"What am I supposed to do with all the godsdamn soup?"
Lucretia isn't moving. She isn't talking or eating and when you walked in the room you didn't think she was breathing.
"Shouldn't have made all this fuckin' soup," Takko mutters, angrily scrubbing the stove clean. Lucretia's kitchenette looks brand new; it's probably never been used. She never was much of a cook. For how good she is with her hands you'd've thought she would've been.
"Woman's clumsier than a bull in a china shop in the kitchen," Taako says. Anything to fill up this strange, oppressive silence that's taken hold of Lucretia's apartment. There's no sound of movement from her bedroom. He's been filling the quiet by banging open her cupboard, slamming the fridge shut, clattering around with the dirty dishes. The rush of water in the sink was almost overpowering in the stillness, but he hadn't had the heart to magic everything clean. There'd be nothing left to focus on except the fact that Lucretia hasn't moved once.
It's been hours. Should you check on her again?
"Should call Magnus, more like." The stove is clean. He's still scrubbing. Anger tries to bubble in the pit of his stomach but Lucretia's face the last time she looked at him that morning- red-rimmed eyes and the wrinkles in her face seeming so deep and just days ago he'd asked and Magnus had told him fifty wasn't even that old for a human so why does Lucretia look like she'll keel over any day now- keeps popping up in his mind's eye and Taako just want to stop thinking about that for, like, ever. "He'd know what to do. Could give her a- a fuckin' hug or something."
He'll want to know why you're here.
"Right. Fuck."
But why couldn't Magnus know Taako was here? Why couldn't everybody? Hell, he'd practically told Merle where he was going, not that the old coot would really listen to Taako. Everybody could know and then they'd come running with all the freaking soup in the world and blankets and the hugs Taako will never be able to bring himself to give Lucretia and she'd get better and go back to being annoying and lame and someone Taako can hate and everything would be fine and dandy.
Because you came here on your own. Because you're scared for her. What would they say if they knew you're going soft? Where's all that righteous anger now, little elf?
"Gods shut up, will ya?" Taako tells the voice in his head. It really does sound too much like Magnus sometimes.
What are you going to do?
"I don't know, okay? I don't fuckin' know."
Shouldn't have to do any of this shit after what she put you through. Why even come here in the first place? Wasn't like she checked up on you when she took your entire godsdamn life away. She didn't make any soup when she made you forget Lup. Took a hundred damn years from you and has she even said sorry?
"Fuck," Taako says again. He calls Magnus.
"What's up?" There's barking in the background. Of course there is. Maybe if Magnus brought his dogs to the moon it would get Lucretia out of bed.
"There's something wrong with Lucretia," is what Taako means to say. It's what he should say. It's what any decent person would say.
"Not much, how you doing broseph?"
Taako is not proud; he can admit when he's being chickenshit.
"Eh, I'm okay. Got some new puppies out here, Angus seems to really like them! I might give him one for his birthday, what do you think?"
"Ugh, and who's gonna have to clean up after it, huh?"
"Oh, definitely you," Magnus answers cheerfully. "Think Lucretia would let Angus take a puppy when he comes to visit her?"
Right. Okay, here's your chance Taako. You can do this.
He forces a laugh that scratches his throat raw. "Definitely not. Lady Dickface is too much of a wet blanket. Should be a sign on the moon: 'No Fun Allowed.'"
Taako. What are you doing.
"Aw, come on, man," Magnus is saying.
It's like he can't control his mouth though; the words come so easily after all this time spent hating her. "I mean, could you imagine her dealing with the thing? Probably pull a fantasy Cruella de Vil and skin it to make her next cloak."
Taako. What. The. Fuck.
"Taako."
Magnus hardly ever sounds so harsh. Taako's mouth snaps shut on instinct, and, glad his friend cannot see him, Taako closes his eyes in relief. Might be the first time he's ever been glad Magnus likes to interrupt him so much.
Oh thank the gods.
"Would you lay off the Lucretia hate for like, ten seconds, man?" Magnus is sharp. Angry. Fuck, when did everyone in his life get so angry? When did he get so angry all the time? "You've been at it for most of a year, dude. You're gonna have to forgive her eventually."
"Don't tell me what to do," Taako snaps and hangs up.
Well that wasn't at all productive.
"Shut the fuck up. "
He hates this. He doesn't even know what this is but he hates it. What is he doing here? Magnus is right; Taako's been on the Lucretia Blame Train for months, could hardly think about her without a churning in his gut most days and he still can't stand the sight of umbrellas. But one little scrape with death and he comes running back to her? Gods, he really is a trained lapdog for the Director, isn't he?
If there's one thing Taako hates, it's self-reflection. He's tired; tired of being confused, tired of people trying to get him to let go of the past, tired of caring so fucking much. He's tired of being the adult.
"Fuck this. Fuck this."
Taako's legs are about eighty percent of his body mass; his strides are long and before he even really knows what's happening, he's across the apartment. His hand is on the doorknob. The metal is cool to the touch, welcoming against his heated skin.
He gives in to the urge to look back. Lucretia's bedroom door remains tightly shut. There is no noise from within.
"Should just get the fuck outta here," Taako mutters to himself, unsure if he sounds even a little convincing. Not giving himself much time to think, Taako yanks the door open. It's not like he can do much else for her anyway; he'd yelled at the clerics, he'd sent word to Raven's Roost. He'd turned that last guy into ashes, for the gods' sake. He'd made freakin' soup.
He's tired and he's going home. Maybe the world will make sense in the morning.
Taako steps out into the hallway, feeling strangely as if his heart has dropped to somewhere in the vicinity of his boots, and turns to shut away the sight of Lucretia's closed bedroom door.
Maybe it's that last glance that does it. Maybe it's the fact that he's pricking his ears in her direction even as he leaves, just in case. Just in case she needs-
Well.
Taako's hyper-vigilance pays off in any case when he hears the faint, telltale crack of a teleportation spell going off on the other side of Lucretia's door.
