So, it wasn't that she was avoiding Garrus.
It was just that, after Joker made fun of them at the diner, she was getting real paranoid about how they should be acting in front of the crew. She didn't know anyone who dated their subordinates, even though that wasn't really what she and Garrus were like. It was just, it seemed all the blossoming couples she ever met were of the same rank. Or, already married.
And Anya felt a lot of amazing, fuzzy things for Garrus, but that was a step she wasn't quite ready for.
So, otherwise, she couldn't remember a CO that dealt with this shit. She had no clue how to act. There weren't any tips or tricks about this in the Alliance handbook. How was she supposed to be a professional, commanding leader with Garrus always around? Would people take her less seriously once they knew? Should they keep it a deep dark secret until further notice?
Anya just needed more time to wrap her head around it all.
Maybe that meant she was being an avoidant baby by inviting Zaeed and Mordin to the mission instead of Garrus, but that's just how it was.
Suiting up did feel sort of wrong without him, though.
They were heading down to a planet called Korlus, picking up one of the last dossiers on The Illusive Man's list. He was a Krogan Warlord named Okeer, and apparently his combat prowess and skills in genetics would be very helpful.
Personally, Anya found the idea of trying to beg her Krogan ex-Merc for help much more appealing, but whatever. Guess mass murder was just going to be one of the job requirements to be on this ship. And who knows, maybe he'd become her Krogan grandpa or something.
As she pulled up her new boots that she hated (unfortunately Cerberus trashed her old ones when they found her body), she was double-checking all the ways things could go wrong on the planet and how she could be prepared for them.
But then, next to her, Zaeed started complaining about something when the bay doors opened. "I thought the drill was three-man squads."
"What?" Standing up and turning her head, she saw Garrus, already geared up and ready to go. She put on her helmet fast to cover up her flaring cheeks. "Garrus? When did you get here?"
The turian peered at her. "What do you mean, I always go on missions with you." Then, he crossed his arms and Anya started to feel sick. Christ, this was all her fault. What did she expect, just trying to ghost him out of missions? The second he joined up, she took him everywhere with her. "I do, right?"
Shepard couldn't look him in the eyes, instead turning to the other two giving her perplexed looks. "You're totally right, but I decided to try out four today. Changing it up. Getting real crazy." The second she finished saying that garbage fire of a statement, she couldn't look at the other two party-members, either. Anya just did a few bizarre arm gestures before pointing to the merc in charge of the plan today. "Let's go over the mission plan then. Zaeed?"
"Jedore, my contact, should be able to escort us safely to this Warlord asshole. Apparently they hired him to create some grunts for them, but he's being a difficult old prick. She's happy to let us take him off their hands." He pulled up his omni-tool to show a layout of the complex. It was a little complicated, but probably not too bad with a guide.
Anya took a deep breath and focused on her Commander talk. "How trustworthy is this Jedore?"
Zaeed looked a little serious and angry, but no more than normal. She took it as a good sign. "She was one of the few Blue Suns that didn't want to stab me in the back and face after Vido used his limp, shriveled balls to bulldoze me, so I'd say she's good enough."
Garrus leaned closer to her and said, "Was it a sex thing?"
"Jedore or Vido?"
"Both."
Anya snorted and bumped Garrus' shoulder back. "Totally a sex thing."
"Fuck off. Buzzards." Shepard swallowed down another snort and, once she realized she was standing a little too precariously close to Garrus, took a few sidesteps. Dammit, she was going to have to get better at not invading his personal space. How did she even start doing it? Zaeed kept explaining, saying, "Anyway, it should be an easy in and out. So don't be disgusting bastards about it."
"Okay people, sounds like it should be a cakewalk. But just in case, suit up with your two favorite guns and be ready for anything." Looking at Mordin, she added, "And Mordin? Don't mention your hand in the Genophage. We're supposed to pick up this guy, not have him want to drop you off the next skyscraper."
"Valid request." The team worked together to load the drop ship and told the pilot where to take them. Technically Shepard had shuttle pilot clearance, but Garrus had forbidden her from doing it herself. Said he suffered one too many Mako trips for her bullshit.
While Anya was annoyed, she couldn't really blame him.
Just as Zaeed started to help the pilot prep for takeoff, the rest of them settled into the hold. Shepard sat down across from Mordin, only for Garrus and his persistent smirk start sitting down next to her. With only seconds to spare, she stopped buckling and hopped sides, sitting next to the Salarian scientist. And before Garrus could ask, she got said Salarian talking. It was the best way to shut up anyone else. "So! I wanted to ask more about STG. How'd you go from there to a clinic on Omega?"
Only half-listening to Mordin prattle on about his adventures, which were admittedly fantastic stories, she did take time to glance over at Garrus. Without his helmet on yet, he was staring at her with this bemused look, like he was trying to figure her out.
Maybe she could explain all of it later, but for now she just wanted to be Commander Shepard, who gave every crew member equal opportunity of her time. Until she knew what to do about the butterfly house he put in her chest, she couldn't risk triggering it too much.
Luckily, Garrus didn't push it. He put on his helmet and started listening to Mordin, too.
When they got to the surface, they all secured their helmets and walked out onto the unbreathable planet. There, they met a fully clad Blue Suns merc with an admittedly sexy voice. She put her hands on her hips when she walked up to Zaeed.
"Been awhile, dirty old man."
The merc tipped his head towards her. "Pleasure to see you again, Jedore."
All three standing in a cluster behind the obvious flirters, Garrus was the one who said, "Dammit, it totally was a sex thing."
Mordin even tossed in his two cents this time: "Would vote affirmative, especially from the way they position their hips-" Anya almost hurled, picturing Zaeed in some seriously compromising positions.
"Zaeed's my mother's age, so please stop getting into specifics. I'll vomit." Just then, as she stepped forward, a wall of metal crates collapsed as a krogan ran through it. On instinct she got out her gun, but not before a Blue Suns defense turret gunned the charging alien down.
Jedore scoffed, "Damned rogue krogan."
When she put her gun away, Anya didn't mean to, but she turned towards Garrus to take a deep breath, pat his shoulder, and give him a nod. He tipped his own helmet and let go of her waist. Anya hadn't even realized he did until he let go. She didn't even have to ask him to give an excuse, he willingly coughed and said, "Just wanted to be ready to pull you out of there if you needed it."
Next to them, Mordin cocked his head. "Curious. From the positioning of your-"
Anya didn't want to get that conversation started and talked over him. "Let's just get this over with and talk to Okeer, okay?"
Zaeed, hearing Anya's loud outburst, looked to Jedore. "Lead the way?"
"Don't stare at my ass too much, Z."
Chuckling, Zaeed followed her, leading their team. "No promises."
"I don't even like him that much, but I feel like I'm watching my dad have sex and I hate it." Anya recoiled in discomfort, scrunching up her nose like she'd walked in on a room full of garbage and it wouldn't go away. If anything, it was just pushing closer and closer towards her.
Garrus snorted and countered, "Look at the way his eye is sparkling, let him have this one."
"Male humans can remain very sexually active for some time, so I've heard, so it's natural-"
Between the medical info and the bizarre encouragement, Anya was over both perspectives. "Stop talking. You all are gross."
Jedore led them up a long, winding building, passing by some of her men fighting off rogue Krogan left and right. After awhile, though, they reached the apex, a science lab with large tanks, filled with unconscious krogan. The only person actually standing in the room was a sour-faced warlord. Or, at least, Shepard assumed that was him.
Before she could even get a word in, he said, "The formerly deceased Commander Shepard. It's about time. I grow tired of these idiotic mercs. Pale imitations will never be real substitutes for the genophage. You showed Saren that the hard way."
Anya felt like she was transported into some war movie, where battles were treated like poetry. It made her a little uncomfortable to be spoken to like a beautiful fable. "I guess I did."
"Good. I have one condition. I created one, pure Krogan soldier, my cruel answer to the genophage. With this Krogan, the turians and Salarians' gentle genocide is ignored. Just as they deserve." Nodding towards their Blue Sun escort, Okeer added, "Jedore has grown impatient with the others I made, so take me and my perfect krogan out of here."
"You don't care about the others?"
"They are rejected, imperfect. They are strong, but their minds are barely their own. They'd do better to die on this planet than spread their flaws across the galaxy." Looking at rows and rows of tanks out in the open, past the lab, he sneered at them like they were insulting. "If Jedore was a better Commander, they'd do exactly what she wanted. But they don't and that's not my problem. All I care about is my Krogan, the future template of my people."
Next to Zaeed, Jedore turned on her heel and walked towards a button. "Okay, I've had enough of acting friendly." When she pressed it, the exit door shut, tight, and the Krogan tanks outside started to open.
"Jedore, what the hell?"
"You know you never have been the only one I'm in bed with. A good fuck doesn't earn my loyalty Zaeed, money does. And you didn't offer nearly as much as Vido." She walked out the door, towards her Krogan, and broadcasted her mic back to them. "Now, I get to get your bounty and get this maniac Krogan off my hands. And bonus, I'm going to make him watch me kill his precious "Pure Krogan" once and for all."
Okeer glared at them. "You want me, you save my Krogan."
Groaning, Anya pulled out her gun, assessing the fight they were about to get in. While Jedore didn't seem all that intimidating, she didn't love the idea of fighting two dozen krogan. "Great contact, Zaeed."
"Stop your bellyaching and let's gut the bitch."
The team hopped down the left side of the lab and got to work. They had a whole bunch of krogan to gun down and one prick of a Blue Sun to take down.
Things were going well, even though Shepard couldn't use her tactical cloak at all. Getting close to any of those behemoths was just a bad idea in general, but even moreso for her small body. She just had to settle for her pistol-work.
Just as she was running low on pistol ammo, she heard a voice next to her. "Shepard! Here you go." Just as she turned to Garrus behind a nearby mental crate, he tossed her a thermal clip.
Grabbing the clip in her hand, she reloaded, but asked, "How'd you know?"
"I keep an eye out." Anya had to tell her fuzzy feelings to shut the hell up about that one.
Luckily, Okeer seemed to be right about the Krogan. While they were strong, they didn't have the same passion and ferocity of the Krogan she'd fought before. They charged, but not in a way that made you feel like they were willing to toss you off a building with them. Even though they still had to be smart about it, the krogan were dropping like flies and Jedore was across the way, trying to act like she was still in control.
Anya couldn't help herself. She laughed over comms and said, "We seem to have this whole situation fairly under control, which is a nice change of pace." Smirking, she added, "Hey Garrus. I bet I can snipe the kill shot before you."
"Oh, you're fucking on." That's when things started getting real heated. Both she and Garrus let Zaeed and Mordin focus on the krogan, while they kept on taking shots at Jedore. Shepard even pulled out her own sniper rifle, dinging down Jedore's shields from her shitty hiding spots across the way.
Unfortunately, though, even though Anya got in a couple good shots, in the end Garrus got the last one. He pulled his trigger and Jedore collapsed.
Anya muttered under her breath, "God dammit."
"And here we are again, with the true sniper king reigning victorious!" Garrus put his gun away and stood up, looking way too damn proud of himself. "I don't know why you bother trying."
"Because somebody has to try and knock your pompous ass down." Feeling a little bitter and mischievous, Shepard got a little closer before dropping to the ground, on the balls of her feet like a Russian dancer. "Like this." Then she used her right leg to sweep his feet out from under him before hopping back up and smirking down at him like an idiot.
Maybe she was an asshole, but boy was she a satisfied one.
He glared up at her from the ground. "Dick move. You're getting punished for that."
Anya had no clue what he meant, and was honestly a little unsettled about what could even fall in that wheelhouse. She knew leg sweeps weren't his thing, so it wasn't going to be one to one revenge. But before she could react, he stood up, grabbed her waist, and threw her over his shoulder.
Oh. This shit again.
Knowing the only way she was getting down was by breaking a bone, Anya accepted that maybe she deserved this. She crossed her arms on his shoulders and just accepted her imprisonment.
She could hear someone run up, and then the gravelly voice of Zaeed ask, "The hell is going on here?"
"Shepard is getting a time out for being a sore loser."
Rolling her eyes, Anya countered, "I can reach my combat knife. I could stab you if I wanted to."
"Comforting. Maybe this is why you get time outs."
They started walking back towards the lab, Shepard still trapped on the tall turian's shoulder. Mordin took up walking behind him, and was peering at Anya's frown like it was a science experiment. Finally, he said, "Other species are so bizarre with their friendship rituals."
"Don't rope us all in, scientist. It's just these damned idiots." Seemed Zaeed didn't subscribe to whatever the hell weird things she and Garrus had going on.
Honestly, she couldn't blame him.
Just as she was half convinced Garrus was just going to keep her here on his shoulder until they got back on the Normandy, he stopped dead and said, "Fuck."
"I don't like the sound of that fuck." Wordlessly, Garrus put her down. Brushing off her suit, she turned around to see Okeer's dead body next to a console that was talking at them. "Fuck."
Walking over to the warlord's last message, he begged, "...my legacy is pure. This one soldier. This grunt. Perfect."
Anya was a little too stunned by it all. Apparently, he'd redirected the noxious fumes Jedore had tried to pump into the tank into his lab, instead. She got that Okeer cared about his creations, but she wouldn't have expected him to end his own life for it. For a ruthless warlord, it was a very sentimental way to go out.
But there wasn't time to ponder the moral quandaries of it all. If they didn't move, and fast, Blue Suns would come down on them without mercy.
"Guess we have some cargo to bring home, boys." She sighed and added, "Now, anyone know the easiest way out of here with a giant tank? We kinda shot our guide in the face and her buddies won't love that we did that."
"I will alert Joker and our shuttle pilot accordingly."
As Mordin walked out onto the staircase, Garrus said, "Well, that mission went as well as any other." Shepard snorted, but knew there wasn't much else to say. He was right.
Zaeed was less amused. "Baffles me that you think all this sideways shit is normal."
Shepard looked at Garrus and shrugged. "Honestly? Yeah."
"Christ on a fucking cumqaut." Zaeed punched Shepard's shoulder, and she normally would've been pissed, but she was pretty sure that for Zaeed that was a sign of affection. "At least for idiots you know what the hell you're doing in a fight. Jedore didn't have a damn chance."
Anya smirked and said, "We've gotten pretty good at the whole "people want us dead" thing."
"Never a dull moment with you, Shep." Garrus walked up to her and raised his hand. She didn't mean to, but it made her laugh. She had totally forgotten. Back in the day, on the first Normandy, at the end of every mission they did a way too intense bro-five. The two of them eventually even got other members of the crew to do it. Wrex absolutely loved flexing his guns once his other guns were done shooting.
Raising her own arm, she smacked her hand against his. However, when she started to grab his hand and do the flex thing, Garrus totally disengaged. "I- I'm going to go make sure no one's sniping Mordin off the side of the building.
Any other day, she'd be annoyed. But with her own behavior off the wall because she didn't know how to act with him? Well, it was nice to see Garrus clearly wasn't too sure of himself, either. And made her feel less bad for almost abandoning him on the Normandy.
She was really happy she didn't, though.
This "perfect krogan" might be the priority when she got back, but he definitely deserved a proper thank you. Anya couldn't ask for a better, equally awkward and tragic best friend to fall for.
Alone with Zaeed, she had one final question to round out the mission, "You totally had sex with Jedore and Vido, though, right?"
/
Author's Note:
Happy Monday everyone! 2 more chapters and then we catch up to where I'm at with DPL, which will change the posting schedule from 5-6 days a week to 3 (Tues., Thurs., Sat.)
I'm sorry for the super serious clickbait of this episode, just couldn't help myself.
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