Ch 20
Rey
I was left frozen at what had just happened. Had I really seen him? It wasn't a clear image.
He was on his knees looking at me, it was just a second. Any other person would have dismissed it as a hallucination or something else.
But he had been in the room... right?
Maybe I was going crazy after all.
I ran my hands through my hair, noticing it was quite long now. Down to the middle of my back at least. Normally I kept it short but it seemed I had been more preoccupied by other things, it didn't seem to matter now.
My nerves were left on edge, I knew I wouldn't be able to go back to sleep. There was a small digital clock on the nightstand next to me, it was only 2 in the morning by standard hours.
I got out of bed and walked towards the set of French doors, thinking some fresh air might help me calm down a little bit. I opened one door slightly and a cold breeze hit me, it was a lot colder than I thought and this strangely thin fabric wouldn't help. The nightgown ensemble Saige had given me was... not anywhere near my comfort zone, but it was all she had, frilly fabrics and girly colors. I was accustomed to sleeping in clothes I wore daily. However, I would also be lying if I said I wasn't comfortable. I just wasn't used to dressing like... a young woman normally would. Maybe it was something I would get used to eventually.
I walked back towards the room to find something a little warmer to wear while I was outside. That's when I noticed the trunk I had brought with me from Tatooine. An idea popped into my head, one I was a little embarrassed about.
I opened it and sure enough, at the bottom was his cape... I had found it in the TIE fighter he'd flown to get to Exegol and decided to keep it. It was the only thing I had left of him. I wrapped it around myself and went back outside. The moon shone beautifully against the waves on the lake and the breeze was fresh and crisp. The balcony had a small sitting area where I decided to try and relax.
I couldn't get over how beautiful the landscape of Naboo was, it was no wonder Padme had chosen this as her haven and retreat.
Sometime between that and the fleeting thoughts of seeing Ben I must have fallen asleep, when I opened my eyes it was very bright and I was a little too warm from having slept in a black, thick cape.
I got up and stretched and went back inside the room. I glanced at the clock and it read at midday.
I must have been exhausted, I wasn't one to normally sleep in.
I heard a knock on the door at that moment and unsure of what to I ran over and opened it.
"Miss Rey! I'm sorry if I woke you, I was coming to see if you would like breakfast. I came earlier and received no response and left you to rest..." said Saige in a slightly worried tone.
"Um… yes I was asleep… I'm sorry Saige I'm still getting used to all this... um… breakfast would be lovely. Thank you" she nodded understandingly and returned after a few minutes with a tray full of food. The amount of food she brought on Jakku would have lasted me at least a month.
"Thank you Saige really this is too much... I don't know how I could ever repay you for your hospitality" I said as I sat down and tried to pick at the food she'd set in front of me.
"Well... this is your home now. We are here to serve you Miss Rey. Now I do have a small tour of the grounds set up today if you'd like. I do also have to go into town to get more food as well if you'd like to join me, it might be nice to be acquainted with the city" she replied with a smile and walked towards the massive closet. Saige was very beautiful, she had dirty blonde hair and blue eyes. Her skin was pale and she had a face full of freckles. She was very thin but tall. She reminded of a graceful willow tree I'd seen on Ach-To once.
While I was finishing up breakfast she finally came out of the closet with what I assumed was a dress. It seemed too dressy for just going to the city and voiced this to her, she simply replied with
"Have you seen the population of Naboo? Every outing is a celebration!" I had no idea what she meant. On the hangar, the dress looked very flowy and harmless, something I could be comfortable in. Once I put it on and saw myself in the mirror I was dead wrong, sort of.
The dress was a greyish blue fabric, the color of rain clouds and it covered my chest but had a very deep v. It had Several cut outs on the side which exposed my bare hips a diamond cut out right above my navel. The cut outs had a beautiful blue and silver trim. It had no real sleeves, instead it had something like a cape attached to the shoulders and covered my arms. The fabric was light as air and when I moved it resembled the rush of water down a river. It was beautiful but... I seemed too out of place in a dress like that.
"Um Saige... isn't there something else I could wear? I'm not used to wearing stuff like this... in fact last night was the first time I ever wore something... feminine" I confessed as she brushed my hair.
"I understand Miss Rey... but... I think you should look at it as... a gift from life. I can see in your eyes there's been loss and hurt. I think this is life's reward for saving the galaxy. And may I add that you are a very beautiful girl, you remind me of Leia's mother. Or at least the paintings and statues I've seen of her. We should go visit the palace perhaps, her mausoleum is close by. It could be distracting to see our planets history."
I smiled and nodded. I looked in the mirror but I couldn't really understand what she meant. I had never thought of myself as beautiful, save for... one occasion...
It was after a long training session with Leia after the battle of Crait.
I had just showered, the sweat and dirt of the day washing off my body, the heat of the water relaxing my muscles.
Leia had given me a sleeping shirt, nothing like nightgown I had on Naboo now, but while we were at the base it would do.
I would comb my hair out with my fingers as best as I could and let it air dry. I went to bed early that night, the days training had worn me out more than usual, but in the middle of the night I had woken up having to use the fresher. When I came back out I nearly screamed.
Ben was sitting up, he was wearing sleeping pants but no shirt. His hair was a little messy and his eyes were slightly bloodshot. It seemed I wasn't the only one inconvenienced by our meetings.
"I hope we are able to eventually control this connection... I'd like to get a full nights sleep without having to worry about you popping in unintentionally" I told him.
He winced at my comment, I could tell it had somewhat hurt him. I didn't care at the time, I was tired, a little cold and uncomfortable. No one had really seen me in sleeping clothes except for maybe Rose. I suddenly began to feel self-conscious about the fact that my sleeping shirt only covered down to the important bits.
"Well it's not like you don't enjoy the sight Rey, I'm very aware of how... uneasy my state of dress has an affect on you" he said, I think that was his version of a joke.
"What?! No I- you're ridiculous! And you need to leave I'm trying to get some sleep" I said as I stormed to my bed, I got under the covers and stared at him.
"It's fine to admit that I have... an affect on you. I'm sure you've noticed the feeling is... mutual" he said with softer words. It wasn't a tone I was used to him using, but it was one that always sent my heart fluttering.
Then the words he said hit me, their meaning gaining new weight.
"You... you think I'm attractive…?" I said, thankful that the room was dark enough to not show my cheeks turning bright red.
"Well yes, I'm not blind Rey. Me being on the dark side has not made me immune to passion and attraction. We draw from feeling, we don't shut it down the way you Jedi do" he spat, his comment was backhanded, as most were, but a part of me wondered...
"Look, I've... never seen a man in that way or... or even shirtless before you. It's not something I'm necessarily thrilled about and me finding you attractive doesn't change anything" we continued to stare at each other in silence after that for what felt like hours, in reality it had been but a few seconds.
"I... couldn't sleep" he finally said "would it be... strange if I slept next to you? Your presence is oddly soothing."
His request had rendered me speechless. If I hadn't seen a man naked, I definitely had NOTslept with one.
"I... er... I don't know... I-"
"It's fine if you don't want that. I won't force you to accept it." He said interrupting me mid sentence.
I opened up my thoughts to his, and he did the same. He sensed my embarrassment and nerves and I felt his amusement at my bewildered state.
I felt his fear, his sadness and loneliness... he didn't want to be alone in the dark. My heart felt for him.
*sigh*"Alright... you can come sleep next to me, just walk straight and I'll tell you where to sit and lay down." He got up from wherever it is he was and he walked towards me. I instructed him to sit after about 10 steps and he laid down next to me.
My bed wasn't very big, it was definitely a tight fit and he was massive in size compared to me. I slid down and faced the wall next to the bed. As strange as this situation was, I wasn't really uncomfortable, it was just extremely intimate.
The thoughts that kept running in my head however, wasn't of what was going on, but the fact he found me attractive. No man that I had ever met had really called me pretty. Sure, men looked at me with… other intents, but when he did it… it sent shivers down my spine. My head spun at the idea of him finding anything pleasant, let alone a person.
I felt his body relax behind me, his breathing had become even and I turned around slowly so as to not wake him up.
In his sleeping form, his usually angry face was relaxed, and the way his hair fell was rather adorable. I hated to admit it, but he was definitely attractive, and I could feel his breath on my face. His lips were so close I could just...
I blinked my eyes a few times and sighed in frustration. The small noise made him stir in his sleep and all of a sudden I was trapped under the weight of his arm.
I panicked and froze. Should I move him? Should I leave him alone? Should I wake him up?
A million thoughts raced through my head at once. I was exhausted and it was getting to me so I decided to leave it alone. I hated to admit that I actually enjoyed being close like this with him. It was such a normal state of being. There was no fight, no Force, no Jedi or Sith or First Order or whatever. It was just us in each other's arms, the way it felt it was meant to be.
