Ch 30
Ben
Confused. Afraid. Excited. Sad. Ecstatic. Nervous
Those are the feelings I instantly felt through our connection.
I felt them too, but I wanted to know the why behind them. I wanted to know every single part of her mind, her body, and her soul.
"I am terrified of… not being good enough for you. I'm afraid of failing as a wife and…well…"
"As a parent" I finished her thought.
She looked at me and I saw her eyes were slightly glossy. She was truly terrified.
"Rey… I… I'm scared too. Marriage is a big commitment, but I wouldn't make that with anyone who wasn't you. When I fell to the dark side completely, all hope of a future family vanished. When I felt my connection to you I knew our future was bound for eternity. And when my feelings grew for you…" I said raising my hand up to caress her cheek "I knew I couldn't let you go. I wanted you, regardless of the cost. I'm afraid of hurting you again and as far as parenting goes, that can always wait until we both feel ready."
She smiled at me and leaned into the hand that still held her face.
"Thank you, Ben… thank you for understanding…" I nodded with a smile and leaned down to give her a kiss.
Rey
When our lips parted I looked up at him, his dark eyes shining bright. I could get lost in them forever.
"So… um… the mind communication… obviously it's conventional. However, I think we should keep a small wall up. I would imagine being in each other's thoughts 24/7 may drive us a little crazy" he said.
"I agree, it's not that I have anything to hide from you, but you're right. I have a hard time being in my own head as it is."
So, we agreed to only let those walls down when it was absolutely necessary.
He grabbed my hand and led us down a path that led towards the forest nearby. The path didn't go as deep as you would assume, you could see the path led to a small meadow behind the trees.
"Do you have any other crazy plans you were planning on throwing us into? Or are we taking this as we go?"
He laughed at my comment but then grew silent for a second.
"Well, not yet, I do eventually plan on asking you to marry me the way it should be done. I'm mostly wondering on what we would do to start our life together. Where we would live and that sort of thing."
"Actually, that's a good point. I… wanted to see if we could rebuild the Jedi order. Not the way it was before, but something new. Something where things weren't black or white but… balanced."
We had reached the meadow by now, it was a circular little place with wild flowers growing here and there. It was very beautiful, very peaceful.
"You are very beautiful… I don't think I'll ever get over how truly magnificent you are Rey"
I turned as he spoke realizing that I had kept walking and he was simply staring at me in a very… peculiar way. I blushed and looked down clearing my throat.
"Don't avoid the subject Solo" I said
"I'm not… I'm merely paying the princess a well-deserved compliment. The beauty of this planet pales in comparison to you"
"Well thank you… but you still haven't said anything about what I suggested"
He sighed, I knew this would be a difficult conversation. Even if he had turned back, his feeling towards the Jedi still seemed… off.
"I do want something more… balanced. I agree with you, I don't want anyone else forced into… what I was forced into. We could have the academy here on Naboo, I certainly have the money to fund it. Or at least start it."
"Wait, what do you mean? Money?"
"Rey when I was Supreme Leader I took certain… precautions. You see I had already planned on leaving that dreaded cause behind, but I knew I couldn't go out into the world without a means to leave. So, I transferred all my money from the Order to a secret account. It was a substantial amount. Some was the money Snoke held for himself, some of it was the inheritance my mother had given me before I turned. As the former princess of Alderaan and then politician she had a lot of money. And, of course, as Snoke's second in command, I earned my own money."
I was in shock.
I couldn't even imagine how much money that was or could have been.
"Well I think it's a good idea to put it to good use. What better way than this right?"
"All the answers will come in time sweetheart. What's good is that now we have an idea of what we want to do and now we just have to find a way to go about it"
I nodded in agreement and then looked up at the sky, realizing that it was turning slightly orange.
"I can't believe it's so late, how has time gone by so quickly?" I asked him. We had eventually sat down on the cool grass across from each other. The contrast between the bright meadow and his dark clothing and attitude was strange. I never imagined Ben Solo, the former Kylo Ren, would be sitting in a field of flowers with a scavenger from Jakku.
"Well we have been talking for an insane amount of time princess, but we should head back for dinner. Maybe after, we can go into town? I want to show you something"
I raised an eyebrow at him but part of me was excited for the surprises he had. I was ready to face whatever life held for us., whether it was good or bad
