Somehow, after leaving Konoha in order to redeem himself, he was more adrift than ever. After the war he wanted to stay with Naruto more than anything, but he felt he didn't deserve to, that Sasuke would be no good to his friend as he was. No good to anyone. The guilt that ate at him when he saw the space where the blond's arm used to be assured him of that fact. And then, in a more selfish senseā¦
Sasuke wanted to get away from Konoha as soon as possible. Just being there made him sick, and it was impossible for him to be able to function in a village where the masses lived happily, unknowing of the brutality his family suffered, and why. He couldn't look into the villagers' smiling faces - the ones that rejected Naruto as a child, and to this day never apologized - and sleep soundly at night. He could never feel at home there. It was impossible.
He wondered how Naruto could manage to stay.
And Sasuke would have asked him (and he planned to, when he finally came back from his journey and had things figured out) if he wasn't then so suddenly faced with the news of Naruto's wedding.
Kakashi had summoned him to the Hokage's office as soon as he set foot in the village, and Sasuke accepted the ANBU escort (and he'd noticeda while ago that no one else ever needed an escort, only him, but Kakashi never had anything to say about that) - then was staring at his old sensei as he repeated the words that Sasuke was so sure he'd misheard the first time.
"Naruto is marrying Hyuuga Hinata, this spring." Kakashi told him, eyes smiling like it was good news, "Isn't that nice?"
The words registered, but they didn't make any sense.
Sasuke had just turned on his heel and left.
He didn't stop to see anyone, he just walked out of the village and to the edge of the forest, fist clenched so tightly that he felt the blood pool in his palm where his nails bit into the skin. The need to get away almost suffocated him, and the little that was left of his missing arm throbbed painfully.
Naruto was getting married.
Naruto was marrying Hinata.
Had they always been close? They couldn't be. Naruto told Sasuke everything, and he'd never mentioned her.
Sasuke didn't know. But he knew that for some reason his heart was breaking, and he couldn't articulate why, or why it hurt so bad.
He'd stood at the edge of that dark forest and clenched his jaw as tears escaped his eyes, his expression was carefully blank but his mind up in smoke.
Didn't Naruto promise him that he would - ?
Why would he tie himself to her in such a way? Wasn't Sasuke already his bond? Wasn't that enough? What about what Naruto said at the valley? Why would he need her? How had she somehow stepped between them and - ?
Sasuke didn't even know what he expected between Naruto and himself. But for some reason that he couldn't articulate (or maybe didn't want to, it would hurt too bad), this felt like being abandoned somehow. He'd never tell a living soul that, but it did. Something broke in his chest at the news.
Where had this come from?
Sasuke once again is left standing alone amongst the trees, trying to stop his heart from breaking and crumbling between his fingers like dust.
His whole life felt like that sometimes.
When the time comes he sends him one small, folded paper.
'Congratulations.'
Sasuke can't say Suna has changed, simply because he's never been there. He's never had cause to visit, and he's never had reason to find himself in the desert at all. There is nothing in Suna that interests him, thus when he sets foot in the village that day, it's for the first time.
He doesn't know what he expects, but for some reason the busyness of the village somewhat surprises him, though his face remains the same mask of indifference it always is. The place always seemed like it would be completely quiet, abandoned like the desert itself. But the village was bustling and borderline hectic. Sasuke was forced to keep close to buildings in an effort to not stand out more than he already did. His black cloak was clearly not the common garment worn here, and various people rush about, all dressed spectacularly colorfully - small children in bright yellow and pink kimonos and adults in vivid teals to deep greens and blues. Flora adorns the sandy colored buildings, pots of plantlife hung all about, other buildings covered in vines and flowers.
Interesting. How did such leafy plants survive here? How did they keep them from being scorched by the desert sun? How did they keep them hydrated?
He gets about twenty steps towards the marketplace before he's stopped by a cloud of sand that seemingly billows in from nowhere.
Sasuke pauses and looks to the cloud before him, sensing a chakra signature he hasn't felt in a very long time. He tenses, readying himself for the inevitably loaded and snippy exchange they're no doubt about to have. Naruto's other Kage friends didn't often waste energy on being civil to Sasuke if Naruto himself wasn't present.
Just because he was used to it doesn't mean he looked forward to it, and the Kazekage was the closest to Naruto of all of the current village leaders.
Gaara materializes slowly and calmly, his eyes on Sasuke and his expression as blank as ever. Soon he's tangible and solid - all red hair and green eyes - right in front of him, just blinking at him. Several ANBU nin run up to the Kazekage's side, somehow looking stressed and hurried even behind their masks. They're clearly just escorting the Kazekage around the village (and a few years ago he'd heard Naruto laugh about how Gaara was required by his council to keep ANBU with him, as he had a habit of running off without telling anyone where he would be. Naruto seemed fondly amused by his odd, red-haired friend, and Sasuke was barely listening at the time, but the memory surfaces now), but Sasuke isn't paying them any mind.
The man's hair is a lot less messy, and a lot more like he's discovered a comb, and he's only the smallest bit taller than when Sasuke last saw him, which was after the war all those years ago. Eight years, to be more precise. Seven, maybe?
It barely looks like the man has gotten older at all.
Sasuke's had at least one growth spurt since then, but Gaara certainly has not , still standing at the same height the Uchiha remembers. Interesting.
All in all, the man looked pretty much the same. Same pale, young looking face and steely green eyes. Same dark circles, too. Same blank expression.
"Uchiha Sasuke." He greets, "It's been a long time."
Sasuke braces himself before he responds, apprehensive and hesitant.
"It has."
"I figured it would be polite to greet you, at least - before letting you go on your way. Feel free to stay as long as you like and take what you need." He says simply, before turning and walking off abruptly.
Sasuke blinks, watching the Kazekage's retreating back.
Well. Gaara is still strange, then. At least time hasn't changed that.
Sasuke's not one for small talk himself.
The ANBU hurry to follow their Kazekage - barely sparing Sasuke a glance - while Sasuke wonders why he feels the mild stirring of something that feels a bit like confusion.
Gaara isn't having anyone watch him.
As much as Naruto's fellow kage claimed to trust Sasuke when Naruto was around, they still had ANBU tailing him whenever he stopped in their villages for supplies during his travels. Hence why he stopped doing so long ago, and stuck to smaller villages.
But...he looks around, mismatched eyes scanning sandy rooftops and roads behind him.
No one. No one's watching him, not even covertly. Gaara was letting Sasuke wander about completely unwatched. He's truly left to his own devices. The man had truly just come to greet him and then disappear.
And Sasuke doesn't know what to make of that.
He gathers what he needs and leaves. He refuses to think about it.
