It burned.
There was no other word for it. No other word for the pain that laced through her skin, stronger than anything she had ever felt in her life. No other word for the way the heat cracked and peeled her skin, leaving her screaming in agony. No other word for the way her blood boiled in her veins, for the way every bit of cold in her body was chased away, for the way she was torn apart.
No other word for what she felt.
Everything burned.
Laura screamed.
The sound, barely even louder than a whisper, clawed its way up her throat without her consent, and tears streamed down her face as another forced its way out. She couldn't even feel the tears streaming down her face as she cried, not as every inch of her skin burned more painfully than she had ever experienced in life. There was nothing she wanted more to do in that moment than to tear her skin from her bones, if only that would stop the pain from searing itself into her mind.
However, as Laura gasped and sobbed, there was something else there, something else besides the darkness and the pain. Through the haze, she could imagine it as a bright light, cool and calming and safe, a beacon of hope in a never-ending void that seemed intent on swallowing her up. The pain numbed her as she reached out towards it, and as it consumed her, tears of a different kind slipped out from behind her eyelids.
Cold.
Cold, blissfully, painfully numb cold. It spread to every corner of her body, chasing away the burning agony as it did so, and Laura could not stop a sob of relief as the last of the pain bled away. She hardly even noticed as it began to push its way out of her body, surrounding her and filling her all at once; in a way, shielding her from the world. It felt alive, in a way, as she floated there in its embrace, an ethereal pulse beating alongside her own heart and a soft thrumming slowly but surely bringing her back into awareness.
And suddenly, the cold was gone, and she was falling into awareness. The first thing she was aware of was that she was weighed down, and the next was the burning in her chest as she took a breath, her lungs drawing in ash. Eyes watering as she rolled over on to her back, Laura could barely see the sky above through the haze of tears, but as she raised her hand to block it – something that seemed to sap away her strength – Laura saw something else.
Not now.
She'd changed, again, and this time, she felt it everywhere. Now more aware of herself, every part of Laura's body felt as if it were weighed down, and even as she scrambled to her knees, Laura had the sickening feeling that what she feared was true. Still, some part of her had to know, and with a pounding heart, she reached for her face. A small gasp left her as a noise she couldn't quite describe echoed throughout her mind – it was almost like as if two glasses had just clinked, only far, far worse – and she felt the sudden desire to empty her stomach. Her hands traveled farther down, grasping frantically at her own neck, and Laura suddenly couldn't find the energy to breathe.
Calm down, calm down – you've done this before. You just need to calm down.
As her mind raced, Laura dug her hands into the ruined earth, jamming her eyes shut to avoid looking straight at her hands and to keep the world from spinning. She forced herself to concentrate despite the fact that she was near hyperventilating, and focused on the way her body felt as if it were weighed down. If she could just imagine it differently, as if the change were just her skin and not everything else, maybe that would work…
Even as she thought about it, Laura could already feel the change happening. It was slow at first, like how a sink might drain of water, but as her heart rate began to return to normal, Laura felt it speed up to the point that she couldn't keep track of where it was happening. And just like that, she was back to normal, and feeling lighter than she ever had in her entire lifetime. The cold was still there, subdued and waiting for her, but for once, its absence in her veins was more a relief than a worry. For now, at least, she was simply content to leave the cold alone.
"Laura!"
Out of the corner of her eye, Laura caught sight of a flash of lightning, and turned just in time to see Barry and Caitlin appear above her on the hill, skidding to a stop in the dirt just a few feet from where she knelt. She could tell that they were stunned, with the way that Caitlin grasped at Barry blindly and the way that they both continued to stare at her. The silence between them stretched on for a while before Barry took the first step forward, and the next thing she knew, both of them were there, holding her as closely as they could manage.
"Don't you ever do that again, I swear to God-" The anger in Caitlin's voice would have been frightening had her face not been buried in Laura's shoulder, and Laura could only tighten her arms around her friend in response. Dimly, she knew that they would ask questions later, questions that she wouldn't be able to answer truthfully, but with Barry and Caitlin kneeling beside her, the only thing she could think of was that she was alive in the first place. Everything beyond that seemed to matter so little now, and Laura was happy to leave it at that.
"And you say my self-preservation's bad," Barry chuckled, his eyes suspiciously wet as he did so, and Laura felt her heart leap into her throat.
"I'm sorry." Her lungs burned as she spoke for the first time since she'd woken, but when she began to cough they were both there, offering her support. When the burn finally subsided, Laura looked up at both of her friends, a sense of relief that they were okay – that they were all okay – spreading over her, before following Caitlin's gaze down into the newly formed crater. Neither of them seemed to feel like saying anything further, and with a nod, Laura accepted Barry's hand, leaning on him once she was standing. The three of them shared a look, before they began to make the trip down, Caitlin taking the lead.
It wasn't long before they found a reason to stop. Laura heard Caitlin's gasp of disbelief before she was careening across the ground towards the body, and slowed to a stop as the other woman fell to her knees beside it. Beside her, Barry also watched with bated breath, the pounding of her heart drowning out every thought in her head.
"C-can you," Caitlin hesitated for a moment, the hope she had spent so long suppressing shining through, and she could only choke one word: "…Ronnie?"
It was absolutely nerve-wracking to watch as the battered man lying before them lifted his head, meeting Caitlin's intense gaze easily. His dazed expression slowly shifted into a weary grin, and then:
"Caitlin."
Laura couldn't suppress the laugh that bubbled out of her chest as Ronnie pulled her close, the relief bringing tears to her eyes. She wasn't even aware that she was crying until Barry's hand fell on her shoulder; she could only answer his concerned look with a smile – a watery, shaky smile – but a smile no less real. Suddenly, however, a familiar tone of voice broke the silence.
"…excuse me? Dr. Sanders? Mr. Allen?"
"Professor," Barry sounded almost as disbelieving as Laura felt as they turned to face the source of the voice, standing in the crater and covered head to toe in soot, "it's good to see you in the flesh."
"Likewise," the older man responded with a wry smirk, "but I do believe I'm in dire need of a change of clothes."
In spite of it all, Laura could hardly contain her smile.
It was time to go home.
"Alright, that's the last of it – now, are you sure you're okay?"
"Caitlin, I know you're worried, but you've asked me that five times in the past two minutes, and I'm pretty sure my answer isn't going to change when you ask me again."
The warning look that Caitlin shot her was almost enough to frighten Laura into submission – and she was scary enough without provocation – but it softened a second later. It had been a few hours since she'd awoken in the badlands, but even the return of Ronnie, who was in the next room, couldn't stop her friend from worrying over her. Most of the burns she'd received from the explosion, at least she thought she'd been burned, had faded by the time they'd returned, but Laura understood Caitlin's need to make sure that she was alright – she couldn't even begin to count the number of times Barry had nearly given her a heart attack since they'd met. Fortunately, while Caitlin was angry for the time being, Laura knew that her concern for the people she cared about was going to be the thing that would always win.
"Caitlin," Laura murmured, reaching out for her friend's arm, meeting her eyes with a pang of guilt, "I'm sorry."
"You could have died."
"I know. I knew that. But you could have as well."
For a moment, it seemed as if they were going to leave it at that, but just as Laura let her hand drop, she found herself once more in a crushing hug. After a few moments, Caitlin spoke:
"If you ever do something like that again, I'll kill you myself."
"Message received," she replied with just a hint of a chuckle, and as they let go, Laura turned her attention towards the adjacent room. They could both just make out Ronnie sitting on the examination table, obviously more than anxious to see the woman he loved again, and Laura turned to face Caitlin with a knowing look. As it turned out, she didn't have to say another word, and Laura watched with a strangely warm feeling of satisfaction as Caitlin took the first few steps into the room. Even through the glass, she could tell that both of them were nervous, having spent so long apart, and it was almost heartbreaking to see her friend so anxious in the face the man she loved. However, as she watched the two of them begin to talk, their hands moving to join where she couldn't see, Laura knew that she didn't have to worry about either of them. Unfortunately, as she finally allowed herself to relax, Laura became acutely aware that someone was watching her.
Even though he was on the other side of the room, Dr. Wells' gaze was the most unnerving thing Laura had ever experienced. She couldn't tell if he could see that she knew he was watching, but the fact of the matter was, there was no point in her life that Laura could compare to what she was feeling. For the first time in hours, frost began to form at her fingertips, and Laura had to look away from Wells to keep it under control. Still, even when she could not see, she could imagine that he could see straight through her to the place where she kept all her secrets.
Did he know?
It was a ridiculous thought, but if experienced had taught her anything, it was that the safest way to live was to keep every option open, even the most ridiculous ones. She knew that nothing was certain, that nothing was ever really set, and right now, she couldn't entirely rule out the possibility that Dr. Wells knew about what had happened in the badlands. About how she'd survived the explosion – how she'd changed. Nobody knew; none of her friends knew anything about what had happened in the cell that night with the Reverse Flash, nor did they know about how exactly she'd managed to nearly shatter Hartley's jaw on the dam. Jagged shards of ice began to form on her knees where her hands rested, as she thought about just how much the whole event had the potential to blow up in her face at any time.
However, as she sat there, Laura was comforted by the thought that maybe Wells didn't know. After all, without evidence – of which she was certain there was none – he couldn't know for sure what was going on with her. Maybe he suspected; if she was going to be honest with herself, she'd be suspicious if anyone of the team had been in the same position. Even with her panic alleviated slightly, it took Laura a couple of moments before she could muster up the courage to look back over her shoulder, but it was with some surprise that she saw that Wells was gone. She wasn't sure why she was relieved. There was no way that Wells could know, that much was certain; the only thing he could do was suspect.
But, if that was all he could do, then why did Laura feel so afraid?
"It's hot."
"It's called a fire."
"I know that."
"So, what's the problem, kiddo?"
"…I don't like it."
"Why not?"
"It doesn't feel right. Makes me itch."
"…you want me to put it out?"
"…no."
"I thought you didn't like it."
"I don't…"
"Is it because of the dark?"
"…"
"Hey. Hey, come here."
"I'm fine."
"Yeah, right. Now, grab your sleeping bag and get over here."
"…why are you putting it out?"
"Because you don't like it."
"You didn't have to-"
"Listen – I know what it's like to be scared of the dark, okay?"
"You do?"
"Yeah. I know that it feels like you're trapped, like there's no way out. Like you're alone. But you're not alone; I'm going to be right here, and we're going to go sleep, and I'll make you pancakes in the morning. Okay?"
"Really?"
"Only if you promise to go to sleep."
"Okay."
"...thanks."
"No problem."
For a second, Laura wasn't sure why it was dark. As she reached up to rub her eyes, she recalled that Caitlin had dimmed the lights in the control room before she'd left with Ronnie for the night. Her friend had been perfectly clear that she should be resting as she'd attempted to leave as well, and the intensity with which Caitlin had told her so had been enough to convince Laura to forgo negotiations. She hadn't even been aware of how tired she'd been until she'd laid down on the examination bed, which was, unfortunately, quite possibly the most uncomfortable thing Laura had ever slept on. Her back and shoulder muscles ached as she sat up, and as she applied a bit of cold with her right hand, Laura couldn't help but wonder how everyone else was doing.
She knew that Barry had taken the good professor back to his rightful home, and that Caitlin and Ronnie were taking the chance to catch up, and to reconnect – though she hoped that they didn't have to put too much effort into that. Wells – actually, she didn't really feel like thinking about that at the moment – was missing for the time being. And Cisco…well, Cisco had stuttered over his words after she'd asked him if he'd had anything planned for the night, and disappeared before Laura had had the chance to question him further. A frown formed on her face as she wondered if the tests she had found running earlier had finished; in fact, she was almost certain they had. The only question now was what to do with them.
With a bitter taste in her mouth, Laura slid off the bed and snatched up the S.T.A.R. Labs sweater someone had draped over a nearby chair. As she slipped it on over her head, Laura oddly found the new softness comforting, even if it she didn't really need it, and she made her way out of the room feeling a little less tense.
"Well, this is creepy." Laura muttered under her breath as she glanced around the control room, now darker than she had ever seen it, even though most of the lights were still functioning, albeit dimmed. It was the fact that it was empty, leaving her to be the one to fill the silence, that made it so much worse than it was, and Laura did her best to avoid thinking about it as her feet moved just a tad faster.
She'd never really been fond of the dark.
The small side room they'd set up a while back as a common area was at least lit a bit better. On the counter, a couple of pills coupled with instructions from Caitlin waited for her, and Laura welcomed the clear taste of the water as she swallowed the medicine down. Feeling a bit better, Laura let out a sigh, and set down the glass on the edge of the counter. It was hard to believe that only a day had passed; with everything that had happened, Laura felt as the past twenty or so hours had added on that many years to her life. Heaving out a sigh, she refilled the glass and made her way back out into the control room, glancing over at the computer consoles before sitting herself down in one of the chairs. There was so much to think about it was starting to hurt her head, and she realized belatedly that Caitlin must have foreseen the headache she was starting to develop.
However, as she sat there in the near-darkness, Laura had the feeling that someone was watching her. A quick glance over her shoulder slowed the frantic beating of her heart, but only by a fraction.
"Dr. Wells – I didn't realize you were still here. I thought you'd gone home."
The wry smile that her former employer gave her was almost disarming enough to make Laura forget the unease she'd felt under his gaze earlier, and she found herself with the overwhelming desire for a distraction of any kind as he joined her by the consoles.
"I apologize if I startled you; I was merely taking advantage of some spare time to catch up on work." He paused for a moment, before turning to face her with what she assumed was a concerned look.
"I must ask, though: how are you feeling?"
"Honestly," Laura sighed, leaning back in the chair to let the throbbing of her head subside, to allow herself some time to think, "pretty good. Tired, I guess, and sore, too – we really should get some real beds in here."
The chuckle that Wells let out echoed throughout the empty room, and Laura found herself smiling in response, the pit of unease in her stomach dissolving bit by bit. Before the incident, it would have been impossible for her to imagine sitting in the dark with her boss, much less hearing him laugh, no matter how restrained it was. For as long as she'd worked at S.T.A.R. Labs, Dr. Harrison Wells had always seemed to operate at a higher tier than most of his employees. Perhaps it was how the accident had lowered him to their level, she speculated, that had softened his temperament. Maybe, in the wheelchair, the Harrison Wells that she'd known before had come to the realization that he didn't to be a god amongst the peasantry. Whatever had changed in her former employer, whether it be the wheelchair he sat in or the passage of time, Laura was grateful that it had.
They sat there for some time, the idle conversation switching between either her work and the latest comings and goings of the cities, or the status of the reunited S.T.A.R. Labs power couple. The entire time, though, Laura could tell that Wells was purposefully avoiding one particular subject, though it wasn't as if she were trying to broach it either. Still, it was nice to finally have some time to relax – to let the situation sink in. It was…nice.
At least until Cisco and Ronnie showed up dragging a bleeding, half-conscious –
"Barry!"
Laura was exhausted.
It had been several hours since Cisco and Ronnie had showed up at S.T.A.R. Labs in the dead of night, dragging Barry between them – several hours since Laura had first laid eyes on her partner, half-conscious and bleeding all over his suit. Several hours since they'd had to hold him down until he was coherent, since she'd had to pin him to the bed and pour cold into his body to give Caitlin enough time to remove the jagged shards from his chest. Several hours, and Laura was quite certain that she'd just aged another thirty years. If her life was going to be this stressful in the future, she'd probably have to ask Cisco about the best way to design a nursing home for elderly metahumans. She wasn't even close to being sure about what time it was, and the mere thought of the morning sun made her head ache.
"Laura? You okay?"
Groaning out what she hoped would sound like an affirmative, Laura pried herself off of the consoles and turned to the sound of Barry's voice, the sleep in her eyes keeping her gaze blurry. She knew that the wounds he'd received had since healed, but there was something incredibly annoying about the way he smiled down at her, the sun shining through the windows making him seem like the human embodiment of wakefulness. Some days, it seemed as if her partner had been born in a lab through a mixture of sunshine and rainbows, and just like every other day, it was just as frustrating.
"I'm going to take that as a 'no'. Caitlin said this might help."
The sudden, mouthwatering smell of a freshly baked cinnamon bun was enough to propel Laura into propping herself up on her elbows, where she could grab the treat and the coffee cup her partner had placed within arms' reach.
"You're a godsend, Barry."
"I'll take that as a compliment." He chuckled as she took her first bite of the warm pastry, the taste making her eyes slip closed in bliss, but there was no teasing in his eyes when she finally finished her mouthful. Instead, he seemed to be hesitating, his eyes flitting around her uncertainly, and Laura felt a twinge of guilt in her chest before she caught his gaze.
"I'm okay."
"I know."
"…are you mad at me?"
"What?" Barry looked bewildered for a second or two before realization dawned on his face. "No, Laura, no, I'm not mad at you. Why would you think that?"
Call it a hunch, Laura thought to herself, but she decided that a snarky retort most likely wasn't the best response. Taking a deep breath, she forced her body on to her feet and dragged her feet until they brought her to stand right in front of her partner.
"I'm sorry."
"Laura-"
"Not now, Barry." The stunned look on Barry's face and the silence that followed was enough to propel her forward. "Listen, I know that what I did was dangerous and reckless. I know that I scared everybody, and you have to believe me when I say that if I could stop all of you from going through that again, I would. But this…this is what we signed up for. We made it our job to protect people, and that's what I did. I'm sorry, Barry, I really am. But I'm not going anywhere, I promise."
Not yet, anyway.
It was quiet for a while after she finished speaking, and as the second ticked by, Laura couldn't help but be a bit nervous, fidgeting slightly with the edges of the sweater as she avoided looking straight at Barry. She took a few steps back as he pushed his chair back, wondering if what she'd said had inadvertently pushed him away, the mere thought making her stomach twist. However, just as she was about to apologize, Laura found herself wrapped in what could be best described as a hug, Barry's long arms wrapping around her with a firm, sure pressure. They stood there for a while, giving each other time to their own thoughts, and in the end, it was Barry who spoke.
"You really shouldn't make promises you can't keep, you know."
"I know. I thought it would be a nice gesture."
"That's debatable."
"…I really am sorry."
"It's okay. I'm just glad you're safe."
"Thanks, Red."
Laura felt slightly hysterical, laughter bubbling out of her when they finally stepped apart, and she took a second to reach up and wipe her eyes, which had mysteriously begun to water in the past minute or so. She felt a great deal better than she had before, her anxiety settled for the meantime, but it still took a few moments before Laura could finally gather the courage to look her partner in the eye, afraid of what she might see. When she looked up at him, however, the way he smiled down at her without a hint of tension that had been there before told her that they were going to be okay.
"Thank you, Barry."
I mean it.
"…anytime."
"So we've got eyes on the professor and Clarissa, and Ronnie and Caitlin are crashing at Joe's place until this whole thing blows over."
"That's good, Cisco. Is there anything more that we can do about this Eiling guy?"
"Honestly," The sudden change in his tone of voice didn't exactly reassure her, "we'll be lucky if this guy doesn't come at us with the entire U.S. army."
"Are we sure he hasn't been court martialed? I read over your guys' reports from last year, and if he even if he still has the resources he used to, he'd still need authorization. Maybe he's gone AWOL."
"That's the problem – I don't think anybody above him knows what he's doing."
"Great. And if we tell anyone, then we'll expose our identities, and Barry and I'll spend the rest of our lives as fucking guinea pigs."
Laura regretted those words the instant she said them. It was true that she'd read over the files from her team's first encounter with General Wade Eiling – and their first and last encounter with Bette Sans Souci. The former arms specialist had been subjected to experimentation underneath Eiling, before she'd managed to escape and find refuge at S.T.A.R. Labs. Nothing short of the word tragedy could be used to describe what Bette had gone through before her death, and merely thinking about just what Eiling had possibly done to the late woman. Unfortunately, it now seemed that the good general had his sights set on Ronnie and Stein – or more accurately, she thought, F.I.R.E.S.T.O.R.M. Even Stein hadn't fully realized what the matrix could do before it had merged the two of them, and there was no telling how much Eiling knew about it.
"Cisco, you'd tell me…you'd tell me if there was anything going on with you, right?"
"What are you talking about?"
"Nothing, it's fine. Just – just call me, if anything comes up, okay?"
"…definitely. Yeah, yeah, I'll let you know if anything happens."
"See you soon, Cisco."
Goddammit. Laura cursed herself as the disconnect tone resounded in her ear, the sudden, almost flat, noise startling her for a second before resignation set in. There had been something in Cisco's voice, some sort of hesitant acknowledgement that deep down, she knew wasn't meant for her. She didn't feel comfortable keeping her knowledge from him, no matter how far she might be from seeing the larger picture, and spent a few seconds deliberating on how to banish the unpleasant thoughts before deciding on a glass of wine. Her muscles protested as she crouched in the doorway of her bedroom closet to fish out the untouched bottle of pinot grigio she'd bought for herself before her life had become a never-ending episode of the Twilight Zone.
Laura was pleased to discover that she'd made a good choice as she took her first sip from a glass, the alcohol sweet and smooth on her tongue. Satisfied once she'd had a few more sips, Laura made her way out on to her balcony, bottle and glass in hand, relishing in the cool night air as it helped the chaos of her thoughts slowly descend into silence.
Some might have called it acting overly mature for her to be drinking such a fine bottle of wine, but though she didn't mind a beer when offered, Laura had always preferred, as some might have called it, the more sophisticated beverage. She'd speculated over the years, as she'd watched the people around her throw themselves into the party scene, that she'd just grown up too fast. Her preference, unfortunately, had nothing to do how mature she was, no matter how many times she'd tried to play it off to the people she knew. No, the reason was not so simple as that, going back to the days when a smashed bottle in the den and the sound of the television were her signal to make herself invisible for the night. Those years still haunted her; they were the reason it still took her over an hour to calm down after hearing glass break; the reason her heart could still jump when she saw someone getting careless after one too many drinks. The reason-
Crap, she was starting to spiral. Certain that it was the alcohol that was allowing her to slip into those memories so easily, Laura decided that she had had enough for the night. She welcomed the silence of her apartment as she stepped inside, leaving the door open to let the noise from the streets filter in, before padding her way towards the kitchen sink. However, as she turned on the water, letting it heat up for a few seconds before sticking her glass underneath the stream, Laura heard it.
It could have been anything. Anything. The drapes, rustled by the open window. The floorboards, creaking in a way that somehow still seemed to make her nervous at night. The neighbours, on their way out for the night. But she knew that wasn't it. Still, as she looked out and away from where she'd heard the noise, her knuckles white as she clenched at the edge of the sink, Laura was certain that-
There.
As she spun around, Laura knew that she was too late. A sharp pain shot through her neck as something struck her there, and Laura braced herself against the counter to give herself some leverage. Her hands shook as she pulled it out, and it was a terrible sense of dread as she stared at the projectile in her hands that resembled a needle in all the wrong ways. She barely had any time to even curse herself for being so stupid before her knees lost all their strength, sending her crashing to the floor. The sound of her own impact, and the needle hitting the floor, echoed as though she were underwater, and Laura knew then that she was completely and utterly screwed.
The world tilted violently on its axis as she struggled against the weight of her own body, exhaustion creeping in like ivy on brownstone, and Laura fought the urge to empty her stomach contents right there and then. However, as she laid there in a heap, slipping farther and farther away from wakefulness, Laura suddenly became aware that she was not alone in her apartment.
"Dr. Sanders," the voice drawled, but as she peered through the darkness, Laura could only see a pair of cold, grey eyes looming above her, staring down at her with nothing but contempt, "it's good to finally meet you."
The last thing that the voice said to Laura before she fell into the endless void chilled her to her very core, a feeling she would not forget for a very long time:
"Or should I say, Frostbite?"
Hey guys! I want to thank you all for being so patient with me - midterms have been coming up, so I haven't had much time to write, but I am still active. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this arc, which is coming to a close very soon, and I hope you keep reading! Remembers, reviews are welcome!
P.S. Who else wants to punch BARTHOLOMEW HENRY ALLEN IN THE FACE?!
