Ch 11
Rey
I couldn't sleep, I had a hard time eating, I always felt mentally exhausted.
It had been days since Padme had last visited. I was lonely, I was terribly upset, sad and ... empty.
Her last visit took us to a vision of the first time Ben had touched me. Not in a strange way, not in a way that could be used to manipulate me, but he was affectionate.
That memory broke any form of protection I had built in my heart. I hadn't seen it so clearly before, the light inside of him, how it really came to be.
It was never truly gone, just hidden by pain and loneliness, but our connection had strengthened the light in him and his parents even more so.
Why did he have to die in that way? Why did he have to leave me?
These thoughts plagued my mind night and day. I wasn't one to complain, I had learned to be grateful for what little joys I could have after spending a big part of my life on Jakku. And yet this one thing, losing him, had completely shattered my resolve.
I would replay many memories in my head and the most prominent was that of our only kiss.
I hadn't really thought I would ever find a mate, it wasn't something I prioritized as a scavenger. Losing him had brought on this other side of me I'd never seen before.
I cried myself to sleep every night since Padme left with this memory in my head. The way he held me more so... the way his eyes looked. They were filled with happiness and joy and a deep sadness. I felt anger rise within me at the thought of what I had lost.
In my burst of anger I had shattered a small vase on the nightstand next to my bed.
Eventually I was able to get up and gain some form of appetite. I made myself a ration and forced myself to eat.
I had been on Tatooine for almost a month now and hadn't had a chance to explore the nearby town or even the abandoned home I now inhabited.
I decided to start small and walk around the place after breakfast. The dining room was fairly small and there was dust everywhere. This place had been uninhabited for years.
I had always wondered about the Skywalker family, where they came from and the life they had lived. How it came to be a legendary name.
I was still dressed in a sleeping shirt when I stumbled upon a study room. Most of the house seemed to be underground, it certainly kept it cool during the scorching heat of daytime.
I walked in and the first thing that caught my eye was a desk and some ledgers that had been left open. A shelf sat next to it with books, volumes on Tatooine history, more ledgers and a chest beside it.
Upon opening it I discovered a few papers that piqued my interest, one being the slave ownership deed to a "Shmi Skywalker".
I continued to sort through the chest, most of it contained sale transactions of some sort, a marriage license, and a few birth certificates.
One of them belonging to Anakin Skywalker, Ben's grandfather.
The strangest thing on that paper was that a name hadn't been given for the father. Had Shmi been a rape victim? It was common for that to happen to any woman living on a slave planet, more so if she was the slave.
I decided to grab these documents and store them somewhere else, a better place where they would last longer than amongst the dust.
I hadn't owned many things on Jakku, now that I technically owned this house, I wasn't entirely sure what I should do.
I decided maybe it was time to clean up the place.
I knew the task would take a long time, so I started in the study and made my way towards the kitchen and the room I slept in.
Luckily the rooms were small, aside from the kitchen, but there was mostly dust and cobwebs. It seemed the previous owners had either left in a hurry or they may have been killed. Yet another possibility on a slave planet.
I decided to keep some of the ledgers to study them later, maybe I could become a moisture farmer for a while. Until I figured things out, I needed some form of a distraction.
Once I was done with the kitchen I realized it was getting darker outside. The cool air entered through the few windows around the house.
I made my way back to my room and decided to clean out the dressers and chests that lay against the wall by the bed.
I rummaged through some of them and found some clothes, they were very light in fabric, a few skirts and a pair of shoes. They were definitely for a younger woman based on the size and style.
I looked through another chest and found similar clothing, but the fabric was definitely more worn out and the pieces were longer. Whoever this was must have been of a statuesque figure.
And that's when I saw it, a vision of a woman with tan skin and dark hair pulled back into a bun. She had dark eyes and stood tall looking out towards the desert.
"Shmi... Shmi Skywalker..." I whispered to myself.
This chest was definitely staying here.
The dresser contained mostly men's clothing, tunics and pants. Some of them held medical supplies that I knew I would be grateful for later. And some held what looked like bracelets and a necklace of some red iron. One of the necklaces had a beautiful green stone at the end of it. I put it around my neck, looking in a small mirror and then put it back in the chest. I had never worn jewelry, it was strange to have something tied around me. I wasn't used to such luxury. There was another chest next to the dresses. It was definitely nicer than any of the other ones. It had red velvet fabric and a golden metallic trim.
It was strange, the chest hinted at being luxurious and there wasn't a lot of money to made on Tatooine unless you owned slaves, so where had this come from?
When I opened it, I found a beautiful wedding gown. I had never seen one before but it was quite obvious, even to me, it had beautiful and intricate lace and beading. There was a veil under it, it was like a hat, the veil hung from it with pearls and other jewels embedded in it.
I walked back to the mirror and stared at it. Part of me wanted to wear it, part of me was terrified of the wall coming down again. I didn't want to feel that... hole inside of me, gnawing to tear open at the smallest reminder of the feelings I held for Ben.
Yet I couldn't help myself.
I put the veil on and I had another vision.
I was looking at Padme in this wedding gown, standing on a balcony that stood out and overlooked the sunset over a beautiful lake. She held the hand of her lover and they leaned in for a kiss. It was tender, soft, but you could sense the deep love they felt for one another, and the fear masked behind it.
It was the day she became Mrs. Skywalker.
I blinked and the vision ended. I stood there looking into the mirror, I was stunned senseless to be honest.
However, it wasn't the wedding and the two lovers that caught my attention. In fact that particular part almost broke the dark whole inside me wide open.
Almost.
No, it had been the stunning scenery in front of them. The way the lake sparkled as the sun hit the surface. The beautiful green hills behind it, the flowers that hung from the ceiling of the balcony.
I wanted so much to find that place, I felt like it had called to me.
I didn't understand why, but I just knew I had to find a way there.
So, I decided to plan a trip, but I couldn't leave immediately. I still felt I had some things to take care of here. For one, this was the Skywalker home, I didn't want to leave it. I had become a part of it, it was the first real place I had ever called home.
I also needed to get some form of money to travel, sure I could fly myself on the small ship I brought from the resistance base, but I would need supplies and fuel at least.
I also wanted to try and restore the farming here, I needed to find that planet.
I needed to heal.
