James and Sirius were gone by the time Lily woke up the next day and didn't return for a week. Things changed drastically once the duo returned. Sirius and James came back with a vengeance. They became more and more reckless. It was almost an everyday occurrence to see either one or both them sporting a wound. Nearly every day, one or the other Slytherin found himself in the Hospital Wing. Marlene worried that at this rate the two boys would be expelled. McGonagall allowed them this madness for two weeks by giving them long detentions after which she threatened to take away their Quidditch privileges. This only incensed them.

Lily would have gone back to hating James again but she couldn't. Under the mask of stubbornness and anger Lily could see infinite pain. She had tried to talk to him but if James Potter was good at one thing, it was evading people. No one apart from Marlene and the other Marauders dared approach Sirius. But every time Marlene approached him, he would push her away with many hurtful words. He had an almost violent look in his eyes. At this moment, Lily Evans was looking at the four Marauders thinking about what Marlene had told them during breakfast.

"She didn't die because she was not ready to be on the field." Marlene muttered. "She was duelling three at the same time. Cygnus Black snuck behind her and used the Cruciatus on her. They tortured her till she died."

Lily was staring at Marlene speechless. Mary and Alice had gone white.

"How did you find this out?" Alice whispered.

"Sirius told me last night in a fit of rage. Turns out, James overheard his father talking to some of his friends about it. Mr. Potter blames himself for not being there for her." She replied.

"This is horrible." Mary said.

Marlene nodded her expression hard. "Sirius, blames himself. They were mad at her for taking him in after he ran away from home. He-"

"It's not his fault." Lily interrupted.

"I don't know how to help him." Marlene sighed, "He just keeps pushing me away."

Lily shook her head, breaking out of her reverie. Bidding farewell to Marlene and Alice she went ahead for her patrol duty with Remus. They walked in silence and met with no one. Lily wanted to talk to Remus, ask him about James and Sirius but it looked like the quiet Marauder was lost in his thoughts. They were just finishing up their rounds on the fourth floor when they heard something.

"-should just do you in and return the favour."

Remus groaned and took off with Lily at his heels, they rounded a corner and the scene in front of her chilled Lily.

James Potter had his wand pointed at Narcissa Black, a seventh year Slytherin. Except to Lily he didn't look like the prat she had known all her life. His features seemed to have changed, his expression was sinister. He looked terrifying. For the first time in her life, Lily Evans was scared of James Potter. She hadn't even noticed Sirius standing in the shadows, with two prone figures at his feet.

"Stop it, both of you!" Remus said, hurrying forward, to pull Sirius' wand away from Regulus Black and Davy Gudgeon.

Lily's mind jumped into action. She fired a shield charm between Potter and Black, knocking James off his feet. James jumped to his feet and gave her a hateful glare.

"Don't make me hex you, Evans." He threatened with gritted teeth.

Lily stared back refusing to remove the shield charm.

"Go!" Lily all but shouted at Narcissa. "Go back to your dorms."

Narcissa didn't need telling twice, she turned and walked away. Davy Gudgeon stood up and gave Lily a hateful glare.

He opened his mouth to insult her but she cut him off with an "I know. Now run along. Go!"

Regulus Black however, stood up and stared at Sirius, who was being held back by Remus.

"Black." Lily warned, "Just go."

Regulus' gaze flickered to Lily but he didn't move. He stared at Sirius who was struggling against Remus. James Potter was still contained behind the shield charm Lily had conjured and while he was getting angrier by the minute, he had not hexed her yet.

"I don't take orders from any of you." Regulus announced defiantly.

"Yes. Because you have new master now, don't you?" Sirius shouted, "You would anything for him, won't you? What's your first task Reggie? Killing your own family? I hear our father doesn't have any qualms about killing siblings anymore. Here's a thought, why don't you-"

Sirius' words were cut off as Regulus punched his face. "You stubborn, spoilt, selfish brat!" Regulus shouted and it looked like once he let go, he didn't care about who was listening to him shout at his estranged brother. "How dare you stand there after giving up on me and claim to have a higher ground? You ran out on me, Sirius Black. Don't you ever forget that! Narcissa and I came looking for Potter and you, to tell you that we will never throw a fatal curse at you, no matter what battles we meet in because family matters! Why must you always hold Cissy and me responsible for everything they do? It's not her fault! And it bloody well isn't mine!" Regulus stopped; he glared at Sirius biting the inside of his cheek.

"And Potter." He said turning to look at James. "Stay the hell away from us. We want nothing to do with the lot of you."

Sirius looked stumped. He left as soon as Remus let him go. Lily looked at James who was glaring at her still.

"What is your problem, Evans?" James asked, towering over her. "Why must you always meddle in other people's business?"

"James." Remus cautioned but James waved it off.

"James." Lily said putting a calming hand on his arm which he shook off. "It's not their fault. And you can't keep on attacking everyone for revenge. You are better than that."

"Don't you lecture me!" James shouted. "You have always protected those bloody snakes. Do you know what Cygnus Black did? He tortured my mother- his sister- till her heart gave out. Preach me about being better when you have lost someone you love to that!" James' eyes widened in realization as soon as the last words left his mouth; Lily inhaled sharply.

"James!" Remus exclaimed. "Lily, he didn't mean it."

Lily's gaze flickered to Remus; she nodded once and turned to leave. She didn't look at James again.

"Lily." James called, chasing after her. Remus just shook his head, running after James to prevent any other mishaps.

"Lily, wait!" James said, pulling her hand. She tugged her hand free forcefully. "Lily, please." He said grabbing her shoulders and turning her to him.

"I am-"

"Don't say, you are sorry, Potter." Lily growled, "Just don't say it. I don't want to hear it."

"Lily, please." James said earnestly, "I was too angry. I- I-"

"Forgot?" Lily asked poison dripping from her voice. "Let me jog your memory, Potter. My parents were tortured and murdered in cold blood by the Death Eaters for the crime of existing! I know the names of at least a couple of killers, but you don't see me going ahead and attacking their loved ones in school because the students here are not at fault. For all we know, they might not even agree with their families. Bellatrix Black was one of the people present during the attack on my parents. Should I blame Sirius and you then? You are related to her, aren't you?" Lily stepped back from James; her disappointment filled the space between them. "I thought you had changed. I thought you had- I guess I was wrong. You are the same arrogant, bullying toerag you have been all these years. Goodnight Potter, Remus."

She didn't wait for their response. James fell on his knees, suddenly exhausted with everything.

"She doesn't mean that." Remus said, placing a hand on his shoulder. James shook his head.

"I am just tired of being this angry all the time." He groaned. "I don't know what to think or feel anymore."

"It will be fine. Now, come on. Let's go back to the tower."

James looked out his window, sleep evading him like it had since his mother's death. He didn't look up when someone's knee bumped into his.

"Does it hurt?" He asked breaking the silence.

"Like hell." Sirius replied massaging his jaw. "Sometimes I feel like an ass."

"Tell me about it." James said with a wry smile.

"Merlin! I hate apologising to that squirt." Sirius groaned.

"You are secretly happy that he is mad at you for believing that he would try and do you in."

Sirius grinned, "I won't deny it. He cares about me! I guess I could live with being disowned by my parents. Why do you look so gloomy?"

"Evans." James sighed.

"What did she do now?" Sirius asked, "I love that girl, but I am going to have a word with her. She can't keep on playing with you like this."

"It's not that!" James said, "I messed up this time."

"Tell me something new." Sirius muttered, receiving a kick on his shins. "Ow! Alright, alright! What did you do?"

"Shouted at Evans for breaking up the fight." James said with a sigh, "When she asked me to be the better person; I called her a hypocrite and told her to talk to me after she had lost someone the way I lost mum."

"You didn't!" Sirius exclaimed. James looked away, ashamed of himself.

"You are such a prat at times!" Sirius grumbled, "Did you forget that not so soon ago, her parents were tortured and murdered in a Death Eater attack?"

"I remembered as soon as I said it." James said earnestly, "I was so mad at everything, I took it out on her and it got out of hand."

"Did you apologise at least?"

"I did. Over and over and I am ready to do it again but she got mad and said that I was still a bullying toerag and nothing more. She doesn't want anything to do with me." James said running a hand through his hair. Sirius gave him a sympathetic look.

"I am just so tired of being angry, Padfoot." James sighed, "It's not helping anyone. But I don't know what else to do? How do I deal with this? How do we deal with this?"

"Maybe we should take a leaf out of Lily's book and just go back to being who we were." Sirius mused.

"Mum, wanted us to behave." James reminded Sirius.

"We haven't been behaving for the past month, have we?" Sirius asked wryly. James frowned.

"Why don't you try being a little better tomorrow?" Remus asked from his bed, wordlessly lighting and putting out his wand.

James and Sirius jumped. "Merlin, Moony!" Sirius exclaimed, "And what do you mean by that?"

"Well, I am not asking you to change yourself drastically." Remus said, trying different charms wordlessly. "Just throw a friendly smile at some first year. Be a little nicer to Marlene. She cares for you, Padfoot. Everyone can see that."

Sirius nodded, choosing to look out the window.

"This applies to you too, Prongs." Remus said, "Show Lily that you are truly sorry and you are trying to change. Merlin! You deserve an award for messing this up though! It was going so well."

James groaned, hiding his face in his hands. "Don't remind me! We were finally going somewhere. She had finally started seeing me and now, we are back to square one!"

Sirius shook his head muttering under his breath. Remus shrugged and went back to practising his spells.


"James is staring at you again." Marlene muttered in Lily's ear. The two of them were sitting in the library trying to finish as much work as they could before the Easter break so that they could relax during the week.

"Let him." Lily said not even bothering to look up from her book. This had been her life for the past few weeks. It's not as if James had not tried to apologise and she had accepted the apology, she understood the impotent rage he was feeling. But his words had made a crack in their fragile relationship. While she was cordial with him, she couldn't go back to being the way she was with him. It's not as if the sixth years had a lot of time anyway. Between classes, homework, tests, tutoring and Prefect duties Lily hardly had any time left for her friends. James had Quidditch practices instead of Prefect duties but his schedule was just as packed.

James and Sirius had gradually gone back to being their jovial selves and sometimes helped Remus tutor junior students. A third year had told Lily quite sincerely that James was the best tutor she ever had. Remus had let it slip on more than one occasion that James was trying to improve himself. Marlene had said as much about both Sirius and James.

It surprised Lily to no end that Marlene, who always grumbled about dealing with the midgets now happily planned tutoring sessions with Sirius. Lily was loathe to admit that she was a little jealous with what the duo had achieved. Even the professors were surprised at their attitude. The mischief making was there alright, but now Sirius Black and James Potter also showed signs of maturity and a sense of responsibility and it baffled the Hogwarts community, students and teachers alike.

"He is helping out first years." Alice added in a staged whisper.

Lily quirked an eyebrow, not bothering to look up from the piece she was trying to understand.

"Just saying," Alice said, "He has changed a lot."

Lily groaned, banging her head on the table repeatedly. Alice and Marlene snickered.

"You know you miss him." Marlene sang.

"I know that." Lily whined.

"And he is really making an effort." Marlene pointed out.

"I know that too."

"Then why are you making both your lives difficult?" Marlene asked.

"I just don't want to get hurt again." Lily said, "I let him in once and I know what he said was in anger but I don't think I have the maturity to just up and forget it. I can't. I don't know why his words hurt so much."

"Ah! There's my favourite little redhead." Sirius said, taking his seat next to Lily and throwing his arm around her shoulders.

"Sirius." Lily said in greeting, "What can I do for you, this fine afternoon?"

"Marlene would kill us both if I start making a request." He quipped giving her a wink. "Ow!" He whined clutching his leg, as Marlene looked at him with a satisfied smirk.

Lily and Alice grinned. It was entertaining the way Marlene and Sirius interacted with each other. They were at complete ease with each other.

"Marlene, Alice." Sirius said with a lazy smile, "May I borrow Red for a moment?"

Alice and Marlene exchanged an amused glance as Sirius pulled Lily to her feet and dragged her out.

"Where are you taking me?" Lily asked, as Sirius kept pulling her along.

"Here we are." Sirius announced as they reached an empty classroom where Remus was waiting for them.

"What is going on?"

"Its James' birthday on the 27th." Remus explained.

"So?" Lily asked folding her hands on her chest.

"So," Sirius said, "We need you to please give James a break."

"When have I been difficult with him?" Lily asked and then blushed when Sirius and Remus exchanged looks.

"Look Lily." Remus said, "We know James crossed a line the other night. But he really is trying."

Lily quirked an eyebrow.

"Look." Sirius said, "You know he is not a bad guy. He made a mistake and he feels miserable. Can't you just start afresh?"

"No, we can't." James said leaning against the doorway.

Lily looked at him, however he was looking at Remus and Sirius who looked away guiltily. Lily looked at him carefully, there were deep bags under his eyes, as if he had not slept for days. His hair was more dishevelled than normal and his cocky attitude was gone. While Lily examined James, the boy in question had a silent conversation with his friends who filed out of the classroom without uttering a single word. It was only after Sirius and Remus had left did James look at Lily.

"I am sorry." He said rubbing the back of his neck, "They shouldn't have done that."

Lily nodded. "You haven't slept in days, have you?" Lily asked.

James turned to look at her but did not say anything. Lily approached him carefully.

"I understand." Lily said taking his hand. "But you can't keep doing this. She wouldn't have wanted this for you."

James looked at her, emotions swirling in his hazel eyes. He looked down at their entwined hands and squeezed Lily's fingers.

"I should go. I need to help the first years with transfiguration." He said softly.

"James." Lily said, not disengaging their hands, "You are very good with them. They really look up to you. I-I- I was wrong, you are not a bullying toerag, anymore."

Lily patted his cheek softly before walking away. James stood rooted to his spot, one hand on his cheek, a dazed faraway expression on his face. It didn't ease the pain of losing his mother. It didn't make him sleep in peace at night but it meant something and that night James was able to sleep an hour longer than what he was used to. The war had taken its toll on children too. It had come knocking at Hogwarts' gates in disguise, giving nightmares to its inmates, seeping into their bones and making them tired. James woke up hours before dawn, Lily had spent nights like these not so long ago. Now she slept fitfully, waking up at times and wishing she could have James hold her again.

AN: I know I am going really slow with this one. By anyone's standards the two should have been dating each other by chapter 21 but they well be dating each other soon. How soon, I cannot say. Maybe the next chapter, maybe later. But hang on with us.

Please do read and review! I would love to hear from you. And don't forget to fav/follow us.

Hope you enjoyed this chapter.

Much Love

The Fishes