Friendly warning to all my buggy-buddies out there:

IF YOU ARE A KNOWN ENTOMOPHOBE (ARE AFRAID OF BUGS), PLEASE EXERCISE CAUTION WHEN READING THIS CHAPTER! THERE IS SOME VAGUELY DISTURBING BUG-IMAGERY IN IT!

So please, please, PLEASE, don't hurt yourselves.

Now that that is out of the way…Hey guys! Sorry it's been so long. School's been busier than I thought, but I really worked hard on this one for you guys. Since I haven't worked on this story for a while, I want to make sure you all are still enjoying it as much as you possibly can and I will have some questions for you after the chapter, if you want to shout out any recommendations, comments or reviews. 'Cuz I'll gladly take any opportunity to improve this story for you guys.

Thanks for all your continued support, everyone!

On with the chapter…but one last quick warning: CONTAINS BUGS!


Ch. 14 – What Conquers Fears

"Aaah!"

Adachi rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Raphael, it is only plastic."

Raphael was crouched down in the corner, hugging himself. His eyes were comically wide and he looked scandalized.

A smirk lit Adachi's face. He held the plastic bug out to his student. Raphael shrunk back as much as he could. Adachi's eyebrows furrowed. Enough was enough.

"Raphael, take the cicada."

Snout wrinkled in displeasure, Raphael plucked the object from Adachi's palm and held it by one of its spindly, plastic legs.

"Place it on your palm."

"I don't wanna."

Adachi sighed and rubbed his temples. "I marvel that your father is still in full possession of his patience."

Raph smiled. "I wouldn't say full possession…"

"Lotus position. Lay it flat on your palm."

Sighing, Raph grudgingly did as he was told.

"Close your eyes."

That elicited a flat, unyielding stare from the student.

"Uh-uh. No way."

Adachi glared.

"The second I close my eyes you're going to replace it with a real one. I know how this works. My brothers have tried it dozens of times."

"Very well. If you can complete your daily meditation with your eyes open, be my guest."

"What? You expect me to meditate with this thing on my hand?"

"Yes," Adachi answered, heading for the dojo door, "Have fun."

Raphael glared and mocked Adachi. "Have fun," he echoed, in his best impression of his teacher. When Adachi was gone, he looked over at the plastic cicada and swallowed. He glanced back at the door. Nothing. Raph lifted the plastic bug from his hand and was about to set it on the ground—

"Raphael." Adachi's voice chided, warningly, from the other side of the sliding screens.

Raph sighed and put the cicada back on his palm, accepting his fate.

Everyday for the following week, Adachi had Raphael close his eyes for daily meditation and placed a plastic cicada on his palm. Each one was different. There were smaller ones and bigger ones, made of different materials and with different textures. Raphael didn't really know how the heck it was supposed to help him overcome his fear of bugs, but after the first couple days, he relaxed enough that he was able to close his eyes for longer than two or three seconds. The fourth and fifth days, he was actually getting used to it, but there was still a strong undercurrent of anxiousness in his aura.

Finally, by the sixth day of this, Raphael was finally able to accept that the cicada wasn't going to hurt him. He relaxed and pushed all thoughts of the cicada aside to get some real meditation done.

The seventh day, Adachi had Raphael close his eyes. Raphael did as he was told and held out his palm completely prepared. Today's cicada is lighter than the others, Raph thought as he felt the delicate little feet settle on his hand. It had a different texture, too. His muscles tensed up. Uneasiness squeezed the air from his lungs. Nothing happened. The cicada didn't move. He let out a slow breath.

Phew. It's just another fake cicada. Raph told himself.

He opened his eyes and fought the urge to throw it across the room. It looked so…real, but….

He looked closer, moving his hand side to side. Nothing. So it wasn't real.

…Or it was dead. Raph's beak wrinkled. He looked up at Master Adachi. The old man was smiling patronizingly at him. He hated that smile.

Adachi explained, "It is only a shell. Cicada molt when they become adults, leaving behind a shell."

A shudder traveled across Raph's body.

Adachi knelt in front of his student and reached out to put a hand on Raphael's emerald-green shoulder. The turtle teenager had started hyperventilating. "Raphael?"

Raph's golden eyes finally met his teachers', trembling in terror.

Pressing his lips together, Adachi frowned. "Raphael, do not fight me. I am going to reach into your mind."

Taking a deep breath, Raphael nodded. Adachi joined hands with Raphael, and a golden glow surrounded them both. They rose off the ground, the power of the stone flowing between them. Adachi opened his glowing gold eyes, his vision filled with images of his student's childhood.


Little Raphael crossed his arms over his chest and glared at his brothers. He was nine years old, though they were really only a week or two from being ten. He was too old to be told where he could and could not go. "Well, if you don't wanna come exploring with me, I'll go by myself."

"Raphie, Splinter says that everything beyond the third tunnel is off limits, we can't go there," Leo said, putting his hands on his hips.

"Leo, Raphie, stop fighting." Mikey pleaded.

"Fine, if you fraidy-cats are too scared, stay here and do everything Splinter says."

Donnie frowned. "Splinter says the rules are for safety, Raph."

"Whatever, I'm going." Raph grumbled, leaving the lair without any of his brothers.

The young turtle wound his way down the dark, moist sewer tunnels on his own. He confidently strode past the first three 'safe' tunnels. He'd show his brothers he wasn't afraid. He turned into the fourth tunnel and crouched down to circumnavigate the debris. There were a couple series of drains in this tunnel. Raph progressed down the tunnel. He slowed down. There were little flies in here.

Master Splinter always told them not to play with the sewer flies. He said they were dangerous. Raphael rolled his eyes. How dangerous could one little, fuzzy fly be? He moved on down the tunnel, brushing up against a grate. Suddenly, he felt something crawling down his arm.

Raphael yelped and whirled around. There with hundreds—thousands—of them. They were everywhere! Swirling around him like a black, fuzzy cloud. He swatted at them, trying to scream. A couple flew into his mouth, and in his terrified state, he unintentionally swallowed them. His eyes widened, tears falling down his cheeks. They buzzed all around him, their combined sound echoing through the tunnel at a deafening volume.

He shoved at the flies and rushed back the way he had come, struggling to get past the debris. He had to get out! He had to get out! He had to get out!

He squeezed out the way he'd come, and moved the debris so that it blocked the tunnel entrance completely. A few straggling flies were still with him. He swatted them frantically, green eyes wide as saucers. Staring at the blocked tunnel entrance, he took a couple slow steps backwards.

His carapace bumped something. He screeched and whirled around.

"Raphael, are you alright?" His father asked.

"Sensei!" He cried out, little tears beading up at the corners of his eyes. He jumped up to his father's chest.

Splinter's arms wrapped reflexively around the little turtle and caught him easily. He rubbed Raph's carapace in soft, circular motions. "My son! What happened?"

Raphael didn't answer, he just clung to Splinter's robes and sobbed.

The old rat rushed his son back to the lair, trying to calm him down enough to hear what had occurred. His other three sons flew into a panic when they saw their brother crying and shaking like a leaf. Splinter whispered gentle, soothing words to them, keeping a cursory eye on Raphael's trembling form the entire time.

"Raphie? Are you okay?" Leo asked, wandering over towards his brother.

Raphael didn't answer. He sat staring blankly at his brother's face, eyes wide and body shaking.

"Father, what's wrong with him?" Leo asked, worriedly, looking to his father for explanation and comfort.

Splinter lowered his eyes and sighed. "I'm afraid I do not know, my son. It is late. You boys should get to bed. Under the circumstances, Raphael will stay with me."

Leo's lip shook a little as he cast one last glance at Raph. "I wanna stay with Raphie."

"Trust me, my son, your brother will be alright, but I need you to take care of Michelangelo and Donatello right now. Understand?"

"Hai, Sensei." Leo said softly, leaving Splinter's room and going out to get his brothers and do as told.

Splinter followed Leonardo to the door and called out to the two waiting outside, "Go to bed, my sons. Raphael is staying with me."

Michelangelo and Donatello nodded nervously, but went to do as their father said, Leo herding them along like a faithful puppy. Splinter smiled dimly as he watched them, but he soon turned back to Raphael and frowned. The little one hadn't stopped shaking.

Crossing to his son, Splinter knelt down, pulled the small turtle into his warm arms and held on tightly. "Raphael, my son. Please. I cannot help you if you do not tell me what is wrong."

Raphael said nothing, but after a solid minute or two, recognized he was safe in his father's arms and clung to the old rat like a mussel to a piling. His eyes closed and his breathing evened out, bringing his worried father a touch of reassurance.

"Raphael…what is it?"

"Se—se—sensei…I c-c-c-can't." Raph choked, starting to hyperventilate.

Splinter stroked Raphael's head softly. "Easy, my son…it's alright."

"D-daddy, I'm scared." Raph whispered.

Splinter's heart shattered. He held his son closer. "It's alright, Raphael. Nothing will harm you. You're safe, my son."

"Promise?"

"I promise." Splinter glared darkly at the entrance to the lair. Nothing would hurt his son. Anything foolish enough to try would have to go through him first.


The images that came next were but quick glimpses of the following weeks. Adachi's paternal instincts flared as he saw young Raphael showing signs of fever.

The symptoms worsened, Raphael was bedridden, his brothers and father hovering worriedly at his bedside. The young turtle was delirious, his fever raged on. Discoloration speckled his neck. Another week passed.

On top of the fever, pneumonia developed. Raphael grew very weak. Adachi saw grief in Splinter's eyes, felt the father's terror at the prospect of losing a child. He saw the faces of Raphael's siblings, bright-eyed and scared. Raphael slowly recovered, fighting his way back, as he fought for everything else in life.

By the time he'd fully recovered, his eyes had changed from green to gold. His family didn't understand the cause, but they accepted it. Life went on as it had before, but from then, Raphael displayed a strong fear of all creepy crawly things.

Adachi and Raphael gently floated to the ground. The glow faded. Adachi closed his eyes and absorbed all that he had seen. He sighed.

So that was the origin of Raphael's entomophobia. Indeed, flies and cockroaches carried many pathogens, probably the cause of his illness. Even if Raphael had not gotten ill, chances are, the experience alone would have been enough to scar him. Judging by how terror-stricken the young turtle was, he was probably already squeamish of insects from the get-go. The encounter with the sewer flies must have sealed it.

Belatedly, Adachi realized that Raphael's body was shaking. He frowned. The teenager had undoubtedly relived every second of that experience with him. The turtle's tremors were subtle, but they worried him. He grabbed both sides of Raphael's face.

"Raphael, look at me," he said.

Raph was dodgy-eyed, searching every darkened corner of the room for creepy crawling critters.

"Raphael." Adachi called more sternly. Shaky eyes made contact with his own. His eyes narrowed. He made up his mind. He would have to present the youth with something that would change his mind. He would have to show his student what it was like to be without fear of insects.

A golden aura flared around them once more. Adachi shared images from his childhood. Chasing the cicada with nets in late summer, trying to gather more cicada shells than the other children, night skies filled with more fireflies than stars… Adachi tried his best to convey the natural appreciation for insects and arachnids instilled upon him from a young age.

Reincarnation takes all forms, bridging the gap between the human and insect worlds. Respect them and they shall not bother you. With these thoughts, Adachi transitioned into later years. Admiring the delicate spin of a spider's web, the beauty in a bird-spider's deadly strike, the marvel of a butterfly's wing beat, the determination in the cock-roach's near invincibility.

They own this world, too, young one. You shall never be rid of them, embrace them. For until you can emulate their finest qualities, you shall not be a true warrior. Let these thoughts heal the past that scars you. The stone is connects us to all living things. It is the beating heart of the planet below us. Feel their existence, Raphael, reach out and they shall feel your presence. You have their aid as you have the aid of everything else around you. Watch.

Raphael opened his eyes and scurried back a few feet. Adachi held out a cicada, a real one, this time. It turned its small head to one side and warbled at him. Adachi put it on the ground. Raph scooted even further back until he hit the wall. The cicada kept coming closer. It flew about a foot towards him. He panicked and threw his hands over his head.

"No! Stop!"

The cicada landed on the floor of the sanctuary dojo and stared at him. It was waiting. Raphael's jaw dropped. His terrified eyes darted to Adachi. The man smiled at him.

"I assure you, my student, it will not harm you."

"Did that thing just—Did I—"

"Of course. I was not the one who told it to stop." Adachi grinned.

Raph looked at the cicada. It looked at him. He uncurled from his fetal position and cautiously crawled towards it. He looked up at his Sensei.

"You want me to pick it up?"

"And meditate. Yes. But forcing you will accomplish nothing. The only way to break your fear is for you to want it broken." Adachi sent Raphael a questioning glance, "Do you?"

Raph looked at the cicada and grimaced, but he thought it over carefully.

"It would be nice not to have my brothers trying to scare me with plastic bugs all the time." He looked back at the cicada and gulped. "Here goes nothing."

Adachi watched with a proud smile as Raphael knelt down and stretched out his hand to the cicada.

If he didn't know better, Raphael might have sworn that the cicada canted its head at him, curiously. Sure enough, it resumed its approach and slowly climbed up onto his hand. Replaying the images of Adachi's childhood experiences with the cicada in his head, Raphael forced his muscles to relax one by one.

Even the sight of Raphael's relaxed state didn't completely calm Adachi's paternal concern that the turtle would be alright, so he smiled and settled down across from his student. Just to keep a supervising eye on things. He closed his eyes and took a slow breath, settling into his meditative trance. He sensed Raphael doing the same. Less than a minute later, the cicada began to sing.

"Oh no, you don't. You're sitting on my hand. Don't think I don't know what your chirping means. My hand is off limits. You want in on that action, you go on and buzz your noisy butt right out of here."

Adachi couldn't stop the deep, throaty chuckle that escaped him. He opened his eyes and laughed even harder when he saw Raphael's serious face. Indeed, it might take some time, but Raphael's insect-fearing days would soon be done.

As though lulled into a trance the cicada went silent…for all of five minutes. When it resumed its song, Adachi smiled at the accompanying growl of impatience from his young turtle student.


Donnie, Mikey and Leo were sprawled on the couch eating pizza and watching old action movies.

"Patrol tonight was a total bust, dudes." Mikey sighed.

"As per usual lately," Don pointed out.

"Yeah." Mikey's eyes drifted away from the screen. "Bet if Raph were here we woulda found somethin'."

Leo sighed and took another big bite of his pizza. "Yeah. And ended up getting out shells kicked."

"Hey, Raph kicks major shell, dude."

"Never said he didn't. He just likes to jump in without looking." Leo grumbled.

Donnie sighed. "Wonder how he's doing."

The brainiac's two other brothers huffed in agreement.

"Been a while since we've gotten any letters," Mikey said.

Leo leaned against Donnie's shoulder. "You got one recently, Don. Anything interesting?"

"Not really. Sounds like he's getting used to it over there."

Leo and Mikey caught the odd tone of Don's voice and questioned him with their eyes. He just looked down.

"How do you mean?" Leo asked, finishing off his slice of pizza.

"He likes it there."

Mikey waved it off. "Psh. What's that place got to offer him that New York doesn't?"

"Freedom," Don whispered. He met his brother's eyes.

Mikey's baby-blue irises dulled with fear. "But he'll still come back to us, right?"

"Of course he will," Don said with conviction, his heart burning at the sight of fear in his little brother's eyes.

The silence overpowered them both. Finally they realized: Leonardo had gone silent.

They looked over at their older brother. What they saw made them wish they hadn't noticed.

Leo's lips drew a flat line across his beak, his dark blue eyes sparkled, dancing with images they couldn't see.

Freedom…the word sent shivers down the back of Leonardo's shell. How he longed to give his little brothers the freedom they deserved…how he wished they, too, could experience the thrill of darting through the leaves of a sunlit canopy. To hear the sounds of the jungle again, to feel the tropic heat on his face, to briefly lose life's burdens and become one with the wilderness...

It was a dream. A dream he'd never know again.

"You chose to come back."

Don's words shook Leo from his trance. He reached for another piece of pizza and closed his eyes. "There was no choice."

Donnie frowned. "Then why were you gone so long?"

Leo's grip on the pizza tightened. He looked away.

Michelangelo looked sadly at his big brother. "You would have come back eventually though, right?"

"Like I said: There was no choice." Leo reaffirmed, his glowing blue eyes staring confidently into Mikey's baby-blue ones.

Mikey's lip trembled. "Doesn't meant there won't be one for Raph."

"He'll come back to us, Mikey," said Leo, softly.

Mikey growled, making Leo and Donnie jump. "He better. If he doesn't I'm gonna fly over there and kick his shell back over here."

Leo laughed and slung an arm over Mikey's shoulders, rubbing his head affectionately. Mikey squealed and swatted him half-heartedly, snatching the piece of pizza from his big brother and eating it. Leo mock-growled and smiled, pinching Mikey's side, making the youngest yelp through a mouthful of pizza.

"You said it, little brother." Leo agreed.

Don watched them with a dim smile on his face. Then a funny feeling passed over him. He saw his brothers' faces change, too.

"Dudes, what do you think is going on?" Mikey asked.

"I don't know. You two feel it, too?" Leo asked, slightly surprised.

"How could we not feel that?" Don countered.

Leo shook his head and answered Mikey's question, "I don't know, but whatever it is, I don't like it."

"It's not necessarily bad, though," Don pointed out. His brother looked at him. "I've been getting mostly just anxious and nervous flashes."

Leo frowned. "Yeah, but they're being magnified somehow, otherwise you two wouldn't be feeling them. You haven't been in close contact with him lately."

"Neither have you." Mikey added.

That remark need no reply. They fell into silence for all of thirty seconds.

"Makes me real edgy," Mikey said.

Leo hummed in agreement. "That's exactly why I'm glad we didn't find any trouble tonight. We can't afford to be distracted when we're out there."

Donnie stared blankly at the television, no longer caring about the loud action film. He scooted over and fell leisurely against his big brother's other side.

Leo grunted and wiggled to free his arm so that it wouldn't fall asleep. He stretched it comfortably along the back of the couch. His younger brother's big, brown eyes stared up at him. Donnie wanted to know something. Leo was a very good big brother. He'd give his little brothers the moon, if it were even remotely possible. Whatever Donnie wanted, he'd do his best.

"What do you need, little brother?" He asked, softly.

"Tell me about the jungle. Tell me what it feels like."

Mikey turned the television off with a click of the remote. It was so quiet that the sound of his brothers' breathing rang in Leo's ears.

"What?" He rasped, requesting clarification.

"To be free."


Sorry it's been so long everybody. Hope you enjoyed that. Again, I apologize for some of the buggy bits, but they were necessary. I'm not the biggest bug person in the world, so some of the research I did really made me shudder.

I wasn't going to have that little New York bit at the end, but decided it was needed. There are four brothers, after all.

Would like to hear from you guys, though. What did you think? Recommendations/suggestions for improvement? Too melodramatic? What was your favorite part? And most importantly: how was it? Reveiw Please! :)