Christmas Eve was a bleak affair at the Evans household. Petunia had grudgingly settled for firewhiskey after her eggnog experiment failed. It was way past midnight and Lily was downing the fourth bottle of firewhiskey. Sleep eluded her and for some god forsaken reason she missed Potter. She had no explanation for why she missed him. She twirled the invitation letter for the Yule Ball at Potter Manor, before throwing it down in frustration. She missed Prongs, she wanted to talk to Prongs but James Potter ruined this relationship for her too. He messed everything up and yet she couldn't wipe away the memory of the morning she woke up in his arms. She couldn't wipe away the disappointment she felt when he didn't kiss her. She couldn't silence the monster in her that craved his presence. In her drunken state, Lily Evans had the biggest epiphany of her young life; she wanted to be near James Potter. She needed him to reduce the hole her parents had left in her soul. She needed him to make her feel warm again and she wanted all of it this instant. She jumped out of her bed, hurriedly going through all the options she had to reach to him. Her home was not connected to the floo network, she could always fly to Marlene's home but that would create a lot of complications. She cursed her stars for not knowing apparition.

She paced the room restlessly; she needed to see James Potter. A shining piece of paper caught her eye. The invitation to the ball, mocked her. She picked the invitation and stared at it morosely; she had a chance to meet James Potter tonight.

Dear Lily,

Thank you for your kind letter. I had hoped that you would be able to make it for the ball, but I understand that you need to be with your family too. However, should you change your mind and wish to attend the ball. Just tap your wand on this letter thrice after 6:00 p.m and before 9:00 p.m. on Christmas Eve. This piece of paper would act like a portkey and bring you to Potter Manor.

We really do hope to see you soon.

Sincerely,

Dorea Potter

How could she forget! 9:00 p.m. mocked at her. However, Lily rummaged through her things for her wand. Unwillingly, almost without hope she tapped on the letter three times. Lily's surprise was caught in her throat as she felt a tug behind her naval, before she could comprehend her situation she was on the floor of the entrance hall at the Potter Manor. Lily got on her feet unsteadily, wishing for a mouthful of firewhiskey. She stumbled her way to James' room, apologizing to the portraits on the way.

Lily had spent the last fifteen minutes staring at James' door. Now that she was here, she didn't know if she wanted to see him. The Manor was eerily silent for a place that had witnessed a party a few hours ago. Lily would have spent a longer time staring at James' door but she heard someone coming and bolted.

James Potter was tired to his bones. His mother was hopeful that Lily would come for the ball, but James knew better. So, here he was in his room, getting ready for bed when Lily bolted into his room.

"Oops!" Lily giggled. "Sorry."

"Lily?" James asked in a strangled whisper.

"Yup!" She said brightly.

"What-what-what are you doing here? Is everything alright?" He asked, still frozen on his spot.

"Yes. Yes. Everything is fine." She slurred, "I should probably go. Goodnight Potter."

"Wait." James ordered as he strode to her. "Are you drunk?"

"Maybe…" Lily slurred with a bright smile. "I should go though."

"Where do you think you are going?" He asked catching her wrist and tugging her back to him.

Lily inhaled sharply. She was now stuck between James Potter's chest and the door and her head swam.

"Lily? Hey, Evans!" James asked waving his palm in front of her face. "Are you alright?"

"Maybe."

"How much did you drink?"

"4 bottles of Firewhiskey." Lily giggled, holding 3 fingers up.

"Dear Merlin!" James whispered.

"How did you even get here? Are you crazy? You could have hurt yourself?"

"Shush, mother." Lily said, placing a finger on his lips. "Oh wait! I don't have a mother. She left me."

Before Lily could stop herself, she was crying in James' arms. James led Lily to his bed and poured her a glass of water after ensuring that she was comfortable.

He watched her red, blotchy face with a new ache in his heart. He wanted to make her feel better but he knew Sirius was probably the better person for it.

"I will go get Sirius, I am sure you would like to speak to him." James said.

"No!" Lily exclaimed, holding his wrist. "Stay. Please."

"Its getting late." James said, after what felt like an eternity of tense silence. "You should get some sleep."

He tucked her in tenderly, but before he could leave her, she held his hand again.

"Do you think, you could just hold me like you held me the other night in your dormitory?"

"Yes." James whispered his throat suddenly dry.

Lily snuggled next to him.

"Po- James?" She whispered.

"Yes?"

"I came here to meet you."

"Huh?"

"Yes. I don't know why, but when you are around me I feel less lonely. It feels warm, it aches less. But I don't know why I feel this way?" She wondered aloud.

"I do." He thought as he ran his fingers in her soft red hair.


"PRONGS! GET- aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" Sirius screamed as he jumped on James' bed and landed on Lily.

"Where's the fire?" James asked as he jerked awake while Sirius kept on screaming and Lily stared at him frightened.

"Sirius! Shut up!" James snapped after assessing the situation.

"But-But-But- Lily-your bed- you- What?"

Lily blushed deeply.

"Relax." James said, "Its nothing like that."

"But-what happened? How did she get here?" Sirius asked still trying to come to terms with seeing Lily in James' bed. "Lily, what are you doing here?"

"I- err- I am not really-" Lily trailed off, blushing hard.

"It's a long story." James said hastily cutting Lily off.

"We have all the time in the world. It's only 5:00 a.m." Sirius said, settling in comfortably at the foot of James' bed.

"I-I-I have to go. Petunia would be up any moment." Lily said jumping off James' bed.

"Okay. I will drop you home. Come on."

"No! Its fine. I used the invitation to come here, I guess it could take me back."

"Okay." Sirius said with a pout, "Where is the invitation?"

"I don't know. I can't find it." Lily replied checking under James' bed and panicking a little. "I can't believe I dropped it! How will I get home?"

"We can floo you home." Sirius suggested.

"We don't have a floo connection."

"Flying would take all morning. And we don't know how to apparate." James replied.

"Looks like you are stuck with us for Christmas, Evans." Sirius replied with a grin.

"Relax." James said, kicking Sirius, as Lily gave them panicked looks. "We will get you home. Wait a minute, Twinkie!"

Lily jumped at the loud CRACK!

"You have a house-elf?" Lily asked flabbergasted, as a house elf appeared wearing a white shirt and skirt.

"House elves." Sirius corrected.

"How come I didn't notice them over the summer?" Lily wondered aloud.

"Because they are shy." Sirius replied.

"It is not right, Master Sirius." Twinkie said disapprovingly, "It is the sign of a good elf that they remain invisible."

"But that isn't-"

"Don't go there." James warned her. "Not unless you want to go through a two hour lecture."

"Master James!" Twinkie exclaimed, tugging his ear affectionately.

"You have embarrassed me enough." James said with a laugh. "Now, I need a favour. I need you to drop Miss Evans home right now."

"Of course! Hold my hand Miss Evans. You will be home in no time." Twinkie said extending her hand.

Lily took her hand uncertainly, "Don't worry." Sirius called from his spot. "Elves can apparate in and out of most places."

"Okay."

"Merry Christmas, Evans." James said tugging her hair behind her ear.


The rest of the holidays passed in a haze for Lily and James. While Sirius and later on Remus and Peter spent a lot of time convincing James to not let his hopes up. Lily on the other hand was infinitely confused. She could pretend and tell the world that she remembered nothing. She however couldn't lie to herself. She remembered everything. She remembered his smell and the feel of his arm around her waist. The warmth she felt when he had gathered her in his arms. She could go on pretending but she didn't want to. Every day she waited for a letter from James but never got one. Every day she wrote a letter to him but just couldn't send it. James was in the same predicament. He didn't know if he should write a letter to her. He didn't want to sound presumptuous. After a lot of deliberation he decided he would wait for her to write a letter to him.

The train ride was torturous for both. Lily was just as tempted to go find James but she didn't know what to say to him. James had taken the Marauders' advice and was busy convincing himself that a drunken night meant nothing. That Lily felt nothing for him and he shouldn't get his hopes up. The fact that she hadn't contacted him since that day meant that she felt nothing for him.

"You are staring at him again." Alice whispered, making Lily jump.

"What?"

"You were staring at James again." Marlene clarified helping herself to some more pie.

"I wasn't." Lily replied defiantly, her eyes straying on James.

"You are doing it again." Mary pointed out with a smirk.

"You fancy him." Marlene declared.

"I do not!" Lily exclaimed.

"Do too."

"Do not."

"What is going on here?" Sirius asked, pecking Marlene's cheek softly.

"Lily fancies a boy and she is denying it." Marlene chirped.

"Lily has been denying a lot of things she has done lately." Sirius commented, giving Lily a sly look.

"You know something!" Mary exclaimed.

"Maybe." Sirius smirked, "But I am here to steal my girlfriend from her clingy friends."

Mary stuck her tongue out at Sirius, as Alice threw a shrimp at him. Lily did not pay attention, she had just made eye contact with James and his hazel eyes burned through her.

"Don't interrogate her without me." Marlene requested, taking Sirius' hand.

"And James." Sirius called, "You are feeding your lap."

He grinned cheekily at Lily before pulling Marlene away.


Mary pulled Lily's sheets away, knowing well that she wasn't sleeping.

"Mary!"

"Lily!"

"What do you want?"

"Nothing. Just wanted to irritate you."

"Where is Alice when you need her to discipline someone." Lily muttered.

"Hey!" Alice exclaimed, rising from under her bed. "I am a fun person."

"Yeah! Right!" Marlene snickered.

"Anyway, I have an announcement." Mary said exchanging a smirk with Alice.

"Gideon asked me out!"

"Finally!" Lily exclaimed happily.

"I need details!" Marlene exclaimed.

"Jeez. Sirius is rubbing off on you." Alice said with a laugh, as Mary launched her story.

Soon, the discussion moved to Alice and Frank, Marlene and Sirius and finally, to the war brewing outside. Marlene worried about her brothers who were members of a secret society working against Voldemort. People were vanishing and dying by the dozens. No one knew who to trust anymore. The annual Potter family ball was much more tensed than ever. Marlene and Alice filled the other two about the ball and the conversations they overheard. The latest rage being, Dorea Potter's return to work; if the ministry needed someone who has not even recovered properly, it meant things were bad.

"Lily!" Alice said suddenly. "What was Sirius talking about earlier?"

"Oh, that!" Lily said, blushing deeply. "It's not a big deal."

"Then why are you blushing so hard?" Mary asked.

"I- Okay, I can't hide anything from you." Lily muttered before telling them her story.

"Wow!" Alice whistled.

"You slept with James Potter again." Marlene snickered.

"That's a little messed up though." Mary said. "Do you even like him?"

"I don't know." Lily sighed, "But I just feel so much better when I am around him. But I guess he has moved on, he hasn't contacted me at all since that night."

"What if he is waiting for you to talk to him?" Alice asked.

"He could write at least."

"Lily." Alice said, "You have been turning him down since day one. And he was really bummed out after the whole Prongs fiasco. Maybe he is scared."

"Yeah." Marlene agreed.

"What if he likes someone else?" Lily asked.

Mary made some noise in disagreement but Alice looked away. "I wouldn't rule that out." She said quietly.

"Alice." Mary said exasperated, "There is no possibility of James liking someone else."

"He spent a lot of time at the ball with Amelia." Alice said slowly. "And she is a nice person. You were there, Marlene."

"Yes, but she is just a friend. Like you and I are." Marlene said, "Sirius would have said something had James moved on from Lily. He has been trying so hard to set James and Amelia up."

"What?" Mary exclaimed. "Why would he do that?"

"Um… No offence to you, Lily." Marlene said softly, "But Sirius just can't stand James being so miserable. He doesn't blame Lily, but he wants James to get over her. It's unhealthy for him."

"He must have been mad at me for Christmas eve then." Lily said miserably.

"No, he isn't." Marlene said quickly, "He is mad at you for not writing to him after, though."

"That's fair." Lily said shrugging slightly.

"Yeah. You should talk to James once." Alice said.

"I agree." Marlene said as Mary nodded. "Just clear it out with him."

"At breakfast?" Lily asked.

"At breakfast." Marlene confirmed as the others grinned, letting her know that they would ensure she did the right thing.


Lily was a bundle of nerves the next morning.

"Is this really a good idea?" Lily asked for the hundredth time, "I can talk to him later, more privately."

"No, you won't." Mary snickered.

"And you would get ample amount of privacy after you tell him that you want to speak to him privately." Alice pointed out.

"But-"

"No buts!" Marlene ordered, "You are talking to him and you would do it at breakfast. Now move."

Lily was gearing herself up to walk up to James as soon as they entered the hall when the four Marauders walked out. Remus and Sirius were flanking James with threats visible on their faces, James looked pale. Peter brought up the rear, sending serious looks to passer-bys and watching James anxiously.

"What happened?" Mary asked Kingsley Shacklebolt, a first year from their house, who had just walked out of the hall.

"Dunno." Kingsley said with a shrug, "Rumour is Potter got purple seal letter."

Alice clapped her mouth in horror, tears shining in her eyes.

"Alice." Marlene said urgently, "It's a rumour. It might not be true. Let's just go up and talk to them. Do NOT panic, right now."

Lily hadn't even waited to Marlene to say this, by the time the rest of them caught up, she was already climbing the steps to the Tower. They checked the dormitories but the boys were not there. So they waited in the common room. Only Sirius, Remus and Peter returned and Sirius had murder written on his features. Without even giving them a glance he ran straight to the boys' dormitory, Peter followed. Remus shook his head and ran after Peter and Sirius. The girls trailed behind. By the time they reached the dormitory, they could hear loud crashes.

"Sirius?" Marlene gasped, as the girls spilled into the room.

Sirius looked up, wild eyed, angry and hurt as he continued destroying the furniture with his bare hands. James was nowhere to be seen.

Marlene rushed to Sirius, holding on to him. He tried to push her away; at some point the people watching them were afraid that Sirius would grievously harm her. When she didn't let go, he collapsed in her arms, howling like a wounded animal.

Marlene looked pleadingly at Remus, who was crying himself.

"It's Mrs. Potter." He said after taking a shuddering breath in. "She died in an ambush, last night."

Alice and Marlene had started weeping already, but the world had stopped spinning for Lily. Lily might not have spent a lot of time with her, but she somehow depended on Mrs. Potter. Her last resort was taken from her too. Her knees buckled in shock, but tears won't come to her.

"Where is he?" Lily asked quietly, her heart aching for James.

"At the Quidditch Pitch." Sirius answered. Lily nodded, standing up. "Lily," he called. "He is hurting already. Don't mess him up."

Sirius' words stung Lily, but she brushed them off. She had to find James; she had to see him to know that he was okay. She had to comfort him.

James was circling the pitch, his vision unfocused. He didn't know what to feel anymore. Flashes of his childhood, of her anger, laughter, smiles, kisses came to him in random order. His entire life moved in front of his life. She had been there at every step. This was all a bad joke, a nightmare. He would wake up any moment and she would still be around, writing letters to him. Asking him to behave himself and have some fun too. James burst into tears, he felt like a failure. The one thing she had asked of him, was to behave himself and he never granted her that wish. He sent a prayer up, he promised to behave himself, all she had to do was come back.

Lily climbed to highest stand on the pitch, her vision blurred by the snowfall but she couldn't find him.

"JAMES" she shouted him name, once, twice, a hundred times but he didn't reply. Lily burst into tears as she sank back on the chair. Where was he?

James had heard her the first time; he just didn't want to talk to her. He didn't want to talk to anyone, so he kept flying higher and Lily kept calling his name, till she called no more. He figured she had left already.

When James grew exhausted of flying around, he decided he needed some hot chocolate, his mother's favourite. He was flying low enough to spot her. Lily was a dark lump on a chair. When James reached her, he realized that she had dozed off, with tear tracks still clear on her cheeks.

"James?" Lily spluttered, as soon as he woke her up. He said nothing.

"Where have you been?" She cried, pulling him into a hug. "I was so worried."

James said nothing; he only buried his face in her neck, inhaling the smell of her shampoo and perfume. And he let go. It was so easy to let go with her. So he cried and cried till he could cry no more. By the time they returned to the castle, it was tea time and classes had almost ended for the day.

When they returned to the boys' dormitory in the Gryffindor tower, Sirius was sleeping in Marlene's lap. Remus and Peter were nowhere to be found, Alice and Mary were missing too.

"They had to go back to class." Marlene whispered. "They should be back soon."

James flopped on his bed and Lily automatically knelt near his head and ran her fingers through his hair, till he slept off. Lily watched him sleep, he looked so heartbroken that she just couldn't leave, so she continued running her hand through his hair till she slept off in that uncomfortable position herself.

It would be hours later that Lily would wake up with a pain in her neck and a growling stomach. The Mary and Peter would troop down to the kitchens and return with heaps of food for dinner and the eight of them would sleep in the same dormitory again. Only this time, Lily and James would sleep on James' bed holding to each other like children do when they feel threatened by the world. Marlene and Sirius would talk all night. Alice would weep silently in a corner and Remus and Mary would hold her to comfort her and Peter would look at the room and realize that opposing Voldemort was not as heroic as he thought it would be.

AN: And I am alive and back from the longest writer's block in my life. Also please do not kill me, I had so much going on in my life. Anyway, it's all in the past. I am back and here is the chapter.

Please leave a review and let me know how you liked it. If you are new to this fic, don't forget to favourite/follow it and me.

I am open to all sorts of opinions, so you should tell me if this chapter was lame. I really need to know that. It would help me develop as a writer.

Hope you had fun reading this chapter.

Can't wait to hear from you.

Hugs and Kisses,

The Fishes

P.S. That rhymes, I am such an improv poet these days! :D