"So, can we go somewhere and talk real quick about the fact you just murdered that man?"
After they had crawled their way out of the Illium tunnels, and gotten far enough away to call the authorities about the mystery area and its secrets, they were walking along the streets of Illium like nothing happened. But Anya couldn't contain herself; a lot happened back there and it unsettled her to her very core. This was more than Liara just being harsher after losing her.
True to new form, Liara turned and snapped at her. "Oh that's a bold inquiry, coming from Commander Shepard."
Anya sucked in a deep breath. The accusatory knife Liara just tossed at her heart was not a comfortable one to catch before it did damage. "Okay, sure, yes, I shoot a lot of people. But unless they themselves are currently trying to kill me or are mass murderers, I try to avoid it."
Liara rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. Apparently they were standing still, having this conversation in front of an arms dealer. In public. Cool. She could do this. But then Liara shot back with, "What about Ashley Williams? Or the council?"
The guilt, rage, and self-doubt kicked up in Anya's gut. Picturing Ash, her bright, confident smile, it all wracked through her core. But that's what Liara was trying to do right? Hurt her? This deflecting of hers was much more effective than the old days.
Unfurling her arms, holding her hands together tight, Anya said, "Those haunt me every day. But please stop deflecting. Talk to me. Tell me what you're thinking because I don't know anymore. These two years changed you." She could feel her nails biting into her skin, but it felt necessary to keep her head straight.
Liara turned away from her and leaned against the railing. Anya could feel Garrus behind her, close by, but trying to give his distance. She appreciated it, both for comfort and so that she could try to figure this out on her own. At least, she wanted to try to figure this out on her own.
No matter how much Liara kept turning away, though, she could still see the echoes of pain and grief on her face. "The two years changed everyone."
"Yeah, but not like you. What happened, Liara?"
In a few seconds, it was like Liara swallowed all the hurt on the surface and instead turned cold. Even her eyes, that Anya remembered to be so sweet and passionate, looked flat and serious. "Do not butt into my affairs and start conversations like they're an interrogation. I can take care of myself. I didn't need you."
Anya shook her head. "I know that. You did most of the work here. But we're still with you."
"No, you aren't. You died, Anya." Liara was choking on the cracks in her mask, and Anya didn't know what to do. She tried to reach for Liara, but she slapped her hands so hard that it hurt. "My life was wayward and lonely but then you picked me up off that planet and gave me a home. You gave me friends. A family. You even helped me come to terms with my mother dying. And I left The Normandy under some stupid notion that giving you time alone could encourage you to value yourself, but then you-" Somehow, Liara looked sad, but it was like her melancholy was filled with this burning rage. And the fire was what made her so untouchable. "The second Cerberus said they could bring you back, I knew I'd do anything to make that happen."
"I'm sorry, I..." Again, her hand reached out and Liara tossed it away like it was a disease. She could feel Garrus' talons on the small of her back, trying to steady her. With all the things Liara was saying to her, she couldn't help but rerun all their moments together over in her head. While her personal life was painted with flaws and mistakes, she hadn't been fucking up so much since she came back. So, she didn't even know what she was apologizing about. Should she even be apologizing? "This is who I am, Liara. My life is filled with danger and every time I go out I know I might not come back. I don't know how I could've been any different."
"You could've let me in. You-" Liara's voice cracked and she stopped talking. And then that mask was back all over again. It was starting to grate on Anya, and she wasn't sure if it made her want to rip it off Liara's face or gut herself for helping put it there.
What happened to the woman who used to be so genuine and open and bright?
Meanwhile, Liara just kept pushing her away. "You know what? I spent two years moving on from being this tragic young woman obsessed with you. You don't get to walk into my life and take me back there. I think you should leave Illium."
"Liara..."
"We were once good friends. Let's leave it at that."
Anya didn't know what to say. So she regressed to her first instinct, fighting a few tears trying to run down her face. "I'm sorry."
But as she moved to turn away, give Liara the space she was going to have whether Anya wanted it or not, someone else walked up. Garrus' shoulder brushed past her, putting himself in between them. Her eyes were wide and she could barely react before he was there, next to her, standing tall and glaring down at Liara. "No. I'm not leaving before I say this. You were a great scientist with a big heart, once. Don't use that like a weapon. You know that you're acting like an asshole, don't you? If I had to guess, it's half the reason you want her to get the hell out of your life, despite the fact you lost half your soul deciding that you were going to play god with her."
At first, Anya didn't know what to say, but all she knew was that she was defeated and tired. She pulled on his arm. "Garrus, don't, let's just go."
"I agree with your girlfriend."
Despite what they said, Garrus was still standing tall, his talons twitching. "I might be the only person who knows how much of yourself you lost these past two years. You probably convinced yourself you were doing it for the galaxy, but you really just did it because you couldn't stand being here without her. And now that you see her, and she's still risking her damn life all the time, even though you gave up so much to get her back, you don't know how to cope. Fair. Just don't take it out on her."
Anya didn't know what to do, a vicious energy coursing in the air between them. She felt so small. Granted, Liara's insults were what made her feel that way, tearing at all her insecurities. The only thing that made any of this bearable was Garrus' other hand holding tight onto hers.
Glaring back up at him, Liara said, "There's a price for bringing back the dead and I paid it. I can feel bad about the way I'm doing things when I'm dead." She shook her head and laughed, a kind of haughty, bitter laugh she'd never heard from Liara before. Every time she spoke, Anya was more and more surprised at how different she was. She couldn't reconcile what had happened to Liara; all this just to bring her back? Was it really worth it, then?
But then Liara's voice cut through her internal panic. "And you have nowhere to talk. You didn't even try."
"So, that's how we're doing this." Garrus growled and pulled Anya a little closer. "Fine. Goodbye, Liara."
Liara didn't say anything, just walked away.
Luckily for Anya, Garrus didn't ask anything of her. He just kept holding onto her hand and started walking back towards the ship. As a holistic experience it was some fifth ring of hell level of overwhelming.
Amidst all of that, though, his hand on hers was like a thundering reminder in her head, running the things he said to Liara over and over again. It was like her brain was reaching a fever pitch, thinking about him, how he felt about her, and all the things he stomached just to make her feel human.
He could be like Liara. He could blame her, throw her worst fears in her face.
But he didn't.
She couldn't take it anymore. Standing still, Anya said, "Garrus, stop walking."
On command, he turned towards her and opened his mouth to say something, probably ask her what she wanted, if she was okay. She didn't care about that, though, not this second. She just needed to topple over these crescendoing feelings filling up her lungs.
Grabbing his collar, she pulled his face down and pressed her lips to his.
With their different mouths, she wasn't quite sure if he was getting anything out of this, but that would be a concern for later. Being so close, having his face against hers, feeling his hands wrap around her waist, it all made for the only good ending to this rollercoaster of emotions.
All she knew was, no matter how different or weird turian mouths were, she wanted him to be the one kissing her.
When she pulled away, he looked a little stunned. She explained, "At first I was kinda pissed off about you acting like a white knight, but by the end there it was really nice." Snorting, Anya added, "This sounds super lame, but I can't remember the last time someone stood up for me. I don't think anyone thinks the great "Commander Shepard" needs that."
Garrus echoed her laugh. "Normally I wouldn't risk the insubordination, but you're worth it. And that reward was definitely worth it." They just kinda stared at each other, before realizing they were being awkward idiots and just needed to keep moving.
Even though they started walking again, a little awkwardly and out of step, he still was holding her hand. She was starting to really like the small comfort of it. He said, "I'm sorry about Liara."
"She just needs time." Anya sighed, knowing that was just wishful thinking. Liara might never forgive her. But she was banking on the fact that, if she changed once, she could change again. "At least, I hope she does."
"Also sorry our first date was an absolute disaster."
"Maybe it was, but I was with you, so it was still good." With an addendum already in mind, Anya realized that wasn't quite true. Especially with the tear stains still on her cheeks. "Okay, maybe minus the fighting, particularly the verbal kind. But we can deal with that at another time." Her finger rubbed against his talon, maybe a little too heavily. She just had so many conflicting emotions and thoughts going on in her head and he seemed to be her only flotation device. "I don't know what to say about that thing about me dying and then still risking my life."
"Don't bother. It's hard sometimes, yeah, to remember how much it hurt to lose you and knowing I could again. But you're a hero, under all that squishiness I care about. I can't ask you to be anyone else."
The emotions were a lot all over again. She got up on her toes and met his mouth again. This time, it was less awkward and he reacted better, holding her steady and brushing his skin against hers in (what she assumed) was a pleasant, meeting-each-other-halfway route of doing things. She liked the thought of that.
When she stopped kissing him and realized they couldn't spend all night walking three feet and then making out, she blushed. "Okay, last one. We're already super late and need to get back to the ship." Coughing, she offered, "Blame it on the Salarians? Pretend there were two dozen of them, not two? Maybe they recognized our faces from Citadel vids and wanted to test out our abilities? Then got their asses handed to them?"
Garrus chuckled and let go of her arms, hands, and all. "Sounds like a good enough cover story to me."
Even though it made her feel vulnerable and small and lame, Anya grabbed his talons all over again. "But keep holding my hand until we get closer, maybe?"
Squeezing her small fingers in his, he walked her towards the Normandy. "I can do that."
Despite all the pain behind them, he was here and he was willing to fight everything by her side, friends, feelings, and foes alike. Anya didn't know the exact words for it, but she knew it felt good.
/
My Liara is hella edgy and I'm 100% here for it.
Hello folks! I know I missed a posting, but I had to take a short break to catch up on things, feel sane again, the like. I now will have a new schedule posting both Drunk Punch Love and my new Witcher story on Wednesdays and Saturdays. However, if you become a patron, you'll get to see each chapter a day early (and get access to my original stories, brainstorming blogs, access to my Discord, and other persk once my Twitch is up in April).
There I did it am I less awkward yet?
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See you guys Wednesday!
