"Can you go on ahead? I just need some air."
"Sure, just make sure you come back for dinner."
"Yeah, wouldn't want to miss seeing your drinking buddies." Giving him a quick hug, I lingered by the cemetery's gate, and watched him head back into the town before letting myself relax. Satoshi hadn't asked as many questions as I thought he would've, but even if he had, I would've had the answers to hand.
Because what I wanted to do…it had to be done alone, at least until I was sure that I could do it at all. And I was probably the only one who had realised that small fact.
Wrapping my coat back around me, I set off for the town, avoiding the path so I was going at an angle. The uneven ground made me focus on where I was putting my feet rather than my destination.
Hanzo had mentioned going back to his village like it had been the easiest thing he had ever done. Was that because he'd had a few practise attempts before we met, or had he steeled himself like I was doing now? Would I be able to have that same lightness one day?
All too soon I was looking at the walls around the house, but the angle I'd approached it at gave me a few options. If I went right, I could follow it around to the front gate, and possibly meet a few guards. If I went left, I could loop around to the back and get in that way. Or there was always the choice I was currently favouring, which was to turn around and give myself a pat on the back for getting this close.
Very few townspeople were this far out, something I mused on as I went left. When Tadashi and I ran messages, the house had always seemed so close to the people it governed. How was it that the path seemed longer now?
I stretched out a hand as I walked, letting it skim along the surface of the wall, humming in another attempt to distract myself. The tune was nice and soft, but it took a chunk of my concentration to avoid missing some of the notes. It had been something I'd heard almost a million times, but had only recently learnt the name of. Now that I gave it a thought, it was amusing to think I'd been singing an outcast's song even when I thought I belonged.
The slopes of the back wall were slowly being eaten by the garden, a large shrub beginning to climb over the top, and giving me hope that if there wasn't a gardener to trim it, the rest of the house would be abandoned. Moving my fingers away when I was closer, I let the note I was on drop, taking a deep breath when I found what I was looking for.
Despite the best efforts of the shrub, the back gate was still very much visible, if a little bit worn. There was probably more history attached to it than in any journal, family history at least. Two brothers had used it to escape their duties, one jumping over, the other actually going through it. A little boy had scowled as he came out of it, grabbing the doll he had thrown before turning back home. A little girl had asked endless questions as she held tight to the samurai carrying her, promising to let her say goodbye to her mommy and daddy. A returning daughter held tight to the top, daring herself to open it.
Even with the shrub trying its best to keep people out, I could see into the garden, eyes swimming in the pink flowers around one side of the pond, and the decking corner I could just see. There hadn't been peonies in the garden until Mother asked for them. Why have a flower as your symbol if you could never see them in real life? Pink had been her favourite colour, and one part of the garden always had them until their season was over, and they'd get replaced with something else, with anything else really, so long as it was pink.
It was funny. My father's face was beginning to fade from my mind, but I could still remember what flowers went where in the garden.
My hand pushed the gate open just enough that I could slip through, wary of it squeaking and brining unwanted attention to me. The sudden urge to go in was one I couldn't explain. But at least this time I had a clear goal.
The gate obeyed my prayers to be quiet, even latching back into place near silently, letting me carry on to the flowerbed. Here I could tell a lie and say that I plucked a flower and returned to the inn with it, putting it in water until I could press it later. But then we'd have to pause the story entirely. Instead, as I was crouched amongst the peonies, the floorboards creaked under the weight of someone's feet. "Natsuki, I can't find my-" The voice cut off before I could react, a strange man staring at me and leaving me pinned. All it took was one look at his clothes for me to realise how much trouble I was in. He wasn't a guard, but he was clearly the new owner of the place. "Ah well…Natsuki!"
"I'm sorry." I tried to placate, holding my hands up and backing away from the flowers, "I have no right to be here."
"No, w-wait there please. Natsuki!"
"I'll leave, I promise."
"Nat-"
"I'm coming!" The new voice cut off my retreat, a woman appearing from the other side of the decking with something slung over her arm and a scowl on her features, "I heard you the first time you old lug. Here's your coat." By some grace or miracle, she hadn't seen me yet. Natsuki simply stepped closer to the man I presumed was her husband and thrust the coat at him, hands on her hips as she turned, "There's no need to screech the house down." With a final look over her shoulder, Natsuki brought her gaze onto me, harsh demeanour dropping at once, "Whatever impression Hideki's given you, I hope you won't hold onto it. Would you like to come in?"
Ignoring the fact that once again my own life was trying to pull the rug out from under me, I gave a quick shake of my head, continuing my backwards retreat, "I'm sorry for intruding on your house, I just thought-"
"Our house?" Natsuki repeated, her face slipping into confusion that she shared with Hideki, who gave a desperate shrug. It was still there when she looked back at me, a frown coming across when she realised I'd taken another step towards the gate, "Hideki, send someone into the village for Satoshi. Obviously he's neglected to tell us a few things."
"Aye." Natsuki and I continued staring at each other, the gaze strong enough to keep us from flinching when Hideki bellowed for a Lin, continuing until he went inside.
Had I encountered Natsuki on the street, I wouldn't have been able to remember her a second later. However plain she seemed was forgotten though as she gestured to the door, attempting another invitation. I accepted this time, taking my time so I could look at her properly. Again, my eyes refused to cooperate, but they did quickly spot the wearing patches on her clothes. "Would you like tea, Mistress Sayomi? Ah, my apologies, it's Lady Sayomi now, isn't it?"
"I find myself at a disadvantage." I offered weakly. Sure, I'd been called 'Mistress' over the years, but hearing it with my first name instead of an invitation for it, that was both a new and an old sensation.
Natsuki evidently agreed, her face splitting into a climb while I removed my sandals, "I didn't think you'd remember me. But it has been fifteen years I suppose, so you're forgiven." It was a gentle tease, partnered with a slight wink that brought a confused smirk to my own mouth. "I was your nurse when you were very small."
My eyes widened against my will, memory straining hard to remember somebody for once. If she was telling the truth, then Sakura owed her life to this woman. And I probably owed her a lot more. Spotting the conflict on my face, Natsuki gave a motherly smile and led us along the halls, talking as we went, "Your uncle told us we'd be meeting you at dinner tonight. It's a pleasant surprise to see you here early."
"I'm just here for something my mother left behind." I shrugged, ignoring the way Natsuki went dead still for a second, resuming her pace in a heartbeat. "After that, I'll be out of your hair."
"You are planning to sell then? Satoshi said as much."
It was my turn to stop, and just as we'd come to the deserted kitchen. "Selling?"
"Yes, Satoshi said you were coming to find the deed so you could give it to…I think it was a Lord Ishida?" She sounded so matter of fact about it, only turning to look at me when she was setting up the kettle, as if only just noticing I hadn't moved. "Lady Sayomi?"
"He told me that the house was legally Mitsunari's. That Takenaka Hanbei had left it to him…" At the mention of Hanbei, Natsuki turned back to her work, a nostalgic expression coming over her face, "Did…did you know him?"
She gave a nod, her tone dreamlike and barely acknowledging me as I finally took a seat against the wall, "He came here just after we let the soldiers take you. Lord Tatsuoki had given him your land, to be kept until you came of age or gave up your right to them. Even when he became a recluse, he would send a servant to see if there was anything we needed, or if the house wanted repairs. We wanted everything to be the same when you eventually came home."
"That's quite a lot for you to do, for a three year old."
"Your father was good to all of us. The least we could've done was protect his legacy through you. Had we known how far Lord Takenaka's plan would be twisted, we wouldn't have let you leave this house in the first place. When news came of your involvement with Oda, we started to take turns travelling to Owari to check on you."
"I don't remember that." I murmured.
"You wouldn't. We were always careful to stay at a distance. Other than that, Satoshi would bring stories of you. When we believed you dead, it was Lord Takenaka that told us you weren't foolish enough to burn to death." Halting so she could lift the kettle off of the fire, Natsuki passed me a cup and filled it, picking the story up as she reached for her own. "Then one day Lord Takenaka told us he had found you, and would be bringing you here. After that we could easily follow your trail. And now you've come home, even if it is only briefly."
The room dropped into a comfortable silence then, Natsuki focusing all her attention onto her tea and taking delicate sips, letting me think.
Hanbei had tried to pique my interest in this place, not for his own gain but for the people who had been waiting, and then Satoshi had tried to do the same, but for vastly different reasons. It was hard deciding what hurt more, Hanbei telling me the truth, or my uncle lying to my face once again. I had long ago learnt the world was far from black and white, and that even the kindest person had ulterior motives, be it profit or martyrdom. It never stopped paining me when the lesson reasserted itself.
The thought of what might've happened if I hadn't come here on my own, if I'd instead met Natsuki at dinner where Satoshi could easily sway things to keep his intentions hidden turned my insides cold, a solid contrast to the anger I knew I was feeling. It churned and twisted in my stomach, and by the time Hideki could be heard approaching us, and Natsuki was turning with barely concealed surprise, I was shaking with the sheer force of it. "Natsuki, my favourite woman! Hideki told me you needed to talk?" The bastard was right next to me, and hadn't noticed me yet.
"It's not me you need to speak to, Satoshi." Natsuki nodded in my direction, Satoshi moving his head to look just in time to catch my fist with his face. My uncle staggered drunkenly for a few seconds, staying on his feet mainly due to Hideki helping him steady himself.
"You asshole!" I screamed, preparing another punch. This one Satoshi attempted to block, but it still caught his chin. "I trusted you!"
To his credit, Satoshi spat the his mouthful of blood into a pot on the side rather than the floor (Natsuki's face told me she wasn't completely thrilled with it anyway), and gave his lip a stubborn brush off, "I take it you explained things to her Natsuki?"
"Found her in the garden, what else was I supposed to do?"
"Don't you fucking ignore me!" I snapped, bringing his attention back onto me. "You said this place wasn't ours anymore! You said we were here for something of Mom's!"
"I said a lot of things, Botan. And you need to calm down before you do something you regret."
"Like hell am I listening to you." Satoshi was fast enough to grab my fist this time, holding it in a tight grip while pulling me forwards. His spare hand was quick to latch onto my other hand, manoeuvring so he held them both in one hand while he grasped my chin.
Hideki and Natsuki seemed to melt into the background, my rage only allowing me to see Satoshi.
Without warning he suddenly spun so he had me out in the corridor, my struggles nothing as he steered us along, finally pushing me into a spare hall and releasing his grip, gaze turning hard when I was sprawled across the floor, "You want to fight Botan, we do it where people aren't going to get hurt. I thought you still had that much control over yourself."
"Since when do you care about people getting hurt?" I demanded, pushing back onto my feet. There was a weapon's wall to my left, but I refused to look at it. I wanted the satisfaction of caving his skull in myself.
Natsuki and Hideki were in the doorway when I started charging again, my sword style coming in handy when it came to propelling myself forwards. My fist flew forwards without brushing against the air, and I been a little less seething, I might've realised there was a very good reason for that.
Satoshi let me fly towards him, and was genuinely caught off guard when I socked him in the mouth again, but when I pulled my arm back again, the chain that flew through the open screen and wrapped around my wrist revealed what he had been waiting for.
The weight swung around my arm twice more before stopping, a sharp tug nearly pulling me off balance and to the floor again, while Satoshi stood back up and aimed a glare at the man wielding it, "Want to be a bit slower next time Kobayashi? I think there was a tooth she didn't get."
Hanzo gave no answer, even when I turned my own glare on him. The chain was taut between us, only slackening when I let my fist drop back to my side. "That's better. Nothing worse than family trying to kill each other." He chastised, stepping onto our level and winding the chain back up, careful to leave enough to restrain me if he needed to. I was only given a quick glance before he was looking back at Satoshi, no trace of anything positive on his face, "Told you, didn't I?"
"Yeah yeah, you're a genius Kobayashi." Still breathing heavily, despite the fact he'd done nothing but redirect my own strength, Satoshi fished his smoking gear out of his sash, sparking up before continuing, "Now, are you going to tell her, or should I?"
"Tell me what?!" I said through gritted teeth, looking between them with the threat of pain if one of them didn't speak.
Hanzo did one better though, reaching behind him and pressing something into the hand he didn't have connected to him via the chain. "That should sum everything up nicely." He said, his face drooping into resignation. "Just look, please." He added when I stared at him.
It was a hand mirror. My hand mirror. Questions about what he was doing in my room, or in Mino for that matter were on the tip of my tongue, dissolving when I saw what they were asking me to see. My hands dropped it at once, taking a step away as if that would make what I saw fake. That the red eyes that had stared back at me belonged to somebody else.
But I knew that was a useless wish. Looking between my love, my uncle and the two still in the doorway, all of whom were looking at me with sympathy, the only thing I could manage was a weak, "You knew?"
"Suspected." Hanzo nodded reluctantly. "I first noticed it when you were speaking to Oichi's keeper. It faded when you stopped being so…It's not permanent, we know that much."
"Would also explain why you can't see properly." Satoshi added. "Whatever Oichi did, it woke something up in you."
"No…" I protested, shrugging off the hand Hanzo tried to put on my shoulder. The chain clinked between us, the fact that the metal was digging in only now registering, along with the raw pain shooting through my hands as I laced them into my hair, gripping at the strands. "Back when the village was attacked, a soldier he said that-He just said my eyes were- Oh fuck!" How long had this been happening to me?!
A soft hand took one of mine, lifting it just enough so the owner could unwind the chain and letting it drop between us. Once that was done, Natsuki untangled my grip, placing the mirror there instead, "Look now, Lady Sayomi." Still in shock, I did as ordered. My eyes had returned to their natural brown, and they were wide and scared, but they had life in them again. And somehow that was just as terrifying as the red eyes had been.
