Ch 21
Ben
I wanted to give in to the darkness again, I was so close to it. It kept calling to me in whispers, promising me everything I ever wanted.
Power, the right to make my own choices, to never be someone's second choice.
The thoughts were conflicting, what was I supposed to do?
Then it happened again, the connection opened up. I couldn't really see her, it was something else.
It was a memory she was having, the memory of the night I slept with her.
Not withher in that way, we had just shared a bed. I had somehow ended up holding her against my body. Her bed was small, I couldn't see it, but I could feel it the moment I laid down. My feet hung over the edge significantly.
I don't know why I asked her if I could stay, I know I had a difficult time sleeping that night but the actual asking, I wasn't sure what came over me. It wasn't something I had thought through before I asked it, but her presence was always very soothing to me, I didn't want to leave. I was too involved now.
I remember waking up the next morning and still being next to her. It was odd, the connection had stayed open the entire night it seemed, it was the longest time I'd ever spent with her, conscious or otherwise.
I was shocked at the state we were in. Our legs intertwined and my arm holding her against myself. She was nestled in the crook of my arm and her hand rested on my chest. Seeing her sleeping like that, her face relaxed and her hair slightly tousled, had brought a smile to my face.
She was so beautiful and kind and pure hearted.
I envied her, she forgave and loved so easily. She had hope, something I had lost a long time ago.
I drew from her light every chance I got. It was so... refreshing.
The memory stirred something inside me, it was the love I had for her but there was more to it than that. It was a desire to have her and our connection again. Ever since I died I had never felt more alone.
I felt like I was no one, but with her, as long as she would have me, I was completely content. I didn't need anything else, just her.
I guess that's how I reached my decision because I kept walking on the path I first set foot on.
I kept my head down and tried to ignore the call of the darkness as much as I could. Sometimes my mind would wander and I would find myself considering going back to it, but my memories of her and her light were what kept me going.
Eventually the path stopped, there was nothing in front of me, and I wondered if I had missed a turn or gone the wrong way but when I turned around everything was gone. There was nothing but a white endless canvas of nothing around me.
"Great... all this for nothing?" I sighed in frustration and sat down.
I decided to try and meditate, it wasn't something I was particularly good at, I could never get myself calm enough to truly connect to the Force in that way.
It was easier here somehow, I felt completely at peace and I let the Force take me. It engulfed me like a wave in the ocean and its light covered me. There was darkness there too, but there was a balance. Yes, I had made mistakes, I had been redeemed, I was still only human. I didn't have to be in control all the time and I didn't have to be perfect. I just needed to be myself and love who I was, both the dark and light aspects of it.
I opened my eyes and suddenly there was a pool of water in front of me. It was small and didn't appear to be very deep but it held an almost sapphire color. It was so still that I couldn't help but reach out and touch it.
The ripples brought with them an image of a girl in a grey/blue dress, the color of rain clouds.
Her hair was a high bun, a few soft tendrils framed her face.
It was Rey.
I tried to open the connection but it was like something was blocking me from doing anything.
I kept watching the scene in front of me unfold.
She held a single lily in her hands as she walked up some concrete steps towards a massive wooden door with iron hinges.
Seeing her walk up the stairs was hypnotizing, she was so graceful. Not that I was surprised, the few times we had battled together I had seen and experienced it first hand. Every move she made was like a dance.
But seeing her in this beautiful gown made mewish we could have met differently, made me wish I would have stayed as the son of Princess Leia and made her my Queen. She deserved whatever life had brought her to wear that beautiful gown.
I watched her open the door and it was evident and clear where she was.
My grandmother's mausoleum.
There was a massive stained-glass window on the opposite side, her tomb was laid in front of it with a single decorated emblem on top and her name.
Rey stood there staring, she was mumbling some words but I couldn't hear her, I could only watch.
She walked closer to the window and she lay the flower on top of the tomb, her hand caressing the rough stone.
She turned back towards the stained glass window and continued to talk, it was frustrating not knowing what she was saying or feeling, but the look in her eyes was sad.
As if on queue, she started to cry, only a few tears here and there, but it was obvious she felt grief.
She stood there silently for a few minutes and then slowly made her way towards the door. Her hand reached up to wipe her few leftover tears and how I wished I was there to hold her and make her feel safe.
Next to the door, I noticed there was what looked like a bird feeder, full of water. It was very intricate and beautiful, even though it as made of concrete.
Suddenly I was looking up at her, she had caught a glimpse of the water and I felt it, the connection was opened.
She stared at me, and her hand began to reach out to the water.
Ben.... she whispered
I reached out with my hand, hoping to feel her, and as soon as my finger tips touched the water, everything went black.
