Loki set the tray down onto the table and flinched as its clatter filled up his head. He couldn't figure out how to force his legs to move so he could sit. Couldn't force his hands away from the edges of the tray. And he couldn't seem to breath in any sense of the word normal. In actual fact he wasn't breathing. And he still hadn't blinked. Loki just stood there. As if staying completely still could freeze time forever.

Thor and Natasha sat down at the table. Thor sat with his back facing the restaurant. Not having to worry about any impending doom. And Natasha sat with her back to the wall. Since she had been trained to always protect her back.

That left Loki with the final chair. The chair that kept his back to his books and he breathed a slight sigh of relief. Though he didn't bother trying to take in another breath. And it probably wasn't even a breath of relief. More like a sigh of thanks that he would have a chance to die a little more comfortable than he ever thought he would. He sat down. Making up his mind that he was ready. That he would accept his fate. That this was what was meant to happen and standing still wasn't going to stop anything.

Natasha decided it was best for her to just sit there. Loki wasn't her brother. And Thor had been the one so ready to talk. So if this was what he wanted she would let him have it. She picked up a brownie and took a small bite. At least she would get something good out of all of this.

Loki looked down at his hands. It was easier. He could imagine that his Not Brother wasn't there in front of him. Could imagine that his world wasn't falling apart. He laughed. And it sounded like glass breaking, like hope lying dead in the coffin. His world was always falling apart. So what use was it to even imagine his world in one piece. He realized he still wasn't breathing. At the same time he realized, he was still laughing. Loki stopped.

Thor took the only double chocolate chip cookie off the plate and smiled. As if that movement of muscle could lighten the mood. It didn't. So instead he took a bite of the cookie. Crumbs falling into the unprotected table he said, "This cookie is amazing."

Which almost made Loki feel proud. Actually it did make him feel proud. Proud enough to speak up ever so quietly, "I make everything myself."

Thor smiled wider and took another larger bite.

Loki remembered to take in a breath. Then another and another. He finally worked up the nerve to speak up. "Thor if I'm for the ax then for mercy's sake just swing it." He refused to look up. To see the smile slip from his Not Brother's face.

If Loki had looked up he would indeed have seen the smile slip from Thor's face. But he stopped smiling not because it was time to put an end to Loki. He stopped smiling because he didn't have any intention of killing his brother and couldn't understand why Loki would think so. After several seconds of silence he spluttered out, "Brother...I'm not...you're not. I just wanted to talk."

"What could you possibly want to talk about?" Loki finally looked up. His right hand snatched a mug from the tray. The inside had once been perfectly white meant to match its outside but now it was ringed in every shade of brown of tea once drank. And he filled it up once more. Till all the rings were hidden and the white mug looked perfect, unblemished, once more.

"We thought you dead. We...I mourned you. I just want to know why you lied. Why you felt it necessary to hide yourself away. Tell me, please." Thor ate the last bit of his cookie to stop himself from asking any and all questions that he had. Once that one was gone he picked up another cookie, one that was obviously less chocolatey but just as delicious.

Loki tensed up till he could feel the wounds on his back start to spasm. Till he felt what was either blood or just the imaginings of past memories. He didn't notice the tears that slowly traveled down his face. He just sat there clutching his imperfect mug, wishing everything to be perfect. But he couldn't even think of a time where anything was slightly okay. So Loki focused on what Thor had said. Till those words echoed in his head and they almost lost there meaning.

"Why didn't you come back home?"

Thor's latest question barged into Loki's head and he was compelled to answer. Answer or burst. Answer or cease to exist. And though he felt prepared to die he knew he didn't want to simply disappear for lack of answering a question. He didn't think over his answer. It seemed like everything else he lost control and the words ran out. "Home. Home? As if I could call that thrice accursed realm my home. After what I suffered."

"You killed people."

"As if I ever had a single choice in the mater."

"They had been innocent. You came-"

"I came here because He made it so. Because He had broken me enough. And I regret giving in. Because now I can't close my eyes without seeing Him, or Odin, or any Aesir who laid their hands on me. I can't go several hours without forgetting where I am. Every second, every breath is a punishment. I should have died when I let go. Instead He found me. Twisted my mind and body till I was more than willing to kill all the wrong people. And you never even stopped to think if I was acting like myself. Instead you sent me to stand before Odin without a second glance. You left me there!"

"Father did-"

"What he did without even hearing what I had to say. Didn't ask if I had a single regret. Didn't care. Because why would anyone care about the jotun scum, the argr nithing." Now Loki noticed the tears that were a steady stream across his face. Noticed that at least a few of the wounds on his back actually had reopened, could feel his shirt getting heavy with his blood. He let his glamour drop. "This is Asgard's justice, Thor. This-" Loki raised his arms till every mark and burn could been seen. "-is why I can't go home. I have none to go back to." He smiled and it was so terribly similar to the sort of smile when he had attacked Midgard, when his mind wasn't completely his. He shuttered at the thought and let his arms drop. He let his smile drop. "Now you see me, brother. Are you satisfied?"