Sure, she was already sweating by the time practice started. And it definitely didn't help that she was supposed to be running this hand-to-hand combat training, but she couldn't even look her demonstration partner in the eyes.
She and Garrus had done these dozens of times on the other Normandy, and even once or twice here. That was before they got awkwardly talking about their feelings, though.
Now everything felt like a mess and her body was already on fire.
Just because they kissed now and said mushy things over drinks didn't change the fact they were partners leading combat scenarios, right? Underneath all those shoulders and stupid smiles that made her heart give out, he was still her best friend. That was simple. She could do simple.
But then she looked up at him and he laughed, that deep rumble in his chest that felt like it echoed through her own, and she almost screamed. He was making it look easy, saying, "Let's show 'em how it's done, right Shepard?"
Sure. Sure, definitely, that. They could do that thing.
What the hell were they doing again?
A quick glance around the room and she remembered. Right. Close quarters training.
Coughing, she focused on all their faces. Grunt paired with Jack. Miranda paired with Kasumi. Mordin and Zaeed. Jacob and Kelly (apparently she came to even out the numbers, making it even more impossible to pick someone as her test dummy for one or two demonstrations and then just watch the entire thing like a hawk).
Anya just took a deep breath and tried to calm down her stupid beating heart, trying to break through her ribcage. She had a job to do right now. "As you've all seen in combat, I'm an infiltrator and I run teams fast and close. We're always on the move, so colliding with an enemy face-first is not unheard of." Taking another deep breath, she felt her Commander Shepard self coming back, shoving Anya backwards, pushing all her inappropriate little thoughts below the surface of her consciousness. This was better. "If I'm being honest, I do it a couple times every mission, so I want to give you all the best tools not if, but when this happens to you."
There were some chuckles around the room and a real snort from Kasumi, who understood the tactical cloak plight. That was good.
"To start, always size up your opponent. Knowing their strengths and weaknesses will always be invaluable in a fight. Let's take me for example. My strengths are speed and infiltrator abilities. I have an arsenal of elemental buffs and powers, a cloak, and some hacking skills. Now, if I come face to face with someone, what is my best asset?"
Across the room, Jack looked annoyed with the whole exercise already. "Beating them in the fucking face before they hit you? Or your tits I guess."
Anya choked on a laugh that would've been so out of line and totally would've derailed the session. Swallowing it down, she shook her head, but reminded herself to tell Jack it was funny later. "No. My cloak because I can back off if I need to." Sighing, Anya admitted, "Though beating them in the face is an option I use maybe too often."
"Good you fucking admitted that, I was gonna call you out on your shit otherwise."
Unable to keep the next laugh down, Anya chuckled and just rolled with it. "Thanks for your input, Jack."
Next to her, Garrus butted in. "But what would Shepard's weaknesses be in a close combat fight?"
The room just echoed with silence. Right. They weren't exactly at that comfortable point where people would just roast her openly and honestly. Getting them to criticize her in an educational situation was definitely not in their comfort zones yet.
Though, granted, she wasn't exactly in her comfort zone, with Garrus' body radiating heat next to her and the pilot gremlin staring her down.
In the corner, Joker was still giving her that look like he was having the best day of his life, watching her suffer. He even started making weird gestures towards Garrus, and she was about ready to toss a 10-pound weight at his head. See how he liked that.
Finally, Grunt rolled his eyes and stood straight. "You're small. You're fairly easy to break. You don't keep denser shields or armor like the rest of us. If you get caught by someone too big or unrelenting, you're dead."
"Thank you Grunt, for putting that in such a positive way." Using her hands to gesture, even though per usual she had no damn clue what she was gesturing, she added, "But he's right. Just like you size them up, they'll do the same. So, Miranda put you in pairs that play to your weaknesses. We're going to start with how to deal with the initial encounter." Shepard kept talking, even faced Garrus at one point to direct everyone to different weak points on people's bodies.
But she was very careful not to touch him very much, and definitely not to look him in the eyes.
Anya knew she had to cope with this, learn how to overcome it, but that day wasn't today. Maybe looking at him over dinner, sure, or perhaps a group movie night. During the middle of training, though, when she knew they'd eventually be grappling on the goddamn floor?
Too much to handle.
Before she could compensate for that, though, the combat training was completely out of her control. Garrus started running on autopilot and he verbally raced them to the demonstration portion like their old sessions.
This wasn't the same as those, though, and her skin was already itching, knowing she'd have to spend the next hour showing everyone how to hold onto him real tight.
Jesus christ, she was going to vomit.
When they got to facing off, showing the crew effective ways to spar, it was like her brain short-circuited. All she had to do was get a thick dose of his bright eyes on hers and his shoulders straight her way and she could feel her cheeks flaring. Even though he asked if she was ready, and she said yes, Anya lost all control of her senses when his left hand grabbed hers. With one swift motion, his other arm wrapped around her waist and tossed her down on the mat with a quick flip.
Ouch.
Maybe the panic overrode her brain was smart, knowing actually fighting back would lead to a lot more touching than she could process. She could tell her face was already a fierce pink; how would she explain away going full cooked lobster?
Down on the ground, everyone was staring at her. But Grunt was a special level of embarrassing, since he was shamelessly laughing at her. Maybe she'd reach lobster levels without Garrus' help.
Grunt's blue eyes sparkled, like a kid watching WWE. "Damn, the turian took you down. That was pathetic."
Groaning, Anya got up on her own, even though Garrus offered a hand. She felt like a minor idiot. "Grunt, not right now."
Once she was standing, Garrus leaned a little closer and asked, "You okay?"
She pushed his shoulder away. He didn't need to be so close, not when she already made a fool of herself. "Not the time." Turning back to everyone else, she said, "Now, when it comes to this training room, never get inside your own head. Just always get back up and keep practicing. You and your sparring partner will learn something new about each other every round."
Grunt added his two cents, per usual. "Not me, though. I'm perfect." Almost like a spring-loaded trap, Zaeed swept Grunt's legs and he toppled, making the older man cackle. Great. If this turned into a fight club, she wasn't going to be happy.
Chuckling like he won some prize, Zaeed said, "Guess not so perfect."
When Grunt got up, he somehow looked even more voracious and excited to fight.
"Oh, it's on. Be ready to eat matt, puny humans."
Not daring to look at Garrus, she played the only "out" she had. Normally, she had her and Garrus go a couple rounds, show off. But she couldn't bear that right now. "Everyone, get with your partner. Garrus and I will be walking around to give tips."
In the meantime, she flipped off Joker in the corner. While including him in on the combat training was too risky so of course he just had to watch, she wasn't too pleased about his watchful fucking eyes driving her insane.
Before he left her side, Garrus said, "Sorry about the flip."
"Sorry I'm an idiot." Her laugh switching pitches like an inconsistent baseball player, Anya was just so over the rising panic in her throat. "Just take care of them. You're not doing anything wrong. I'm just... overwhelmed."
"By what? We can always turn down the lights or ask everyone to shut the fuck up or-" Looking in his eyes, she could tell the exact moment it clicked. "Oh. You mean-"
"Yeah. So just don't get too close and keep being good at your job, okay?"
"I- I can do that."
For a while, she and Garrus stalked opposite sides of the room, correcting defensive stances and giving people tips on how to surprise their sparring partner. Some people were just totally out of their element in close combat, like Kelly or Mordin. But seeing Kasumi in action, she was a little frightened.
But then it happened. Jack gave up being frustrated and tossed like a rag doll, throwing a biotic toss at Grunt, which instead hit Zaeed, and then a training room equivalent to a bar fight broke out.
Real quick, Garrus grabbed ahold of Zaeed and Jacob and Miranda ran over to separate Grunt and Jack with their own biotics. But it was a damn trip to watch. If she was more herself, she'd jump right in. But right now... She was a fucking embarrassment and didn't need to blush her way into fucking it up.
Just then, Mordin approached her. "Something wrong today? Your temperature is higher, your pigment is slightly redder, and your focus is wildly inconsistent."
"Thank you for the concern, but no, I'm fine."
The Salarian looked wildly unconvinced, a look she did not like on him when she was having an internal panic about her love life meshing with her work. "Hmm. My findings say otherwise." He hummed again, sounding dissatisfied. "You can keep your privacy, but as a genetic scientist I would appreciate inclusion in any serious medical conditions."
"Seriously, Mordin, there's nothing medically wrong with me. I promise."
"Choose to believe you for now. But if you are lying, I will inevitably find out and guilt you into extensive testing."
"Sure. Fine. Fair enough."
And as he walked away, she watched the carnage on the other side of the room, the discomfort of Kelly, the horror on some people's faces, and Joker's shit-eating grin. Anya thought: what the hell had she gotten herself into.
Garrus flashing a half-assed grin her way only made it worse.
Somehow, they all made it out of there alive, but the training got cancelled early and Miranda gave her "what the hell is up with you" eyes the entire time.
To give herself credit, Anya wasn't the only person completely out of it and causing trouble during that. But the problem was that she was the Commander and she had zero control over it all.
She saw everyone out, but was standing there by the exit, giving fake smiles and words of encouragement, just hoping to toss herself out the airlock later.
Just when she least wanted to see him, Joker walked out the room and gave her that grin.
"That was a weird combat training session, right?"
"Oh fuck off, Joker." Garrus came out of the room last, and cocked his head sideways at her aggressive swearing. Oh well, he already knew the dynamic here. She had turned herself into a labyrinthian knot and she couldn't handle Joker's antics right now.
"I'm just making an observation." He raised his hands like he was innocent, but she knew him at the Academy. To say he was ever innocent was like assuming your parents don't have sex. Willfully ignorant. Joker continued, saying, "So I assume by the fact Anya's so embarrassed about touching you that you guys haven't-"
Grabbing Joker's collar, she glared as many combat knives as her brain could send. "And right there is where I will stop you because otherwise I will kill you."
Ever the peace-maker (at least when it came to them) Garrus unfurled her fist from Joker's shirt. "What is with you two this morning?"
Anya instead crossed her arms and said, "Do you normally see us together in the morning?"
"... Come to think of it, no..."
"Joker is peak chaotic energy in the morning. I am my most anxious and on edge. When we are forced to interact, this happens. Because our sibling-esque relationship is put to the fucking test and I fail it every. God. damn. Time."
Joker snorted next to her. Asshole just didn't know when to quit-
Before she could touch him, Garrus grabbed her hand and shook his head.
The pilot across from her snorted. "And I just find it really funny."
"Sometimes I think I understand you two and then... stuff like this."
Trying to get on her good side (even though he pushed way too far back there), Joker offered, "If it makes you feel any better, Anya, I think it's adorable. You two are adorable." Since he was drawing a line between her and Garrus with his finger, she got the goddamn picture.
But between Garrus holding her hand right now and this, the whole "secret" part of the situation was being blown out the fucking airlock if anyone else saw this.
She was the one who wanted to be blown out the airlock, not her secrets.
With her blood boiling to a point she was surprised it wasn't searing through her skin, Anya threatened, "Another word and you will never have children."
"I don't really want kids, but I get the point. I'll go."
And thank fucking god, he did.
Once he was out of sight, Garrus gave her this sad, compassionate look that she didn't know if she hated or thought was cute. She wasn't sure. Her brain was goddamn fried. "You need a nap."
"I have to go see Grunt-"
Garrus countered, "I'll cover Grunt's weird hamster hang out thing. Take back your sanity." Anya didn't even know how to argue. It was like she twisted herself so much that it burned every nueron she had. Nothing was quite connecting. He walked her towards the elevator and hit the button to summon it. "I'm gonna be honest, you're kinda scary this way."
As she entered the now-open doors, Anya sighed. Everything was clearly a mess and she hadn't figured it all out, not as much as she hoped. But at least this stupid, handsome, wonderful man with tall shoulders existed. She smiled up at him. "... Thank you."
After a quick glance side to side, he pressed his mouth to her forehead. "Anytime."
Then the doors shut behind him and Anya lumbering to her bed. Garrus wasn't wrong, she needed this. She practically disintegrated onto her bed. If she could just close her eyes-
"Commander Shepard?"
"Oh for the love of-" Sitting up, she sighed and asked, "What?"
"Horizon is under attack."
/
I've been dawdling, I know, so back to actual plot and angst we go. I have some ideas of transplanting Anya and Garrus into a real AU with an original plot, so wait on the possibility of that, friends 3
For now, time for Anya to face her demons in the form of one Kaidan Alenko
Thank you as always to my patrons, of course!:
Danyell Jones
Amy Connolly
See everyone Wednesday :)
