Chapter 8
The office was empty when she entered. She was surprised at finding the door unlocked, but hadn't thought too much of it. "Erik? I'm sorry I'm late." There was no response. "Erik?" She took off her cloak and, after much hand waving, located the coat rack. She held her hands out as she carefully stepped towards the other side of the room. She was looking for the desk to navigate to the bedroom door, sure Erik had gone to bed.
After much searching and having her hip bruise itself against the edge of the desk, Carlynda finally located the bedroom door. She opened it and slowly made her way to the bed. "Erik?" she whispered. "You awake?" She found the bed and pat at the mattress, trying to locate him, but the bed was empty. "Erik?" she said louder. Where was he?
She reached for the lamp on the nightstand and lit it. The room was soon visible and there was no Erik. Confused, but not worried, she decided to change into her nightgown. He must be making some rounds around the theater. She would just go to bed and wait for him.
Just as she pulled her nightgown on, she heard the office door slam shut, startling her. She stepped out of the room and saw, with the lamp behind her, a tall dark figure standing there. "Erik?"
"So, the mademoiselle decided to grace me with her presence after all," he said coldly.
A shiver went down her spin at his tone. "I'm sorry I'm late. Something came up…"
"Something came up, did it? At the bakery? How quaint. When I went there it was dark and closed up for the night. That must have been hours ago."
Her eyes widened and her hand went to the doorframe to support her. "You…you went to the bakery? Why?"
"Why?" he said calmly, too calmly. "Why she asks?!" he suddenly shouted, causing her to jump. "I suppose Erik should tell you why, shouldn't he! After all, what do you think he would do when she doesn't show up!? Do you really think he would just wait here!? No, no he went to find her! Why? Why you ask?" He took a few threatening steps forward. She squeezed the doorframe, trying to not to step back, away from him. She never feared Erik. She knew he would never hurt her, but she had never seen him in this mood, not towards her and it did frighten her. "Why do you think!?" he continued to yell. "You and I both know the streets at night! Anything could have happened!"
"Erik, I'm sorry, but…"
"Sorry, you say. Sorry!? After discovering you weren't at the bakery, I looked in every alley between there and the theater, fearing the worst! When I didn't see you there, I went to Madame Giry's. And what do you know, you weren't there either! What do you think I did after that, hmm?" He stepped forward again until the desk stopped him. "I'll tell you where I went. I looked and looked and looked! I found myself at the park, thinking someone dragged you there. Do you know what I discovered?"
"Oh," she gasped, realizing just who he saw there.
"Yes, oh," he sneered. "There you were in the arms of another man, completely unharmed and worry free. Moving up in the world, aren't you, my dear? Had your fill of the lowlifes and now scoring some handsome, wealthy fop. What did you have a mind, hmm? A mistress, perhaps? Or are you trying to find some rich and handsome husband?"
"Erik, it's not like…"
"Not like that? Is that what you were going to say? Maybe I would have believed you if I didn't see him kiss your forehead. There was certainly affection there, my dear. How long have you had him? Is he better than me? Do you like that you can screw him with the lights on? Is that why you ran into his arms? Is that why you were trying to talk me into allowing this man to be my patron, so you can be closer to him? Does he know about me? Does he know he isn't the only one? How many men do you have hidden away?"
She stepped forward desperately. "No, Erik, listen…"
"Listen!? Why? So you can lie to my face!"
She gasped. "Don't accuse me of lying! When have I ever lied to you? If you would just listen."
"Get out."
"Pardon?"
"I said, get out! Leave before I do something I'll regret later."
Hurt, she quickly crossed the room, accidentally knocking a chair over in her blind haste. She grabbed her cloak and opened the door. Before she stepped out, she faced him. "Just so you know, that man you saw me with is a brother I haven't seen in three years." She turned and slammed the door shut. She leaned against the door and a few tears escaped her eyes. She could taste them dripping to her lips. Her skin felt dry because of the salty tears. Her eyes narrowed as she tried to prevent more water from leaving her eyes, but it was useless. The bottom of her gut felt ready to explode. Explode into what, she didn't know. But it felt like it was ready for some sort of outburst. She placed a hand on over her heart, as if it would ease the pain. The tips of her fingers brushed the necklace Erik had given to her only yesterday. That was when she broke down. More tears escaped, followed by a heartbreaking sound. Her hand flew to her mouth, trying to muffle the sound of her crying. Yesterday was so enjoyable. It was strange how things change so suddenly.
She cried for a minute before pulling herself together. She couldn't stay there.
She wiped her tears and threw on her cloak for warmth. She was in her nightgown and it was much too late for her to go wondering around Paris. She made her way to the dormitories. She would sleep with Meg tonight. With a hand on the wall to guide her, she made her way down the corridor.
She snuck into the dorm room and went straight to the bed in the corner, knowing it was Meg's. She knelt down. "Meg?" she whispered. Her voice sounded hoarse from crying. "Meg?" She reached up and searched for a shoulder.
"Car—Carlynda?" Meg whispered sleepily. She heard the bed squeak as Meg shifted. "Carlynda, what are you doing here?"
"I…I was wondering if I could sleep here just for tonight."
"Have you been crying? Did you get in a fight with him?"
She nodded as a few more tears escape. "Some…something like that. It's too late to walk home and…and I'm still in my nightgown."
"Oh, of course. Come in." She heard Meg slide back in her bed.
Carlynda got into the bed beside her friend. It was a tight fit, but not unbearable.
"You know," Meg whispered sleepily, "if I was more awake, I would question you."
"I know," she said softly.
"So, expect…" Meg yawned. "…expect me to ask tomorrow."
"I know."
"Goodnight."
"Goodnight." It took her some time to fall asleep.
She felt something on her temple softly, barely touching her, but enough to brush aside her hair that was tickling her nose. "Carlynda?" A voice broke through her fogged mind. She groaned and buried her head into the lumpy pillow. "Carlynda."
She forced her eyes opened and saw a dark figure kneeling in front of her. She made some sort of moan sound before closing her eyes again. Sleep was calling her back, but the voice interrupted the call. "Carlynda, my dear, wake up, please."
Her eyes flickered opened again. "Er—Erik?"
"Yes, my dear, it's me. I…I wanted to say sorry. I didn't mean to accuse you. I was just…just worried when you didn't show up and when I saw that you were fine, that you didn't seem aware of what I've been through when I thought that you…that you were…were hurt…or worse." He sighed. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you. I…I care for you and…I just don't want to see you hurt. I don't want to repeat the mistakes of the past."
Carlynda sleepily nodded as her eyes slid closed again. She could hear his voice, but couldn't seem to listen to his words. "Hmm, mhm." She felt a cool hand stroke her cheek, but it wasn't enough to wake her.
"You worried me again tonight. After I sent you out, I…I realized what I done. I heard you crying and it dug into my heart. Then, I heard nothing. You had left. I thought you were going back home. You don't have any idea how I felt when I was once again out on the streets looking for you, fearing the worse all over again. Oh, Carlynda." Something warm kissed her forehead. "I'm so glad I found you safe," the voice whispered into her ear. "Forgive me, please."
Without opening her eyes or lifting her head, she nodded.
"Come back to bed with me please. I don't think I can sleep without you by my side."
"Awigh," she murmured drowsily, her 'alright' coming out incoherently. The fogginess of sleep continue to try and claim her and she was weak to its hold. She lost herself in her dream. She was floating or flying. All around her she could smell sandalwood and ink. Suddenly she was landing on a cloud, soft and fluffy cloud. It embraced her, like a lovers hug. She snuggled into the warmth. A wisp of the cloud stroke her check and it seemed to speak to her, saying, "Goodnight, my dear." Then music, deep loving music danced in the air above her. It was a simple, wordless tune that gently pulled her deeper into sleep.
Carlynda woke to the sound of the bed creaking as someone moved. The room was still dark, making her believe it was still very early. She groaned and buried her head into the pillow. Why was Meg getting up so early anyway? She froze, her mind becoming very aware of the softness and the familiar scent of the pillow below her.
Her eyes opened and she turned to her back. With the little light coming through the curtains, she could see a shadowy figure sitting at the edge of the bed with his back to her. She knew the person was a male from the broad shoulders and it could be only one person. "How did I get here?" she asked.
He turned slightly to her, but didn't face her. "I carried you."
She sighed and stared at the darkness above her. "That explains the dream," she muttered to herself. "But why, Erik?"
"You don't remember last night?"
"I remember you yelling at me and sending me away. I remember you accusing me of sleeping with my brother. I remember going to Meg to sleep with her." She had a faint recognition of Erik talking to her, but couldn't remember any of the details. However, she could be safe to assume that it wasn't a dream.
He sighed. "I woke you last night and asked for your forgiveness. I thought you granted it. You didn't seem to mind when I carried you back to bed."
She sat and settled against the headboard. "Of course I didn't mind. I was half asleep!"
"So you do remember." He turned to finally face her and she wished she could see his expression for his tone sounded indifferent.
"Not everything," she admitted. "I remember you, but I don't remember what you said."
"Then allow me to repeat myself, Carlynda."
It was almost like a question. He was wondering if she would let him apologize again. She glanced down at her lap. She didn't want to forgive him so quickly, but, at the same time, she didn't want to stay mad at him. This was their first fight. She should be lenient with him on that alone, shouldn't she? And maybe he did have a good accuse for his harsh words last night. She nodded. "Yes, please do."
He placed his one leg on the bed as if to settle comfortably for a long speech. "I am sorry, Carlynda. I didn't mean to accuse you. When you didn't show up last night, I grew worried. I was in quite the state when I searched the streets for you. You weren't at your bakery or at Madame Giry's. I couldn't think where else you would be. I kept thinking of one bad scenario after another. My panic was building. Then I saw that you were unharmed and with another man." He stopped suddenly, unable or unwilling to voice his feelings.
"You were hurt," she stated. His lack of response was enough to confirm her thoughts. "And for that, I am sorry. I wanted to send a letter to tell you, but I was so busy yesterday and then Lucian came by so we can talk. I didn't mean to worry you, Erik, but you had no right to accuse me of being with another man. I am not your fiancée or your wife. You're not even my suitor. You have no right over me, mind, body, or soul." She sighed and glanced back down at her lap. "Will I sleep around with other men? No. I wouldn't. The mere fact that, for a second, you thought I was capable of lying with another is…well, it hurts. I'm done with that life, Erik. You know that, at least you should by now. Those three nights were one of the worst of my life. I would never do something like that again."
At some point during her speech, he had turned his back to her again, so she watched his shoulders. The silence between them seem to stretch. Carlynda waited for him to say something, anything, but he didn't. She sighed and looked to the window. She could still see the faint outline of light through the curtains. "What time is it?"
"A little before seven."
She nodded and pushed back the covers. "I should get ready for work." She stood up.
"Speaking of," Erik interrupted calmly, "you may be getting people coming into your bakery looking for a job."
She paused in her attempt to put her robe over her nightgown. "Pardon?"
"It appeared in yesterday's evening paper. I had it arranged yesterday morning." He stood. "I'll leave you to get ready now." He left before she could get over her shock. Not once did he glance back at her.
She sat back down on the bed. Erik really was a great man. So thoughtful and kind to her. Surely they could get over their little argument from last night. She'd seen him in this mood before and he was never so remorseful towards the person he was frustrated at. The fact that he was apologetic towards her said how much he valued her friendship. She really hoped this wouldn't ruin what they had together. Should she even return tonight or was it time to give themselves a little space?
Carlynda shook herself from her thoughts and stood. She had to get ready for work. Today she was determined to open on time. Yesterday she was late, the day before that she didn't open at all. It really was becoming a bad habit.
She left the room as soon as she was ready, pausing at the doorway when she caught sight of Erik at his desk, back once again to her. She closed the door, leaving it open a crack for a little extra light. She hesitated, wondering if she should tell him not to expect her tonight and wondering if she wanted to tell him that. She hadn't exactly made the decision just yet.
"Your brother," Erik said, unknowingly preventing her from making the decision right then. He had yet to turn to her.
"What about him?" She walked over to him carefully, trying not to run unto anything. He had a lamp, dimly lit, at the far end of his desk. It didn't cast enough light to make out his face. He was leaning back against his chair, away from the light.
"He is a count. Count Bellamont. That would make you…"
"Countess Bellamont," she finished. She sighed and closed her eyes. She didn't want to deal with this right now, not on top of their unresolved fight from last night. "Is that a problem?"
It took him much too long to answer, making her feel rather uneased. Finally, he shook his head and said, "No." His tone wasn't all that encouraging. "If I didn't stumble on the two of you and if it wasn't for our…our fight last night, would you have told me about him?"
"Erik, how could you think that I wouldn't have? Of course, I…" She stopped herself from saying anything more. The truth was, she didn't know if she would have. The circumstance forced her to say something, but would she have told Erik if it wasn't for what happened last night? For the past three years she never once spoke of her family situation, not to the Giry family, not to Erik. She wanted to leave that part of her in the past, but this was Lucian. She loved her older brother. She wasn't ashamed of him as she was about the rest of her past.
Erik picked up on her hesitation and took it as a no she wouldn't have said anything. "Have a nice day at work, Carlynda. I'll see you tonight."
Her month opened, as if to tell him not to, but she forced it closed. "Good day, Erik," she said softly before making her way slowly to the door. If she decided not to show up tonight, she would send a note. She would this time. It didn't matter how busy she was today. She would make sure he knew she wouldn't be coming.
michellecarriveau got it right! the quote from the last chapter was said by the little, white bat from Anastassia, Bartok! Great movie. One of my favorite animated movies.
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