When Anya woke up, she wasn't in med-bay anymore. That gave her a nice bout of cardiac arrest. However, it only took a few seconds of staring at shades of black and white to realize she was just across the deck, in Miranda's pristine office.

And sitting at her desk was the aforementioned liaison.

As she started sitting up, Miranda swung her chair around and gave Anya a very concerned set of thick eyebrows. "Shepard, I don't normally try to pry into anyone's personal lives, but..."

This was bullshit. Anya was going to get out of here, walk over to med bay, and go back to Garrus. Last she remembered, she was sitting at Chakwas' desk, waiting for him to get out of surgery behind a large white curtain. She needed to be back there, whatever time it was, because she'd left him for long enough and she couldn't stay away just because some pretty Cerberus agent wanted to police who the fuck she was.

She was Anya fucking Shepard, and she didn't abandon her team. What the fuck did Miranda even know about her, anyway?

But then Anya saw her sweats on the side table and she gave Miranda a little more credit. The way her shoulder shrieked when she tried to touch it also slowed her down a bit.

Swallowing, she shimmied on the sweats while sitting and asked, "But what?"

Miranda walked over from her chair and sat down next to Anya. "All accounts made it clear you were close to your team. But when we evacuated that apartment, you wouldn't even let me look at your bruises. And before we reached Archangel, you lost your head about his identity. I need to ask: what is your relationship with him?"

When she started talking, Shepard was already prepared to answer about her mission objectivity when it came to him, which she could back up with the entirety of the Saren mission. However, that wasn't what Miranda said. She was thrown by it.

Anya went to let her hair down, but realized her bun was already ruined by the bed. She just detangled the ties and pins left in her mess of locks. Then she got to do a run-through with her fingers, calming her down a little. While she didn't feel comfortable baring her tragic turian crush to Miranda, she could at least give her most of the facts. "On our mission with Saren, Garrus became my best friend. My confidant. He pushed me to be my best and I relied on that. I resigned myself to getting used to a new team here, but finding him-" Taking a deep breath, Anya got to the admission. "He was one of the people who evacuated the Normandy when the Collectors attacked. I told him I'd find him, but I didn't. I fucking died. I abandoned him for two years. I couldn't let him die, too, after all that. But more selfishly? I haven't felt myself since I woke up. Just a few seconds with him, though, and I was Commander Anya Shepard again. I couldn't lose that, not when everything about me feels so incorporeal."

With her slightly too perceptive eyebrows, Miranda asked, "Is that all you were?"

Remembering the morning after Noveria, Anya winced. "Yes."

"Okay." Across from her, Miranda looked very hesitant, but after a few awkward fakeouts, she patted Shepard's hand with her own. If she wasn't so tense and stressed about a certain turian, she would've laughed. But the way Miranda patted her, like she was an alien object, did make her chuckle under her breath. When she stopped trying to physically comfort her, Miranda said, "I understand none of this has been easy, Shepard. We never planned to wake you up like this. It was supposed to be a longer adjustment period. But with the attack and The Collectors escalating their raids-"

Anya stared at the empty, pointed corner of the ceiling. She knew where this speech went. Since Akuze, she'd heard it over and over. "The galaxy needs Commander Shepard back." Standing on her own, Anya crossed her arms and looked down at Miranda. The young woman definitely meant well, much better than she expected out of Cerberus. But that didn't change things. "I appreciate the concern, Miranda, but I'm not going to fuck over the galaxy for him. I just want to keep him alive."

Those eyebrows furrowed again, and Miranda stood up and opened her mouth to rebute, but a knock on the door caught both their attention. In the doorway, with her hands now behind her back, Chakwas said, "Sorry to interrupt, ladies, but my patient's awake. And he wants to see Shepard."

Glancing back at Miranda, Anya shrugged. No matter how totally fun this judgy conversation was, she made her priorities clear. And a hurt Garrus trumped invasive Cerberus liaison every day.

Anya gave Miranda and Chakwas respectful nods before leaving the room. She tucked her hands in her pockets and tried to ignore the full damn Rachni stampede going on in between her lungs and intestines. When she started walking she was moving fast, but each step got harder.

It was easy to do surface level shit on Omega. She wasn't sure what awaited her in the med-bay.

What if Garrus hated her, after what she did?After all, she was pretty sure out of everyone, he was the one who knew she was well aware of her odds when she walked up those stairs. Depending on how things went these past two years, maybe he had every right to.

But she also cared more about the friend she missed, who took a damn rocket to his face, than her own dumb insecurities.

Taking a slow, deep breath, the kind you feel all the way to your toes, she walked through the door and there he was. He was leaning back against a bed, even looked annoyed by it. But instead of a blood halo around his face, he just had a new, jagged scar covering his right cheek.

One step in, and his head flicked over to her. He gave her this slow, warm smile. All her worst fears melted away. "Shepard." He said her name like it was the last line to his favorite movie. The rest of the steps towards him were easy.

Resting her hands on the edge of the med-bed, centimeters from his own, she smiled back. "Welcome back to the Normandy."

"I see that." His eyes flicked around the room and she knew that look. She'd been giving the entire ship those surreal scans of every inch, because they all still felt like memories. But then his eyes flicked to hers. That surreal look didn't leave his face when he stared at her.

Garrus asked, "Chakwas hasn't given me a mirror, tell me, how bad is it?"

Anya almost breathed a sigh of relief. She wasn't sure if she was ready for them to get all deep with their conversations yet. Right now, it was just nice to hear his voice. Responding in kind, she smirked. "Hate to tell you Garrus, but you never were a classic beauty. Slap some face paint and no one will notice."

His laugh might've been even nicer than his voice. But then he winced. Anya's hand instinctively reached for him, but he shook his head. "Ouch. Don't make me laugh too hard." After a few cautious breaths, he managed his classic smirk. She didn't realize how much she liked seeing it. "Anyway, some women are into the whole scar thing. Granted, most of those women are krogan."

When she laughed, it felt like she was trying out a new muscle. Apparently she hadn't been laughing enough in this updated body. "I don't think Wrex is in a place to find you a wife."

"All my hopes and dreams, ruined." Before she could be properly prepared, he placed his hand on hers. Anya felt that laugh drop out from under her. All she wanted to do was look in his eyes and listen. His fingers squeezed hers. "I can't believe it's you. We're talking like you didn't suffocate in the vacuum of space and that's really damn weird, right?"

Garrus was making all her insides feel different things, but she wasn't sure the memory of her own death was a very positive one. Her hand clenched under his and she stared at it, like she was crushing her own chest with her hand. "I know. I still can't really wrap my head around it. I felt my lungs pop and everything." When she looked up, his face had darkened in a way she'd never seen before. "Too graphic?"

"No. Just reminds me how much I wanted to kill Kaidan for leaving you."

"Garrus, he-"

Pulling his hand from hers, Garrus shook his head. His whole body rippled with a rage she'd never seen before. She knew he had a lot of angst and frustration back in the day, but nothing like this. Garrus said, "He was with Joker, and chose to run down and see you instead of protect the pilot and evacuate him when necessary. He knew exactly what he was doing."

Anya didn't really want to think of who to blame. Especially since she made the call, at the end of the day. "If it wasn't the Collectors, it would've been something else."

"I know. But it's hard to live with the fact I knew how much danger you were in and I let you walk away. If I blame myself, I'm gonna blame them, too."

Thinking of Joker a deck above, she knew it wasn't that easy. That whole day was... Well, they weren't prepared and it was a miracle so many people survived in the first place. Anya went to open her mouth, try to say something, but the intercom interrupted her. "Shep, Illusive Man wants to talk to you."

Her skin rippled with irritated pin needles. "Well tell him to fuck off, Joker."

"I don't think he operates on Council channels. He says he'll link himself into the room if you don't."

"Fuck."

Next to her, Garrus said, "Do what you need to do. I'll be here."

"But Garrus, we've barely talked-"

"I know, we have a lot to talk about. We can do that later, though."

Anya sighed. Their serious conversation always seemed to get interrupted, didn't they? Next time, she'll have to tell EDI to kill the comms until they were done. Standing, she said, "You leave this ship while I'm gone and I'll hunt you down all over again."

"Now don't you start making a breakout sound tempting." He chuckled, but then did another wincing cough. The cough gave her some pause, but he waved her away. Anya couldn't budge, even though she knew she probably should. Rolling his eyes, he said, "Seriously, get out of here before you make me pop a lung, too."

She knew she was prolonging her exit, but the rocket-to-the-face still left shockwaves of concern thrumming through her chest. "Get better, Garrus."

"I'm already a lot better than where you found me."

And she didn't need to be told twice to walk away from that, because that made her cheeks feel a little warm and she didn't have the time to explain.

Damn the Illusive Man for taking her away from all the confusing feelings in med-bay. Back in the day, she'd be happy to run. But now? She wished she could stay and try to figure it out.

So, lucky for the hologram asshole himself, she was going to say hi with more annoyed flair today.

Walking into the meeting room, she stuffed her hands in her pockets and said, "I'm ready, Joker."

Around her, the space turned dark and she was standing in front of that chair with a pretty displeased looking Cerberus leader. Anya could get down with that, pissing him off. She relaxed her shoulders and asked, "What'd I do this time?"

"Caused a power vacuum in Omega the size of a small moon. Extracting him didn't mean killing everyone in sight, Shepard. I thought you were Alliance."

"Oh no, I definitely needed to kill them all."

"Don't let your personal feelings get in the way of the mission."

"Worry not, your Miss Lawson already got that covered."

"Just pull your new team together, ASAP. The Collectors won't wait for sentiment." "What are you wearing?"

"Sweats. The Collectors won't wait for fashion." The statement only seemed to annoyed him further, but he didn't have a rebuttal prepared. "Is that all?"

"Head to the prison ship, Shepard, and do the job everyone needs you to do."

"Got it. Bye." Shutting off the call, she let all the self-inflated dickry that she pumped up for the call blow away. Instead, the weight of everything just sunk down onto her chest, like it always did. Sarcastically, she added, "Like I don't know by now that the galaxy's at stake."

Before she told Joker to head out, she had one thing to settle. The call was quicker than she expected, so she went down the elevator and booked it to med-bay. However, the second she got close, she saw Garrus through the glass, passed out. When she got close, Chakwas was already in the way. "I assumed you'd be back. Garrus has been sedated. He needs some forced rest for a few days. God knows that man isn't good at doing it willingly."

Anya exhaled, encasing her disappointment in layers of duty. She didn't have time to talk about her feelings right now, anyway. She had dossiers.

But if anyone asked her if The Illusive Man said anything right, she'd vehemently deny it. Mostly because of his asshole chair; it said way too much about how much of a jerk he was.

Nodding, Shepard patted Chakwas' shoulder. "Thanks, doc. Take care of him."

"I will."

Back up to the command deck, Anya pushed thoughts of Garrus away and met up with Joker in the cockpit. "Drive this hunk of metal to a prison ship."

Joker didn't seem too pleased with her cranky vernacular. "Apologize to my baby before you put her in that kind of danger."

"Fine. Sorry, Normandy. Now please take her to the grizzled, heavily armed, terrifying prison ship."

"I don't think that's better." He paused for a second, before asking what she already knew he'd ask. "I take it the reunion with Mister stick-up his ass wasn't great? Granted, seems his MO now is taking that stick out and beating people with it."

"I don't know yet."

"Ominous."

The smooth voice of the robotic co-pilot interrupted them. "Is it a turian custom to have sticks up their rectum?" Shepard blinked at EDI, since that wasn't what she expected out of an AI. "Jeff keeps mentioning it every time he talks about Garrus Vakarian."

Shepard whacked the back of the pilot's head. "Get a new joke."

"Don't make this about me. This is about you, cranky-sweats."

Anya sighed. "EDI, ignore Joker's nonsensical insults. I'll teach you better ones." But then she got real with her pseudo-family, because if she wasn't at least a little honest with him, she doubted she'd survive the turmoil. "And when it comes to Garrus, I'm not quite sure what my death did to him."

"Well, dude was a wreck at the funeral. After what happened to him on Omega? Can't blame him for being a little fucked up."

"I know."

Joker swiveled around his chair and said, "But I also know he cares a shit ton about you. I don't think some mercs or even you being a zombie will change that."

"Thanks, Joker." Anya patted his shoulder and flexed her eyebrows. "Now time for the prison ship?"

Turning back around, Joker groaned, "Dammit. Fine."

And off they were. Until Garrus was back up and running, the best she could do was do her job. Even if that meant she'd keep worrying about him in the back of her mind.

Old habits die hard, and the way Garrus' face looked right now made them really easy to stumble back into.

/

Author's Note:

Hey! We're almost caught up to my AO3 version! I'm on Chapter 7 there.

So excited to get the band back together and really enjoy the awesomeness of Mass Effect 2 in my own way. It's my favorite of the series, and was my first ME game, so I'm hyped.

But at the end of the day, we're all just happy our favorite turian is okay 3

Thank you so much for reading, and extra special, ice cream sundae thanks to my patrons:

Danyell Jones

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