Everything ached.
Every part of Laura felt as though she'd just gone toe to toe with a professional wrestler, which left her with a numbing ache that made even moving her eyes difficult. She hadn't been hurt during the confrontation the night before, but the doctors had assured her that while shock was physically draining, it would soon pass. Still, lying in an uncomfortable hospital bed with IVs stuck in her arms only made the whole situation worse, but at least it didn't feel like the world was suffocating her anymore. It just made it easier for her think about the things she desperately wanted to forget.
As she laid there, staring up at the blank ceiling, Laura's mind drifted towards one of those things - John Dawson. He hadn't made it, according to the news report that greeted her the first time she woke up, going down in a hailstorm of gunfire after trying to put a bullet into Peter Yates' head. The thought of meeting such a violent end made her stomach churn, and she had it turned off as soon as possible.
He'd deserved better, she thought. It seemed unfair, unjust, even, to endure so much suffering in such a short amount of time. Hopefully, it was better, wherever he was now.
The rest of the day passed by excruciatingly slowly, but as the time ticked by, Laura was relieved to feel the numbness that had settled in her chest seep away. When afternoon came and the bright light of day dimmed, someone rapped on the door, and she lifted her head just in time to see Joe peek his head inside. His face relaxed with relief when their eyes met, and she gestured for him to enter the room.
"Hey, how're you doing?"
"Bit sore, but that's about it. How's Yates?"
"Well, he's getting off scot free. I know you wanted to see him get what he deserved."
"You did too."
"Fair enough. He's not going to complain, though, so I guess that's good."
"…Joe?"
"Yeah?"
"Do you think we could have saved him? Dawson, I mean. Do you think he had a chance of making it? Of moving past what they did?"
"Why do you ask?"
"…because I did."
The look on his face urged her to continue, and Laura did her best to sit up, keeping her eyes on her hands. She wasn't sure she could look Joe in the eyes if she was really going to talk to him about this.
"Did I ever tell you how my mother died?"
"No."
He already knew, Laura was aware. He'd read her files, of course, but she'd never told him outright.
"I was too young to understand what exactly she was going through – I just thought she was sick, that she would get better. She never did. I still blame my father for that."
"Laura…"
"It's fine, Joe. I suppose he thought he was being discreet, but even then, I could see how he was treating her. He'd treated her badly before then, but this was just rubbing salt in the wound, you know? He would shout, he would h – what he did, it wasn't what you did to someone who was sick."
"Is that why you wanted to save Dawson?"
"I guess. I just - I know what it's like to hate someone, that much. I know what it feels like to have it swallow you whole, until it's all you have left. But I also know what it's like to have someone pull you out of that. Dawson-John never got that. It just became a part of who he was."
Until it was all that was keeping him alive.
"…he did deserve better, didn't he?"
As she contemplated his answer, Laura thought of her friends. The friends who had done so much for her when she had done so little for them. Anyone would be lucky to have them. Her eyes finally met Joe's, and she managed a small smile as her heart lightened just a tad.
"We all do."
Later that night, Laura found herself at the West house once again. The weight of all that had happened rested heavily on her shoulders, but Laura did her best to ignore it as she talked with Iris over dinner. Joe kept an eye on her, even if he thought she didn't notice, but the more she pretended everything was okay, the more she could feel that crushing weight lifting off, piece by piece. John Dawson's haunted green eyes still flashed in her mind when she closed her own, but Laura was fully aware that she couldn't leave it hanging over her head forever.
The next day, she drove to the cemetery herself. The service was small, a few family friends and distant relatives in attendance, but Laura couldn't stop herself from tearing up when she learned that he was to be buried next to his mother. Despite the sorrow that lingered in her mind the rest of the day, she forced herself back into her work, getting caught up on paperwork and doing her best to show Captain Singh and Joe that this was just a bump in the road.
She wasn't sure she was ever going to be able to forget his face, unable to close her eyes without seeing it, but she wasn't sure she wanted to forget it either.
When the others finally returned, it was late. Laura was just helping Dr. Wells close up for the night, the two of them performing the usual clean-up in silence, when Barry and the others filed into the room in a burst of noise. Some small part of her felt a little envious that the others looked so happy, but that feeling quickly died as they started to regale her with their adventures during their time in Starling City. Distracted as Cisco started to ramble on about everything he'd seen and done, Laura was caught off guard when Barry sidled up to her side, looking just a little bit concerned. She offered him a smile, but in truth, she really didn't care what he thought at the moment – she was just glad that they had all made it back home, safe and sound.
"Busy weekend?"
"You could say that."
"You want to talk about it?"
"…later. I want to hear what happens next."
And as she watched her team – her friends – smile and laugh and fill up her life again, Laura couldn't stop herself from smiling wider than she had in days. The clouds had finally parted, and to see the sun again was wonderful.
She really was lucky, wasn't she?
And we have come to the end of John Dawson's storyline; if you have anything you'd like to say, please leave a review and stay tuned for more chapters!
