Sasuke lingers outside the door of Gaara's office - unsure if he even wants to go in. What would he even say? What was there to say to Naruto at this point?

Instead, he listens to them talk, and tries not to feel like he's hiding.

He can catch the middle of their conversation once the advisers leave. He hears Shikamaru and Kankuro chatting as they walk down the hall, and he leans against the door, trying to understand why he feels so hesitant to be present for this conversation. Eventually they'd scent him outside the door, but until then…

Sasuke was simply happy to be a bystander for the moment.

"So, have you come to yell?" Gaara says, and he sounds tired even to Sasuke's ears. He can imagine the look on Gaara's face. His eyes grew duller when he was tired.

"I'm...not mad, actually." Naruto says, "It's more the elders hassling me than anything. I never liked the guy. I never wanted to let him go...it's just...yanno."

"Then why did you let them make that decision? Especially if you know how dangerous he is? We both do, Naruto. Sasuke does too."

Naruto silence means he feels properly chastised and guilty.

"Has he...said anything about maybe what happened with Orochimaru? I...I just…"

Gaara gives him a look of raw confusion, "Why would he tell me anything that he hasn't told you? You're his best friend. I'm just...here."

Is...that what Gaara thought? He was just another person of many in Sasuke's life? Why did that make Sasuke angry, all of a sudden?

"I don't think that's true." Naruto frowns, "He doesn't tell me anything anymore. He just...doesn't say anything. I hear he's here all the time, now. He smells like you, too. I'm pretty sure he talks to you more than he talks to me these days."

"That can't be right." Gaara says.

Sasuke clenches his fist.

"Anyway, thanks for...taking care of the Orochimaru situation. You shouldn't have had to, but...still."

"You need to stand up to them." Gaara says, "What's the point of being Hokage if you just roll over whenever they demand something? How are you any better than Hiruzen?"

"I... it's not that simple." Naruto argues, "You don't understand-"

"Bullshit." Gaara snaps, "I understand better than anyone, and you know that."

He hears Naruto sigh, and that's when he finally opens the door and steps inside. Both Kage quiet and Gaara looks away, clearly angry at the blond. Gaara's sand climbs the walls, agitated.

"Oh. Sasuke! Hey, you're...here." Naruto says, and gives Gaara a look that says 'See? He's always here' .

Gaara simply rolls his eyes at the Hokage, sitting down at his desk with a huff.

"Yeah." Sasuke says dully, already exhausted.

"Uh, yanno... Sarada misses you. And Sakura-chan's been wondering where you've been." Naruto says, "To the point where she's been asking me about it. Heh, I don't really know what to tell her."

Sasuke frowns, immediately annoyed at the mention of Haruno. But his heart clenches at the mention of his daughter, longing hitting him square in the chest.

Sarada.

"Hn."

"Yanno, Sakura? Your wife?" Naruto says pointedly, and Sasuke feels his irritation flare.

"I get it." Sasuke snaps at him, venom in his voice.

Gaara looks between them, clearly uncomfortable and surprised. His scent goes acrid, and the room fills with it, the usually sweet scent going dull. It startles Sasuke and Naruto frowns, tearing his eyes from Sasuke to look at Gaara in confusion and concern.

"Gaara? Hey, what-"

"I will...give you two a few moments to talk." Gaara says, turning towards the door. Sasuke feels a bit of panic at the thought of Gaara leaving, and the sight of him walking out the door makes his stomach turn something fierce. His scent lingers in the room, but all he can smell now is Naruto and his hesitance.

Why did Gaara leave? Did Sasuke do something? Was he upset? What happened?

"I won't be back in the Leaf for a while." Sasuke says, staring after Gaara with a frown. He wants to go after him. Ask what's wrong...

"What? Why?" Naruto asks, clearly getting agitated, "What the hell could you possibly be doing here? And since when were you and Gaara spending so much time together?"

"Will you let me talk?" Sasuke snaps, annoyed, "I'm the new liason between Suna and Konoha. Gaara's sister resigned, so I said I'd do it."

"A liason?" Naruto repeats, "Where the hell is this coming from? You know you'd have to stay here then, right?"

"I'm aware."

Naruto gives him that confused look he does sometimes, like he doesn't know what Sasuke is saying. The blond goes quiet, frowning.

"I'm...tired." Sasuke says, and it feels like ripping open a lightly scabbed wound, saying these words to Naruto. But it's true.

"I just...need someplace to rest." He says, looking away. He could say a lot of things. That if he keeps going like how he was he'll take his sword to his own neck. How often he's thought about it. How Suna is the only place where that thought doesn't cross his mind.

That he doesn't want to come back to Konoha. That he doesn't want to see the village where his clan once lived happily, until it all fell apart. That he doesn't care about the Will Of Fire, or whatever nonsense Naruto spouted. Not anymore. That he couldn't keep doing this.

That truthfully, he was afraid of himself, and the thoughts he had when he was alone. Awful things he wanted to do to himself. How he loathed waking up more often than not.

He didn't want to live in a place where children have to run about with kunai strapped to their pouches.

That he didn't want to leave the scent of roses and Earth behind. That he desperately needed someplace where he could breathe.

He could say all of that, but all at once Sasuke feels so tired. Tired and begging his friend for any bit of reprieve. Any at all.

Just this one, small mercy. He knew he didn't deserve it. Sasuke knew he didn't deserve to be alive- he just….he doesn't know.

He couldn't go back to how he was. Not after tasting relief and contentment. He'd die. And for the first time in years... Sasuke doesn't want to die. He wants...he wants…

He doesn't know what he wants. But this is the closest he's gotten to wanting anything.

"But...here? I mean…" Naruto frowns, "It's nice, but I just don't see why you'd choose the Sand. Everyone is at home, yanno? And Gaara could visit if you guys are so close now-"

Sasuke says nothing, and Naruto sighs, clearly disappointed by Sasuke's lack of communication. But he has little else to say. Naruto could ramble to himself if he wanted, but Sasuke wouldn't go back and forth with him like they did when they were children. He was too tired.

But the blond obviously sees something on Sasuke's face that makes him pause. The Hokage suddenly looks startled.

"Okay." He says eventually, "Fine. I can….tell the elders...something."

"I want Sarada."

The words are out of his mouth before he can really think about them, but he doesn't take them back. What was there to think about? He wants his daughter. He wants her with him. He's wanted that for a while. Years.

"Oh, we can ask Sakura and Sarada to move-"

"Not Sakura. Just my daughter." He says, "I want her with me."

"...Are you and Sakura fighting or something? Because I'm sure you guys can work it out-"

"I just want Sarada. Tell Sakura whatever you need to. I just want my daughter."

"O-okay. I guess I can- what's going on, yanno?" Naruto asks, obviously puzzled. He scratches his neck, lost.

"Nothing." Sasuke says, "I just want these two things."

"I...I guess I can figure it out…" Naruto stammers, "But...eh, are you sure?"

"I'm sure."


When Sasuke leaves the room he has Naruto's word that he'd send a letter with word about when Sarada could be brought to Suna, and he's a bit surprised it was so easy. He expected...more trouble, he guesses.

But the way Naruto looked at him…

Sasuke hasn't looked in the mirror for a while. Did he really look that pitiful that even Naruto could see how weary he was? How at the end of his own rope he was?

Maybe. He certainly felt like death sometimes. Less so lately, but...

Where was Gaara? He'd been following his scent for at least fifteen minutes, but he couldn't find him. He wanders around the mansion for a bit, and then he's back at the sand pits.

Gaara stands by the railing, leaning over and looking at the village. It's lit up and still busy, though the night is well underway. People pouring out of restaurants and pubs, walking home from work and previous engagements that preoccupy their evenings.

Gaara is so still, once again. His scent has returned to normal. Sasuke can tell, even with chilly the wind picking up.

"You should go inside. It's getting cold." Sasuke says, getting the omega's attention. The village is quietly chattering below them, voices of Suna all blending together in a single hum.

Gaara turns to look at him, and then back at the village below.

"Maybe."

"You okay?"

"I'm fine." He says, "A ritual for new liasons from other villages will be held tomorrow. You should sleep."

He can tell the man is changing the subject. Avoiding talking about himself once again.

Sasuke was starting to notice how often he did that.

"Ceremony?"

"A sort of welcoming ritual. It's small." Gaara says, before he frowns, "It does involve having to drink, though."

Sasuke shrugs. At this point, he didn't care.

"It's fine. Anything I should know?"

Gaara shook his head, "Just do what I do."

"Easy enough."

"It won't be long. The day after Matsuri will find you to help make your arrangements."

"Arrangements."

"Help you pick someplace to live, show you around. Things like that."

"Hn."

They don't say anything more, and Sasuke wants to ask Gaara about why he left when Naruto was here, but he doesn't know if that would go over well. Sasuke never used to bother about whether the person he spoke to was uncomfortable with what he said it not, and all of a sudden he cared. It was new. Strange. He didn't know how to say what was on his mind.

Gaara offers his guest room again, and Sasuke tries not to notice his own mood souring at the idea that this was his last night in Gaara's apartment. He'd have his own place after tomorrow. A place that smells different.

He accepts and they part ways in Gaara's living room, and Sasuke settles down in Gaara's home once more, all the questions he had for the omega still swirling in his head.


He wakes to sunshine and the birds singing as usual, the temperature of the room rising as the sun does. He lies there for a while, head blissfully empty for a while. He stares at the ceiling and just breathes.

The fact that returning to Konoha isn't hanging over his head for the moment is relieving.

He wanders into the kitchen not too long after, and he finds a plate of breakfast steaming on the table, a small note folded next to the plate. He'd be retrieved for the ceremony at sundown, and Gaara was in meetings all day until then.

Sasuke takes in Gaara's neat handwriting, slightly disappointed that he wouldn't be able to see the other man until the ceremony.

He spends the day reading and sleeping, feeling oddly lazy, but...content.

It's Kankuro that comes to get him when it's time, and it's such a short distance to the mansion's ceremony room that Sasuke finds himself a bit surprised. Kankuro ushers him inside and then waves, turning to leave.

The room is large and round - the sunset spilling through the open door that overlooks the village - and Gaara's seated at a small table right in front of the door, kneeling and looking at Sasuke as he enters.

He's not the only one. There are four older looking people in robes standing at either side of the table, overseeing them.

Sasuke heads toward the table, trying not to stare at how the setting sun settles over Gaara's hair. The robed elders nod at him, and he moves to the place across from the Kazekage.

He kneels in front of Gaara, and watches him carefully take the sake cup and pour some for Sasuke, then himself. His movements are practiced and careful. Graceful, even. Sasuke just stares at him, a bit entranced. The room is so quiet that Sasuke finds himself almost surprised by it.

They loop their arms together and drain their glasses (At least it doesn't taste too bad. Very strong, sure. But not like rat poison, like most sake.), bow and Sasuke signs the scroll, and that's it.

Gaara wasn't lying. It was indeed quick.

The ritual leaders bow and leave, and suddenly the room feels less suffocating, with just the two of them.

It's quiet for a moment, before Gaara speaks.

"I told you it was quick."

"You did."

Sasuke feels the alcohol hit his system all at once, and he feels himself start to flush. He rarely drank, and was unused to the effects of the sake.

In other words, Sasuke was a lightweight. His training taught him to fight against several sorts of toxins and poisons, but alcohol had somehow not been something Sasuke felt he needed to build a tolerance for.

Mistake. The room was going blurry at the edges. Sasuke felt his head get light. Strange.

Judging by the flush on Gaara's face, he's pretty affected by the drink as well, cheeks red with obvious intoxication though his face is as blank as ever. Sasuke tugs a hand through his hair, unsure what to do with his hand, and he feels the absence of his other arm so much more starkly now. It's so strange.

Sasuke doesn't even really remember ever drinking before, now that he thinks about it.

"Sasuke? Are you alright?"

"Hn?" Sasuke grunts, "Oh. Yeah. Just…I don't drink."

Gaara nods, "Ah. Well, it is particularly strong. I don't know why. But it's tradition."

"It's fine. I'll be fine." Sasuke says. Gaara looks just as unsteady as he is. The man did mention he barely drank.

Gaara looks at him for a long moment, brows furrowed. He looks concerned. Incredibly so. The omega doesn't speak for a moment, but when he does it's hesitant.

"Naruto mentioned you were married." Gaara says, blinking at Sasuke, "I didn't know. I don't mean to take you from your family. Will your wife be alright with you staying here?"

"Who cares." Sasuke says quickly, stomach twisting at the thought of his marriage. He didn't like to think about it. It felt wrong, being married. Well, maybe not being married, but to her.

"Oh. Okay…"

"I didn't mean to- I'm not snapping at you." Sasuke says, alcohol making his speech a bit clumsy, "I just...don't like thinking about it."

"I can gather that. You don't seem fond of going to Konoha, even though she's there."

"I don't love her." Sasuke says, amazed by how easy it is to finally say the words out loud, "It was arranged. I had no say."

Gaara frowns, clearly disturbed and upset by his words, "That's...awful."

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry, I can't think of a better word." Gaara murmurs bitterly, "Elders, I assume?"

"Obvious?"

"Very."

"I said something they thought was threatening and they just…"

"They forced you into marriage?" Gaara frowns, "Surely there's a way to get out of it."

"Maybe. But I just accepted it at the time. Everything else was awful, so what did it matter? It was just one more thing."

"That's...very sad." Gaara says.

"Hm." Sasuke shrugs. He's definitely drunk. Sasuke doesn't shrug.

"Well, at least you're away from Konoha's elders. At the very least." Gaara says, eyes on the ceiling, "They're apparently harassing Naruto about me arresting Orochimaru, so at least you don't have to hear it too."

"He's a monster. You did the right thing."

He notices the sun has set quickly while he wasn't looking, the sky going navy blue and speckled with stars.

"I know." Gaara says, looking at him and then at his own hands in his lap, "When you talked about him, you looked terrified."

"I-"

"-I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought that up."

Actually, the alcohol may be cushioning Sasuke's emotions a bit. Everything feels distant and far away. Except for Gaara, that is. Sasuke has been hyper aware of how close they're sitting ever since the drink hit his bloodstream in the first place.

"No, it's fine." He says, and he means it. Somehow, nothing really hurts right now. All he can see is the stars outside the door and the red of Gaara's hair.

"I guess I...yeah, I can imagine how I looked back then. I don't really remember that day too well, honestly."

"You sort of blacked out." Gaara says, fiddling with his own cup, "I was... worried for you, I guess."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be." Gaara says, "I consider you a friend, Sasuke. I worry for all my friends."

"I-" Sasuke looks at the green of Gaara's eyes and nods, "You're my friend too."

"I'm glad."

"...Naruto doesn't know this but…"

He hesitates for a moment, before he simply exhales and says it. Who cares? The world already saw him as a terrorist and untrustworthy, what's one more shame? The fuck did it matter? And Gaara... Gaara accepted him anyway, and he really doubted this would change much. If anything at all.

"He raped me." Sasuke shrugs. He's surprised by how easy it is to say. The alcohol makes the words tumble out, though Sasuke feels something untangle in his chest when he finally says it. He's sure that the only reason he's willing to talk about this at all.

Gaara goes tense, and Sasuke catches how the man starts to grip his glass so tight his knuckles go white. Gaara opens his mouth and then closes it, looking troubled for a moment. When he speaks Sasuke doesn't expect what he says to squeeze his heart as it does.

"I'll be sure he rots and dies in that prison." Gaara hisses between gritted teeth.

Sasuke exhales quietly, relieved that he doesn't have to deal with someone pitying him, or worse, saying the words "I'm sorry". He always feared those reactions. The pitying glances or worse, the accusing ones that told him he deserved it.

Though really, he didn't expect those awful reactions from Gaara, actually. It was more of a reflexive worry, if anything.

"I can definitely live with that.." Sasuke shrugs. Gaara is still silent, eyes blazing. He gives the man a moment to deal with his anger, somewhat vindicated that someone was upset on his behalf.

Another way he could convince himself he wasn't crazy. Orochimaru's a monster, and Sasuke wasn't strange for thinking so.

It's definitely the alcohol that makes Sasuke say what he says next.

"I feel like you know so much about me, and I know so little about you."

Gaara gives him a surprised look, non-existent brows furrowing in thought, "I've...never thought about it."

"You never talk about yourself." Sasuke says, "Kankuro said as much, but he's right."

"You've been speaking to Kankuro." Gaara says, "I'll have to tell him to keep his mouth shut."

Sasuke snorts, "But it's true."

Gaara blinks at his lap for a moment, fiddling with the glass, "What is there to say?"

Sasuke shrugs, "Whatever you want."

He's silent for a long moment, and Sasuke starts to think the alcohol has made him too loose, and that he's said something completely wrong. But before he can think that Gaara has begun to shut him out, the Kazekage says something he didn't expect.

"I was pregnant once. When I was seventeen." Gaara says. Sasuke freezes, the world stops and he feels his eyes go wide.

The alcohol was clearly ruining his ability to keep a straight face, but thankfully Gaara seemed content looking outside the door and up into the sky than at the Uchiha currently gaping at him. It takes Sasuke's sluggish brain a moment to realize that Gaara was avoiding his eyes, and not just stargazing.

Sasuke feels dread curl in his stomach, but he doesn't say anything. The Kazekage looked like he was wrestling with something. Maybe what he wanted to say. Maybe his own emotions. Sasuke couldn't tell.

Maybe it was both.

His need to know more about the redhead keeps him quiet, even though he has a thousand and one questions.

Kankuro was right. Gaara barely speaks about himself. The odd mix of the buzz of alcohol, the raw interest he feels at Gaara's words and the dread building inside him keeps him quiet, waiting for the Kazekage to continue speaking.

Gaara takes a moment, and Sasuke really hopes that's not all he plans to say. Sasuke doesn't know that in his half-drunk state he could stop himself from asking if Gaara didn't elaborate himself.

"It wasn't...my choice. The council had been tying up Temari's marriage plans to Shikamaru for months because he was a Leaf ninja, and she was so sad about it. She looked so stressed all the time, and all she wanted was to marry him. It was such a simple thing, but they wouldn't let up. I tried everything..."

Sasuke can't take his eyes off of him, but Gaara is still looking at the stars, eyes glazed over and far off - lost in memory.

"There was a...Lord and he…" Gaara's voice goes quiet and his eyes go dull, "They wouldn't let Temari marry unless I had an heir first- to secure the Kazekage bloodline, and one of the Lord's wanted me, for some unfathomable reason. So they said that the only way she could be married was if I accepted him and had a child. He was a lot older than myself - forty, I think? - and he was powerful. They were so thrilled that someone like that wanted someone as 'undesirable' as myself. Being a former monster and being as socially ungraceful as I am, they always told me that I'd most likely die without a mate. I didn't care, but it wasn't always nice to hear."

"And I...really didn't want to. It was one of the first times after the war when I felt true fear. The Lord was... persistent and intense. He was always saying such strange things to me, and looking at me in ways that made me uncomfortable, but to the council all they saw was the perfect opportunity to continue the Kazekage lineage in Suna, before Temari had her child and the power of the role fell to Konoha. They didn't want Temari's child to take the spot because I had no successors. I tried everything I could, but they just wrapped it all up in so much red tape I couldn't do anything."

What the fuck? Sasuke feels the sickness in his stomach grow heavier.

He pauses for so long that Sasuke fears he won't say anything else, and Sasuke felt the urgency of needing to know what the hell happened -

"Gaara?"

He startles, obviously having been lost in thought.

"Hm? Oh. Well...Temari looked so heartbroken, all the time." Gaara sighs, "She was miserable, and I just...couldn't take it anymore. So eventually I gave in. I just didn't want her to suffer. I thought she at least deserved to be married how she liked. I put her through so much when we were children, and all I could think was that...I was still hurting her, even then. I was the only thing standing between her and being happy. And I...she's done so much for me - loved me, even when I didn't deserve it. She's my big sister. But all I ever did was give her trouble."

Sasuke pours them both another drink. He feels like they'll both need it. Gaara takes it without a thought, knocking it back in one gulp. Sasuke does the same.

He feels the anger stirring in his chest, and he needs something to distract from it. He needs something to do with himself. He's too drunk to form too-coherent thoughts, but he feels like he knows where this story is going, and he's already furious and disgusted with everyone involved, save for Gaara and his siblings. He stops his eye from activating just in time, before he accidentally sets the entire mansion alight in black flames.

Gaara doesn't notice, though. He just stares at the night sky.

"She didn't know about the Lord, and I refused to tell her, or Kankuro. I didn't want to stress her out further, or...or make her worry. My only condition was that he couldn't be allowed to bond me. I...I just couldn't be tethered to him for life. I'd have his child, but I couldn't...I just couldn't. He wasn't happy about it in the least, but the council at least gave me that small mercy."

Gaara looks panicked for a moment, before his face settles and he goes carefully blank. Sasuke bites the inside of his cheek.

"As soon as the council told him he could...have sex with me, he wanted to right away, and I had no say. I had to hold my sand back from attacking him the entire time. If I hurt him the council would never let Temari have the wedding she wanted, it would all be null. It was all so stressful already, and he was...rough. Demanding. It hurt , and I felt sick while it was happening. I didn't know anything about that sort of thing but I knew something was wrong, and that I didn't like how he was hurting me, but I couldn't articulate it. He didn't listen to anything I said while he...he just told me to be quiet the entire time and I was completely out of my depth, so I had no idea what to do, and I had to concentrate on making sure my sand didn't kill him." He pauses, looking at his hands in his lap, "I didn't want to kill anymore, even though he was harsh and quite frankly, terrifying. That was just another unpleasant thing I had to go through, but I needed Temari to be happy. I needed her to live the life she wanted."

Sasuke feels sick. He wants to vomit.

And even more than that - he's angry. He's enraged. He feels like his jaw is about to break with how hard he has it clenched.

"I cried like a baby afterwards, when I was alone. Harder than I had in a while. Everything in my head felt wrong . I barely understood what happened, but I knew I felt horrible about it, and that I was in pain. I couldn't tell my siblings because I was afraid they'd feel bad, and I... I didn't want that. Temari would feel guilty, and that's the last thing I wanted. They knew something was wrong with me in the days afterwards, but I didn't want to talk about it. And I was... embarrassed, too. I didn't even want to think about what happened, so I just avoided them and locked myself in my office. I guess I hoped working would take my mind off of it."

Sasuke clenches his fist, and he feels the porcelain crack in his palm. He grits his teeth harder, pain shooting through his jaw.

"And then I started throwing up, and suddenly I was pregnant." Gaara says, "All of a sudden I was expecting a baby and I had no idea what to do. I was terrified. I didn't feel like myself. The doctors kept congratulating me, but I felt so sick that I couldn't respond. The next few weeks were miserable. I felt so sick all the time, and it was a constant reminder of that night that I wanted to forget. But I had to act like everything was normal. I think that's when I remembered that I was still a child. I had no idea what to do. And then I was suddenly in so much pain, and I was bleeding and- I...miscarried. I was alone when it happened, and I'm not sure what I did wrong, but...they were gone. They were just a cluster of cells, a life. And they were just... gone. The elders and the Lord were furious but I was just happy that he didn't want me after that." Gaara says, smiling bitterly, "He called me defective. I had failed, somehow. I suffered through that night and yet I still failed. I couldn't help my sister after all. It was all for nothing. I fucked it up anyway. I felt so guilty. Somehow I killed it. It had a heartbeat and everything and I just…I didn't understand why I was so upset. I didn't even want it, but...it was difficult. And I felt terrible for feeling a bit relieved. It wasn't the baby's fault, but I was still happy they were gone. I felt terrible for it, still do. But it's true."

Fuck. Is this what Gaara's been dealing with after the war? Did Naruto know? Did anyone outside of anyone in this mansion know? Was Gaara just walking around with all of this, acting normal and signing documents sitting behind his desk?

What the hell?

"Temari and Kankuro nearly lost it when they found out. I felt even worse then. I had troubled them both again, when I didn't mean to." Gaara frowns, "They hugged me for so long while my stomach turned and ached, but I just felt worse. I didn't want to cause them more trouble, but I did."

"Gaara, I-"

"It's not the same as what you suffered. In fact, it's not the same at all, but things like that give you a hollow look in your eye that I saw every day in the mirror after I started bleeding out that baby." Gaara shrugs, "I guess I recognize it when I look at you, sometimes."

Sasuke just stares at him for a long moment, heart in his stomach. His brain blanks for a while, and he can blame the alcohol for that - and he partially does - but he couldn't have guessed that Gaara dealt with this.

"Gaara-"

"I've never told anyone the entire story before." Gaara says, "Not even Kankuro and Temari. So...there you go. Now you know something about me." Gaara says, smiling tightly, "It's not exactly pleasant, but...none of it really is. So."

Sasuke doesn't know what to say. He has the annoying urge to say 'I'm sorry' but he knows how much he would have hated that if Gaara said that to him, and how thankful he was that he didn't. A breeze blows through the open door, and Gaara's eyes are still on the stars, like he was afraid to look at Sasuke at all.

A thought strikes Sasuke's drunk and shocked brain. Did Gaara know that wasn't his fault? He spoke like he placed it all on himself, and Sasuke knew what it was like to live with burdens piled on your shoulders. It wore you down eventually. No one could live like that.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to talk at you about all of that." Gaara says, taking Sasuke's silence as reluctance to speak.

"No it's...It's fine." Sasuke says, "It is . I just...you know that...losing that baby wasn't your fault, right? None of that was. You were just trying to help your family."

Gaara finally hesitantly looks at him, eyes wide in surprise.

"That could have happened to anyone. You were young, and under a lot of stress. That's not something to blame yourself for."

Gaara looks away once more, clenching his fists in his lap, "I...I don't know."

"You're going to have to believe me." Sasuke says, "I mean it. That wasn't you, you're not defective ."

Gaara is silent for a long time, before he shakes his head, "I was thinking that maybe it was because I didn't want it. Or love it. Shinki is adopted, but he's mine through and through. No one can tell me differently. He's my son, a part of me. That baby was growing inside me for a short time but it wasn't mine. I don't know. I...don't know."

The conflicting emotions on Gaara's face pain him, and Sasuke doesn't know how to convince him that he isn't at fault.

Gaara clearly saw it as him killing someone, same as before. But it wasn't the same at all. Gaara and that child were both victims.

Sasuke was wrong to think that he was the only one who suffered after the war. He thought everyone else had it together and he was the only one still in pain, but that wasn't true, was it?

There's so much he doesn't know about the man next to him, and every bit he learns hurts .

"Even so, you're not to blame. Things like that happen to people who are thrilled to be expecting. It's just...an unfortunate thing that happens. Pretty randomly, actually."

Gaara looks down at his glass, "Maybe."

They're both silent for a moment, and Sasuke barely refrains from reaching for the omega next to him. But drunk or not, Sasuke won't invade anyone's personal space, no matter how much he finds himself with the foolish urge to put his hand on the pale one of the man who clutches his glass like a lifeline.

He felt pain for Gaara. And he wanted to strangle everyone who pressured a seventeen year old kid to sleep with a forty year old monster of a man in the first place.

Sasuke itched to kill everyone involved. He hasn't been this enraged in such a long time, it was almost foreign. Sasuke hated the elders of this village and Konoha's, and if he could he knew he would dispose of them in an instant, with no guilt.

They thought Gaara was undesirable? Who were they to say such a thing? So undesirable that they jumped at the opportunity to shove him off onto any pervert with power that came along first? And then berate him for losing a child his young body wasn't equipped or ready to carry yet?

Yeah. Sasuke is furious.

"Anyway, things are better now. So there's no point crying about it." Gaara says suddenly.

Then why do you still look so sad, Sasuke wants to ask.