1929 – 2 Years Later
Sitting in the open field, Elizabeth Shelby kept her eyes closed as she exhaled a shaky breath. She opened them after a moment, looking to the distance. She felt a sense of aching inside of her as she reached for the small metallic bottle she had brought with her. Unscrewing the cap off the top, she placed the bottle to her lips and tilted her head back, gulping loudly as she closed her eyes. She shivered at the taste of the whiskey and placed the bottle back into the pocket of the red coat she wore.
Wrapping her arms around herself, she closed her eyes once again and thought back over the past two years, wondering how time had passed so quickly. Her daughter had grown taller and wiser, reaching the age of seven. She was turning into a stubborn creature when she wanted to be one, insisting that she knew more than she actually did. Elizabeth did not doubt that she knew things, but there were still so many things that Elizabeth tried to keep from her daughter to protect her. Her love and adoration for Charlotte grew stronger with each passing day, especially since they had suffered so much loss.
Opening her eyes, Elizabeth looked over to the campsite, turning her head to the side to see her husband returning. She looked away then, finding herself unable to look at Tommy for a few moments as he dismounted from his horse and made his way to Johnny Dogs who was burying the horse that Tommy had been forced to put down. Explaining to Charlotte why he had had to shoot the horse had been difficult and Elizabeth had watched him have to do it with tact and sensitivity, something that Tommy usually lacked.
Elizabeth didn't move as she heard Charlotte squeal for her father, running towards him. He bent down, scooping her into his arms as she wrapped her own limbs around his neck. He pecked her on the cheek as Frances greeted him and he looked around, still holding his daughter. Searching for his wife, Tommy's eyes roamed over the greenery as he finally let his eyes settle on her.
Tommy sighed loudly as he saw her turn away, moving to clasp her arms around her kneecaps, her chin resting on her arms as she peered into the distance.
"How long as she been there?" Tommy asked Frances.
"She went as soon as you left," Frances responded, not entirely comfortable with talking about Mrs Shelby to Mr Shelby. She knew what had happened over the past few years. She had a front row seat to all of it, watching as Elizabeth and Tommy's relationship became strained.
"Mummy is sad again," Charlotte said and Tommy tightened his grip around his daughter as she looked into him. Her eyes were almost the same as his, but the stare she had was just like her mother's.
Tommy was about to speak to his daughter again, but the noise of a car approaching made it difficult. His attention was diverted as he handed Charlotte back to Frances, his maid taking hold of the little girl and putting her down, holding her hand. Frances turned her head over her shoulder to look back to Mrs Shelby, seeing her still peering into the distance, clearly having no interest in what was happening at the campsite.
Tommy moved forwards, hands by his side as his brother climbed from his vehicle, head shaking back and forth. "You weren't in the office," Arthur's gruff voice spoke. "You weren't at 'ome, but this can't wait. If I told yer, yer wouldn't believe me anyway. So I 'ad to show yer."
Handing Tommy a newspaper, Arthur watched his brother peer down onto the broadsheet, reading the headline about the Wall Street Stock Market Crash. Tommy shook his head and pointed at the paper.
"I warned Michael about this on Friday," he said, looking to Arthur who seemed to squirm under his intense gaze, unable to hold his eye. He turned away as he spoke, his voice a mutter.
"Michael…said he was advised by the broker that it would rebound. He said that they were all told that and so he didn't do anythin'. He 'eld on."
"He 'eld on?" Tommy checked.
"He did," Arthur responded.
Tommy looked around and felt bile rise in his throat. He shook his head, unable to comprehend what he was hearing. Michael held on. He had held on. Tommy had told him to do the opposite, but he had ignored him. He hadn't listened. Folding the paper in half, Tommy looked to his daughter for a brief moment as she watched him hesitantly, wondering what was going on in his mind as she held Frances's hand inside of her small one. Tommy kept muttering under his breath how Michael had held on and ignored him, cursing Pol's son.
He looked to the distance and saw Elizabeth finally looking at him. He didn't know how well she could see him, but he shook his head and turned away. Elizabeth sighed and moved to her feet, sensing that something was wrong as soon as she noted Arthur's car. As she walked towards the group, she kept her hand in her pocket, holding the hip flask as her fingers shook around it. She tried to control her breathing as she heard Tommy scream, his voice full of anger and rage.
"What do I 'ave to do to get people to fuckin' listen to me, eh?"
Elizabeth almost rolled her eyes at hearing him, wondering what he was angry about now, but she resisted the urge. Moving closer, she half expected Tommy to do something or say something, but he did neither of those things. He began walking away, shouting instructions at Arthur as he climbed onto his horse and left. Elizabeth frowned before entering the group as Tommy galloped off.
Looking to Frances, she arched a brow. "What happened?"
"The stock market has crashed," Frances said as Arthur yelled after Tommy. "Mr Shelby needed time to think. He called a board meeting for tomorrow."
"What?" Elizabeth snapped and Charlotte recoiled at her mother's harsh tone, not entirely understanding what was going on. Elizabeth looked to Arthur as he ran a hand through his hair and tugged on it. "Arthur! What the hell is Michael playing at?"
"He was given bad advice," Arthur said as Elizabeth's hands dropped to her hips.
"Bad advice?" she snarled. "Tommy told him to deal with this on Friday. He had warning. He knew this was going to happen!"
"He was told the market would bounce back."
"I don't care what he was told. He works for the Shelby company. He works for Tommy. He does what Tommy says."
"And that's all any of us do, isn't it, Liz?" Arthur responded, arms flapping by his side. "We all just do as Tommy Shelby MP says."
"Has Linda been in your ear again, Arthur?" Elizabeth asked him, hip tilted out as she held her chin up, fed up with hearing from Linda all of the time about how Tommy used his family to do his dirty work. "Is that it? Has she been spouting her bullshit once again?"
"At least she talks to me, eh?" Arthur said and Elizabeth frowned.
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"We all know what 'appened," Arthur said to her. "We can see what is goin' on between yer and Tommy."
Elizabeth shook her head defiantly. "You have no idea what you are talking about."
"Yer can 'ardly stand to look at 'im," Arthur said to her, stepping closer to her as he spoke, having some decency not to yell at her at in front of her daughter who was clinging onto Frances and looking concerned. "And don't pretend yer not holdin' onto that hip flask in yer pocket. Yer reek of alcohol."
Elizabeth had the decency to turn away then, shame taking hold of her and turning her cheeks red as Arthur continued to glare at her. She gulped once and looked to her daughter, knowing that the little girl knew something. Charlotte was not dense, nor was she blind. The shame continued to build in Elizabeth as she turned around and looked to Johnny Dogs.
"I need a horse," she said to him.
"Where are yer off to?" Johnny asked, but had already whistled for someone to bring a horse.
"I need to find my husband."
"He'll have ran off. It will get dark soon, yer 'ave no chance of finding 'im," he responded.
"I know where he will be," Elizabeth said as she climbed onto the creature, trying to remain graceful. She hadn't rode a horse in a while, but she could remember the basics of what to do. Looking to Frances, she didn't dare turn her gaze to Charlotte, fear taking hold of her. "Have the driver take both you and Charlotte home, Frances."
"Mrs Shelby, I have to insist that-"
"-I will be fine," Elizabeth interrupted her maid's worries. "Just take Charlotte home."
Elizabeth rode off before anyone else could protest, the wind blowing against her and staining her cheeks a deeper shade of red. Her hair began to fall from its bun, wisps of it falling into her face as she entered the woodland and followed the track. Following it, she let her horse slow down as darkness began to fall. When she came to the great oak tree, she deviated from the path, heading further into the wood and closer to the lake's edge. She saw smoke billowing from the treeline and she nodded, knowing exactly where she was.
Climbing down from the horse, she tied the creature to the tree, making sure it wouldn't go far before petting it softly on the head. She closed her eyes for a second, thinking back to the last time she had been here.
"It's just goin' to be us four, alright? Nothin' else will ever matter, I promise yer that."
Shaking away that memory, she blinked back the tears and wandered into the trees, seeing her husband sat with his back to the lake, leaning forwards with his hands clasped, leather gloves enclosing his fingers. Elizabeth wrapped her arms around herself, almost as if to warm her body up. She sniffed and held her head high.
"Arthur told me what happened," she said to Tommy and he picked his head up and peered over to her, examining her as she sat down on the fallen trunk next to his, crouching onto it. "Michael didn't listen to you."
"He's fucked us up," Tommy said to her. "He's fucked the company up."
"Will we survive?"
Tommy nodded once. "I put enough money to the side for us," he said to his wife. "And we 'ave our other businesses."
"Ah," Elizabeth mumbled, thinking to his other businesses. She had taken a back seat in the business over the past two years, growing increasingly disinterested with what was going on in Tommy's businesses. She knew that he still had the illegal ones, but she didn't delve into that. Tommy Shelby MP was a powerful man, but even more dangerously, he was clever. He was too clever to be caught.
"Business will be fine in the end, I'll think of a plan," Tommy told her.
"Good," Elizabeth said. "We should get back to the house."
Moving to her feet, Elizabeth had hoped that Tommy would follow her, but he seemed to have other ideas. He remained seated as he spoke, eyes bearing into the back of her head.
"But I don't 'ave a plan for us," he said, voice low and level.
Turning her head over her shoulder, her eyes widened as Tommy shrugged.
"What's goin' on, Liz?"
"What do you mean?"
Tommy arched a brow.
"So you are goin' to be like that," he mused.
"Be like what?"
"Be like 'ow you 'ave been for months," Tommy said, his voice growing irate. "Yer can barely stand to look at me. Yer don't even let me touch yer and don't think I don't know about the drinkin', Liz. Since when did yer even drink? Yer never touched the stuff and now yer carry that hip flask with yer everywhere yer bloody go!"
"So…so you think I have a drinking problem?" she stammered.
"That's the thing, I don't know because yer don't talk to me!" Tommy snapped and moved to his feet. "Is it me, Liz? Do yer just not love me anymore?"
"What?" Elizabeth asked, absolutely appalled.
"I don't know," Tommy shrugged again, arms staying out by his side. "Yer don't look at me the same as yer used to. Yer can't stand me, Liz. Have yer met someone else? Is it that?"
"No, of course not," Elizabeth said, her heart breaking at hearing him.
"I could 'andle it, Liz. I just need the truth."
"It's not you, it's me," Liz finally snapped, pointing a hand to her chest. Tommy saw tears begin to run down her cheeks as she doubled over, almost as though she was in pain. "It's me, Tommy. All of it…everything that has happened is because I hate…I hate what I have done. I hate what has happened and I know it is my fault. I can't give you what you want and it is killing me inside. I feel nothing but pain…I feel lost…I hate this stuff," Elizabeth said, pulling the hip flask out and throwing it to the side. "I hate the taste of it, but it helps numb me. For a while it takes away that pain. It makes me forget that I fucked everything up. I fucked us up."
Tommy listened as his wife ranted, tears now blotting her cheeks as she fell back to the log, heaving and gasping for breath as Tommy knelt down in front of her, brows knitted together as confusion took hold of him and he wondered what she was going on about.
"Liz," he spoke, reaching for her hands as she looked down to the ground, still struggling for breath. "Liz, come on," he coaxed her. "Just take some deep breaths."
She did as he had suggested, inhaling and exhaling sharply as he moved a hand to her shoulder, almost seeming to guide her as she regained her composure. Her tears stopped falling and Tommy squeezed the hand he held, his fingers clenching around hers.
"Talk to me," Tommy urged from his wife and she sniffed, shaking her head and letting out a hollow laugh.
"What is there to say?" she asked from him.
Tommy let go of her hands, peeling his gloves from his fingers and tossing them onto the fire. He moved to sit down next to her, his hand going back to hers and his fingers lacing gently through hers.
"Liz," he sighed her name, "after everything that has happened…I need to know. I need to know that you are still mine…still my Liz…"
"But I'm not," she said to him, managing to look over to him, her eyes meeting his. "I'm not the woman you married…the woman who can give you what you want. You were so happy, Tommy…so happy when you found out I was pregnant again and then I…I ruined it for you. I ruined it again."
"Liz-"
"-No," she interrupted him. "You want the truth, Tommy, well here it is. I cannot stand to be in the same room of you because I…because I was scared that you were the one who couldn't stand me…because every time you looked at me, you looked at me like I was broken…like I needed protecting when it wasn't me who needed protecting, was it? I was the one who was supposed to be protecting our baby and I couldn't do that. I…two miscarriages…and then to be told that I can never have another child…I can't give you what you want. I couldn't look after our babies because of my body. I fucked up…"
"No," Tommy said sternly, his hand going to her cheek to force her to look him in the eye as she began to cry again. Tommy only wished that they had had this conversation months ago. Could he have helped her? Could he have saved her all of this pain? All this time he thought it was him. He thought that he had been the one to mess up, but their relationship was struggling because of a lack of communication.
"I can't do this," Elizabeth said, looking to her husband. "You brought me here all those months ago and you…Tommy, I had never seen you look so happy."
"I was," Tommy promised his wife. "I was 'appy, Liz, but why would you think I would resent yer?"
"I…deep down I don't think that," she admitted to him. "Deep down I know that, but it is almost like I want you to resent me because I resent myself, Tommy, I really do. I should be able to give you another child."
"Liz, no," Tommy said in a gentle whisper. "I don't think that. You and Charlotte, yer everythin' I need. I would 'ave loved our children, but never ever think that I resent you for what 'appened. I am 'ere to be with you….to 'elp yer…you always told me not to keep secrets, didn't yer?"
"I know," she admitted. "I know it is hypocritical, but every time I think of what could have been it just hurts. It hurts and I am struggling, Tommy."
"Christ, Liz," Tommy said in a small voice, moving to wrap his arms around his wife, pulling her against him as both of her arms clung onto one of his, her cheek resting in the crook of his neck as his chin rested on top of her head. "I know it 'urts. I know that…but what 'appened was not your fault. None of it was yer fault. Yer 'ave to know that."
"It doesn't feel like that," she whispered. "Having to tell Charlotte the second time was so hard and she…she was excited…hoped that she would have a sibling."
"She is young," Tommy whispered back. "She is a little girl. She is resilient and she has us, doesn't she? She 'as us."
"I know," Elizabeth mumbled.
"I love yer, Liz, alright? Nothin' is ever goin' to change that and never think that it will," Tommy urged from her. "Yer didn't mess anythin' up. None of this was yer fault. Yer need to stop blamin' yerself before…before it 'urts too much."
Elizabeth scoffed then, peering to look up to her husband. "Is this coming from you? Tommy, you know I know about that medicine you have been taken."
Tommy looked away again and nodded. "Seems we've both been keepin' things from each other, aye?" Tommy responded and she went back to resting her head in the crook of his neck. "I love yer, Liz. I will always love yer and we'll get through this together, okay? We'll get through it together."
Elizabeth nodded as she felt him kiss the top of her head and she closed her eyes, uncertain of whether or not she believed him.
….
A/N: Moving onto the new season. Let me know what you think!
