Ch 22
Rey
As we finished shopping for groceries on the market, I kept getting this strange feeling that something was coming. I couldn't tell if it was good or bad... but something was close.
It kept me on edge the whole time we were in Theed, right until we arrived at the mausoleum. Padmé had been the only person to have one on Naboo, tradition was broken for the planet's most beloved Queen and senator.
It was a tall building with streets leading up to a massive wooden door held on iron hinges. Even the door handles were intricate and ornate with iron leaves.
I decided to bring her a lily, one of Naboo's many flowers, and the one's she had in her hair when she was buried as I came to find out.
I opened the door and it was strangely cold and empty. Not what the real Padmé was like, or what I'd come to know of her as a ghost.
Her tomb laid bare in front of me, a simple emblem at the place where her head would be and her name. Behind that there was a beautiful stained glass window with an image of her in one of her many gowns, her eyes were closed.
I stood there for a while thinking she would appear to me.
"So this is your final resting place... I only wish I would have met you in person. In flesh and blood..." I said as I made my way towards the window, caressing the top of the tomb as I moved.
I looked up and realized the window was much larger, the detail in it was breathtaking, but I couldn't enjoy it.
"I wish... I had something like this for Ben... I wish there was a place I could visit and at least feel him" my voice started to break, I hated crying, but I couldn't hold myself...
"I wish... sometimes I wish I'd never helped Finn... then I wouldn't have left Jakku and I wouldn't have met him and this... I wouldn't be here mourning over nothing. Because that's all that's left of him... it's nothing. He exists only in my memories". At this point, you can imagine I had lost all composure. It wasn't a dramatic cry where I fell and wept, it was calm and slow like the morning dew.
"I'm so tired of this... why couldn't you just come with me? Then we could be together now... please... I can't bear not being with you anymore..." I stood silently for a moment, letting as much of my grief out as I could. When I managed to calm down, I began to make my way back towards the door. I reached my hand up to wipe the few tears that were left and noticed that there was a small concrete basin by the door. It was shaped like a bird feeder and I wondered why I hadn't noticed it before. It had a small pool of water inside, perhaps it was to be used for a blessing of some sorts.
Maybe she just really liked water.
I didn't know but suddenly the water look strange.
There was a reflection in it, but it wasn't my own.
The harder I stared the clearer it got, first the dark eyes and then the nose and lips and dark hair...
"Ben..." I said in shock as I reached out with my hand. Maybe this time it was real. Maybe...
He reached out his hand too and as my fingers touched the water, everything went black.
When I woke up I was no longer at the mausoleum. It was brighter than I remembered and my head was pounding.
My hair was out of its neat bun which I was thankful for, knowing it wouldn't have helped.
"Miss Rey! Are you alright? You've been unconscious for almost 4 hours..."
I blinked a few times and realized I was back in my room on Varykino. The last time I remember feeling somewhat close to this was when Kylo took me back to his ship when we first met and I had woken up from him putting me to sleep with the Force.
But this time it felt heavier, my body was sore and I felt like I could sleep for the next year.
"Saige... wh-what happened?" I asked as I rubbed the side of my head, it felt a little tender.
"Well you went into the mausoleum but after about 30 minutes I got worried. I went to check in on you and found you on the ground. There was a small stone basin on the ground and there was water on the ground. I was afraid you'd hit your head and called for help. What happened to you?"
I shook my head, it seemed I had hit it on the ground at least. The shaking made me feel disoriented and my vision was a little blurred.
"Um... I was trying to touch the water and I thought... I thought I saw something but suddenly everything went black… I... Saige there's a lot you don't know about me. I think it's making me crazy" I answered, she might think I'm crazy but how could I tell her everything that happened with Ben?
"Rey, if I may, you haven't been completely honest with us. We trust you... but you haven't trusted us, or me for that matter, since you arrived on Varykino. Misery loves company, if you don't release the... pain that's so evident in your eyes, you'll make everyone around you just as miserable."
I nodded at her, knowing she was right. So, I told her my story.
Leia, the Emperor, Ben... I left nothing out. She had toldme she'd seen Ben as a child when they would visit the retreat. She remembered him as a sweet boy who always managed to get into some kind of trouble, but his parents loved him.
I poured all this out to her, hoping that this would mean it would all end soon, and I could finally be free of the loneliness I could never seem to escape from.
