Tommy had watched Elizabeth climb into the bed, laying on her side and curling into a ball. He had placed the blanket around her shoulders before bending down to kiss her on the forehead, seeing the tears that were silently falling down her cheek. Perching down on the side of the bed, Tommy rested his hand on her hip as she remained silent and he looked to her. He didn't know what to say to her. Elizabeth had no idea what to say to him. Both of them seemed to be completely at a loss.
Pol had told them that she would look after Charlotte for the day after they had returned from the hospital. Pol had stood in the sitting room as Tommy had returned with Elizabeth tucked under his arm. She wore his long coat over her shoulders, dressed in a simple white nightgown considering her dress had been ruined. Elizabeth hadn't even looked at Pol as she let Tommy guide her to the staircase and finally to the bedroom. Pol had caught Tommy's eye and he had nodded at her, his eyes red and his cheeks stained.
Charlotte had still been in bed and Tommy had been glad, knowing that he would have to tell their daughter what had happened. He wondered if she would understand. She was still so young.
"Liz," Tommy whispered her name and she turned her head over her shoulder to look up to him.
"Hmm?" she responded and Tommy shook his head, moving a hand to the corner of his eye to push away a tear. He shrugged his shoulders before bowing his head and tugging his tie down his shirt, undoing his top button.
"I don't know," he admitted to her. "I don't know what to do…what to say…"
Elizabeth shook her head and moved, rolling to lay flat on her back as she brought her hand up to his cheek, feeling his high cheekbones as she moved her fingers along their contours.
"There is nothing to say," she promised him. "We don't need to say anything."
"I shouldn't 'ave brought yer to the match," Tommy said, taking her hand from his cheek and holding it tightly. "If I hadn't-"
"-Tommy, this is not your fault," Elizabeth interrupted him, refusing to listen to him blame himself for what had happened. She couldn't let him do that. None of it was his fault. "The doctor said that it…it was one of those things…nothing we could do…nothing neither of us could do."
"I just don't know…I don't know, Liz," Tommy said in a small voice and she wondered when she had heard him sound so broken before. Tommy Shelby was not a man who broke down. He was strong. He was the one who carried the Shelby family. He was the one who kept them safe. He couldn't keep his unborn child safe. It was out of his control. Tommy didn't know how to cope with things that were out of his control.
"You don't need to know," Elizabeth promised him. "Tommy, for once, you just don't need to know anything."
Tommy gulped and moved then, resting on his side as he laid on the bed, feeling his wife move her arms around him as she nestled her head underneath his chin. He moved an arm around her shoulders, his hand cupping her shoulder as his thumb stroked small patterns.
He didn't say anything then. Elizabeth didn't say anything either. Both of them simply lapsed into silence and held each other, mourning the loss of their unborn child.
….
Tommy knew that the Italians would not mourn for his unborn child or the, supposed, death of his brother. They would be planning their next move as soon as they could. Tommy had spent the entire day with his wife, hoping that nothing truly changed in that time. He had told her about what had happened at the boxing match. She had nodded and gone along with what he had told her. Arthur had faked his own death so that the Italians thought they had the upper hand.
But Elizabeth didn't entirely care about the Italians. She didn't care about anything at that moment in time. Tommy had told her that Michael would be returning that afternoon as he had intended to send him to America on company business. Tommy was still upset with Michael for the decision that he had made. He had chosen not to tell Tommy that he knew he was going to be shot. He had chosen Pol.
Elizabeth hadn't gone down to sit in on the family meeting, but the voices had been hushed for once. They weren't raised, nor did she hear any swearing. Instead it had been rather silent. Ada had agreed to look after Charlotte for the day after Tommy had insisted that he had to go in and work at the office. Elizabeth was supposed to be on bed rest, but she was struggling to remain on the small mattress.
Instead she moved and climbed to her feet, the pain still evident in her stomach as she went to tidy herself up. She moved to grab hold of her robe, pulling it over her body and tying it loosely around her waist before moving down the stairs slowly and cautiously. Coming to the sitting room, she looked to see Pol in the kitchen on the other end, chopping and peeling carrots. The woman turned to look to Liz and placed the peeler down, walking towards Liz.
"Shouldn't yer still be in bed?" she asked from her.
"I couldn't stay there another minute," Elizabeth said. "I just need a change of scenery."
"Then sit down and I'll make yer a cup of tea," Pol urged from her, guiding her to sit down in the armchair. "Charlotte is out with Ada and Karl for the day. Ada is takin' 'em to the shops. Charlotte knows that somethin' is wrong though. I didn't think it was in my place to tell 'er."
"I know," Elizabeth whispered, uncertain of how she was going to tell Charlotte what had happened. "I don't know what to say to 'er."
"Yer just need to tell 'er that…that these things 'appen. They 'appen and they are tragic. There was nothin' that yer could 'ave done, Liz. Nothin' at all."
Elizabeth nodded, lacing her hands together in her lap as Pol perched on the seat across from her. "It doesn't make it easier," Elizabeth said to Pol. "Tommy blames himself. He said that if he had never asked me to come to that boxing match then none of this would have happened, but I know the truth. I know that I was the one carrying our baby. I was the one who failed…who couldn't look after her own baby. It was me, Pol."
"No," Pol said with haste, refusing to let her feel as she did. "Elizabeth, this is not yer fault. This 'appens to women and it is terrible. I know that it is terrible, but it 'appens. It doesn't mean that it was yer fault. Yer can't think like that."
Elizabeth scoffed and nodded. "Easier said than done," she commented to Pol.
"I know," Pol whispered back. "And I know that yer goin' to feel this way for a while, but in the end everythin' will work out. I promise."
"I know," Elizabeth said with a solemn nod. "I just don't know when it will be better."
"In time," Pol promised her, moving to her feet and patting her on the shoulder. "In time, Liz."
Elizabeth nodded her head, not entirely certain if she believed that. But she had no other option. She had to believe that it would get better. Pol made her a cup of tea and engaged in conversation, trying to keep her distracted as Elizabeth sat holding her cup in its saucer. She didn't know how long she had been listening, occasionally joining in with a comment, before she saw Tommy come through the door. His hand held onto Charlotte's as he walked by her side.
He helped her take her coat off and he tossed it over the back of a chair at the kitchen table before taking her gloves from her and placing them on top of the chair. He looked to Elizabeth as Charlotte remained stood by his side, her hand holding tightly onto his as Tommy looked to his wife and nodded. She managed a weak nod back before Pol moved, taking her cup and saucer.
"I'll leave yer to it," Pol said, making herself scarce as she ran a hand down Charlotte's hair and grabbed her coat on the way out.
Bending down, Tommy took hold of their daughter by the waist, hauling her up and into his arms once he had removed his coat. He moved over to sit on the couch, keeping her in his lap as Elizabeth moved to sit down next to him, holding onto her husband's arm.
"Charlotte," Tommy spoke her name in a soft tone and Elizabeth wondered if she had ever heard him speak like that to anyone else. It was only his daughter. "Yer mother and I 'ave somethin' to tell yer…and it…it is very sad, alright? But I need yer to realise that everythin' is goin' to be alright."
Elizabeth's grip on Tommy's arm seemed to increase then as her husband turned to look to her, kissing her on the forehead before he looked back to Charlotte, running a hand down her back.
"You know that I was pregnant…and that you were going to have a baby brother or sister?" Elizabeth checked with her.
"Yes," Charlotte nodded her head.
"Well," Elizabeth said, feeling herself choking up. "I…sometimes when women are pregnant, the baby doesn't come. Sometimes the baby goes to a better place. You know where Uncle John went?"
Charlotte nodded.
"Well, your brother or sister has gone to keep him company," Elizabeth said, trying to be delicate as she felt a lump in her throat, blinking back the tears. "So you are not going to have a baby sibling to look after and I am so sorry, darling, but sometimes these things happen and there is nothing that we can do about it. They are in a better place though and we will see them one day. I promise you, Charlotte."
"Will I ever have a baby sister or brother?" Charlotte dared to ask and Tommy shrugged his shoulders.
"I don''t know, darlin'," he responded to her. "But yer mother and I love yer very much, Charlotte. Alright? We love yer and we will always keep yer safe."
"I love you too," Charlotte said and Tommy pulled her closer to him as Elizabeth went to wrap her own arms around both of them, feeling Tommy kiss the top of her head as the three of them came to terms with what had happened.
….
"That was the hardest thing I have done," Elizabeth admitted to her husband as they sat up in bed later that night after spending the evening with Charlotte and trying to regain a sense of normality. "She is so little, Tommy. Did she really understand?"
"Probably not," Tommy admitted, stubbing out his cigarette in the ashtray as he sat up against the pillows, Elizabeth resting her head on his bare chest. "She will eventually though."
"You were good with her," Elizabeth whispered. "You are so good with her, Tommy."
"Only because I 'ave you," Tommy promised her. "I 'ave you to 'elp me through it."
"And I have you," Elizabeth said back to him. "It just…I don't know how to feel, Tommy. I just feel numb. I just feel so numb."
"I know," Tommy promised her. "I think I drank about twice as much as I usually do today…smoked like a chimney…because I didn't know how to cope when I was on my own. I didn't know what to do or think…it's when I'm alone, Liz. When I'm alone I go to a dark place when these things 'appen."
Elizabeth moved to peer up at him, her eyes wide. "You never said that to me before," she mused.
"Never find that place much," Tommy shrugged. "Not when I 'ave everythin' I need with me…when I'm with you and Charlotte. It's when I'm alone to think. I don't get much time for that."
"Do you need to see a doctor?" Elizabeth asked, concerned.
"No," Tommy shook his head. "I'm fine, Liz. I'll be fine."
"I'm here, Tommy," Elizabeth said in a small voice. "You know that."
"Aye," Tommy nodded. "I know."
They lapsed into silence then as Elizabeth closed her eyes and fell to sleep. Tommy finally felt her breathing settle into a steady rhythm as she rolled off of him and onto her side. He moved slowly, his arm going to drape over her waist as he tried to find sleep, knowing that he had a big week ahead of him.
….
A/N: Do let me know what you think!
