A/N: Warning for extreme jealousy and possessiveness, trust issues gone out of control and what could be taken as domestic violence (it was more of an accident, really, rather than an intended action but I'm still warning for it)
There's no doubt in Griffin's mind that she only loves Valtor but the demons in his mind are forcing him to shut his eyes tight and making him unable to see it. And Griffin's not sure how much more of the hurt he's causing her blindly she can take.
"Why did you have to force my hand like this?"
Her. He'd hurt her. Yet, he was looking at her as if she'd stabbed him with a blade made all of betrayal while she stood with her back still pressed against the wall against which he'd painfully shoved her and restrained herself from rubbing at the spots on her arms that had the shape of his fingers engraved in them and would be sporting bruises for days on end. He was helpless against the insecurities in his head but she wasn't, and she wasn't going to just stand there and watch them take over him while he felt the need to take her violently even after she'd already given him every piece of herself.
"I love you but-"
He was pushed into her faster than a bullet would have been, his hand grabbing at her jaw to stop any other word from coming out and anger flashing in his eyes, illuminating all the demons hiding just behind the thin skin of the human. "No buts," he growled, his voice dangerous and low, the embodiment of the beast she'd come to know was living in his soul. It had never scared her and only angered her instead. "The sentence ends at "I love you"."
Griffin forced her head to the side and out of his grasp to give herself the chance to speak. "And how much of that do you return?" she asked, watching the monster retreat instantly. She wouldn't watch it take over him so that he could blame it for ruining everything. He had to take responsibility.
"You're my stars, and moon, and sun," he said, making it easy for her to believe him when he was telling the truth instead of counting on manipulation. She would stay with the man who loved her without a moment's hesitation, but she wouldn't let him make himself out to be the monster's victim when it was just another part of him, the embodiment of his impulsivity and trust issues. "Which is why you can't do this to me," he said, his eyes filling with hurt that he'd put there himself when he refused to look at her with faith in her love for him.
"You're hurting me," she said, shoving him backwards and farther away from her, not physically but emotionally, since it made surviving his words easier. And he only ever reciprocated her selflessness with more doubts. "Will you suffer if I kill myself or will you be happy that no one else will get to have me?" she asked, hurting when she saw the pain on his face and felt him retreat when his sensitive skin cracked and blood came out. Because she hurt when he did. She couldn't stab him and watch him bleed to death impartially. She'd join him. But he was killing her and not even realizing it. "Too hypothetical for you? Should I try then?" she asked, pushing more agony in both their hearts and it finally seemed to register in his mind.
He stepped back and let go of her, his arms falling limply at his sides. It ached to watch him like that, but she couldn't survive in the situation he'd dragged them into. And she liked to believe that it would have a negative impact on his life if she died. So she couldn't let him kill her. She wanted to give her life to him but not that way. Any other way but not that. Maybe it was selfish to want his life in return for hers but it was the only desire of her heart and she couldn't deny it that. It would break apart.
"I love you, Valtor," she said as she moved to cup his cheek and he didn't try to run away from her which sparked the hope in her that they could still be saved. "But I can't fight those monsters in your head for you," she shook her head, tears spilling from her eyes at the thought of how much pain there was in his being. She'd seen all of it and she'd tried to love it away but he was still holding on to it just like he was trying to hold on to her, bruising her very soul with his fear of her leaving when she only wanted to stay with him forever and be his. "I would if it were in my capabilities. I would." She'd give everything to have that power. She'd give everything to help him. But it didn't depend on her. "But you have to do that yourself." She moved her thumb over his cheek, stroking it to have the heat of his skin burn into her being as much as she was doing it to offer him comfort and love. "You know where I'll be," she whispered, fighting the tears and the sobs coming out with them to get the words out and, hopefully, into his heart and head. "Come find me when and only when you can love me." Because as much as she wanted it, that moment wasn't now.
She turned away and summoned all of her strength, for every step towards the door hurt more and more. It would kill her to just turn her back on him physically, and she could never kick him out of her heart and abandon him. It would mean dying alone and in agony after the life she'd have to spend heartless. Because her heart belonged to him and she could never pry it out of his fingers, nor did she feel the need. It was all his. All his to keep. And she was only begging him to keep her as well so that she wouldn't have to suffer without him.
"You should have told me your love came with conditions."
It froze her in place, like a lightning frying her brain and leaving her dead, her muscles unable to move and the thoughts in her head morphing into monsters, too. They haunted her with her biggest fear and taunted her for her weakness. Because she couldn't do anything to fight his refusal to believe and trust her love for him. He was always looking for something that would break them in half and leave them bleeding, all happiness draining out of them and taking away with it the memories of love they shared. And it was painful just like having all the breath sucked out of her when it made her turn around and look into his eyes that were glaring at her with something she could only hold on to the hope was not hatred. She didn't know how to survive the thought that it could be.
"And you didn't tell me that your jealousy will be hurting me until I can't breathe," she said, keeping her voice at an even level. She wasn't mad, but she was scared, scared of the demons he was letting kill their love. They could kill her too. He'd only slammed her in the wall this time but she couldn't wait for him to break her spine and then break over her corpse weeping. "And yet, I love you still." She did. She did because she didn't know how to stop. And she wouldn't even if she could. She'd already made that choice and she wasn't going to go back on it no matter what. "I will always love you wherever I go." She didn't have to be there and kiss him to have him filling all of her being with her feelings for him. She didn't need him to hold her hand to lead her to the love living in her soul. It was there to stay. Forever. "Always," she whispered, a tear falling from her eye at the look of wonder he was meeting her with. Because he'd only realized it now even though she'd been showing it to him for so long.
She turned around and left, closing the door because he couldn't follow her yet. He wasn't ready. And she hoped, she prayed, to whatever deity, with everything she had that he would find it in himself to love her without any doubts getting in the way. Because she couldn't stand the thought of him questioning their love. It was the only sure thing in the world that she knew of.
