The cemetery was deserted when Laura arrived the next day. It usually wasn't busy, but she was grateful that no one could interrupt her. She hadn't been planning to go this week, but after what had happened? After seeing Snart?
She just needed someone to talk to.
Who better than her mother?
The last time she'd visited her mother had been just a week before the accelerator exploded. The first time, however, had been two days after her mother's death, surrounded by family and friends of her mother. Even now, she knew little to nothing her father's family or his friends, but she doubted a man like him would have ever have any real connections – any real attachments.
However, as she stared down at her mother's grave, a light breeze brushing over the green-brown hillside, Laura was surprised that it was difficult to figure out what she wanted to say. With a heavy sigh, she sat down on the grass, ignoring the dampness, and took a moment to collect her thoughts. The bouquet of deep blue hydrangeas lay beside her on the grass, patiently waiting to be placed within the vase resting on the headstone. Still, she didn't hurry – she had all the time in the world, after all.
"Hi, Mom. I know haven't been here in a while – I hope you're not upset about that. It's just…well, things have been changing a lot lately."
"I…I saw him the other day, Leonard. He's changed a lot. I'm not sure you would recognize him, but I did. It's been a long time since we've seen each other."
"He didn't recognize me."
"He's killed, Mom. He's killed people. I don't know what to think about that. I can't really say anything to him because, well, you know. And he's going to prison. Missed opportunities, right?"
"I've met some people – good people. They're so good, and there's this one guy – Barry – he's pretty great. Caitlin and Cisco are great too – Cisco's the best – but you should see Barry run."
"I don't know if I can tell them about it all, Ma. I-I want to. I really do – but I don't know how they'll take it."
"They don't deserve this crap."
"I miss you, a lot. I had Christmas with my friends, and it just didn't feel the same. There's this detective – Joe West. He's a good man – you would have liked him. I guess you could say he's taking care of me."
"I wish you could meet them. All of them."
"Can I tell you something? I've changed. I'm so different, I wonder if even you would recognize me. Maybe you would."
"They'd scare you, the things I can do. I have these – these powers, but I can't tell if they're a gift or a curse."
"I'm scared."
"I can feel it, the energy, the power. I don't want it, but I have to use it. To help people. To make the world a better place. It's the least I can do, right?"
"I want to tell them so badly. You'd want me to tell them, wouldn't you? You never really did like liars."
"I don't know if I'm ready for them to find out. I…I don't want to drive them away. Not yet."
"I hope you're happy, wherever you are."
"I hope you like the flowers."
"I miss you."
S.T.A.R. Labs was quiet when Laura made her way inside later that day. The silence was welcome, but she could have done with a distraction. At least there wouldn't be anybody around to question her on why she was so quiet.
There was so much she wanted to say, so many things she wanted to tell them. All of them. After the fiasco from last night, Laura was finding it hard to fathom how she had kept her secret for so long. As she sat down, the thought that maybe she was the one who wasn't ready came to mind, but she brushed it off as Dr. Wells entered the room. There was a small grimace on his face, but it softened when he saw her, and Laura wondered just how much the effects of her recent encounter with Snart were showing. He didn't say anything, and Laura felt grateful as he made his way past her towards his office – the man was an enigma, but at least he knew a thing or two about personal space.
Laura enjoyed the quiet while she had the chance. It was nice, to be able to think without the noise, but eventually three familiar sets of footsteps resounded throughout the halls, and she sat up just in time to catch Barry's eye as they entered the room.
Twelve years ago, she'd wondered how she could ever live with the burden her father had given her. Somehow, she had made it this far. Somehow, she had dragged herself out from under his shadow to become the exact opposite of the person he had tried to beat her into. She had become so much stronger than she had ever imagined.
Her father had not won.
And as she sat there, listening to her friends – her family – talking, laughing, smiling, Laura knew that no matter how much baggage she carried, she could face whatever came her way. That no matter what, she could be strong. She could leave behind those dark days; she could keep fighting
She could win.
Because that's what heroes did.
I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.
- Carl Gustav Jung
