Natasha slipped into her bedroom when she saw Matt's name pop up on her phone. She plopped on the bed as she accepted his call. "Hi, there, handsome."
Matt laughed into the line. "Handsome, huh? Good to know. I was afraid I was a troll. Mirrors and I have never really gotten along."
"Seriously, you're opening with a blind joke. Somebody's in a playful mood."
"I'd be in an even more playful mood if you hadn't had to leave this morning. I miss you already. I haven't even left the bed. I'm afraid if I move too much, I'll lose your scent on my pillow. It's intoxicating, by the way."
Natasha smiled to herself thinking about the night before. It was good to feel desirable again. She couldn't remember the last time she'd felt so treasured. Well, she could, but she didn't want to think about that night with Steve, flying through the stars with no idea her world was about to come collapsing in on her. This was nice. It was better. Easier. "You and your amazing senses. Way to make a girl feel special."
"You are special. Not every guy gets to say his girlfriend saved the universe."
"Girlfriend? What happened to keeping it casual?" Natasha asked, surprised bit not completely displeased by the sudden shift.
"Well, I mean, look, you've seen the news. The world thinks we make a good couple. I think we've proven we have more than a passing attraction to each other. Maybe we should just go with it." He paused only for a second. She wasn't sure if he was waiting for her to speak or just taking a breath. She was almost relieved when it was the latter. "I want more than stolen moments, Nat. Let me be part of your life. I want to get to know James, hang out with you on the couch, and listen while you describe what's happening in cheesy rom-coms. What do you say? Ready to take things up a level?"
"I think I need to think about it. It's not that I'm not really enjoying our time together, but I need to think about James."
Natasha could hear Matt letting out a deep breath. She knew her answer wasn't the one he wanted to hear. She thought about the stolen weekends and the Stark Industry business trips Matt accompanied her on when he wasn't busy with a case or his little side project. Yeah, he understood what fighting for justice really meant, and she didn't mind his vigilante streak one bit. She'd been a vigilante herself when it was necessary. It certainly didn't make him anything less than good boyfriend material in her book.
Then, there was James. He would be four next month. Sure, his enhancements made him above average on intelligence charts, but he was so young. The few conversations she had with him about his dad were pretty basic. He was a friend. Things didn't work out. His father was too far away, so she got to be mommy and daddy, and it was her favorite job ever.
It's not like he needed another father figure in his life anyway. He had plenty, but weren't kids supposed to learn how to have healthy relationships from their parents? In James' case, that was just her. Maybe, if they didn't make to a big deal out of things, she could give Matt what he wanted without seriously scarring her son in the process.
"I'll tell you what," she said, "we'll compromise. You can meet James this weekend. We'll go to dinner and maybe take a carriage ride in the park. No PDAs, no sleepover, but we'll see how he reacts then we can up that notch if you really think it's the right call."
"That's all I'm asking for. You won't regret it."
Natasha heard her doorbell ring. "Matt, someone's at the door. I've got to go."
Natasha was walking down the stairs when she heard a commotion near the door. "I got it, I got it," James yelled.
Alexi's booming voice followed. "No, James, I'll answer-"
She heard the door open. "You!" Alexi shouted. Natasha heard Alexi growl as something very loud hit the floor. She rushed down the last few steps and looked straight into the eyes of her son.
His lip was quivering. "Mommy, Uncle Alexi just punched Uncle Steve."
Natasha looked down at the floor in complete and utter shock. There he was, her old partner and friend, trying to stand up while rubbing his face. "Steve?"
"Hi, Nat. Guess maybe I should have called after all," he said, but his eyes weren't on her. They were on James.
Natasha went straight into damage control mode. Nearly four years of trying to protect her son from seeing any kind of violence was out the window, and that wasn't even her biggest problem. Just as she was finally getting her life in a good place, Steve Rogers was back. "Alexi, go get some frozen vegetables out of the freezer. James, go turn on a movie in your room. Mommy will be up in a few minutes. Steve, barstool. No bleeding on my furniture, and, is that Tony's shirt?"
Steve nodded and complied. Alexi just stood there for a moment, but he must have decided not to challenge the look on Natasha's face, because he finally headed towards the freezer, throwing Steve a hand towel from the counter as he passed.
Only James seemed insistent on disregarding Natasha's orders. "But, Mommy, we have to call Uncle Peter. The Avengers need to know we found Uncle Steve." His hands were on his hips. "They aren't going to be happy at Uncle Alexi. Why did you punch Captain America?"
Alexi pulled out some veggies and tossed them at the still silent Steve. "Peas," he said, "we don't like those anyway." Alexi looked across the room at James. "I'm the Red Guardian. It's what I do."
"Red Guardian?" Steve asked, obviously still trying to piece together exactly what had just transpired.
"The Red Guardian," Alexi repeated. "You must have heard about me. I'm you, only Russian, and better in every way. Surely, you read about me in the history books."
Steve just shook his head and placed the peas over his eye while dabbing the blood from his nose. Alexi shook his head.
"Alexi, take James to his room," Natasha said.
"But-" the boy began, but Natasha just shook raised her hand and put up one finger, followed closely by a second.
Alexi blew out a breath and collected the boy. Natasha didn't say anything else until she heard the door close behind them. "Why are you here, Steve?"
"I came to see you. I didn't want anyone to know I was back before you did," he said. "Guess I'm a little late to the party."
"You could say that. Why'd you come back?"
Steve let out a deep breath. "I told you I would."
"You said you'd see me in a minute," she said softly, "a lot of minutes have passed. What happened with Peggy?"
"Nothing. I didn't even see her. I didn't try. I just returned the stone and came back." He pulled the wrist device from his pocket. "Something went wrong."
Natasha took the device and examined it. Her heart was pounding. This could not be real. "Looks pretty beat up. That happen on re-entry?"
Steve shook his head. "After." He took it back from her, lightly touching her palm as he moved. Natasha felt that familiar feeling she always felt when he was close. It was confusing and thrilling and so wrong. "I used the wrong Pym particles. I should have chunked the ones that were in your suit. Something must have happened to them while you were-"
"Dead?" she supplied, causing his face to contort. "Damn."
"Yeah," he said. "James? I saw a picture of him at Tony's. How old is he?"
She looked him in the eyes and shook her head. This was too hard. "Don't pretend you haven't already pieced it together. This is hard enough without you making me say it."
"Damn," he said, blowing out a breath.
This time it was her turn to agree. "Yeah."
"He doesn't know," Steve said. "He called me Uncle Steve."
"It's bad enough he has one ex-Avenger for a parent. Having two wasn't a smart option. He's enhanced. Bruce confirmed it multiple times. The kid's never been sick a day in his life. He's bright. He can already open a pickle jar without any real effort. That skill comes in handy. He's too strong for his own good sometimes."
Steve didn't say anything for a minute. He was taking it all in. They both were in their own way. "I didn't mean for this to happen. I should have been here for you and James."
Natasha pursed her lips together. She should be relieved. He chose her, just like she hoped he would, but relief wasn't the feeling she was experiencing. She was just sad. One bad batch of Pym particles cost them their chance. James could have had his father. "I believe you."
"Thank God," he said, finally looking her in the eyes. "What do we do now?"
Natasha looked at the offending wrist band. Peter could probably fix it and give Steve a second chance. He could go back and meet her like he was supposed to, but it would still only be an off-shoot of the timeline. Her James would still never have his father. She picked up the band and tossed it in the trash. "We'll just have to figure this out. James has a right to know his dad. No more messing with the past."
"That's the last thing I want to do. I shouldn't have gone back. If I would have stuck with you-"
"Past, not helpful. We're still friends, right? That's what we were, and that's what James is going to need to get through this bombshell."
Steve frowned. "Polite way of saying it's too late? I remember watching this conversation play out between you and Bruce." He took a moment before continuing. "I saw the picture on line. You've met someone."
The pain in his eyes was almost more than she could stand. "I've moved on. It's been almost five years, Steve."
"Right, five years beats seventy I guess." He ran his free hand through his hair and looked away. "If friends is what we were then it's what we'll have to be, I guess. Just do me a favor."
"Anything."
"Remember, for me, it's only been twenty-four hours since I last kissed you. I get that you moved on, but I'm going to need time."
Natasha wanted to cry. If the universe had just brought Steve back three months earlier, before she met Matt, this could be such a different reunion. She was finally over Steve, mostly, and now he was home, but Matt didn't deserve any of this either. It was just bad luck. "Why don't I call Sam? You could stay with him a few days. There's no reason to rush into talking to James, and you look like you could use a friend. He doesn't live far from here. His wife is a nurse, and Sam's gone back to counseling. They could help."
"I do need a place to stay, but I really want to get to know my son. He needs to know his father didn't abandon him, Nat. Do you think he'll forgive me?"
Natasha gave Steve a puzzled look. "Sam?"
"No, James. I failed him pretty good."
Natasha didn't know what to say exactly, but she did know James. He was a loving kid, like his father in so many ways. "I think James will take the truth with a grain of salt and accept things for what they are. Alexi might be a different story."
"Who is that guy anyway?"
"He's family. I better go talk to him. Are you going to be okay here?"
Steve adjusted the bag of peas back over his eye. "I'll manage."
Steve could hear the muffled voices of Natasha and Alexi from downstairs. He didn't bother trying to make out their words. He'd learned more today than he ever wanted to know. He was a father. One moment of passion with Natasha and suddenly there was this person who didn't exist before, and Steve had missed every single moment of his life.
Natasha was obviously a good mom. She diffused the messy situation at the door with the same level of skill his ma always used. He was lucky, he guessed. Natasha believed him. She didn't seem mad, just disappointed. Unfortunately, time hadn't been so kind to their spark. He hated being the recipient of her Bruce speech. The way she measured her words to let him down easy only made him want her more, but she wasn't wrong. James needed them to be united. They needed to move past the 'what could have been' and into the reality sooner rather than later.
Steve was so lost in his thoughts, he didn't realize he was being watched until James was standing in front of him with a pack of cards. "What's this?" he asked
James pulled one from the pack and put it in front of him. "This is you, Uncle Steve. Mommy gave it to me this morning."
Steve held up the card and squinted at it with his good eye. It was a good picture. He remembered Natasha taking it the morning they left on the time heist. What was that? A week ago for him? "Your mom took this picture."
"She takes a lot of pictures. Uncle Alexi says she takes to many. I'm sorry he hit you. It wasn't nice. I told him to say sorry, but I don't think he'll listen. Maybe Mommy will make him do it." The boy handed Steve a pen. "Can you sign my card?"
Steve took the pen and used the moment to really look at his son. He recognized the shape of his nose as his own. It matched his father's, too. Steve, having grown up without his dad, was always proud to have his old man's nose. He wondered if James would feel the same way. "What do you want me to write?"
"Sign it Captain America. I don't think Ben believes your other name is Uncle Steve. He might think I'm lying when I tell him you're back. Where were you?"
Steve tried to focus on signing the card. He wasn't sure where to start without Natasha in the room. "What do you know about the time heist?"
"The Avengers went back and collected all the infin-ably stones from way before and brought them back."
"Infinity stones," Steve said.
"That's what I said. You took them where they came from, but you didn't come back. You got lost."
Steve nodded. "I guess I kind of did. My time machine broke. It was supposed to bring me back to when I started from, but it brought me back to today instead. I didn't mean to get lost."
James patted him on the back. "It's okay. Nobody means to get lost. I got lost once on the farm."
"Yeah? What happened?"
"Maddie and I went exploring in the woods after Turkey Day dinner. Uncle Clint said not to, but we didn't listen."
Steve nodded his head. He was going to have to ask who Maddie was later. Apparently, she was important if she knew about the farm. "What happened?"
"Uncle Clint came and got us then Aunt Laura made us stay inside the whole rest of the day. It was a punishment. Are you going to get punished, too?"
Steve took the bag of peas off his eye and set it on the counter. "It cost me something I want very much."
"Punished," James said, "no fun. Want me to ask Mommy to make the Avengers take it back? They shouldn't punish you for a broken time machine."
"That's okay, James. They aren't the ones punishing me. Nobody is exactly. Sometimes things just happen and you can't fix them. Do you understand?"
"Understand what?" Natasha asked as she re-entered the room.
"Uncle Steve said he didn't mean to get lost. Did you know he just got back today? That's why he wasn't here. Uncle Alexi was wrong upstairs when he called him a selfish son-of-"
"James, do not finish that sentence," Natasha said. "I'll have to have a little talk with Uncle Alexi about good words and bad words later. For now, he probably just needs to stew in his room. I see you got Steve to sign your card."
"Yeah, I just got to get everybody else now. Mommy, since Uncle Steve came back, do you think Uncle Tony will, too? Morgan would be real happy to have her daddy."
Natasha put an arm around her son. "Uncle Tony wasn't missing the same way. He can't come back. I'm sorry, Jitterbug."
James looked down at his feet. "It's okay, I guess. She's like me." James looked up at Steve. "My daddy is gone, too. Mommy says he's too far away to come see me. It's like dead, but not exactly. That's what you said, right Mommy?"
Steve and Natasha exchanged a look. He didn't dare breath until she spoke. "James, do you miss having a dad?"
James put his arms around his mom. "I'm sorry, Mommy. Uncle Bucky said not to say daddy to you. He said it makes you to sad." The boy paused. "He used that other word about my daddy, the one Uncle Alexi used, but don't tell him I told on him. I don't think he knows it's a bad word."
Steve felt completely defeated. Even Bucky blamed him for not being there for James. This day just kept getting worse. He watched Natasha smooth their son's ruffled red hair. "You're growing up too fast thanks to those uncles of yours. Your dad wasn't whatever they told you he was, and Uncle Bucky didn't mean what he said." She paused and looked at Steve. "Uncle Bucky was just sad his friend wasn't around anymore. He loves your dad. Your dad was is friend, just like he was mine, and, apparently, he got lost. He didn't mean to not be here."
"Lost? Like Uncle Steve?"
Natasha turned James to face Steve. "Go ahead, partner. Introduce yourself properly."
Steve stood up and took the two steps to where they were standing. He knelt down beside James. "James, I'm sorry I was so late. There's no where I would have rather been these last few years. You know that, right?"
"I know. It's okay, Uncle Steve."
"See, that's the thing. I'm not your uncle, James. I'm your dad."
"For real?" the boy asked, looking up to his mother for confirmation.
She scooped him up into her arms. "For real. I didn't tell you, because there are people who would try to hurt you if they knew your dad was Captain America. Those people are still out there. This has to be our secret, James. Only family can know the truth."
"I won't tell anyone I have a daddy now." He turned and put his tiny arm around Steve, drawing him into their embrace.
It was completely overwhelming being so close to Natasha, knowing she wouldn't be his to love, but it was good, too. Steve wrapped his arms around them and just let himself enjoy having them in his arms. He might not ever get it again.
Having Steve's arms around her was almost more than she could handle. Natasha knew she was in dangerous territory, but her son deserved this one moment. Maybe they all did. One brief glimpse of what was stolen wasn't such a terrible crime, or it shouldn't be anyway. She didn't pull away until Matt's face came into her mind. She was taken. She'd just practically agreed to be Matt's girlfriend less than an hour ago. This was wrong.
As she put James on the ground, she looked at Steve's face. It was still there. He was looking at her the way he looked at her just before they did their last time jump together. She needed to get a grip. Maybe Steve did have feelings for her, but she was over her crush on her partner. Too much time had passed. She was in Matt's arms not eight hours earlier for goodness sake.
Matt was what she needed. It was easy and fun and there was no baggage to unpack. Steve was a risk she couldn't afford, especially now that James finally had his father. It was time to regroup.
"I'm going to go call Sam. I'll tell him to give you guys another hour or so then he can come lead the way to his place. That work?"
"Depends. Does Sam think I'm a son-"
Natasha gave him a cross look. "Really, Steve, I think I've got enough to worry about in the language department from the uncles. You know Bucky was just upset, right? He thought you'd change your mind about staying in the past since the Soul stone gave me back."
"Sorry, I know. He wasn't wrong. I wanted to come back. It's just been a long day," he said, "probably the longest day of my life. You're right. Talking to Sam might help."
Natasha nodded. She hated this so much. He looked like a lost puppy. That was something she could relate to all to well. As she left Steve and James at the kitchen table where James was setting up Candyland and merrily explaining the rules, Natasha thought back to her own first days without Steve.
After a few days with Clint and the family, Natasha had taken an old passport out of the stash she kept hidden in the barn and took off to Russia under an alias. She needed to see Alexi and Yelena before the world learned she wasn't quite as dearly departed as the news reported. Yelena threw her arms around Natasha as soon as she walked into the apartment. It was a far cry from their last encounter in that same apartment, but they'd found their rhythm again while she was on the run. Broken family ties had been restored. She'd missed them since Thanos snapped his fingers.
She was still hiding out in Russia licking her wounds when she found out she was going to be a mother. It was supposed to be impossible. She needed her sister more in that moment than she ever could have imagined. Now, Steve needed his brothers in arms. Getting him Sam would be easy. Bucky, well, that was going to take a bit of work and involve a phone call to Fury. She had a feeling she was about to make a lot of calls, but Steve was back. Nothing else mattered.
