Hello again my lovelies, so here it is another chapter. A few things firstly thank you to all of you who reviewed chapter 13 it gives me incentive to keep going. Secondly I am planning so much stuff to happen in the next little while so I hope you stay tuned for that. Thirdly and lastly if there is anything that you would love to see in the coming chapters and tell me because if I like it you might just get a shout out and see your idea in the chapter because I want this story to be as amazing as it can possibly be.
So yeah that's enough from me and now onto the chapter
Bye for now
Allons-y
Remus looked around the great hall looking for a particular bushy brown haired girl who had been noticeably absent for two days now. Hermione's absence left the wolf feeling uneasy. He'd tried no less than ten times to coax an answer out of Lily but she dismissed him every time, giving him the same answer each time he asked "She'll be back soon". It was getting to be extremely aggravating not just for Remus but for Lily too. It would all go away of course if she just told him where she was. As he pushed his dinner around on his plate he hardly noticed James speaking to him
"Hello anybody home in there, you're not still worried about Hermione are you? Like Lily said after the twentieth time you asked her she'll be back soon'
"I just don't know what happened to her for all we know she could be missing" Remus knew this was not an actual possibility but still you leave a person alone to ponder such things and you can expect they might come up with some outlandish theories
"I wouldn't go that far Moony, besides she is just bad ass enough that she would not go quietly. I think she is a secret ninja" Remus recognised that Sirius was just trying to comfort him with some humour, but that was not what he needed. He needed to see Hermione. Things had been rocky between them lately and then of course there was the fact that she dropped a huge bombshell on them. Remus wondered when things got so complicated.
"What the hell is a ninja?" It was easy for Remus to forget that James was a pureblood at times. But for moments like this he was glad his friend was so in the dark on muggle culture. On the flip side of this though Sirius wanted to absorb as much as he could for the sheer fact that it pissed off his mother.
"Never you mind James, besides you could never possess the awesomeness it takes to master the ninja skill" Sirius and James began to squabble what and why James could not be a ninja, Remus only half listening looked up and down the long Gryffindor table searching for Lily. He knew he was pestering the poor girl but she was Hermione's best friend she had to know where she was. Remus finally spotted her, leaving with Alice and Marlene. Remus needed to catch those girls before he lost sight of the. Remus could hear his friends calling his name but he paid them no mind as he abruptly left them behind. He was a man on a mission. If she didn't tell him now he would "borrow" James's cloak and follow Lily until she led him to Hermione.
"Lily wait up a minute" Remus noticed Lily tensing as he called for her. Clearly he was getting on her nerves. Turning around Lily must have told the girls to keep going as they left arms linked calling that they would see her soon.
"No Remus I will not, please don't ask me again" her tone was justified as he had asked her the same question no less the fifteen times in two days. A familiar voice came from behind Remus. Clearly Sirius and James weren't going to miss out on whatever action Remus was creating for himself by leaving dinner in such a hurray.
"Come on Red give a guy a break this is his bird after all" Sirius honestly needed to quit when he was behind. Everyone knew the unwritten rule that the Marauders are only to address Lily by her first or last name. If your wish was to die a long and painful death you could try giving her any number of the nicknames James and Sirius had attempted over the years such as Lil, Flower, Petal, Ginger, Red, Cherry the list goes on.
"Don't call me Red again Sirius. She asked me not to tell you so I am respecting her wishes" so Lily did know where Hermione was and to make matters worse Hermione didn't want them to know. This twisted something inside of Remus. What had happened to her?
"Merlin, Evans your acting like she is laid up in the infirmary on her death bed" James meant it as a joke but there was an air of seriousness to it.
"It's not her death bed" Lily answered
"Hermione's in the infirmary" Remus's heart dropped to his stomach. What in the fuck happened that she needed to be in the infirmary?
"Just don't go and make a scene please she needs to rest" Lily knew Remus would figure it out. It's not like she told him where she was so Lily's word was unbroken and Hermione's wishes were still being respected.
"Us? Make a scene since Lily we are the scene you can't contain this much dramatic flair" Sirius honestly couldn't help himself at times. Humour was his way of hiding his worry, it had been that way for as long as they had known each other, but why was he so concerned for Hermione?
"Thank you Lily"
"I don't know what you are talking about Remus I haven't told you anything" She winked at them turned on her heel and walked away. Why would Hermione not want him to be with her? He could understand not wanting James or Sirius there but not him.
"So are we going or what?" Sirius asked him with a stern manner. It was clear to see how much Hermione had impacted on the Marauders since she came into their lives. She was one of us, Remus now understood something that had been missing, and it was as plain as the nose on his face. Hermione was pack. Marauder, pack, family.
"Not we just me for now you guys understand right? Like Lily said she needs to rest so that means not too many visitors" Remus knew this would not be the answer James and Sirius wanted.
"Go on then Moony tell her we will be in tomorrow if she isn't out by then" James let Remus go knowing it was what he needed. Leaving James and Sirius behind he couldn't help but think of how one day James was going to be a good man, he had some growing up to do of course, but one day just maybe. It took every bone in his body not to sprint through the castle to get to her sooner. He just wanted to make sure she was ok. After that he could breathe easier. He just needed to see her face.
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Hermione knew it was a dream. It came in flashes one moment being outside of the small, dilapidated Gaunt shack, half hidden in a mess of tree trunks. The dead snake hung on the door, as an ode to their ancestor. Hermione then in the blink of an eye found herself inside. The dirt and grime laid thick on every available surface. Something uneasy fell over her. It seemed too easy for them have just entered the house. Hermione turned to face Dumbledore as she felt a sharp pain seer across her stomach. As she pulled her hand away Hermione saw blood. Her blood. Falling to her knees Hermione felt pressure building in her head. She screamed, for Dumbledore to keep looking, find it please find it. Looking up to Dumbledore Hermione saw an unwelcome face looking down on her. It was him. His red eyes looking down on her as he believed this to be her rightful place. Tom's icy cold voice echoed through Hermione's head.
"You are too late mudblood, you will lose everything you hold dear…again"
Sitting up in her bed the pain in Hermione's abdomen jolted through her as adrenaline forced her heart to race. It was just a dream, it was just a dream. She replayed the words in her mind rhythmically again and again. He could not get to her, not here not now. Hermione laid back into the comfort of her cot in the hospital wing. It had been two days since Dumbledore and Hermione returned from that place. She just wished that every time she closed her eyes the events wouldn't echo through her head. Madame Pomfrey's soft came from behind the hospital curtains severing Hermione's thoughts.
"Miss Granger you have a visitor are you descent"
"Yes Madame Pomfrey I am but I wasn't expecting Lily…" her voice sounded cracked and raspy.
"I'm sorry to disappoint you" the lanky werewolf was a sight for sore eyes. She really had missed his face. She just wished he didn't have to see her weak like this. As Poppy closed the curtains behind him Claimed the seat that had been Lily's since Hermione's admittance just days before.
"Remus how did you know I was here?"
"Lily told us, after I pestered her far too often, but more importantly why didn't you tell me Hermione, I would have been here" she could see the guilt swirling inside of him, as though if he'd been here he could have stopped whatever was wrong with her. It was completely illogical but that was Remus.
"I will be fine Remus honestly, it was just something unexpected really don't worry please" she reached for his hand hoping to comfort him. To let him know this was not his fault but he refused her, pulling his hand away. Anger, guilt, frustration and relief flickered across his face. Hermione hardly had the strength to function let alone deal with a PMS-ing wolf.
"You're not telling me something, what happened to honesty Hermione? If it is something to do with your mission here then I can take it" rolling her eyes Hermione knew he needed to vent about how he would have changed things or how he would have protected her. But his martyrdom was just pissing her off at this point.
"Remus please slowdown" it was near impossible to deal with him when he was being like this. He was so willing to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders. He was the Modern Greek version of Atlas, condemned to hold the weight of the sky for eternity. Only rather than being condemned to do so he volunteered for the position.
"I will not. You have been hurt by this impossible mission and you are not even giving me the chance to protect you, that's our job Hermione. You're not alone in this you have me, James Sirius and I am assuming Lily knows" he was right about Lily of course. It seemed that he was not going to leave without a fight. This tension had been building for a while now and if she was being honest with herself, she had left it to fester for as long as it had. Hermione now had to deal with those consequences. As calmly as she could Hermione tried to let him know that this would eventually be his fight.
"It is not your job to protect me Remus, my life doesn't matter it is your, Lily, James and Sirius who matter. You will know when it is right for you to know, please you need to trust me" this was not good enough for him. Remus stood from his chair so quickly and with such force it screeched across the stones floors.
"You know I trust you, but do you trust me" his eyes searched her for the response that he wanted rather than the answers that were the truth.
"Of course I do" this was true she did trust him, but she couldn't give him the transparency that he desired so badly.
"Then tell me" the bite in his tone made Hermione wonder if he was also battling with the wolf in this moment. So much of it was tied into his emotions that the anger could feed the wolf.
"No" this was not the answer he wanted and they both knew it. The frustration building inside of Remus was about to explode when he feel back into the chair his head cradled in his shaking hands.
"You are infuriating" the bitter tone was enough to catch her off guard. She knew he was mad at her this much was fact. On any other day Hermione would smack him and walk away but due to certain events she was incapacitated currently. So her words were going to have to do.
"You want honesty here it is you're acting like a pompous jerk right now, if you really trusted me then you would respect that I need to keep this to myself"
"Hermione you have come in and turned my world upside down."
"It was never my intention"
"Well it fucking happened ok. You came into my life and have been an enigma wrapped in a riddle topped with a secrecy bow. It is maddening whenever I feel close to the real you it changes and I realize it was never the real you" and there was the truth of how he felt. This cut her deep down in her heart. Hermione had come to love Remus as much more than a friend and a familiar face in an often chaotic world. She loved him wolf and all but he felt as though he didn't know her
"Being with you Remus was never part of my plan, how I am with you is the real me. It's just I see a bigger picture. I have things I need to do here…they're not easy. Being with you has had its perks for me in the long run, but it has also made it infinitely harder. The thought of losing you is too much to bare. I have seen you die Remus and I will not have that fate repeated again and that goes for James, Lily and Sirius too. I keep you at this distance because I will not risk having any of you hurt or worse die. There may come a time where I need you for the bigger picture but it is not now. Now I just need you to live"
"It goes two ways Hermione. How do you think it would be for anyone of us if you…You put yourself risk on a regular basis and I am just supposed to sit back and let it happen. How is that fair?"
"It's not fair, but I am not giving you a choice at least for right now please just" he interrupted her.
"Just what let it happen? Let it play out and have you die no Hermione I forbid it" She could hear the pain and anger in voice as the same emotions flashed across his face. This was the consequences that Dumbledore spoke about. Her actions had led to this. There was no one else to blame but herself. Knowing this however did not change the ache that she felt in this moment or the bitterness for him forbidding her.
"You forbid it. You forbid me from saving your life…How dare you…get out. Go on leave…Now!" pushing aside the curtains Remus paused for just a moment as though he were about to say something to her then shaking his head he left angrier than ever before. The echo of the heavy hospital wing doors rung through the room. Knowing he was gone, knowing how he truly felt about her left Hermione despising herself and the endless silence. Her heart racing and aching knowing its loss. Crawling into the foetal position caused Hermione so much pain, that she was grateful for it to fill the void of hollowness that had just taken hold of her heart.
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As Remus walked further and further away from Hermione, he knew he had been stupid. This knowledge was not going to fix anything now however. This is of course the curse of foresight. Seeing her in that bed barely able to move made Remus furious at her for letting herself be injured in such a way that made her look weak and feeble laying in that cot. That was not the Hermione he knew. If he was honest with himself he wasn't really angry at her instead he was scared for her. Scared that the next time it might not just be an injury, what if next time she dies? That was what he was trying to tell her all along, he just couldn't wrap his lips around the words "Hermione I'm scared for you". A familiar and unwanted voice echoed through the hallways. This was the last thing Remus needed and or wanted to deal with right now.
"Moony, wait up"
"What do you want Peter?" his tone was far from friendly and yet the snivelling rat still approached him.
"I don't know what I've done to you and the others but I wanna be a Marauder again" Peter spoke so sheepishly. It was enough to ignite a fire of hatred inside of Remus as he knew who the real Peter was. His icy tone in the Room of Requirement was the real Peters voice not this meek insignificant shell of a boy.
"You can't Pete somethings can't be undone we know things about you that all of us just can't ignore" As Remus tried to walk away Peter grabbed his arm with such force that, he was sure that there would be a bruise of his pudgy hand on his forearm in the next few days.
"What do you know?" Peter searched for the answers that he desired, perhaps out of fear for his dark leader or maybe just because he was pathetic and frightened.
"That doesn't matter, all you need to know is that we know about the real you" Pulling his arm from Peter grasp Remus stared down at the boy he had once considered his friend and felt nothing but pity for him.
"This is the real me unlike Hermione. All the trouble started when she showed up" just hearing her name on his lips was enough for Remus's blood to run cold. He had no business even breathing her name. Remus closed the gap between them with only half of his normal stride. He easily stood over Peter he would even be will to say he was stronger the only thing Peter had on Remus was weight.
"Watch what you say about her" his warning was not enough to keep Peter from flapping his lips.
"Why it's the truth she is the reason for all of it"
"No she isn't Peter it's you, you're the reason that you are no longer welcome amongst us. To be a Marauder is all for one and one for all. It is more than just a group of people it is a family. You betrayed our family and for that you have to pay the price"
"I have always been there for you Remus, I stay by your side durin' the full moon and now that on the word of slutty girlfri…" the sound of his nose breaking again was music to the wolfs ears. He was at his breaking point. Watching the snivelling rat slither and shake on the floor gave him a great deal of relief "Your girlfriend is a slag Remus, she and Sirius have something going on just ask him. I am looking out for you, I prom…"Remus didn't know what snapped inside of him it was a mix of primitive protection and explosion of rage. He knew that Peter was not fully to blame for the eruption of anger, pain and hurt that was happening inside of him at this moment, but he was the one whom caused the final snap. Everything that had been building for months was making its way through Remus's mind. Every time his fists made contact with Peter's skin a small part of the anguish washed away. He didn't know how long he had been hitting Peter by the time someone was pulling him off with such force that Remus slammed into the wall. He felt numb, barely taking in what was happening around him. Lily was checking on the battered Peter instructing Sirius to take him to the hospital wing while she walked over and kneeled in front of Remus.
"What happened Remus? You could have killed him if we hadn't come by. Peter is in bad shape and look at your hands. I told you to leave her be." Lily took a handkerchief from her pocket and began to wipe away the blood from his swollen raw knuckles.
"Hermione and I fought but then he…he called her…I lost control" he couldn't form full sentences partially because of the adrenaline, but mainly because he couldn't justify what he had just done to another person. Peter or not no one deserves to be beaten that way.
"Did the wolf do this Remus?" her question caught him off guard. Did everyone in Hogwarts know about his furry little problem once a month? Hermione must have told her in confidence either way she knows and there was only one way to change it but he was not going to go to that extreme.
"Of course you know, did she tell you?" Lily faked her offense before answering him.
"Give me some credit, I worked it out myself. What did you fight about? You and Hermione that is" taking a deep stabling breathe Remus recounted the whole conversation. Lily just listened. Never once telling him that he was a stupid Neanderthal. In fact she didn't judge him at all.
"I forbid her from risking her life for us" Remus was embarrassed by his actions to the point where he wished he could hit the rewind button and have a do-over, so when Lily began to chuckle this made him shift uneasily. What was so funny about his stupidity.
"I see what you mean but you forgot something very important"
"What's that?" he really didn't think there was anything more to this conversation. Hermione continuously risked her life for them, that was fact so what more could there possibly be.
"She came back with a bigger purpose than just you and I. She is practically saving the future generations from all of the loss and pain. She will be the only person in the world who remembers that time. Everyone else will never know of its occurrence. That in its self is a great burden for only one person to bare. And just between us, I hate that she thinks she has to do this alone" it was so simple yet complex in the same breathe. Remus had been so self-centred and foolish. Of course Lily was right, he'd simply lost sight of that.
"How do you deal with it then?" Remus asked, he was a smart young man but even he didn't have all the answers, especially when it came to Hermione. He was clueless and over protective when it came to her and everyone knew it.
"I just be with her. She is under enough pressure without adding anything else to it. Have faith, our girl is the one to back in this fight" Lily smiled at the wolf. She was so kind, brave and smart. Remus in that moment could see why James was infatuated with her. However he could not keep the negativity and pessimism from creeping back into his mind.
"You're asking me to have blind faith in an impossible thing Lily how do we know that all of this will work if we only have half of the picture"
"Faith by its very definition is complete trust or confidence in someone or something without proof or evidence. She will tell us when the time is right, she has been working on this for month's maybe even years Remus. Believe in her, because her love for all of us past and present will be what wins us the coming war" there Lily was again being smart correct and wrapping everything in a lovely and understandable bow. Smiling at the red head Remus couldn't help himself.
"When did you get so smart?" laughing together as two friends and equals Lily responded.
"I don't know, maybe you can help me figure it out. C'mon you lets head back to the common room so you can rest and get ready for a year's worth of detentions"
