Anya felt every muscle in her body seize up, so much so that her hands didn't feel like hers anymore. Her brain had been so swelled with busywork and getting everything done that all it took were those three words and it popped. She wasn't even sure if she could get a sentence out, no matter how handsome and nervous he looked.
Scratching the back of his neck, Garrus said, "It's okay if you don't want to-"
That was enough to make her resurface. She grabbed his hand and shook her head, hoping it conveyed all the more complicated things her mouth was too numb to say. "No. I want to."
"Right. Good."
He let go of her hand and gestured for her to walk in front of him. Anya didn't really want to, because she was an embarrassing bundle of nerves who didn't need to think about if maybe he was staring at her ass or not, and how not knowing would kill her, but she didn't have enough courage to figure it out.
Instead, she walked up to the bar where a pale drell was serving drinks. Taking a stool, Garrus sat right next to her. She did note that he sat his chair a few inches closer than he ever would have before. With a swallow, Anya tried to not be a complete blushing idiot so fast. She was slowly getting better, but one stray thigh brush and she wasn't sure how helpless she might end up.
Her throat was dry and her eyes flicked over to Garrus. "Don't you dare let me drink too much again."
"Oh don't worry, I remember Noveria. I won't."
Garrus smiled at her and she took a deeper breath. This would be okay. This was just Garrus, right? She raised her hand and waited to get the bartender's attention. It only took a few seconds before he put down the glass he was polishing and gave them a classic customer service smile. "What can I do you for-" Then he stopped dead, when his eyes met Garrus'. Anya knew that look, from her minimal exposure to drell as a teen. This was a memory. "Burning blue eyes, growling but refusing to look directly at me; instead he's looking past me, like he's seeing a ghost that won't stop screaming. His face plates grind against each other like he'd wished they'd fall away. He says, "ryncol", like the word will douse his fire. I give him one, he sits at a table, alone, and when it's empty and he leaves the table, his eyes only burning brighter." The Drell blinked back and grimaced, "Sorry. Been awhile since my Citadel days. Nice to see you again. Still downing the Krogan motor oil?"
When Anya looked to Garrus for an answer, his jaw was wired shut, his mandible twitching a little. She would ask about all that later, because she figured it had a story involved. Maybe some bad C-Sec case. Instead, she just took the lead.
Giving the Drell her own best fake smile, she said, "Just two dextro/levo friendly vodka tonics, okay?"
"Easy enough for me."
Anya waited until he walked far enough away to turn to Garrus. "Bad case or something?"
Garrus was looking at his fisted talons like he wouldn't meet her eyes, that he'd push her away. But then he flexed them open and turned his face towards her. "It was you. Your funeral."
"Oh." Placing her hand on his, she added, "Do you need to talk about it?"
"Not really, dude said it all." Garrus shook his head, staring down at her hand now on his. He turned his talons, intertwined them with hers. The way his rougher skin felt against hers didn't feel right in a texture sense, but it did feel right when it came to comforting him. "For a little while, drinking was me trying to drown you out, but I think it only made letting go of you harder. Maybe that's why I kept doing it."
The drell dropped off their drinks, but seemed to have realized the error of his memory-sharing, scuttling off as quickly as he came.
Anya didn't know what to do with what he said, especially since he didn't look like he wanted to talk about it. So, she did her awkward thing, because awkward random thoughts were better than crippling silence. Thumbing her glass with her free hand, she said, "Did you know I swore off booze because of you? I was so afraid I'd be an awkward loser again."
"Funny, since I promised myself to never offer you alcohol again. But here we are. You seem to get my morals and convictions all murky."
Looking down at their hands twined between them, and then tracing his elbow and triceps all the way to his face, Anya sighed and tapped her index finger on his knuckle. It was something. But she just wanted him to know she didn't want to make a mess out of him; she just wanted him. "Things don't have to be heavy and murky. We can just take it one day at a time. See what happens, you know? We do have a mythical species kidnapping people and a whole ship to keep in order, too. We don't have to make some big deal out of this."
Garrus chuckled, low, like it was rumbling straight from the lowest part of his gut. "We have survived Saren, Sovereign, and The Collectors so far. What's taking out the most famous woman in the galaxy?" Garrus almost choked on his laugh. "Maybe the difference is that I'm good in a fight. I'm not good at this."
Squeezing his hand, Anya leaned on her other wrist. The air between them was lightening, and she could feel all the playfulness and snark coming back. With him, that felt really good. "Didn't leave a string of heartbroken women across the galaxy?"
"I wouldn't exactly call myself a ladies man. You?"
"A ladies man? I think I'd be great at it." She took a sip of her drink, keeping an eye on Garrus' face, waiting for every little twitch of a reaction. Anya always paid attention to him, but something about this bar, about being alone, about the fact they meant this in an intimate way, made her want to catch every second of his face.
"T'Soni definitely wished you were one." While she kept track of his face, clearly she had no control over his mouth. She nearly spit out her drink and had to disentangle their hands to clean up the dribble on her lips. Oh god, five minutes into their first date and she tried to look cool but instead she was an idiot. Garrus just cackled at her. "Oh, sore spot? Makes sense, considering you plotted your routes around the ship to avoid her."
Anya could feel her hopeless cheeks getting red again. "I did not-"
"Please. I know where you learned that tactical cloak trick, taking its signature off the sensors. The poor Asari was desperate for your attention and you acted like her starry eyes were a plague. It was amusing, honestly. Was she really so scary?"
Fidgeting in her seat, Anya ran a hand through her hair. She really wished she'd tried harder to make it look nicer before this, because she could already tell it was full of tangles. "She liked to talk about me. A lot. So did can only tell your life story so many times before it's exhausting."
"Wild, your friends wanted to know more about you." He paused, then added, "You talked about yourself with me."
"You were easy. We talked about everything else, too."
Garrus smiled, but also was just staring down into his drink, swirling a talon around the rim of the glass. "Why was I different, though? I think I looked at you like a damned hero just like anyone else."
"Maybe you did, but you didn't put any expectations on me. Ashley and Alenko knew me as this Alliance superhero and assumed I'd get dreamier with every mission. Liara expected me to be the key to the universe. Hell, even Tali thought I'd help change the future of the Flotilla. The only other person that never did that to me was Wrex, and he wasn't nearly as handsome as you. Or talkative."
Garrus didn't seem satisfied with that answer, and she watched him swallow a large gulp of his drink before he got to talking again. She could tell the bartender already got him all rattled, and now his head was whirring back and forth between her and all the things that made him feel unsure of himself. She wished she could help keep his brain still. She wished she could keep it here, with her.
He said, "I did expect you to be everything everyone said. I just didn't talk about it because I didn't want you to be overwhelmed. Between my own experiences with stupid expectations and what everyone else was throwing at you, I figured I could keep it to myself."
"And that alone makes you different." Anya smiled and bumped his shoulder with hers. She hoped it reminded him she was by his side, here at this bar and everywhere else, too. "You're also the first person to ever beat me in target practice. That was pretty hot."
Then he smirked, and she knew she hooked him back in, at least a little bit. His blue eyes met hers and he asked, "So handsome and hot, eh?"
"Don't get a big head about it."
"Hard not to, with the great Anya Shepard complimenting my shooting skills." As she swallowed, she was losing momentum. It was hard to oscillate between fluffy flirting and sarcasm and the serious conversations they used to have. It was like they were trying to find where they belonged in between them, and they couldn't figure it out.
Garrus broke the silence, though. "So what do normal people do on first dates?"
"I dunno. Ask questions, talk about their interests, accidentally end up comparing traumatic childhoods until someone goes home crying."
Snorting, he said, "Okay, well I'm bad at questions and I know your interests, so what can you tell me about that traumatic childhood?"
Anya rolled her eyes, but figured it was fair enough a question. She'd shared anecdotes with him before, but never gave the full summary. Sitting up straight, she kept her hands free for gesturing. It was like she was giving a bar-side powerpoint presentation on her boring life; that made her giggle a little. "As you know, I grew up on a spaceship with a distant, very Russian mother. I've never really felt at home anywhere else but on a military vessel. I guess for trauma my dad died when I was an infant and my mom preferred passing me off to crewmates than caring for me herself. I was really the Marakov's kid, not hers. But the trauma was low, relatively, since there were no other kids to bully me or over-involved parents around to ruin my life. That didn't ramp up until I was strong-armed into becoming a soldier. Then I got to be a homeless, emotionally distant adult with a "I get my loved ones killed" complex." She flashed an overly bright, wide smile at him, and Garrus was already grimacing. Fair; it all didn't sound the best on paper. Bt hell, if he was going to ask that, he better reciprocate. "You got anything?"
"My father's a lot like your mother, as you already know. But my mom was a lot more patient with my rebellious bullshit. She made my childhood enjoyable, even if the daddy issues just kinda festered. He once grounded me for a month because I preferred to practice with my sniper instead of all subsets of gun. I was 12. But Solana was a really good sister and that filled in a lot of the spaces. " Garrus ended his little monologue, one that seemed to have a lot of holes in it, with a very deliberate peer at her face. "You did forget to mention Crackers, though, so I call bullshit on you telling me all your trauma."
Picturing an orange tabby with a huge heart who watched movies with her when her mom was away, Anya gasped. "Nothing about Crackers was traumatic! He was a perfect gentleman cat. And we said childhoods, Garrus. Crackers didn't die until I was 21."
"My bad, I don't keep a perfect record of your dead cat." He leaned into the bar before adding, "Speaking of pets, I can't believe you bought the krogan a hamster. His meaty claws are going to pop its eyeballs out. What were you thinking?"
Anya pouted, remembering the way he stroked its fur when they first picked him up. Grunt wouldn't stop smiling that day. That warmed her heart up the nice way, no red cheeks involved. "He's actually really gentle with it, thank you! And his name is Odin. I accidentally got Grunt into human mythologies. He was torn between several gods of war, but Odin was his favorite." Shaking her head, she was hoping Grunt was having a good day without her checking in on him. Now that she thought about it, it was his first day without her guiding him around. As long as no one ended up dead or in danger, she'd call it a win. But in all honesty, he probably was just spending time with the hamster or shooting guns. She found herself smiling, so much she couldn't stop. "Grunt's sweet and curious, under all the talk of bathing his hands in blood or whatever."
"Only you would find that endearing."
"In a world of people with a million hang ups about everything, his lack of filter is refreshing." But then she grimaced, because there was one, Salarian-based thing that was less pleasant, "I did have to give him tips on not saying threatening, race-based things about Mordin, though."
Garrus laughed at her, but when he was done, all that was left was this oddly proud looking smile. "You're good with him, you know."
"I'll gladly take that compliment." Stretching her shoulders and glancing around the bar, she knew she couldn't walk up to anyone and talk with them like she did with him. Sure, part of it was the trust and relationship part. But it also was just because he was, well... Garrus. "I know I'm not the greatest with people, but I'm trying to be better. Give them more than just surface level shit."
"Ahhh. So that's what this errand day was about." Anya bit the inside of her cheek, not exactly prepared for the heckling. But to her surprise, he didn't. "Can't complain, really. Let me get you alone."
And then he took her hand and twined it with his, again. This time, the texture didn't feel so alien. It just felt like Garrus.
She stared at their hands and couldn't stop being astounded by them. "I think it still blows my mind a little, thinking you feel that way about me. It's hard to believe."
"Hard to believe I'd catch feelings for the woman I respect most in the Galaxy, who can outshoot me most days and can tolerate my bullshit every day? Give yourself more credit, Anya. There were several fools pining after you on the first Normandy. That has to prove something."
While he wasn't wrong, his talon tracing the edge of her thumb was too special to throw him into the pile of "pining fools". Anya shook her head, saying, "You're different though. You're the only one who knew the real person, behind the hero." When her cheeks got red again, she was ready to shove her face in a blast freezer. She grumbled, taking away both hands to try to rub the blush away. "This is supposed to be a cute first date, not me getting all embarrassing again."
"I don't care what you're feeling, red-cheeked or whatever, as long as you're being real with me."
Anya turned her head towards him, way too sweet and kind of terribly cheesy for his own good, and smiled. Another great thing for first dates was confessions about feelings, right? Well, whether it was right or not, she went for it. "Did you know I kinda thought you were hot the second I met you?"
Garrus cocked his head to the side. "Oh really now?"
"Yeah. You were being super dramatic and angry, but your shoulders were pushed back and you were fighting for something you believed in. I wondered if I'd run into you somewhere else on the Citadel, and if I did, I promised myself that I'd talk to you next time." She snorted. "Never thought it'd be in a medic firefight, or that you'd end up on my ship or become my best friend. Kinda complicated the crush."
"I wish my memory of that was romantic. I just remember thinking that my boss was an asshole, and this small human kinda acted like an asshole, too. But she kept on showing up when I needed someone and she believed me. That's all I needed." Garrus took her hand back, this time with a lot more confidence. She was impressed, considering her idiot ass kept on taking it away in embarrassment. Granted, it never was out of embarrassment for him. Just herself and her stupid blushing. But Garrus had more to say, adding, "The rest came later, probably after too many movies nights cuddled up on that shitty couch and too many opportunities to evaluate just how good the "sweats and a tank" style looked on you."
Anya tried to stifle her laughter. "I'm real fashionable "
"Don't quit something that works." He used his free hand to gesture to their nearly full drinks. "Funny, I take you out for a drink and we've barely drunk anything. We can't do anything right."
Shrugging, Anya said, "Well, I don't have to be drunk anymore to let myself feel the way I do around you. Though I am bitter that we never got to drink that real Russian Vodka in my quarters."
"Me too." Garrus sucked in a breath before saying, his face all serious again, "I never should've tried to leave you."
She placed another hand over his, and she felt so damn cheesy saying it, but replied,"I should've asked you to stay."
That air between them was starting to get so heavy, and she didn't know how both their hands got twined, or how their faces got close, especially when he was a good half-foot taller than her, at least. She didn't feel sure of herself, and he didn't look it, either, but it was so nice to not be panicking about if she was making him feel awkward anymore.
They were awkward, sure, but it wasn't because this was a bad thing. Whatever was happening between them, complicated and a little overwhelming at times, was good.
His voice low again, Garrus said, "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me." The seriousness of his own voice seemed to catch him by surprise, and he added, a lot more wobbly, "And I mean, the Normandy and Saren I guess,too, in a twisted sort of way..."
Anya threw him a lifeline. "Garrus?"
"Yeah?"
Feeling a little confident for once, she scanned every inch of his face, every marking and scar and all the memories behind them, before asking, "How about maybe we try a date thing that doesn't involve tripping over ourselves talking?"
He blinked and shook his head, confused. "Like what, weird eye contact? A game of pool?" She bit her lip and his eyes followed. She didn't think turians blushed, but from the way his spine straightened and his breath got uneven, she'd guess she just got as close as she ever would. "Oh. You mean-" Nodding, Garrus gave this small smile, the kind that could vanish like dandelion wisp, gone in a single gust. But he was smiling at her, and that mattered.
He said, "Yeah. I'd like that."
"Okay then." Even though her heart was racing faster than any combat scenario, she leaned in closer and started to close her eyes. This wasn't the first time she thought this might happen, but it was real. There wasn't any confusion, just her and him, two normal adults on a date because they couldn't imagine being with anyone else.
Just as his mouth should've pressed hers, instead his elbow knocked into her face. Her septum erupted with pain, and some blood, too. "Ow?!" Opening her eyes, Garrus was standing up and staring at some woman running through the bar. She had tanned skin and this playful smile, running around the corner. A few gun-clad, suited Salarians ran through the bar in her direction.
"She's in trouble."
Anya glared up at Garrus. "My face is in trouble!"
He looked confused, but then his eyes flicked to her bleeding nose and widened. "Shit! I'm sorry." Grabbing a few bar napkins, he handed them over.
"So what the hell?"
"I know her. She helped out my team on Omega, once. And if she's here, that means somebody else needs help." Garrus grimaced. "I feel like a dick but-"
"Raincheck on the kiss, I got it." Dabbing her nose a couple more times, she stood up straight and unholstered her gun. Whatever the hell was going on, she had his back. "Back to being heroes?"
He smiled at her like she just said the most romantic thing he'd ever heard. "Always."
/
This date was a blast to write! These goons are slowly getting less awkward around each other, but like on Tumblr, I promised the first kiss would be awkward...
Anyway, thank you so much for reading! Now, to the obligatory sales pitch.
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See you next chapter! Spoilers: It'll get just a little steamy ;)
