Ch 32
Rey
We made our way back to Varykino fairly late. It was well past midnight judging from the position of the moon in the sky. It was also very cold, the cape helped, but it wasn't weather I was really accustomed to after spending most of my life in the desert.
I had a hard time staying awake and felt my head nod off every now and then. At one point I knew my consciousness was giving up because Ben kept insisting on carrying me to the boat and until we got to our room.
"I'm perfectly capable of walking…" I protested. Of course, this was as I tried to step into the boat and nearly face planted.
To be fair I was wearing strappy sandals. Yet another thing I wasn't accustomed to.
"Rey… you are so unbelievably stubborn. But if you want it that way…" he teased.
"Fine! You can carry me after this…but it's not going to happen again!" he simply laughed softly as he maneuvered the boat.
Once we were in our room I didn't have the energy to get ready for bed, but I knew sleeping in a pretend tiara and fancy dress would be too uncomfortable.
"Can you like… maybe go change in the bathroom Ben? I'll change here…" I said, a little more aware of… things now that we were in the bedroom.
Thinking of being intimate with him was, of course, strange. I knew it would eventually happen when we were married, but I wasn't sure about anything happening before hand…
"As you wish princess. Your wish is my command" he said jokingly as he walked away. I could sense nervousness around him too.
I guess we were both inexperienced when it came to this, eventually we would have to talk about it.
I ran into the closet quickly and pulled out the first nightgown I could find. It was pink with long lose sleeves, but it was very sheer and light in the fabric. It was accompanied by a matching robe that had pink rose appliques all over it.
I quickly threw it on and walked towards the vanity that was in the main room.
"Okay you can come out if you're ready! I'm just brushing my hair" I said. He took a few seconds and then came out. He was wearing the same sleeping clothes from the previous night and I suddenly felt overdressed.
"Don't, you look beautiful. You always have, and you always will" he said walking over to me. He leaned down and planted a kiss on my lips.
It was very soft at first but whenever he kissed me I felt my control slip and my thoughts turned to something…different.
I could feel a fire in the pit of my stomach. It coursed and spread through my body, my soul. I desired ben, this fire… I couldn't find a way to stop it. It scared me, but it also made me feel powerful. I wanted more of him, I wanted more of that fire…
I pulled him closer to me, my hand snaking through his hair. Those beautiful raven locks and his soft and full lips tasting me.
I suddenly felt him grab the hand that was entangled in his hair and my lips were suddenly cold from the lack of contact.
"Rey… I… are you alright? I felt something in you…" he stated with a question in his eyes. I felt him close off a bit, he was cautious.
What was he trying to get at?
"What do you mean? I'm… fine I just… I… don't know did I do something wrong?" I felt panic rise within me.
Did he not want me? Was I coming on to him too strong? Was I not pretty enough or maybe… it was that I had no experience…
"REY STOP!" he yelled at me. I jumped and pulled away from him, his loud voice startling me.
"Rey…" he continued "I LOVE you, of course I want you. I desire you just as much as you desire me… but there was a … darkness in what you felt. I felt it Rey, it's not a bad thing. I've rarely sensed it in you, it merely took me by surprise. I just wanted to know you're okay."
I was… stunned.
"I'm… fine. I… I'm sorry I just… I don't know what came over me I…" my voice began to break, and the tears suddenly came. I guess that explained the fire… and why it felt so… good.
"Rey shhh… sweetheart come here" he said as he lifted me and had me sit on his lap. His arms felt so firm, they could choke a grown man to death in seconds. Yet, for me, they became a source of comfort.
I continued to cry for what felt like hours. I didn't know why really, I just felt guilty and really tired. I suddenly felt my body lay against something cool and soft and I felt his arm wrap around me. Surprisingly warm against the coolness under me.
"Goodnight princess, I love you…" was the last thing I heard before sleep won this battle.
