Here it is, a new chapter.
I try to update quite regularly.
I wrote this chapter a while back. Actually it was one of the first I wrote, directly after Finnick's.
You'll notice that the style has changed. For starters, there are small snippets of dialogue. I just felt that a more dynamic style would suit Johanna's character better. Also, be aware that this is Johanna so there'll be swearing.
I still have a few little things to say but I'll write them at the end so there's no spoilers...
Enjoy your read!
[chap update: just fixing typos and the layout but no change in the text]
They Watched
Johanna
Johanna Mason didn't watch the Games. Well, sometimes she watched them but only if she had nothing better to do (and in her opinion even watching the trees grow rated as better than watching those fucking Games). She didn't even mentor. She had to, of course. But she didn't give a flying rat's ass about the Games or the tributes (they were fucked anyway, whether they died or won). There were enough Victors in Districts 7 that she didn't have to mentor every year (she didn't give a shit about the fact that some were clearly not in a state to mentor anyone: she didn't even mentor when it was her turn to, she sure as hell wouldn't start doing so when it wasn't).
She did go to the Capitol during the Games, though: the booze was free and why ruin a perfectly good opportunity to get the rage out of her system on those fucking perfect Capitol couches? (The fact that it happened often enough that she never reached the point of setting her district on fire was just a bonus). Plus some Victors were seriously fun to get plastered together with or to annoy out of their wits.
Thus Johanna Mason had made friends (or as close to friends as Johanna Mason let herself go) with several other Victors.
Weirdly enough (or at least it was weird for others), it was one Finnick Odair she was closest to. One would think that she would abhor him: after all, was he not the perfect Capitol-loving little Victor?
How wrong would it be to think that.
Johanna liked Finnick.
She liked him because he was like her and at the same time so different. She laughed every time she thought about it. Finnick was way more similar to her than people realized.
For starters he was ruthless – come on the guy had won when he was 14, for hell's sake, how could people forget that? He was ruthless and vicious. Not vicious like Johanna, oh no. He was even better: he managed to make the Capitol forget that he was. He managed to make them let him deep in their midst, in their heart and in their life. In their secrets.
Finnick Odair was glorious.
He could break them so easily and they didn't even realize it. They kept asking for more and giving him more.
Fucking morons.
She also liked Finnick because he had remained human. He was whole. He wasn't perfect nor had he recovered perfectly from his Games (no Victor ever recovered) but unlike Johanna he hadn't given up on his humanity. She admired him for that. He still felt, he still lived. He still loved and suffered and hated and laughed and cried and so many more things. He was what Johanna could have been if she had been strong enough. He knew that. Yet, he didn't look down on her for it (quite the contrary) and she liked him for that.
Johanna knew that he also admired her. For having the strength to let go. To have done what he couldn't bring himself to do.
Funny.
Lastly, she also liked Finnick because he was just as broken as she was. She could see it in his eyes and in his smile (but only when he knew the world wouldn't be looking). She could hear it in his soft laugh when they were safe from the rest of Panem.
They had forged a special bond (they didn't know how to call it: "friendship" was so shallow compared to what they had and at the same time it implied so much more than what this was). Johanna couldn't have friends. She couldn't feel friendship. She couldn't feel anything anymore, only hatred and anger. But despite that she could be herself with Finnick. And he could be himself with her.
They had a profound understanding of one another.
She probably knew Finnick better than he knew himself and vice versa.
It was only normal for her when she saw through him while he didn't even realize there was something to see through.
Johanna was surprised to see Finnick watch the Games. So she started watching them too. To see what made him watch. She saw why he was so intrigued. The girl might have something interesting about her. But Johanna, because of who she was, couldn't bring herself to care. So she dismissed her and contented herself with simply watching Finnick (and drinking booze with Brutus).
When the Games ended Finnick was still intrigued.
Johanna wasn't.
But she knew he would keep an eye on the new Victor (what was her name again? And no, Brutus, did she look like someone who cared about this year having two Victors? The boy was useless, it was insulting to call him a Victor).
Johanna decided to keep an eye on Finnick. She watched him because even he didn't know if this was simple curiosity on his part or if it was something a bit more serious (and Johanna didn't know what to do with his uncertainty).
She paid a bit more attention to the Victory Tour than she normally would. She couldn't observe Finnick as they both were in their respective districts so she observed the girl. Johanna didn't see anything special about her. She even found her shallow and pathetic.
When the Tour arrived in District 7 Johanna decided to attend the party. Oh, not in the actual attendance but from the sidelines, where nobody paid attention to her (she would rather go back into the arena than actually attending any event hosted by the Capitol or for its glory). She observed the Victors. The boy was still completely useless (seriously, why had the girl even bothered keeping him alive?).
But the girl...
Damn.
That girl was as happy in love as Johanna herself was.
She snorted.
So that was what Finnick saw.
So much for the madly-in-love story.
When they left she called Finnick (she wasn't sure why the Capitol authorized inter-district communication but she suspected it was a good way to keep an eye on the Victors – there was no doubt whatsoever in her mind that the lines were tapped).
"-Fish Brain.
-Hello Johanna," there was a smile in Finnick's voice. "I didn't see you at the square.
-Tss, like I would go to that stupid reception. Watching two brainless lovebirds happily handing hands makes me wanna puke."
He laughed.
"-Really?
-Seriously, they look at each other like I look at whiskey, it's sickening." Finnick knew Johanna drank whiskey only when she had nothing else to drink, not even tea.
"-Oh, is little Johanna jealous that she couldn't find a Prince Charming? You know I could help you with that, right?" He purred. What do you think of it?
"-I might take you up on that offer, one day, just to annoy you.
-What, curious about what you haven't seen of me yet?" Are you curious about her?
"-Please, like I could ever want you." I couldn't care less about her. "Although I wouldn't mind you giving me a show, you know, just to make sure." You are, you'll have to explain to me why.
"-All right then.
-Speaking of things I haven't seen, how are Annie and Mags?
-They're fine. Enjoying the nice weather and all.
-All right.
-Why did you call?
-Just needed a bit of sanity after this fucking evening of sweet love." The last two words were said in a voice so sweet she might have made her teeth rot. They had hung up after a bit more banter.
She had watched the rest of the Victory Tour. Finnick hadn't appeared on the television either when it was District 4's turn. Nothing special had happened.
Yet, there was something.
Something was happening which made something deep, oh so deep inside Johanna stir (too deep for her to acknowledge it).
Victors called one another. Mindless conversations on the tapped phone. Questions about futile things.
In her woods Johanna laughed. It was not a joyful laugh. It was full of anger and resentment and something else that was new. She acknowledged it but refused to give it a name (Finnick knew it was hope).
Mindless conversations of the phone…
Fucking right.
In its effort to isolate and control them the Capitol had unknowingly offered the Victors the keys of their shackles.
Victors were all treated the same by the Capitol. What a glorious thing. Mindless conversations on the phone… between people who knew so well what the others were living they didn't need words to communicate anymore.
Because the Capitol made them go through the same things one way or another (the only difference was the extend of it) the Victors could communicate even on tapped lines.
So Johanna laughed.
Something was happening.
Something small, she didn't even know what exactly, but something that had the potential to be big. Finnick was right to be intrigued.
(But the girl and the boy were still pathetic in Johanna's mind.)
When they announced that 24 of them would have to go back into the nightmare that was the arena, Johanna yelled and screamed.
Those pieces of fucking shit!
The bastards, those fucking bastards!
There was no word that could possibly express her rage, her anger, her hatred.
Those motherfucking bastards.
How could they? No, how dared they?
Hadn't they made their life miserable enough?
Anger, rage, abhorrence, injustice but not betrayal.
Betrayal would imply trust. She had had none for them.
And empowerment.
Once more the Capitol had made a mistake by trying to control (and eliminate) them.
Johanna's screams of hatred morphed into the laugh of those who have lost everything and are liberated by it.
That was it.
The Capitol could feel it.
The wind was changing.
Johanna laughed and laughed.
It was magnificent.
They would have to go back into the arena. One could hardly dream of a better admission of weakness.
The Capitol was slipping.
A Games of Victors.
Johanna laughed, now hysterical.
What a magnificent last ditch effort to control what they just put in control by doing so.
When she was reaped Johanna smiled. A smile full of anger and malice and something else that made the crowd watching her shudder.
The Capitol had made a mistake. She would make them pay for it.
In the Capitol Johanna watched her fellow Victors.
Never had she seen so many of them at the same time.
She snickered.
Of course there would be many. There were 24 tributes and at least as many mentors.
Like many others Johanna paid attention to things for once. She observed, she listened.
Who in their right mind could have possibly thought that this was a good idea? How had they forgotten that they were Victors?
Not all Victors were like her (a well of hatred) but anyone would be a fool to think that they were ok with this. They had lived. Some of them had loved. And yet they were here.
Something was moving just beneath the surface, ready to explode and take everything with it. How could they not see that?
Stupid Capitol fools.
Whatever happened in those Games would change Panem.
The Victors had been betrayed.
The Capitol was foolish if it thought for one moment that their Games would settle things down.
Never again would the Victors get caught off guards. Never again would they trust the Capitol. Never again. The Capitol just didn't realize it yet. These Games would be like nothing ever before.
Johanna watched closely. She watched closely as the girl who had unknowingly set the world on fire with a handful of berries finally appeared.
Johanna had to admit, she made a pretty impressive tribute in her black dress and her make-up worthy of a Goddess (but she hadn't proven herself to Johanna yet, she was still a little girl).
She watched as Finnick got caught in her flames, sugar cube in hand, lips at her ear, voice as purring as a panther lying on velvet.
She watched as he turned around and came to her, his smile the perfect mix of warm honey and razor blade.
"-Careful, little mermaid, fire burns.
-Oh, Johanna, worried for little ol' merman me?
-As if.
-So cold. Maybe you should let her thaw you heart a bit... Sugar cube?
-I think I'll wait and see if her flames are real." She took a sugar cube out of his hand. "Wouldn't want to get disappointed.
-I think we'll all be surprised."
She kept watching.
She watched as her fellow tributes trained and reacquainted themselves with the weapons and the different stations. She watched as the trainers adapted to having so peculiar trainees. She watched as some cringed at the lack of hesitation when Gloss threw his knives. She watched as some looked at Enobaria wearily. She watched as some were ignored by those who had nothing more to learn from them. She watched as they were thrown off by the very atmosphere of the training room.
They were used to having children. Frightened, hesitating, ignorant, innocent children. Even Career tributes didn't compare to Victors.
She sniggered when she tried to put herself in their shoes for a moment.
That's right. You wanted a show? You wanted Victors? There, you have us. Finally realizing we are Victors?
Yes.
Johanna could see that some realized it, Atala first.
Watching them, some trainers realized that the Capitol wasn't as prepared as it would like to think for them.
Never before had the tributes been so close. Never before had they talked and laughed and enjoyed life together. Never before had the trainers had so little control over the trainees (and really, they did well not to expect anything else, they were all killers after all, masters of their trade). Never before had the tributes eaten together.
If Johanna didn't hate all that had to do with the Capitol on principle, she might have respected the trainers. They had an understanding of the Games nobody else had: not quite understanding of the horrors of the Games, but as close as anyone who had trained children to kill could come.
Johanna watched as the boy and the girl tried to get to know their fellow Victors. They were so young, so ignorant of the realities of the life of a Victor. They would never learn. Johanna was no fool. She knew that Katniss and Peeta would never get out of this arena to live as all the other Victors before them. Not if Snow had anything to say about it (which he did). A part of her resented them for it. Lucky them.
She watched as people watched her, the Girl on Fire. The girl didn't notice.
God this girl was ignorant!
Johanna watched as her fellow Victors assessed her.
As Finnick watched her.
She was sure he didn't even realize he watched the girl so much. Others didn't either (after all, they all watched her).
She watched as he approached her, making her jerk away from him at the knot station. She observed as he smiled, lips curled in a promise and an invitation, and as his hands tied a noose, fingers caressing the rope like he would a lover's skin.
She observed as he joked and laughed. He was seductive, tempting, charming.
He was Finnick Odair.
Johanna knew him better than he knew himself.
The noose around his neck and Katniss snorting and turning around, he laughed.
That laughed and what had come before it had been genuine.
He didn't even notice.
She didn't say anything.
[A/N 1]
Like all the tributes (she might as well start thinking about herself as such) she watched as Katniss decided to stop playing nice and lost herself in the pull-release-thwack of archery.
Johanna watched. She watched her face, she watched her body, she watched her eyes, she watched her arrows fly and make it to their target perfectly each and every time. She made eye contact with Finnick. He was smiling his I-told-you-so smile.
Annoying jerk.
As frustrating as it was Johanna had to admit that Katniss was indeed a Victor. No hesitation, body tensed but controlled. Breathing deep and steady. Eyes unwavering.
The girl was a Victor. A survivor.
And she could shoot like no one else.
All the same. Johanna wasn't ready to accept her just yet.
When she was on the stage, next to Caesar she poured out her anger.
Fuck them! Fuck them all!
A part of her noticed how unsettled Caesar was. Caesar Flickerman was many things but stupid was not one of them. Despite her anger she could see in his eyes that he could feel it.
How could he not?
These interviews, they were nothing like the usual ones.
There was no getting to know the tributes. There was no angle to play. No children to put at ease. No sponsor to impress.
Instead there were Victors.
Instead there were people already known by all of Panem. People who were angry and who had finally decided to let the world know it.
Caesar Flickerman had received the message loud and clear.
Not the audience. Not the screaming dolls who were crying for Cashmere and Finnick.
But Caesar could read people like no other (was it not part of his job?) and he could see that the smile on Gloss' face was fake, fake and dangerous. He could see that Brutus had volunteered not out of thirst for blood but because he wanted to show the world what a cornered Victor was capable of.
When she screamed her anger at the world Johanna saw in Caesar's eyes a flicker of apprehension (that's right, Caesar, you have no idea what you Capitolites just unleashed).
A fucking wedding dress.
For fuck's sake! That girl had no shame.
"-Snow made me wear it." And Johanna saw.
She finally saw what Finnick had seen all those months ago.
She saw the fire. She saw the anger.
She saw Katniss Everdeen.
She smiled.
"-Make him pay for it." Give them hell.
Katniss smiled back. Johanna felt her lips pull into a vicious smile.
She wanted to applaud. She wanted to howl. She wanted to laugh.
She heard Finnick's bark of laughter in the roar of the crowd.
In front of them Katniss, the Girl on Fire, the girl with balls of steel, ignited and silently screamed at Snow, framed in her smoking feathers, wings opened for the world to see.
Fuck you!
She ignited them all.
They were no fools. There was no baby. All the Victors knew that.
But Peeta, as useless as he had been and would probably be in the arena, had managed the impossible. He had managed to make the multicolored thousands of the Capitol want to stop the Games.
Fists in the air, hands clasped with her fellows Victors' (they were no tributes at the moment, they were Victors, in all their glory and power), she wanted to scream Fuck you, Snow! You didn't break us!
The blood rain, however, almost broke Nuts and Volts.
Tsk.
She didn't really have anything personal against them other than the fact that they were so weird but she resented them for making her so vulnerable.
She was kind of happy to hear Finnick's voice.
Well, happy wasn't really what she felt (Johanna didn't do happy). Relieved was more like it.
Relieved that he was still alive, relieved that Nuts' and Volts' lives didn't depend on her alone anymore and relieved that Katniss fucking Everdeen was still alive (really, had the girl dared to die, Johanna didn't know what she would have done but she was sure it wouldn't be pretty).
She was also sad to learn of Mags' death (Finnick didn't have to say anything). She had been a nice woman. She didn't deserve to die in here.
Unfortunately Katniss had the gall to act all precious and mighty. Now, Johanna wasn't really fond of her either but the little-miss-perfect attitude was seriously grating on her nerves.
Johanna's snapped her head to the woods when she heard the blood curdling shriek. Katniss bolted into the jungle, closely followed by Finnick. Johanna and the other two ran after them but smacked into a force field before reaching them.
She watched as Katniss and Finnick called after voices only they could hear. For one hour she watched them break down under the sounds of their loved ones' agony. She watched as they fell on their knees and curled up, hands squeezing their heads in an effort to block out the horror, bodies rocking back and forth, mouths open in a never ending scream.
When the hour came to an end the three of them ran to the tortured duo. They coaxed them back on their feet and brought them to the beach. Johanna half-carried Finnick to the water. She knew he would need its soothing contact to calm down. She looked at him closely.
His skin was pale and sweaty, his hands shaking, his eyes haunted, his breathing too rapid, almost hyperventilating, soft whimpers clawing their way out of his throat.
In that moment Johanna hated the Capitol for doing this to him. How could they, how dared they break him like this?
"-Finnick, snap out of it! It's over. You have to come back."
After a while his breathing deepened and slowed down. The whimpers slowly morphed into incoherent words, his voice shaking and ragged.
"-Finnick… Could hear them… Couldn't help…
-Finnick?" Finally his eyes seemed to focus and he looked at her, not fully in the moment yet, still seeing things the sounds had conjured up.
"-I could hear them, Johanna. They were screaming for me.
-It wasn't real. Beetee told you they could easily do it.
-I could hear them."
Johanna looked deep into his eyes. She saw that he wasn't ready to drop it yet. He was still in shock. (She swore she would put Snow's head on a spike for that.)
Her voice was unusually soft when she spoke again.
"-Who did you hear? Was it Annie?
-Annie. She screamed. She was in pain. She screamed for my help. But I couldn't help her. She wasn't there. And Mags.
-Mags? Mags is dead, Finnick, she couldn't have screamed for you.
-She was there. I could hear her. She screamed. Finnick, it hurts. It hurts so bad. Why did you abandon me? It hurts.
-Don't. Don't let it get to you. You know her. You know she would never have said something like that. She knew you didn't have a choice, didn't she? Let it go, Finn. Did you hear anybody else?"
Finnick's eyes flickered towards Katniss' direction.
The movement was so fast it couldn't have been anything intentional. It had been a reflex.
He didn't answer.
He didn't need to. Johanna understood.
She understood that the jabberjays hadn't stolen anyone else's voice. They didn't need to.
Katniss had been right next to him, screaming in agony. No jabberjay could have had the impact the real deal had.
Johanna doubted Finnick himself realized Katniss' screams had been as much a part of his torture as it was a consequence of hers.
Johanna sighed and looked around her. Finnick was finally silent. His hands had stopped shaking and his breathing was slowly stabilizing. His eyes were still distant but she could see he was putting himself back together. She sighed again.
She was glad she hadn't been caught in the jabberjays' wedge with them. She wasn't sure what would have happened. She didn't know what would have been worse: a deafening silence or screams that would reveal to the Capitol as well as to herself that she wasn't as uncaring as she thought she was.
She stood up and put her hand on Finnick's shoulder, squeezing lightly. She walked back to the sand. She would make the Capitol pay for what they were doing to them.
It was a promise.
AN 1: If you want a great story about Finnick and Katniss, I recommand Spark to Flame, by Nikkette, which starts more or less at that point in Catching Fire.
AN general: ok so this is the first chapter that kind of starts diverging from canon with the jabberjay scene. I really like how it was in the book but in my opinion, the Capitol must have known that they'd eventually realize that it was all fake. Especially since they're allied with Beetee. Now my take on this is that since the Capitol knew they'd figure it out, they also knew it would somewhat lessen the impact of the torture, even if only afterwards. Knowing this, I don't put it past the Capitol to decide Fuck it, let's just screw with them. So, they decided that in addition to potentially real tortured screams of their very much alive loved ones, the tributes would also have to endure cries that they knew were fake but would still devastate them. In other words, the Capitol played on their fears and guilt even more so (for example Finnick blames himself for not being able to keep Mags alive any longer but cling to the idea that she died quickly in order to stay sane. The Capitol decided to literaly give a voice to his guilt)
So yeah, that it basically how I view this...
I also put quite a lot of emphasis on the Victors, and maybe some of you will think that it is too much, but this is an unexplored dimension that I really kinda liked in the book. I mean, before Katniss is in the Games, there are mentions of the Victors being special. I just thought it'd be nice to explore this a bit further. This will be a recurring themes in some of the next chapters.
And last, can you believe that my story (in my Word document) is already 28+K words?! And I'm so not done writing it! Damn, if only I could write my uni papers that fast and that easily!
Anyway, until next time...! ;)
