Standing on the balcony, Elizabeth inhaled the fresh sea air. Closing her eyes for a few moments, she pulled her red cardigan tighter around herself, crumpling the white blouse she wore tucked into her red skirt. She could hear seagulls chirping away, the noise almost soothing to her as she enjoyed the peace and quiet.
"You know he will come looking for you."
Opening her eyes, Elizabeth's fantasy disappeared as she heard him speak. Raking a hand through her hair, she tossed it over her shoulder before moving back into the living room, letting her eyes adjust to the darker space before they settled on the man on the chair in the corner.
"I know," she responded to him and went to sit in the chair opposite, collapsing into it and folding one leg over the other.
He arched a brow as he watched her. "Do you want him to?"
Elizabeth looked away then, chewing the inside of her cheek while her gaze went back outside, noticing how a ship was passing on the river. He observed her intently, his stare inquisitive as he wondered what was going on in the young woman's head. Elizabeth Shelby had always been a mystery to him.
"Why did yer come 'ere, Liz, hmm?"
"You wrote a letter to us," Elizabeth reminded him, looking back at him. "I thought that Tommy had killed you. I wanted to see with my own eyes that you were not dead."
"Now that is flattering, really. I thought you hated me," he responded, hand on his chest as Elizabeth scoffed and leaned back, letting her head fall back against the cushion as she closed her eyes for a second.
"Don't flatter yourself," she replied and shot him a glower. "I still remember what you did."
"I never knew about yer daughter," he continued to protest. "How is she anyway? She must be growing up now?"
"She is at school. She is six going on seven soon," Elizabeth responded. "She is growing up too quickly."
"And no other kids?"
Elizabeth said nothing, her gaze dropping to her stomach as she shook her head and sniffed. Looking back to him, she gulped and did her best to gather herself together. "I miscarried…twice," Elizabeth said. "Since the last time, we stopped trying for another child. The doctor said that would be for the best. I…well…I was not well last time."
"Sorry to hear that," he said and she suspected that he was being honest. He was usually honest and not worried about showing his emotions. "So where is yer daughter?"
"With our maid, Frances," Elizabeth said. "I left her back at the hotel I checked into last night. I thought that I would come and see with my own eyes that you were actually alive."
"Yer," he said. "Yer husband's a shit shot."
Elizabeth rolled her eyes and switched one leg over the other. "Alfie, you have another chance at living," she said to him. "Besides, it is nice down here. It is quiet and peaceful. Everyone thinks you are dead. It sounds…almost idyllic."
"Don't be jealous of this, Liz," Alfie urged from her. "It is boring. Trust me, it is fucking boring. I sometimes shoot at the side of the ships passing by just for some entertainment."
"Alfie!" she scolded him and he chuckled.
"What?" he asked her. "I can't come out of hiding now. I'm like some messiah, Liz. I 'ear they are goin' to build a status in my honour at the bakery in Camden."
"What a grand statement," Elizabeth responded. "So this is it then, is it? Your plan is to sit out of everything and stay here?"
"There are some people who know I am alive," Alfie informed her. "But the fewer people who know then the better it is for business, if you know what I mean?"
"I suspect so," Elizabeth said to him and she leaned forward, clasping her hands together. "You know that one of Tommy's men has your dog? Cyril…Tommy couldn't leave him on that beach."
"Is he being looked after?"
"Bobby loves him," Elizabeth said. "I am surprised you don't want him back though."
"No, it is best for him to think I am dead," Alfie said to her. "Besides, I might be soon enough due to bloody boredom."
"Don't say that," she urged of him and went to stand on her feet. "Anyway, I should get going. I have to go back and check on Charlotte. I promised her a walk along the beach this afternoon."
"And when Tommy comes, which we know he will, what do yer want me to tell 'im?"
Elizabeth went quiet then, her voice soft and gentle. She didn't know what she wanted to say. She didn't know the answer to that question. She had been angry with Tommy when she had packed a case and left. She had made sure that they had gone before Tommy got home. She didn't want to see him. She didn't want to look at him and listen to his reassurances. She was growing tired of them. She was growing tired of everything. She had tried her best to put up with everything, remembering all of Tommy's promises in the past. He always promised that this would be the last time. He always promised that they would be safe and sound. But then something always came up. He always got himself involved in something.
"He…tell him that I am fine."
"But not where you are?"
Elizabeth rolled her eyes. "He will know where I am," she responded. "He has men watching us at all times. He has connections everywhere. I left the letter you sent on his desk. He will have found it and he will be on his way…besides, I asked Aberama Gold to drive us to the station for the train down here."
"Why are yer still with 'im?" Arthur asked her. "I remember that that young woman in London who I first met. All she wanted was to live in peace with her young husband. Do yer still want that?"
"I…" Elizabeth trailed off. "I like the fact that my husband is powerful and ambitious," she admitted and looked back outside. "It…well…it is a great feeling. It makes me so proud of him when I see the legitimate businesses he has, but they are never enough. He always has to push it one step further. He always has to go further and risk everything we have with these ridiculous illegal ventures and feuds. They're the bits I don't like. They're the bits that scare me and he knows that, but he won't give any of it up."
"He is a man of opportunity," Alfie said to her. "It isn't enough for him. The businesses aren't enough for him…he wants that thrill. He lives for that thrill."
"And he has a wife and daughter who need him," Elizabeth responded. "I would give all of it up. I would be happy living in Small Heath and working…earning a living…giving up all of the luxuries if it meant that I could have him and Charlotte safe."
"And he doesn't feel the same?"
Elizabeth shrugged. "He claims that he does," she said, "but he has never had to make that choice, has he?"
"So yer want 'im to make that choice?"
"I don't know what I want," Elizabeth said and shrugged into her coat. "When he comes here then tell him that I am fine and Charlotte is safe."
"How long are you staying in Margate?"
"For a couple of days," Elizabeth said to him. "I have to go back. Charlotte has school."
"Well, don't be a stranger then," Alfie said and Elizabeth smiled for a moment and nodded her head.
"Look after yourself, Alfie."
"You too, Liz. You too."
….
Walking along the beach with Charlotte, Elizabeth kept hold of her daughter's hand as she picked up stones on the way. She moved to observe one before Elizabeth bent down, her hand going to hold her daughter's waist as she looked at the stone.
"And what do you have there?"
"It's softer than the others," Charlotte said, observing the stone.
"Is it?" Elizabeth asked her. "And can you skim it on the water?"
"Skim it?"
"It is where the stone bounces on the water," Elizabeth said to her daughter and Charlotte's eyes widened in interest. Elizabeth continued to smile at her daughter as she held her palm out, urging for her to pass her the stone. She did so, handing it over to Elizabeth and dropping it into her palm. Elizabeth stood up and moved to the edge of the water, holding her wrist back before launching the stone and watching it bounced for a few times.
"Wow!" Charlotte exclaimed and Elizabeth chuckled. "Where did you learn how to do that, mummy?"
"When I was a little girl," Elizabeth said, bending down and picking up another stone. "I had a pond at the house where I lived and I used to find stones from the garden and practice. Here," Elizabeth handed her a stone. "You have a go."
"How do I do it?"
"Hold your arm back," Elizabeth said, positioning her daughter to the side. "And you have to flick your wrist very quickly."
Charlotte let go of the rock and it bounced once before dropping into the water. Smiling to her daughter, Elizabeth watched her face light up as she looked to Elizabeth. Charlotte's eyes were beaming and her face lit up.
"It bounced once," she said.
"It did," Elizabeth confirmed. "Come on, let's keep walking and see if we can find some more stones."
"Is daddy going to come and join us?" Charlotte asked her mother and Elizabeth did look away then. Charlotte observed her mother, knowing that something was amiss. She could see it in her mother's gaze.
"Maybe," was all Elizabeth offered. "Daddy is busy with work."
"Are you two fighting?" Charlotte asked her mother.
"No," Elizabeth lied to her daughter, plastering a smile onto her face.
Charlotte chewed her lip for a moment. "I heard you and Aunt Pol saying that daddy had gone too far," the little girl admitted. "What does that mean?"
"Charlotte," Elizabeth sighed her daughter's name and she dropped down to sit on the sand, not caring about sand getting in the pleats of her skirt. Charlotte dropped down next to her as Elizabeth wondered what to tell her. She couldn't know the truth. She couldn't know any of it. She was too young. "Daddy…sometimes daddy has to meet with some very bad men, Charlotte…and I…I worry about him."
"Why does he have to meet them?"
"Because he thinks that he has to stop them."
"Can the police not do that?"
"Not all of the time," Elizabeth responded, uncertain of how she should continue with this discussion. "And I worry about daddy. That is all that has happened, Charlotte. I just wanted to come here…with you and me…and where we could be away from the business for a while."
"Okay," was all that Charlotte said to her other. "But…you still love daddy, don't you?"
"Of course," Elizabeth said, not missing a beat. "I love him so much. I always will do. You don't need to worry about that."
"I just don't want you to leave him. Aunt Pol said you should."
"You should not eavesdrop," Elizabeth said, prodding her daughter's ribs. "But Aunt Pol…well…she was angry. She didn't mean it. I'm not leaving daddy."
"Do you promise?"
"I promise," Elizabeth said, not entirely believing herself as she went to stand up and offered her hand to Charlotte, hauling her to her feet. "Now come on, we can get some fish and chips for the walk home."
"Okay," Charlotte agreed and took hold of her mother's hand, falling into step besides her.
…..
Elizabeth had gone for a walk later in the evening once Charlotte was asleep. It had turned half past seven and the little girl had fallen asleep. She was exhausted from travelling and the sea air. Elizabeth had asked Frances to stay with her and she had decided to go for a walk along the sea front. She wore her thick red coat, her hair tucked into her collar and black gloves on her fingertips.
Wandering along the front, she couldn't help but think how happy people looked. They were smiling and laughing. Couples were happy. There was a young couple wandering arm in arm, beaming at each other and laughing loudly. Another man was with his wife, holding her hand as a little girl ran in front of them. She turned back and urged her grandpa to watch her do a cartwheel and he chuckled at the sight.
Sitting down on a wooden bench, Elizabeth let her thoughts consume her as she folded her hands into her lap. She waited with patience. She sensed his presence before she saw him. She didn't need to turn around to know he was behind her.
"So what?" he demanded from her, voice clearly angry as he moved to sit down next to her on the bench, his hair blowing slightly in the breeze. "Yer ran away without tellin' me and took Charlotte? What the hell did yer think yer were playin' at?"
"Firstly," Elizabeth hissed at him, holding a hand up, "do not talk to me like I am one of you men. I am your wife," her voice was vicious as Tommy watched her. "Secondly, you know damn well where I was. I told Aberama Gold and I left that letter on your desk. Thirdly, I needed time away. I needed time away from Birmingham and I needed time away from you."
"And is this time permanent?"
"I don't know," Elizabeth responded to him. "That is down to you."
"I do what I can for this family," Tommy informed her. "I do what I 'ave to do."
"No, you do not," Elizabeth said. "The illegal businesses…you do not need to do them. You never had to get involved with Mosley, but you chose to do that and a part of me understands that. You see him as a bad man who has to be stopped. He goes against everything you fought for in the war, but this plan…killing him…chances are it will go wrong. We both know that. None of your plans ever go to plan really."
"I have to try," Tommy said.
"No, you don't," Elizabeth shrugged.
"I am not sitting back and letting him do this."
"And that is my point," Elizabeth hissed at him. "You never sit back and let other people do things. You always have to be involved and I am convinced it is going to get you killed one day and I am convinced that if I said to you right now…make a choice…me and Charlotte or everything else…you'd pick everything else."
"How can yer say that?"
"Because we keep going round in circles," Elizabeth shrugged at him. "We always keep going round in circle and I am fed up of it. You promise me that we will be fine and then something else comes up. How many times has that happened, Tommy? The Russians…the Italians…now Mosley…and some of them were forced on you and I know that, but some of those battles you chose. You chose to fight them even though you promised me a quiet life…a safe life."
"Liz, I want that too," Tommy said to her. "I want yer and Charlotte to be safe. I want to be with both of yer…but my mind…it won't let me. It won't let me stop. It will never stop. I 'ave to keep goin'."
"And that is what scares me," Elizabeth said to him, "but what scares me more is that it is going to get you killed…or it is going to get one of us hurt. What if it is Charlotte? Do you think that we could get through anything like that happening?"
"Liz-"
"-No, listen to me," Elizabeth interrupted him, holding her hand up to silence him. "I am serious, Tommy. I have seen you shot. I have seen you hurt. I have seen you suffer and I cannot do it again. I do not want to see you like that. I want you to be happy, but I fear that you will only be happy if you are doing what you do…not if you just had me and Charlotte. I worry that we are not enough."
"Do not say that," Tommy demanded from his wife. "I fell to pieces without yer, Liz. Everythin' went wrong."
"But you need me and the business. I know that I keep you grounded, but have you ever thought about what it has done to me?"
Tommy went silent then, pursing his lips as he remained uncertain of what to say to her.
"I go to bed every night and I am so thankful that you are at home with me," she said. "But then when you go to London…come back…go out on business…I worry. I constantly worry that someone is going to be better than you and that someone is going to throw you off of the throne you so proudly have perched yourself on."
"Liz, I won't let that happen," Tommy said to her.
"You're not listening to me!" Elizabeth snapped at him. "You cannot control everything! You don't have that power! The only way to be safe is to make certain that you stop this…that you give it all up, but like I said, you won't do that and I…I can't keep doing this…pretending everything is fine."
"So what are yer sayin'?"
"I am saying that we have a daughter," she said. "Charlotte…our little girl…she is the only child we have. She is the only pure and innocent thing in our lives and she is my number one priority. I need to protect her. I have to protect her and I am scared for her. I am scared that one day you will get in over your head and she will be taken from us again…but that time we won't get her back. And you can sit there and you can promise me that will never happen. You can hold me and soothe me, but they are just words, Tommy. They are just words and they don't mean anything."
"Liz…don't," Tommy urged his wife. "Where 'as this come from? We were fine the other day. Before I went to London…we were fine."
"I know," Elizabeth said to him. "But after seeing everything that has happened and then that meeting…it brought everything I had been hiding to the surface. It made me think and maybe…maybe Michael is right…I am tired of everything. He went about it the wrong way, I agree, but his point was valid."
"So yer believe him about everythin'? About the miscarriages? They're my fault?"
"I never said that!" Elizabeth snapped. "The miscarriages are my fault, Tommy. I was the one who couldn't protect our children so do not say that to me…do not even go there…"
Moving to her feet, Elizabeth began to walk away from Tommy, but he was quick. Taking hold of her by the arm, he stopped her from moving any further and she turned around to face him as Tommy took hold of her arms.
"I'm sorry," Tommy said to her. "I didn't mean it, Liz…the miscarriage weren't yer fault. None of it was yer fault. I'm sorry."
She looked away from him, but Tommy took hold of her cheek and forced her to look back to him. "What do yer want me to do, Liz?"
"Give it up," Elizabeth begged her husband, her hands going to hold onto his cheeks as she looked him in the eye, searching his gaze as she felt tears form in her own eyes. "Stay here with me and Charlotte in Margate. Stay with us and be a family…the opium…Mosley…the Billy Boys…forget all of them. Forget all of them and be with us."
"Liz," he sighed her name. "One day…one day soon…I promise."
"No," Elizabeth responded with a shake of her head. "Today. This is it, Tommy. This is the ultimatum."
"Yer can't ask me to do that. Everythin' is in place for Mosley, Liz. The plan is ready to go…once that is done then yer can have this, okay? Yer can 'ave anythin' yer want."
Letting go of his cheeks, Elizabeth stepped back from his embrace and shook her head. "Then you have made your decision," she said to him. "I…I am staying with Charlotte for a few days here. When I come back I will pack and-"
"-No," Tommy interrupted her. "No, Liz, don't say that."
"What else is there to say?" she asked him, shrugging her shoulders manically. "You have just made your choice and do you know how I feel?" she asked him, pointing to her chest. "I feel like that stupid, foolish girl who gave you an ultimatum all those years ago and you picked the business over me. You did the same thing then as you have just done now."
"Liz, that isn't what I've done."
"Yes, it is," she snapped viciously at him. "You stood there and you made your choice and I am making mine. I am not doing this anymore. Charlotte comes first. Charlotte will always come first and I am not subjecting her to your life. She deserves better."
"Yer not leavin' me," Tommy said defiantly and Elizabeth scoffed at hearing him. "No, Liz!"
"I am not yours to boss around, Tommy," she snarled back. "Just stay away from me, do you understand? I don't want to talk to you anymore. I don't want to do this anymore."
"No," Tommy said, grabbing hold of her arm again and hauling her back to him, his arms encircling her as she pushed at his chest. "Liz, yer can't do this."
"Let go of me!" she demanded from him. "What? You think you can try to kiss me and make this all better? It isn't going to happen, Tommy. I told you what I wanted and you couldn't give it to me. That is all there is to it. Now let me go…let me go."
"No," Tommy said, a hand going to her hair to tuck it behind her ear. "I can't let yer go, Liz. I can never let yer go."
"You let me go as soon as you have your answer," Elizabeth whispered to him and she felt his grip slacken as she slipped out form his arms and walked backwards and away from him. "We are not doing this right now, Tommy. I need time…I need time…" Turning on her heel, she slipped away from him, wandering away and down the footpath as Tommy stood where he was his lips parted and deep breaths leaving him as he watched her walk away, a tear slowly slipping down his cheek.
….
A/N: Do let me know what you think!
