"If you ask how this could have happened one more time, Merle, I swear to all that is holy I will throw you off the moon."
"It just doesn't make sense," Merle tells him, and Taako's teeth grit so hard they may shatter. Magnus turns the stone of farspeech over and over in his hands. He hasn't spoken much since they burst into the transport room to find Taako screaming into the void of space. "It doesn't make any sense. How did we not know about this until—until now?"
Taako snorts, feeling his gorge rise. "Didn't help that you and Davenport fucked off to who knows where right after the Day of Story and Song."
Merle shoots him a hurt look at that, and yeah, that was pretty uncalled for but Taako doesn't care much at the moment. He rips his hat from his head and scrunches it between his fists, seething. He kicks at the wall again and curses when his toes throb.
Lucretia is gone. Lucretia is gone. He promised himself not an hour ago he'd keep her safe.
"We need Angus," Magnus says quietly. Taako rips his gaze away from the viewport; he's been searching the horizon desperately for a hint to Lucretia's location he knows won't come. There is nothing but inky blackness beyond.
"What the hell is a kid gonna do here, Magnus?" Soon the anger will leave him-hopefully, he's never actually enjoyed the emotion- and he'll be exhausted from keeping himself on edge for so long, Taako knows. But right now, he can't seem to shake it, can't seem to wipe away the red from his vision. He wants-he wants to kill something.
"He's a genius with this stuff," Magnus holds up the stone of farspeech, "right? He could-he could probably track the signal, or, or-"
Merle shakes his head. Taako can feel the fabric of his hat start to tear as he stretches the fabric too far. He smashes it back down on his scalp, ignoring the twinge as it pulls at the points of his ears.
This pain is nothing compared to what Lucretia is probably in right now.
"The stones only work within a certain range, Mags," Merle says gently and how can he be so gentle right now, Taako wants to scream, to tear at flesh and feel blood spill between his teeth and here Merle is, calmer than he's ever seen him, thinking things through logically. "They're long gone by now. He won't be able to help."
"We should still tell him." Taako's not sure when Avi-or the rest of them, for that matter-got here. He turns his back on them all and clenches his hands around the railing in front of the viewport, staring out into space. "He'll want to know. He and Lucretia-they're pretty close."
"It might be better if we try to find her before we let slip something happened," Carey counters. "Keep people from worrying too much. Keep the chaos down while we try to do this quietly."
"No."
Taako's hair whips across his throat as he twists around. Carey blinks, startled, and moves to take a step back from his surprising ire before she rights herself and raises an inquisitive eyebrow. "You have a better idea?"
"I have an idea of what's been going on around here because everybody kept fucking quiet," Taako replies. The breath in his lungs feels smokey, thick. His throat is too tight, and acid eats at his stomach lining. He feels sick.
Avi raises his hands. "Taako, what are you talking about?"
"I'm talking about the fact that I've been the one person keeping Lucretia alive around here because nobody from the Bureau bothered to let any of the rest of us know what the hell was going on."
"We've been here since the Day of Story and Song," Killian argues. Her eyes flash but Taako doesn't back down. He can't, not now. "We've been taking care of her-we've tried to help, every day, even when she didn't want us to."
"Well you've been doing a shitty job."
"She wouldn't talk to us!"
"So you just let her wither away?" He screams. "You just stood by and asked her what was wrong and when she told you she was fine you just went on your merry way? You think that's good enough?"
Her lip curls. Taako barely registers that Merle and Kravitz are flitting at the edges of his tunneling vision, trying to calm him and Killian. Davenport is suspiciously quiet. Taako can see him behind Killian, staring at his hands.
"That's fucking rich, coming from you," Killian sneers. "Don't think I've forgotten what happened the last time you three and Lucretia were in the same room alone."
"Shut up!" Taako thinks he might be shaking pretty hard, because his teeth are almost chattering. He's not even sure what they're fighting about anymore but by the Gods he's not going to back out now. It's as if he may come untethered from gravity at any moment. He might just lift off into space with how lightheaded his anger leaves him. "Gods damn it, just shut up. That was- that was-"
Killian looks like she knows she's winning this argument, but Taako's not about to let her get away with anything more than a pyrrhic victory. "So how are you gonna stand there and tell me there's any reason I should listen to you about how to treat Lucretia?"
"Don't you dare try to tell me I don't care about her," Taako hisses. His hands clench and unclench at his sides. Fire races through his veins, sparks up his spine, works itself deep into his chest. "Don't you dare."
"You wanted to kill her," Killian snaps. Her teeth are bared but Taako isn't afraid. "You left for months, you said you'd never speak to her again and now you come in here all high and mighty-"
"Where the fuck were you?" Taako screams. "Lucretia took you in, gave you a home and a job and a purpose and you stood by and watched her waste away! She would've been dead a week ago if I hadn't shown up so where the fuck were you?"
Killian surges forward, ready for a fight. He doesn't even think about it when Fireball starts forming in his palm, anger made physical. He feels like he's going to boil over anyhow; he might as well do something productive with this rage trapped in his bones.
Magnus shoves his way between them, though, and both Taako and Killian are forced to fall back a step as his broad shoulders fill their vision. Taako can hear Killian growling low in her throat and he's hard pressed not to hiss back at her like an upset cat. Fireball swirls and dies in his fingers. It's best to save his spellslots anyway.
"This isn't going to help anyone, especially not Lucretia," Magnus mutters. He's got his hands up, palms out, and Taako has never felt less placated than he does right now. "Taako, I'm not sure what happened between you and Lucy this week, but the rest of us don't know what you do about all this. Cut us some slack."
"Some slack," Taako repeats. His mind goes strangely blank. "Some slack? Some slack, he says. Well, tell me Magnus, how much slack do you think it took us to fucking lose Lucretia?"
Taako throws his arms around, gesturing to encompass the entire Bureau, the emptiness, the loss of one of their own. "Cause we sure cut ourselves some slack there, didn't we? We sure asked Lucretia to cut us some slack when all we did was leave and write half-assed letters and invite her to fucking barbeques she'd never go to in a million years. She sure let us have all the slack we wanted when we were avoiding her like the plague and pretending she didn't exist. We really needed that slack so much we ignored all the fucking warning signs of suicidal depression right up until I caught Lucretia about to let some asshole set her on fire in her own godsdamned office."
There's a beat of silence after his outburst. Taako refuses to look anywhere but at Magnus's falling face, his rounded shoulders. "Taako," he says plaintively.
And just like that, Taako's fire goes dim. It's not out, not completely, and it may well never be. But he's tired now, just like he knew he would be. He wants to sleep. He wants this to all be a dream. He wants Lucretia back.
"I'm sorry Magnus." He lowers his arms, eyes heavy and chest heavier. "But I think maybe just this once we have to take some fucking responsibility. We fucked it all up. We fucked Lucretia up."
She did this to herself, a voice in Taako's head says, and he jerks a little, shaking. He's sick of this.
Magnus's eyes are wide and overbright, but he nods solemnly all the same. Taako bites back another apology and scrubs at his own eyes, ignoring the fact his hand comes away slightly damp. Around Magnus's beefy frame, he can catch Killian subsiding, her hands falling limp at her sides. She looks worn and tired. Taako can relate.
"So what are we going to do now?"
Barely a second passes after Carey's tentative inquiry before a portal blasts open behind the group. Magnus and Avi both reach for their weapons, Killian takes a fighting stance, and Taako sighs. His sister always had a flare for the dramatics.
"Where is she?" Lup's voice is sharp as a dagger and twice as pointed. She doesn't look at anyone except her brother. It's actually kind of impressive when she catches the stone of farspeech Magnus tosses her way without looking. Barry peers at it over her shoulder, silent as death. Their robes billow around them until Lup snaps her fingers and her portal closes with a faint popping sound. She doesn't bother turning when she hands the stone back to Barry. "This is useless now. They're out of range."
"Guess we're gonna have to come up with something else then," Taako says. His gut squirms uncomfortably. If his sister can't do it, if Lup and Barry can't find her, Lucretia is as good as dead. But Lup nods and Barry sets his jaw in determination.
"Let's do some soul searching, fellas," Lup intones gravely, and Taako prays with everything he has to everything he never believed in.
