Chapter 9

"So, I see that your partner dropped you off," Doctor Amy Valentino commented as Olivia took a seat across from the department psychiatrist.

"I told him I could have taken the subway, but he wanted to make sure that I got here on time," the detective explained.

"The subway running behind this morning?" the doctor was surprised.

"I doubt it, but it was a way for him to check in, so he used it as an excuse," Olivia told her, leaving out the fact that her partner had spent the night on her couch.

"Making sure you're ok?" Valentino wondered.

"He and the rest of the unit want me back. SVU is a specialized unit and not exactly meant for everyone. Not a lot of volunteers," Olivia explained.

"Live victims make the job harder," the psychiatrist nodded.

"Exactly," Olivia nodded.

"So, what makes it the perfect job for you?" Amy wanted to know.

"I've always wanted to help people and being a homicide detective seemed like helping too late," the detective said. She really didn't want to get into more than that, but the next question would force her hand,

"You could be a school resource officer or DARE officer or you could have stayed a beat cop. Heck, you could even work in the gang unit or narcotics. Instead, you work in a unit where you hear horror stories. Even when there is a death with sexual overtones, the things you hear, are unimaginable. Yet not only did you request to join the unit, you have thrived in the unit, when most cops in a unit like yours burn out much faster than other officers. So, what drives you? Why this unit?"

"I haven't burnt out because of the team around me. We're all there for the same reason. We've become like a family. You need to lean on each other when we have these kinds of cases," Olivia tried to skirt the question's true answer.

"Let me see if I have this right. Sergeant Munch has been married and divorced multiple times. Detective Tutuola's family life was splashed all over the news - incest and a murderer who got lucky. Detective Stabler's anger management issues and protecting his children, Kathleen and Dickie are fairly well known. You had two on the job shootings before the other day. No one could fault you for Roger Silver. You wouldn't be here right now if you hadn't shot him. Eric Plummer, well he pulled a move that you are now more intimately familiar with – suicide by cop. So, while you see a family, I see a group of detectives barely handling their own issues, barely keeping it together, while having the highest solve rate of any other unit. I'm not sure family is what I'd call it but whatever it is, it's working," Valentino gave her a look.

"Checking our files huh Doc? Isn't that cheating?" Olivia gave her a look of her own.

"Hardly. I needed to know what you'd seen, what you'd been through. Your file has its ups and downs, its commendations, and its reprimands. But there is a lot the file doesn't say. Given your responses to this first interchange, I'd say you have a lot of things you don't want to talk about. I'm here to help you," Amy said.

"You're not here to help me. You work for the department. They want someone to blame for what happened to Jenna. At the end of the day they are looking for a way to not have the blame placed on them. It's not the first time the brass has rushed to cover their asses and it won't be the last. The real, true cops, they're the ones who get screwed. That fact of the matter is the top brass have forgotten what it's like to be on the front line. To see the shit, we see every day. Do you know why Jenna had to be at the precinct? Her mother was murdered right in front of her. Her mother was going to testify against her rapist. After she watches the only person left on the planet who loved her die, Jenna gave up. I should have seen it. I should have known that she was in a dangerous spot. Instead I was chasing down her mother's murderer so I could bring her mother the justice she deserved. I can't be a detective, a victim's advocate, and a social worker all at the same time," Olivia blew up. Sha hadn't wanted to but there it was – all out in the open.

"Despite what you might think, I am not helping anyone but you. You had to shoot a teenager. One who obviously wanted to die. To have someone so young put you in that position is something that no one is prepared to deal with. If you had not ended it, one of your other colleagues might be. Despite how you feel inside, you saved a lot of lives because you acted," Amy said.

"Tell that to Sister Peg," the detective said.

"Why don't we start there," Amy smiled slightly. Maybe, just maybe, they'd get somewhere.

To Be Continued…