lily, letting her cry on his shoulder. "Your parents were not even supposed to be there. They were not supposed to die. Bellatrix Lestrange needs to learn restraint."

"What do you mean? What are you saying Severus? After everything they put you through, you still support them? How could you?"

"Lily, its not like that. The Dark Lord, he just wants witches and wizards to come out of hiding. He wants us to rule the world like we should because we are the next evolutionary step for humanity. He does not support mindless slaughter of people. He only kills when its necessary."

"Are you listening to yourself?" Lily asked horrified. "After everything you know of him, you are still supporting him. They have killed more than 100 people! They killed innocent muggles like my parents and your father and several others."

"My father was a horrible excuse of a human being. He deserved to die." Severus snapped. "I wanted him to die. Lucius just went ahead and fulfilled my wish. The death of your parents along with the others was unfortunate, but we cannot undo what's already been done."

Lily backed away from Severus, horrified at the man standing in front of her.

"Who are you?" She asked, "You are not the boy I have been friends with since I was eight."

"I am the same person, Lily." Severus said quietly, "Have I never expressed that I hate how things are at home? Have I never told you that I wished my father would just go away and leave us in peace? Didn't I ever tell you that I would send him away once I learn enough magic? Well, I arranged for him to go away, why is this surprising you?"

"You-you-you planned his murder." Lily said weakly, backing away from him till her back hit the wall. Severus stepped towards her. "Stay away from me!" Lily said.

"I was staying away from you." He said darkly as he advanced towards her trapping her between him and the wall behind her. "You came seeking me out."

"I came looking for my best friend, who I believed was hurting over his father's death. I came looking for the boy who cared about people." Lily said defiantly, refusing to look him in the eye.

"Look at me." He whispered; his heart rate erratic. Lily refused. "Please, just look at me once."

Lily looked at him and was taken aback by everything she saw in his dark eyes. She could see the Severus she knew, she could see his confusion and pain but beneath everything that she loved about Severus, she saw a darkness that she couldn't accept.

Severus was mesmerized by her green eyes, he could see the care she still had for him and her fear. He wanted to tell her that she doesn't have to be afraid of him but words failed him, so he did what he thought would ease her fear, he leaned in to kiss her.

"NO!" Lily shrieked shoving him away; he looked at her confused and hurt. "Just stay away from me. You are not my Severus anymore; I don't even know who you are now."

She ran away from him before he could do or say anything. Severus sank on the bench, frustrated with this dance. Why can't she make her mind up already? He is the only one who knows her and cares about her and right now he is the only one who can protect her.


Lily spent the rest of the day locked in her dormitory. It was past midnight when Alice snatched the pillow away from Lily's face.

"Okay! That's it. You start talking right now. I am your friend and I want to help you." Alice said with her hands on her hips.

"Alice." Marlene interjected, "Leave the girl alone. If she doesn't want to talk, we can't force her to."

"We have been leaving her alone since the start of the term!" Alice exclaimed, "Look at her! Lily, honey, you are worrying me. Please just talk to us. You know you can trust us."

Lily didn't say anything, just stared at her friends; she wanted to talk to someone; Merlin she missed Prongs. She wanted to tell them about her confusion regarding James Potter, about her incapability to hate Severus despite the fact that he was in league with the people who killed her parents, about how abandoned and lost she felt without her parents.

"I don't know where to start from." Lily said in a small voice, tears of frustration shining in her eyes.

Mary snuggled next to Lily and gave her a tight hug, "Start from the beginning then. Okay?"

"I found out who Prongs is."

"You did?" Mary exclaimed, "Why didn't you tell us?"

"Because its James. The four idiots are the Marauders." Marlene said.

"You knew?" Alice asked flabbergasted. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"I found out by accident and it was not my secret to tell and that's why I have been asking Lily to not talk to Prongs." Marlene said throwing her hands in the air. "Haven't I been saying all this while that it could be someone she doesn't like? What more hints could I drop?"

"True you have been saying that." Lily conceded.

"I am sorry Lily. I tried to warn you."

"I can't believe this! They are the Marauders!" Mary said with a whistle.

"Yes but you cannot say anything to them." Marlene said, "They will tell us when they have to."

"Okay, so you found out that James is Prongs and that's when you stopped talking to him, right?" Alice asked.

"Yeah." Lily said with a sigh, "But I am so confused about him. I don't know which one is the real Potter. Prongs has always been so mature, so sensitive, so respectful and caring and then Potter has been nothing but a bullying toerag. The summer I spent with you has confused me more because at home he is almost the guy that Prongs is, and I want to believe that this is who Potter really is but then my mind keeps remembering all the times he made me cry or all the times he bullied Se-"

Lily caught herself before she spoke his name. Severus' betrayal made the loss of her parents all the more painful. The group lapsed into silence, all lost in their thoughts of the boy they knew.

"And then the other night when we stayed in their dorm." Lily continued in a small voice, "I woke up in his arms."

None of the girls said anything to Lily's confession.

"And?" Mary prompted after Lily had been silent for a while.

"I don't know." Lily said, looking every bit as vulnerable as she felt. "I really don't know. When I woke up, I didn't want to leave his side because it was comfortable; I could pretend that mum and dad were not dead, that I was not an orphan. It was my safe bubble but then it burst. And- and- and I would give anything to feel that warm again." She choked, trying to stem her tears. Her friends made no move, knowing that she needed to get everything out of her system to feel better.

"I mean, even now with you guys here I feel empty from within. I feel so lost. Every time I think of the future all I could think of is that they won't be there for any of it. How am I supposed to live without them? Why were they taken from me? Why were they murdered so thoughtlessly?" Lily sobbed as Mary and Alice held her in their arms.

"Lily," Marlene said softly, wiping away her tears. "You will always have us. We will be your family. I know we can never replace your parents but you have to believe us when we say we would never let you be alone. I know it will take some time, but please promise to not shut us out. We will be here to comfort you whenever things get heavy. Just talk to us, okay?"

Lily nodded, as Alice kissed the side of her head in a comforting gesture. The three girls held their broken friend for a long while.

"I know what we need." Mary said suddenly, breaking away from the hug.

"What?" Alice asked as Mary ran out the door without even bothering to answer the question.

"Why do I have a feeling that she is going to do something crazy?" Marlene asked.

"Because its Mary." Alice answered, shaking her head fondly. "You feel any better, Lils?"

"Loads." Lily said giving Alice a warm hug.

"Soooooooooooooooo…" Marlene said, with a mischievous glint in her eyes. "You slept with James Potter?"

"Marlene!" Alice protested, but Lily and Marlene were already rolling on the bed laughing.

By the time Mary came back with the chocolates she had bullied out of Remus and the radio from the common room, the three girls were rolling on the floor laughing about how bright the stars were. The four friends dragged down two mattresses and settled in, just like they used to do when they were younger. They talked about everything under the sky, crushes old and new. Funny habits, stupid phases they have had so far, stories from their childhood, their most embarrassing moments. The morning saw the four girls passed out on the two mattresses in a tangle of limbs.


The four girls walked in for lunch on Sunday. They had slept through breakfast and were positively ravenous.

"Slow down, Marlene!" Sirius exclaimed as Marlene wolfed down her kidney and steak pie. "Your food is not going anywhere."

Marlene stuck her tongue out at Sirius before going back to her food.

"What has gotten into you lot?" Peter aked, looking incredulously at the four silent girls concentrating on their food.

"Nothing." Alice said, "People tend to concentrate on their plates when they get good food and this chicken is out of this world."

The other three girls made noises of agreement not bothering to say another word.

"This is our regular chicken; this is served thrice in a week." Sirius said, "And you were complaining about it, two days ago."

"Jesus Christ! Leave the girl alone, she was a different person two days ago." Mary said, hi fiving Alice at the end of her sentence.

"I don't want to invite your wrath." Sirius said curiously.

"Then don't." Remus said looking up from his pie. "Don't say whatever you want to say."

Sirius gave Remus an exasperated look, "I was just wondering, is it that time of the month for all four of you?"

James choked on his food at the same time as Remus covered his face in absolute horror and Peter shook his head in denial. The four girls however, stopped eating and exchanged quick glances with each other and burst out laughing.

"Sometimes, you are so much like an adorable little puppy!" Marlene exclaimed, petting Sirius' head.

"How do you know about it though?" Mary asked with a wide grin, exchanging a wink with Lily.

"Know about what?" Sirius asked not really sure of where the conversation was going.

"That we have synchronized ourselves." Lily said with a mischievous glint in her eyes.

"Yeah. We generally suffer together or close to each other. This has strengthened our bond." Alice said with a laugh, sending air kisses to Mary sitting in front of her.

"I did not need to do that." Peter said, looking terrified.

"I could have spent my life happily without knowing it." Remus said with a sigh before whacking the back of Sirius' head.

"Ow! But how do you that?" Sirius asked curiously.

The girls shrugged, "No idea." Marlene said.

"This is fascinating." Sirius exclaimed, "I mean we have the same two eyes, two ears, one nose, two hands and everything but there are so many fascinating things to know."

"Of all the subjects in the world, you find human anatomy as fascinating?" James asked rolling his eyes.

"Why not?" Sirius asked, "Have you never been awed by the absolute wonders our bodies are? Of all the magic on earth, the human body is the most magical thing possible."

"Is he alright?" Mary asked Remus.

"He is fine." Remus said, "That's what happens to him when eats too much of chocolate. He becomes a philosopher."

"By the way, Marlene, my love." Sirius said suddenly, making Marlene blush. "Why weren't you at breakfast today?"

"Overslept." She muttered, refusing to look at Sirius.

"Aw! Come on!" Sirius said, "We know we like each other, so get used to it. I am not going to pretend otherwise."

The rest of the table watched the exchange with growing interest.

Marlene grinned at Sirius. "Okay." She said with a shrug before going back to her food.

"Wait." Alice said flabbergasted, "That's it? He says he won't pretend not liking you and you say okay and that's it?"

Sirius and Marlene exchanged a look. "Yeah." They said together, shrugging at the same time.

"So, is this the start of your relationship?" Mary asked.

"Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa!" Sirius said, "I haven't even taken the girl out on a date yet."

"So, what does it mean then?" Peter asked.

"That I like him and he likes me." Marlene answered, "So, do you want to go to Hogsmeade together next weekend?"

"I was thinking more of going out tonight." Sirius said with a devilish grin, "I am pretty sure you want to spend time with the girls during the Hogsmeade weekend."

"Sounds like a plan. I will see in the common room at 7:00 then?" Marlene asked.

"Yeah, okay. Are you guys done? Let's go already." Sirius said jumping out of his seat and rushing out.

"What's his rush?" Alice asked.

"Beauty queen?" Peter said, "He needs to prepare for the big date tonight."

"Finish your food fast!" Marlene said suddenly, "Now that Peter has mentioned it, I need your help."

"Hey!" Sirius exclaimed as he marched back in, "I expect the three of you to follow me when I walk out. So, move. Now."

"Evans and I will come along in a few. You guys go ahead."

"You good to go, Evans?" James asked as soon as the rest of them cleared out the table.

"No and I won't be till you tell me, where exactly are we going." Lily said.

"Back to the common room."

"Then why did you let them go ahead?"

"Because this arrived for you this morning." James said pulling a scroll of parchment from his pocket. "And I wanted to give this to you privately, it's from my mum." He reassured her.

"Oh! Thanks."

James nodded before walking away from her. He had hardly climbed the first step when Lily came rushing out.

"Potter! Wait. We need to talk."

"About what?" James asked continuing to climb the steps as Lily caught up with him.

"About that morning in your dormitory."

"What about it?"

"Why were you holding me?"

"I woke up and noticed that you were crying in your sleep. I tried to wake Sirius up, but he just wouldn't wake up, so I thought I would comfort you till you quietened down and then leave you."

"But you didn't leave me." Lily reminded him.

"I- You held on to my shirt and I-" James looked down and increased his pace.

"You, what?" Lily asked tugging his arm to stop him.

The moment she looked into his eyes, she wished she hadn't stopped him. His hazel eyes swirled with such intense emotions, she felt light headed.

"I couldn't." He whispered, his breath tickled her cheek, they didn't know when they had leaned into each other. James looked down at Lily's lips; he was just so close to capturing them. He had yearned for this moment all his life. If only he could kiss her, she would know how much she meant to him. He could see the conflict in her eyes, a part of her wanted him too and this was enough for James.

"We should go." He said, pulling himself away from her and walking away. Lily hung her head, why was she so disappointed? Why didn't he kiss her? His rejection hurt, it confused her. She wrapped her arms around herself and shuddered, him being so near to her was enough to pull her into that bubble of safety again. What was it about James Potter that made her feel less lonely in his company? Why did she want his arms around her so bad?

The rest of her day was spent in her dorm as they helped Marlene get ready for her date. The fact that Sirius was breaking several school rules, didn't really matter to Lily anymore. Life was short, rules only limit a person and give them the false dream of forever. Sirius believed in living in the moment and that's how people should live. All through dinner Lily tried to catch James' eye but he would studiously look in the other direction as soon as she looked at him.

Lily tossed and turned, trying to force herself to sleep but sleep eluded her. The rest of the girls had slept off immediately after dissecting Marlene's minimal description of the date. Lily sighed as she gave up on any hopes of sleep and pulled out the letter James had handed to her.

My dearest Lily,

I hope you are doing well. As I write this to you, I am at an utter loss for words. I will not fool you and say everything would be back to normal in no time. Things don't become normal. When you lose someone, they leave a space in you that no one else could even dream of filling up. I am sorry you had to face such a tragic loss at such a young age. It is not easy and I commend you for your strength. From what I observed of you this summer, you are a very strong and driven young girl. But please don't force yourself to come to terms with this loss.

It has been months to Althea's death and I still think about her every day. I still cry over the things that she would miss, like her son's wedding, James' graduation, James, Frank and Percy's children. It hurts me to know that I would not be able to share such small joys as a cup of perfectly prepared tea with her anymore but I also know that wherever she is, her soul has found peace. So, whenever you feel restless about the things your parents would miss out, remind yourself that they have found peace and are watching over you with increasing pride.

I am not writing this letter to just offer my condolences. I am also writing to you to let you know that I am there for you. Of course, I would never be able to wear your mother's shoes but if you ever need me for anything, I am there to help you. In fact it would make me feel much better if you do write to me from time to time. I would like to know more about you. I know I am asking for a lot and thus I leave this decision to you. Please feel free to decline my offer; I will still be here for you if you need me for anything.

Before I end this letter, I would also like to invite you to the Yuletide ball at our home. I also insist that you stay with us for the new years. I understand that you would like to spend Christmas with your sister, but I would request you to join us after Boxing day and spend a few days with us. The decision is completely yours, do write to me though.

Please take care of yourself and remember time is the biggest healer.

Sincerely

Dorea Potter

AN: And here is another chapter. Now moving on to understand a few things.

a) I honestly believe that the wizarding world would discover about this unique use of the protean charm in a tattoo (dark mark) after the first war and capture of several death eaters so for now, anyone with the dark mark is just some crazy fanatic with a tattoo.

b) It's almost 4:00 a.m. in India as I post this so I really don't remember what else was I supposed to mention.

c) Just remembered, yes, James walked away because he was scared of getting hurt. He could see Lily's confusion and vulnerability and he did not wish to exploit that.

So, I guess pretty much everything is covered. I have tried to proof read the story but I am a sleep deprived zombie so forgive my mistakes.

Now don't forget to read and review. Please follow/favorite this story if you like it and if you haven't already done so.

Waiting to hear from you soon (through reviews)

Much love

The fishes.